Amy
Sitting in my dad's car outside the Vista, I close my eyes and try to quiet my mind. Thinking about a better time, a calmer time in my life, while I wait for Beth to arrive. Back before Kevin and college, when the three of us were young and enjoying life on the pond. It was so safe and peaceful. Our lives were our own and we could do as we pleased once the Allen's allowed me out of the house.
Growing up, Beth and I did everything together. We were inseparable, like sisters. We hung out every day after school. The weekends were more difficult because her family always had places they had to go or parties they needed to attend. I was invited often, but Corinne Allen, my foster mother, would say no every single time. She was okay with Beth and I being friends, but the Allen's did not seem to get along with her parents.
Probably because they were genuine people, not fake.
Corrine always made up excuses and said that I had chores to do, but she did not like for me to socialize with people in her circle. I was something the Allen's would drag out and show off when she was in a generous mood. Normally this would happen during one of Corrine's high society charity functions. She would dress me in whatever rags the church had donated. Then, I would be ordered to stand where I was told and to keep quiet. The other girls my age would laugh and snicker, so I hated those events.
Pastor Andrew told me a few times, "Amy, you are a gift from God. He has a plan for you and I have a feeling it's going to be miraculous."
Beth always found me and would stand by my side. She would tell the other girls off and send them running out of the room in tears.
What would I have done without Beth?
Corrine did all of this to prove to other snobs how charitable was for taking me into her home. That she wasn't the cold-hearted bitch everyone knew her to be. She never cared for me or hugged me. She told me once that I had a mother and no matter how pathetic she was, that's all I would ever have in life.
She agreed to look after me, but that was it, nothing more. If it wasn't for Beth, I doubt that I could have survived the cruelty inflicted on me daily. Beth's mother, Sandra, did not like how I was treated, either. She never said a word, but her eyes and body language told me how she truly felt about my foster mother.
Vin came along soon after, and he occupied my weekends. His aunt kept him very busy during the week, so it worked out well for me. Vin and I fell in love. We took our relationship very slow for a while because we were young and so unsure of ourselves. Once we gained confidence in each other, as well as ourselves, we became sexually active and soared.
The two of us were in the same boat. We were all alone and needed someone to love. He was so different from the other boys, so honest and thoughtful. We would talk for hours about anything under the sun and laugh, oh how we laughed.
He told me many times that we were made for each other and I couldn't agree more. Vin was my counterpoint. He was my equal and together we were a united front to all those who would try to tear us down.
Around Vin, I could be myself, let my hair down and my guard. We were very promiscuous later on, and he showed me things about myself that nothing was out of bounds.
I trusted him fully, so why didn't that trust make me realize we would be fine when I had to leave? Why did I give him up?
Answering myself, I say, "Because I did not want to find out he was just like the other people in my life."
We were pure, and I needed to hold on to the memory of our love. On our last day, before I moved away, we spent down at the pond. This was my absolute worst day. I had to let Vin go because he was leaving to start college at Syracuse University and I was moving to Pennsylvania. There was no way I would ruin our relationship by forcing Vin to stay loyal to me.
I should have trusted him, but it scared me.
College was a new world, new people, and new experiences. I knew it would be hard for Vin to stay true, and it wasn't fair to him or me. I would not hold him back, and if it was meant to be, we would find each other again one day.
This was what I believed, but I was innocent and so very wrong.
Looking back, I remember that day like it was yesterday. It was heart-wrenching, losing your first love. I've replayed those last few hours over and over in my mind, more times than I care to admit. He did things to me I will never, ever forget. We had love and passion, together we could bring each other so much joy and pleasure, but it was not meant to be.
Life got in the way, as it always does, and that is reality.
That last time together, I walked down the path to see him. Vin was lying shirtless, on my blanket, next to our tree. He was on his side, watching me walk towards him. That man was always sexy, but I knew he had naughty thoughts going through his mind. I could tell. All he knew was that I need to talk to him and that it was important.
This was my biggest fear, that I'd find out he was human after all, and what we had was just a high school romance.
Thinking back, I knew it would be impossible to tell him this over the phone, so how could I do this in person.
This moment would change our lives forever, and I regret it to this day.
Vin sits up and has that look in his eyes. I loved that look. It always excited me.
Knowing his thoughts, my man had planned something for us. I never knew what he was up to, possibly a scene to play out, and I needed something like this to remember him by. And to help me survive.
"Hey, baby!" I whispered as I walked over and sat in his lap.
Vin kissed me deeply, and I responded to him as always. He rubbed me all over as he held me tight, but my mind flashed to what had to be done. At that moment, I pulled away, and he had a surprised look on his face.
"What's wrong Amelia, are you okay, sweetheart?" Vin asked.
I took a deep breath and said it as fast as I could. The words flew out of my mouth so fast that it was done and over as quickly as possible.
"My mom called, and she finally got custody of me. She is coming tonight at 5:00 to take me away to live in Pennsylvania." I said, and he stared at me.
