Cal
Great, this dorm is huge. How the hell am I going to find her in there?
Reaching the door, carrying the dozen long-stemmed red roses that I bought on the way to the campus, and it's locked. The building is inaccessible unless you have a key.
Shit, of course. The doors are locked. Well, I guess I'll have to wait for someone to come home and keep asking people until someone knows her or lets me inside.
After an hour, I get nervous that I will not find Amelia. Only 2 people have walked by, but neither one of them lived here or knew her.
Shit, this will never work and I'm out of options.
When I see a guy walking out the door, I ask, "Hey bud, do you live here?"
He looks me up and down, then says in an annoyed tone, "Yeah, why?"
"I was wondering if you knew Amelia Murray?" I ask, and he looks at me for a minute through his sunglasses.
"Yeah, I know her. What do you want with Amy?" He questions.
He knows her, that's great, except now the guy has a scowl on his face.
Quickly I reply, "Well, I'm a friend of hers. I wanted to congratulate her and say hello."
"A friend... Well, I'm her fiancée, I don't know you, so how do you know my soon-to-be wife?" He asks angrily.
I'm stunned by his statement, and my stomach flips.
Christ, she's engaged. I never... I didn't think she would... Son of a bitch.
Taking a second to regroup, my mind races. Breathe... She is engaged to him? He is not her type. Long hair smells like a cigarette, baggy pants, and it looks like the guy hasn't shaved in a month, let alone bathed. What the hell? Shit!
I reply, "Hey bud, congrats. She is an amazing girl and you are one lucky guy. These are for her, and I just wanted to say hello and to wish her well."
This is so painful, but I add, "Also, if you don't mind, could you tell her Calvin Roth, from the Roth Corporation, stopped by and that we are recruiting right now. Here's my card and please tell her congratulations to me." I say, knowing he will never tell her a single word I am saying.
My God, I never thought she would be engaged. Possibly dating someone, but not getting married.
"Yup, sure. I'll tell her you stopped by." He says unconvincingly while lighting a cigarette.
As I turn to walk back to the car, I'm kicking myself the entire way.
What a stupid son of a bitch I am to think she would pine away for me. Why wouldn't someone want to marry her, I do?
Walking down the sidewalk, looking at my shadow, and I'm at a loss for what to do now. It's like my world just fell apart and I'm not sure which end is up.
Reaching the car, I'm so upset and angry that I'm ready to punch the damn thing, but I don't. Unlocking the door, I climb in and try to focus on where to go.
Should I head back home or go to the Nittany Lion? Then again, I do not feel like explaining my love life to a hotel manager. Son of a bitch, I guess I'll head home and call the hotel on the way to cancel everything. What a fucking mess. I'm an idiot and she must not have loved me after all.
Driving home, it hits me... Maybe she was letting me go, and I was too stupid to understand what she was trying to say. All this time I've been waiting for her and she moved on.
Halfway to my house, I'm ready to just jerk the wheel because every song on the radio reminds me of her.
Why did I think she would wait for me to come for her? What an idiot I am to believe in love. After these past few years, seeing those women night after night, I should have known the truth about relationships. Everyone is just looking to get laid, and no one is reliable or trustworthy. Amelia told me this many times, but I would never have believed that she would be the one to teach me this hard lesson. Christ, what a fool I've been.
Walking in my door, I throw the keys on the kitchen counter and grab a beer from the fridge.
My God, how did I get this so wrong? Was Amelia playing with me this entire time? No, she was not like that, and maybe she just found someone who cared for her. He seemed like an asshole, but maybe he's good to her. I hope he is because if I find out... No, it's her life and I will do nothing to disrupt her relationship. Maybe he got her pregnant?
As I wander into the living room, grabbing the remote off the coffee table, there is a note laying beneath it.
Mr. Roth,
I took the liberty of cleaning up your guest room, just in case you plan to use it this weekend. I will return on Sunday morning at 7:00 like we agreed, unless I hear from you or if plans change. Good luck, sir, and I hope it all goes well.
Mandy
Well, that's just fucking great. Now I have to explain to my maid how all of this went to shit. Christ, I'm an idiot.
Crumpling up the note, I throw it across the room and take another swig of my beer.
Shit, I could have sworn I locked the room, but I must not have. I'm completely at a loss. What to do now? It's like I have no purpose, no reason to take my next breath, but here I sit, sulking like a spoiled child.
Heading up to my bed, I'm exhausted from driving for 12 hours today and with nothing to show for it except misery. Seeing my bed, I'm drawn to it and my energy levels are at an all-time low. I hit the pillows, not even getting undressed, and I'm out like a light.
The next morning I'm awakened by Mandy watching me sleep. She is just standing there like a deer in the headlights. The look on my face must have scared her because I'm pretty annoyed right now and in no mood to deal with anything.
Quickly she says, "I'm so sorry Mr. Roth, sir, I didn't know you were home, and I was going to...."
