Vic
I've been able to spend the day dodging Harry so far, keeping busy on the bus while he was inside, escaping the bus when I got the text saying he was headed out... thank you Mackenzie for the 'no questions asked' policy. I felt uncomfortable with what happened last night still, I wasn't ready to come face to face with him to talk about it, it felt a little... embarrassing I guess? I'm not sure how to explain it, exactly, all I know is that it gives me anxiety. I'm just, still shocked that he acted like that, the grabbing, and the complete disregard for what I was telling him... and the mini tantrum he threw before he stomped off? That part really pissed me off the most.
iMessage from Mackenzie:
Heading to the bus!
Came through on my phone, my heart started beating faster as I quickly stood from the couch and grabbed my bag and threw it on on my shoulder, and then looped the strap of my camera around my neck and started walking quickly to the door. I stepped down the first step and the door folded open and I was stopped in my tracks by Harry as he stood in front of the open door. I froze for a moment before stepping back into the bus and giving him room to step in. He walked up two steps and stopped and looked at me with a sad expression.
"Victoria... we should talk."
"Uh... hi. I- Uh, I can't right now." I stuttered and he gave me a forced smirked.
"You're gonna go tell Kenz she didn't text you in time to avoid me?" He asked and sighed lightly, it kinda hurt to see that this hurt his feelings, but also... I have a right to be upset.
"I uh... I have no idea what you mean." I lied and he nodded and pressed his lips together.
"Just... 2 minutes. Please." He looked at me and intently and I sighed and nodded, walked into the bus and taking a seat on the couch as he came in and sat on a chair across from me.
"I haven't picked those pictures yet, but you have the file of all of them so why don't you just pick the rest and we can call it a team effort?" I asked trying to avoid the actual topic of discussion he wanted to focus on.
"Can you just let me apologize?" He asked, frustration laced gently in his words. I motioned him to continued with a small nod. "Victoria... I am.. so sorry for how I acted. I'm sorry I crashed your night, I'm sorry for acting like an asshole, and I'm sorry for putting you in an uncomfortable situation." He said and he looked at me with sad eyes, I sighed and shrugged while shaking my head.
"Harry... you've been... you've been drinking a lot recently..." I started and he put his hand up and shook his head lightly.
"No no, I'm fine. It's just been a few late nights with some guys from crew is all." He said casually and I just took a deep breath and nodded, I didn't want to push the matter right now, but the more I think about him, the more concerned I start to become. With his frequent drinking and the rush of intense emotions that usually comes with it to my hotel room doors, it was hard to believe this was nothing but 'nights with the boys'.
"I just... I.... okay." I kept my mouth shut and decided maybe he was right, and maybe he just needed a few nights to let loose a little, I know how mush stress he's under, it looks like he's starting to burn out. "I have to go, we'll talk later?" I asked softly and he nodded with a forced smile.
-
I was running through the back halls as I heard the into to Only Angel starting and I wasn't even on the floor. I held my camera close to my body as it hung around my neck while I sprinted past other crew members, trying to get there before the screen was lifted. I turned right and pushed through the door that said stage that I was shown earlier, I rushed through and stopped short when I realized I barged into backstage and all but walked up the stairs to join Harry. I let out a defeated sigh realizing I chose the wrong door. Harry was standing in front of his mic looking at the dark screen in front of him as his intro played, he looked over his shoulder quickly, and then did a double take and saw me standing there gasping for air, as if running for 5 minutes was going to kill me.
He turned around and flashed me a toothy grin through before I waved quickly and blew him a kiss, without even thinking about how cringey that was, and took off ruining again, sprinting down the hallway, tossing a quick "hey!" As I passed Mackenzie and body slammed into the next door and I barged into the floor in front of the stage as the venue erupted in screams as Harry came into view before them. I sighed in relief and adjusted my camera strap, and aimed to towards the crowd of people behind me, looking into the sea is happy screaming faces.
Sometimes I forget that Harry is one of the most popular musicians of our time, and he has this kind of adoration and idolization all over the globe. It's hard to remember that, when just the other day we were laying on our backs making shapes out of the clouds and he was genuinely proud of himself for pointing out a seahorse in the sky. He told me about this documentary he watched on tv once, and how they showed seahorses holding tails. He told me that seahorses mage for life, and when they sleep they hook their tails together so they don't drift away from each other, he even demonstrated and hooked his pinkie with mine. What's even harder to wrap my head around is that this is all so normal to me... that this is what I get to wake up and do everyday, and with my favorite people. Which reminds me... I need to check in on Sophie and Arlo tonight, I've missed the last two calls and I miss them and want to make sure Arlo is doing alright and Soph didn't let my plants die.
Harry and I went back to the hotel after he got changed... last. He took forever getting changed, and and cleaning up, and packing everything that literally everyone left before us. He then guilted me into staying behind with him so he wasn't alone and didn't "get kidnapped" were his exact words. I think he only took his time, just so I would stay behind and drive back with him...
Our car finally dropped us at the hotel and Harry and I grabbed our bags, I slung mine over my shoulder so I could have a free hand to help him with his guitar. We struggled to the elevator where we were able to put everything down and readjust how we wanted to carry things to his room.
When we barged through the door we dropped what we had to our feet and closed the door behind us and pausing to look at one another before we grabbed our things and placed them on the table, and the guitar, against the wall by the door. I bent down and grabbed his last bag off the floor and when I stood up he grabbed my arm and put a hand on the back of my neck and pulled me into him, kissing me hard. I dropped the bag back to the floor and place a hand on his torso and pulled my head away, earning a confused look form Harry.
"What..?" He asked and I took a deep breath.
"I promised Sophia I would call her." I told him and she chuckled and shook his head.