The look on his face was a complete shock. He took a moment to think about his answer and took a few deep breaths. Rubbing my back, Vin looked at the pond and tried to come up with a plan to handle this situation, but there were none.
"Okay baby, it's alright. We will get together during the holidays and long weekends. It will suck, but we can do it, Amelia. Don't worry baby, we will make it work." Vin whispers and I kissed him.
The fear took over and I grab his hair to pull him to me. He unbuttoned my top, and I needed to tell him the truth before we went any further, but I was afraid.
Telling myself to breathe, I stopped again, sat back, and explained, "No, Vin, I'm breaking up with you. I love you too much to force you to be loyal to me while living so far apart. It's not fair to you or me and..."
His mood immediately turned to anger, and he talked over me. "Amelia, you are turning 18 in a few weeks. They can't force you to leave now. I love you and no... You are not breaking it off with me."
Vin said this to keep me calm, but it was too late. At that moment, I knew he thought this was the right thing to say, but I believed he was wrong.
"I love you too, Vin, but I have to move away. My mom has been trying to get custody of me for years. She is marrying Jack, and since he works at Penn State, I will go to college there for free next year. So, for the next 5 years, I will be in a school, 6 hours away from you. Do you think it's fair to keep this relationship going for that long and from that far away?"
He was quiet, so I kept going and said, "I am letting you go and when I graduate, if you still want a relationship with me, we can begin again."
He shook his head and looked so angry. Vin was hurt, and I did this to him. Tears were running down my face, but I tried to stay strong. I had to stay strong or we would never have a future.
"So, you're just going to give up on us..." Vin says, and I cut him off this time.
"No, I am not giving up. I am being honest and trying to save our relationship. We deserve to have the college experience, to enjoy our time there, and to have fun. I am setting you free and then later, after college, we will find each other and rekindle what we have now. I don't want to lose you, and I'm terrified that I will. Vin, I believe in us and I'm going to trust that if we were meant to be, then we will be together again someday."
As I said the last words, my voice dropped out and I could no longer speak. My heart was breaking, and it was too difficult for me.
Needing to run, I got up to leave, and he pulls me back down. He grabs my hands, holding them to his lips, and he kisses them. No more words were spoken as he undresses me. Reaching down, he pulled my shirt up and off. Kissing my breasts, I felt a tear drip slowly down my stomach. It hurt so badly that I pushed him away.
My shorts drop to the ground and I ran into the cold pond as fast as my legs could carry me. Diving under the water, I swam beneath, looking at all the stones I've thrown in over the years. For a moment, I felt as though I should just hold on to a branch and stay down here for eternity, but I could not do that to my mother.
Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I turned, and he was there. My Vin, my strong, unwavering man, knew deep down that I was right. He grabbed me, pulled me up to the surface, and kissed me roughly.
Bringing me to the shallows, Vin picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around him. I hid my face in his neck because I could not show him my pain. I loved him, but I had to let him go.
Vin carried me back up on shore. He looked at me straight in the eyes and sat me down on the blanket. Never saying a word, we have the roughest, most powerful sex that I have ever or will ever have. He's angry and I'm furious, but not at each other. We're mad at the world, the situation, and we were going to take it out on each other.
Before this went any further, I turned around and kneeled before him. Vin didn't want this, but I did. Pulling his member out, I lick him as he looked down at me. I grabbed him and sucked on him, taking him deeper and deeper. I knew he loved this, but today it was for me. Faster and harder, I take him on. And then he pulled himself free.
"No baby, not like this, I want this to last as long as possible." He says while looking deep into my eyes.
When Vin unties my bikini top, he lifts me and bites me. He then grabbed my hands and held them above my head against the tree. Vin used our rope to restrain me and then hang me there using the hook he drove into it last year.
Once I'm immobile, he drops to his knees and removes my bottoms. Vin spreads my legs wide as he nuzzles my mound. He buried his face in my core.
My God, that man, he still owns my heart... I'll love him until the day I die.
Moaning quietly, I tried to keep calm as he consumed me. Vin slid in one, then two, pushing me further as he licked me. It felt so good and he would not stop until I released. That's when I heard him whisper something as he kissed my breasts. Vin was worshipping me that day, and I was his.
Feeling him at my entrance, I hear him roar, "You. Are. Mine."
Taking me harder than he had ever before, I relished him and loved our last few moments.
I answered him with all I had, "I. Am. Yours."
At that moment, he lost control completely. Vin took me up against our tree so aggressively that I scream out. I was not in any physical pain, but because I ache inside and my heart was breaking.
Slowing down, he whispers about how much he loved me each time he was deep within.
I loved that man with every fiber of my being.
When Vin unhooked me, he walked me over to the blanket and bent my body over the fallen tree. He slid himself inside and took me vigorously. All I could think about was how we would never be together again. How this amazing man was hurting, and I caused his pain.