Looking at her with total annoyance, she stops and runs out of the room. All I can think is great, just fucking great. Looking at the clock, it reads 7:15.
Guess it's time to get up and start a new fucking day.
Hearing a crash downstairs spurs me on to move a little faster. Standing up, I feel dizzy and think to myself, how many beers did I have last night? Just the one, I thought, but it feels like I have a hangover.
Seeing my reflection in the mirror, I look like shit, but I better head downstairs to see what the new maid broke. It's going to be a lovely fucking day; I can tell already.
Reaching the bottom of the stairs, I go around the corner and see Mandy on the floor of the kitchen, picking up the shattered glass.
She sees me and says, "Sir, I am so sorry about this mess. I'll have it all cleaned up in just a second and then I'll make your breakfast."
Still, I have nothing to say, so I nod and head into the bathroom.
I'm acting like an asshole who didn't get what he wanted, and this needs to end. The problem is, I am so angry with her and myself for thinking this was more than just a high school romance.
Stepping out, I sit at the bar and ask, "So, what broke?" with a forced smile.
She just looks up at me and then down to the floor.
"Sir, if you wish to fire me, I understand. This was a beautiful crystal vase that I got out of the flowers you requested. It looked quite expensive, and I was going to fill it with roses from the garden, but then you were home and I..." Mandy tries to explain with such sadness.
Like I would fire her over a stupid freaking vase.
Stopping her from continuing, I explain, "It's fine, Mandy, don't worry about it and no, I would not let you go over an old vase."
She smiles with tears in her eyes, and I look down at her hand, which is bleeding.
I shout, "Jesus Mandy, your hand!"
She looks at it as I come around the counter and grab a dish towel on the way. Quickly, I wrap it around her palm to stop the bleeding. She looks a bit wobbly, so I help her to the bar stool.
Yup, another lovely goddamned day. I should probably call 911 or take her to the hospital, now that I see how much blood there is on the towel.
Looking at her I say, "We better take you to have someone look at that cut, you probably need stitches."
She shakes her head no, and I look at her questioningly.
Mandy explains, "I don't have insurance. This is my first job and I can't afford to go to the doctor."
Seriously, does she not know who I am?
"Mandy, it happened in my home, so I'll pay for you to be treated. Now, come on, let's get you in the car and we will have you fixed up in no time." I say, and she nods.
Helping her to the car, she gets in and we are on our way to the urgent care down the road. I didn't know it was even there until Mandy told me about it.
After 3 hours, we finally get home and I ask her to stay with me. She was still very dizzy at the doctor's office, so I felt it was better that she not be alone today. It kept my mind off everything, taking care of her and making her feel comfortable on the couch. We watched some movies, and I even made grilled cheese sandwiches for us. They were pretty good if I do say so myself.
Mandy is hilarious and intelligent, plus she's quite beautiful. We spent the day talking about everything except Amelia. I just explained that it was a miscommunication and that what I had thought might happen didn't come to pass. We left it at that, watched more tv and both drifted off to sleep.
Having a very erotic dream involving me and a mystery woman, I wake up to Mandy sucking on my cock. At first, I thought about stopping her, but it felt so good that I ran my fingers through her dark hair and allowed her to continue.
What a way to wake up. But she was not the only one going to give out pleasure tonight. I need to live again, and maybe today is a good day to start.
"That feels so good, Mandy, but if you keep going, I won't last." She looks up and smiles wickedly at me.
"Mr. Roth, can we go into the room, sir? I would like to try a few of the pieces in there." Mandy asks with total lust in her eyes.
Not answering her, I stand, pick her up, and carry Mandy into my guest room. All down the hall she giggles and I'm suddenly in a wicked mood.
When we enter, she points to the inversion table. I look at her and nod my approval. Setting her down in front of it, she goes over and waits for me to do as I wish. Looking at her in this maid outfit, I remove her purple top and bra.
She has lovely breasts, so I consume them while she holds onto my head. Mandy lets me go and steps back into the apparatus. This woman keeps her eyes down, but I raise her chin and then kneel before her to remove her matching pants. She's watching me intently as I take off her lace pink thong slowly. When I stand, Mandy backs up further, placing her arms and legs by the restraints.
Strapping her in, I take care that we don't re-injure her hand. Then I step back and look at her.
She is acting very excited, and her breathing has intensified. Her skin has a nice rosy glow. She is very stunning and I will enjoy taking her tonight. Her hair reminds me of Amelia's. I always find something about a woman that reminds me of her before I begin. Not that it matters now, but I need to do this for my wellbeing. I'm not ready to let her go just yet.
Mandy says, "Sir, I need to feel the pain tonight. I want you to punish me for what I've done. You may find this strange, but I need this, sir. Please give me what I need."
As she pleads with me to do this, I feel strange about her request. To be honest, I would like to punish Amelia, but Mandy has done nothing wrong.
Then she adds, "Pretend I'm her, the one who hurt you and I will take your pain away. Use that whip and let me take her lashes."