"Okay, that's fair." He admitted and stepped back from me, I walked around him and grabbed my laptop from the bag of mine on the table and laid on the bed on my stomach. I opened the computer and pulled up FaceTime and let it ring a few times before she answered.
"Wow, I started think you forgot about us." My best friend greeted me and I rolled my eyes. Harry walked over and sat beside me on the bed, making sure not to be in the camera.
"I know, I suck, I'm sorry. We've been so busy lately it's been insane."
"Well... I forgive you, but I'm not too sure Arlo will. He even stood me up for dinner." She said and I looked at her confused. He never misses dinner.
"Wait... he missed dinner?" I asked worried and she shook her head and waved her heads in front of her.
"Oh don't worry, don't worry, I saw him this morning for breakfast."
"Okay... he just never misses dinner. Breakfast? He'll pick and choose, but he's usually there for dinner."
"Listen... I'm sure he's fine, maybe he's on a hot dinner date with some... pretty alley cat he met." She said with a smile and I rolled my eyes and nodded. "Okay, let's talk about something to change the subject... I may be officially in a relationship.." she said softly and my jaw fell open.
"Oh my.... you? Sophia Gibson.... have... settled down?" I asked in disbelief and she flipped me off. "Who is it?" I asked excitedly and she smiled as her cheeks turned red.
"Her name is Courtney... the girl I told you about like way back. We had only been on one date when I mentioned her." She said and I smiled, I remember when she came over after I got back from London and she got all blushy and smiley when I asked about her... just like she's getting right now.
"I'm so happy for you, I hope I get to meet her when I get back home." I said and she smiled and nodded.
"Most definitely. But enough about me... how are you? How is Harry? How are things with you and Harry?" She asked and my eyes immediately went wide and I bit my lip and closed my eyes as I felt him lean in over my back and into frame, when she saw him there her eyes widened for a moment and then she pressed her lips together.
"Hey Soph, I'm doing great!" He said happily and she nodded and waved.
"Hey Harry, didn't know you were there, how's tour?" She asked and he chuckled.
"Well, it is my room." Oh I just wish he would stop talking... "tour is going so great, we're all having so much fun. Almost no sleep... but a lot of fun." He told her and then leaned off of me and got up off the bed to go to the bathroom, of course not without winding up and slapping my ass as hard as he could and running away, leaving me cussing at him while my left ass cheek stings.
The whole ordeal left Soph looking at me with a quizzical look and her arms crossed over her chest.
"Don't-" I started
"So... what's uh.... what's up?" She asked and tilted her head to the side.
"Uh... well... we're just friends... hanging out..."
"Oh no... Vic not again... you just got hurt the last time." She said quietly and I shrugged and shook my head.
"I don't know Soph.... this time it just feels different."
"Just, be careful. He isn't worth going he'll for... again." He stated and I nodded.
"It just... I know. Thank you." I said, but this does feel different, this feels better. I say this as I remember the song he wrote after we went out that night... he just called it 'Sunflower' when he played it for me.
"Okay, I have to get going, I gotta head out. But please call again soon. I love you." She said and gave me a sincere smile.
"I will. I love you." I said back as I hung up the call and closed my computer and placed it on the floor beside the bed. Harry came out of the bathroom and I rolled over on to my back, taking up the center of the bed. He smiled at me as he shut off the light to the bathroom and walked over, climbing on the bed and hovering over me, his cross necklace dangling between us. He smiled light and leaned in and kissed me sweetly for a few seconds, before pulled away and collapsing on the bed beside me, and pushed me over to the right side.
"So... you talk about us?" He asked smugly and I rolled my eyes and looked at him.
"Are you saying there's an us, Harry styles?" I asked with slight sarcasm and his face turned red and he shook his head.
"I mean...no...uh... I mean like cuz we're friends, like.. you tell her the stuff we go do? Like..." he stuttered through and I couldn't help but laugh internally.
"No, I didn't tell her about the hotel pool, if that's what you're asking." I said and his whole face was bright red as he looked down and shook his head and cursed at me under his breath as I laughed.
"Just got to sleep." He said as he shuffled off the blankets to get under them. I got off the bed for a moment to peel the covers back and turn the lamp off from beside my bed, and then I crawled back under the covers with Harry. We faced each other and he gave me a cheeky smile and sighed lightly.
"Goodnight, Victoria Townes."
"Goodnight, Harry Styles."
.
I peeled my eyes open and was welcomed by the pitch black room and Harry stirring in bed beside me. I rolled over and sat up while he was shaking his head with a concerned expression on his sleeping face, as he hummed and mumbled lowly. He kept stirring for a few more moments before his eyes shot open and he sat up, almost gasping for air.
I leaned forward quickly and placed a hand on his back, causing him to snap his attention to me and his eyes widened. I reached over beside me and flicked the lamp on, I looked back at him with panic settling heavily on his face as his chest heaved with each deep panicked breath. I sat up straight with him and placed a hand on either side of his face.
"Okay, you're fine. Just focus on me, take some deep breaths with me, just match my breathing." I said calmly and he locked his eyes with mine and I took a long inhale in and he started to try to slow his breaths. I exhaled.
I took another deep breath and he took deep shaky breath in with me. We did that several more times until his breathing was normal, and once he was calm again I drained my hands to his leg as he averted making eye contact.
"Harry..."
"Can we just... not talk about it? At least for right now?" He asked softly, and he peered up at me and I nodded, and he looked back down at his hands. I reached up and tugged on the sleeve of his t-shirt and pulled him over to me. We laid back down and I pulled him over to me, he rested his head on my shoulder as I wrapped my arm around his shoulders while he wrapped his around my waist, and I held him until we eventually fell asleep, and he rolled off to his other side.