Giving me my release, I feel him slide his hand across my ass and smack it hard. He squeezes it and smacks me again. Knowing what he's asking for, I spread my legs wider for him as he slides his finger into me.
We had done this before, many times, but this was it, for a very long time. Over and over he slides inside me, stretching me. And I want it now. He knows how to take care of me, but I want him everywhere today. I want to feel him in every part of me, because I may never feel this man, my man, ever again.
Vin whispers, "Baby, I want this to last. I love you and I need to do this slowly or I may lose control."
Understanding him, I nod as he positions me the way he wants me. He places his member there at my entrance and he slowly pushed inside. It burns at first, but it feels amazing as he slides in deeper. Then he forces himself inside and holds it there for a moment.
Feeling his hot chest along my back as he held me tight in his arms and I cried. He pulls out slightly and then back in, kissing my neck and caressing my breasts. Repeatedly he did this, going slower each time while pleasuring me and bringing me back to him. As my emotions took hold, I cried out so loudly that Vin stops.
"Are you okay, Amelia? Am I hurting you?" He asked and I couldn't speak, so I shook my head no.
We were so close, and he always understood my heart. Knowing this was too hard for me, he trusted into me again, as I grabbed hold of the log. We needed to get angry again so that the pain would mask my sadness.
As he rams into me, I scream, "Yes, please don't stop!"
After my third orgasm, in a row, he removes himself, lays down on the blanket. Vin pulls me down and steadies me on top so that I ride him. I can't get enough, and he gasps for air. Realizing that his will to hold on was weakening, I looked him in the eyes and saw the ache within them.
Putting my head down, I took him over the edge as Vin grabbed me and bit me as we took each other to oblivion.
So much love, so many amazing memories. And then I had to let him go. I tried to ignore the sorrow I felt over losing him while we make love until we could no longer move. Vin and I used up our last condom. It was my going away present Beth gave me, which she stole from her older brother. Looking at each other, we still had an hour before my time was up, and neither one of us was ready for this to end.
Vin said to me, "We have no more condoms, baby."
"I don't care. Vin, I need you one more time." I whispered, and he nodded.
Feeling the pain of losing him, I looked at Vin, never thinking about the consequences, and climbed on. As he took me without protection for the first time, I didn't care about anything other than Vin. I need him, and he needed me. I'd love no one as much as I did Vin, so I didn't care what happened at that moment.
We were tired and not thinking clearly, but I was leaving this up to chance. If I got pregnant, I'd come home, but if not, I would stay in Pennsylvania. Not a very smart decision, I know, but I didn't get pregnant and lost him forever. He never came for me and I did not seek him out. Vin was my first love and my heart never let him go.
His last words to me were, "I will do this and agree to your terms, but on your graduation day, I will come for you Amelia and you will be mine."
All these years, every fantasy and Vin still lives within my heart.
That needs to stop. It has to end and I need to find something real and tangible?
I tell myself, "Tonight, I am talking to Beth about Jay. Maybe was can start something up again. Something real, not a fantasy that I've built up in my head."
Knowing I'll have to face Vin soon, I refuse to let him take me over again.
Vin and I are through. He never came, he moved on and that's okay because it wasn't meant to be. Whereas Jay still asks about me, remembers my birthday and that amazing night we had together. He wants to know about my life and that is real. We were so good together back then, and we can have it all again if I give Jay a chance.
Looking out the front window of my car, there she is, my best friend Beth. She is walking up to the club's doorway and looks perfect.
Glancing in the mirror, I'm a freight, no make-up. Hair is a mess and she will know there is something wrong. Quickly, I grab my brush and try to detangle what the wind did during the drive. Beth cannot know all that is going on, because she will worry. No, I am going to enjoy my visit with her and we are going to tear this town apart.
Beth bought the Oscar de la Renta, a gold beaded "flapper dress" and it looks spectacular on her. I saw it in a magazine and described it to her because I knew it was her style. The dress only cost a few thousand dollars, so I could never afford something like that on my salary.
I thought she said the place was closed, so why is she all dressed up? Oh, right, she had a meeting... and she wore that? Hmm, maybe Beth has something to talk about tonight as well. My head is spinning from all of this, and I need Beth to get my head back on straight.
Just then, as though she heard me, Beth looks out the door and is starring at my dad's BMW. Well, it's showtime, and as I get out of the car, her entire mood changes.
Shit, I can't hide anything from her.
Beth shouts, "What happened, what's wrong?"
As she runs up and pulls me in.
My best friend immediately wraps her arm around me.
She is so good to me and I needed this right now. The hug feels so warm and safe. God, how I needed this today.
Looking at her, I reply, "Nothing, I've just missed you so much and I needed to get away from it all."
"Okay, I don't believe you, but come on into the Vista and we'll talk." She says with a smile.
We head back towards the club, following the stone path through the colorful garden. Then over the wooden bridge that has a small pond beneath it and then on to the double glass doors.
This place is beautiful on the outside. I can only imagine what the Vista looks like on the inside.