Looking at this woman, I'm at a loss, so I flip the table over and let Mandy hang there for a few minutes while I contemplate what to do with her.
Sitting on the bench, I feel such anger toward Amelia and I'd like to hit something, but I've never hurt a woman before. Jesus, part of me wants to do this, but it's so wrong.
While I try to decide what to do, I look around this room at the various toys that I've purchased. There are a few that I bought on a whim, so I guess I'll start there. Reaching up, I grab a ball gag and some other items.
If she wants pain, I will give her some, but I will not whip her. I am not a monster, and I would never hurt Amelia.
Once we begin, she moans out the word "more", but we will go at my pace, not hers. I crack her ass and she nods slowly, knowing I'm the boss here, not her.
My God, this woman is peculiar, yet extraordinary.
As I continue her punishment, she keeps saying the word, and each time I spank her hard to where her cheeks are getting quite red. I'll admit it felt good, but I enjoy fucking hard, much better.
Taking her off the table, I remove the gag, then we go over to the stockade and I give her what she wants, taking her harder than I've ever done before.
Each thrust made me feel powerful and strong. She was so wet and kept moaning for more.
This went on for a long time. It was like I was in a trance when Jacob walked in, and the look on his face was confusion. He always brought the women here, not me, but that is all going to change now.
"Cal, what the hell is going on?" He asks, and I just kept going, and then cracked her ass once more.
She cries out and screams with such lust that Jacob is surprised by her outburst. This awakens me from this daze I was in, and I backed away from her and zip up my pants.
"Take over for me." That is all I say before leaving the room.
He looks at this woman, and I walk out the door.
I will allow him free rein to give it to her good, but she will never be fulfilled.
Needing a break, I went down for some juice and a breather.
I've never been so hard on a woman, and it feels strange. It felt good, but this is not me. Jesus, she likes it rough, only I'm not built that way. Jacob isn't either, but he will wear her out, I'm sure.
Sitting on the barstool, I picture her face. She looked so beautiful yesterday. I was so proud of my Amelia and then I see his face. Picturing them fucking, I feel the rage build inside of me once again.
Pure rage, violent rage, God, how could I believe her lies.
Heading back in, Jacob has started with Mandy, and just as I was ready to give her some genuine pain.
Shit, what is wrong with me?
Again, I back away and go up to my room. Stepping inside, I look at my bed and cringe. Instead, I paced back and forth, because my mind is reeling.
How could she do this to me? Why would Amelia be with that guy? How will I let her go?
After taking a nap, I return to the guest room and see all that I had done. Jacob was gone, so was Mandy, and the room smelled of sex.
Stepping out, I lock the door and head into the kitchen, where I find Jacob eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Never looking at me, he slides another across the counter on a plate.
"Cal, I don't know what that was all about, but you looked enraged. Are you alright?" He asks with an alarmed tone.
I just nod and keep eating my PB&J.
He adds, "When I unlocked her, she begged me to continue, but I sent her packing. Buddy, I fired her for you and she is not coming back. That was bizarre, and she is not good for you. If you're pissed, then so be it, but I never want to see you act that way ever again."
In total agreement, I nod again and grab 2 glasses of milk, one for me and one for my best friend.
After that Jacob went home and we never discussed that night again.
It was insane how I allowed her to push me. Mandy is a sadomasochist. She was wrong to goad me into it, but I should not have given in to her depravity. From this moment on, I will do what I want, but I'll never lose control like that again.
For the next month, I'm insatiable. Jacob thinks it's because of Mandy, but it's her. Every woman I see, if she is willing, I bring her home. Jacob watches me, but I never become ravenous or get out of hand again.
We enjoy them and then send them on their way. What Jacob doesn't understand is that there's a giant hole inside of me, and I keep trying to fill it with the next conquest. It's a lot like college, except I find the girls now and there will be no Amelia in the end.
Night after night, we continue like this and every morning I hate myself even more.
This needs to end. I have to straighten up and become the man that I'm supposed to be. Right now, I should focus on my company, learning the ropes, but I'm trying to hold on to a fantasy that will never come true. She has moved on, and I need to as well.
Packing my things and not telling Jacob where I am going or that I'm leaving seems wrong. Someday I will tell him the truth, but for now, I just need to leave. He has never known my true identity, so Jacob will not understand why I'm doing this, but right now, I need to do this for myself.
My head is messed up. I allowed this to happen by believing in someone I thought I knew so well. She left me and if I had listened to her, then none of this would happen now. It's time to be a man, to take my place in this world and stop pretending that what we had was real or that Amelia and I had a future together. I loved Amelia; she was very important to me, but she moved on and I need to do the same.
Looking around at my home, there are no excellent memories here except with Jacob and several women whose names I don't even remember. All of this was a lie, none of it was real, and I've played this role for far too long.
Now is the time to reinvent myself, and to find the real Calvin Roth.