Amy
Almost to Rochester, I have the music cranking and it's time to just let this all go for now. Sometimes you need to take a step back from the problem and give yourself time to let it breathe. I've been racking my brain for far too long and I need a break.
Another hour to go and I'll be hanging with my bestie. It's been a while since I visited and she is right. I never allow myself to let go, but for the next 12 hours, I'm all hers. In the morning, I'll call Dave, then talk to mom and possibly go see Vin.
That's when I hear that song from the late 80s, come on the radio. Kevin would sing it to me as though I was the one who needed to have more patience.
That man was a warped individual and a stalker. Why is it you can never hide from your mistakes? They pop up when you least expect them, and without warning. Why can't I escape the memory of that bastard? Maybe I should seek some psychiatric help for myself, to deal with the memories of that man and what he did to me.
To this day, I've never met someone so evil and merciless as Kevin. He was handsome and looked a lot like Vin in so many ways. That was my downfall, so Beth would tell me constantly. She did not like him at first, and I wish I'd listened to her.
He was our Resident Advisor at the dorm. I met him that first day and he was beautiful, or so I thought. Beth and I walked into his dorm room as he was hanging up the phone. Our eyes met, and he just stared at me throughout the rest of his phone conversation.
He said to the person on the other end of the line, "Yes, that sounds good. I'll make it happen. Two students need my help... Yes sir, no problem."
Kevin was so gorgeous, standing there in his tight black t-shirt and khaki shorts. He was a fantasy come true, but it wouldn't last. His hair was black as night and had steely gray eyes. When he looked at me with his intense stare, I melted. It was the look Vin would give me when he wanted me. Kevin acted like I was the only one in the room, with Beth standing by my side, and he was intriguing. That should have been my first warning, but I desired him from the start and there is no one to blame but myself.
Trying to replace someone you love with another rarely works out, but I was desperate to fix my heart. Kevin was beautiful and exciting, and I was completely enthralled, even though we had only just met. Those feelings of want hadn't had in such a long time filled me with need and I realized at that moment, it was time to move on. I wanted someone in my life again and he fit the bill.
"How can I help you?" Kevin said to me.
I just stared for a minute until Beth hit me.
Christ, this guy is so hot, I thought to myself.
"I um... What did I want?" I giggled nervously and then felt like an idiot.
What the hell is with me? His smile reminds me of Vin, too. I told myself.
"Oh right, my roommate never came, and I was wondering if something happened to her?" I asked, talking rather quickly.
I added, "Oh, I'm in room 118, by the way. I'm Amelia Murray, and this is my friend Elizabeth Goodwin. Well, we go by Amy and Beth, just so you know."
He nodded, and we waited for him to check his list.
"Right, Miss Murray, I was just going to come down and tell you that your roommate, Lina Yang, is not coming this semester. It doesn't say why, so I guess you get your room. You're a very lucky girl." Kevin said with a smirk as he looked directly into my eyes.
At that moment, I was about ready to invite him over when Beth clears her throat.
She asks, "Could I move in? I'm in 201, on the other side of the building, and my roommate is a total bitch. You wouldn't mind, would you, Amy?"
The idea thrilled me. Yes, it would have been nice to have my room, but it was more fun having Beth as a roomie.
I said, "That would be perfect! Can she move in, sir?"
When I said the word sir, his eyes lit up, and the smile on his face grew much bigger. I should have known the truth. Kevin was a control freak.
"Yes, that would be fine, Amy. I have no problem with that if you don't. Oh, and by the way, my name is Kevin Ryan, but you can call me sir if you wish," He said, and his stare got more intense.
I just nodded, then giggled again. Then Beth started pulling on my arm and as we left his room, I was still starry-eyed over him and couldn't look away.
My best friend said loudly, "Okay then, goodbye!"
I just waved as he watched us leave. All I could think was, holy crap, I haven't been this turned on since I was with Vin.
Beth asked, "Alright, what was that? Amy, you were almost drooling all over him. Let me guess, you haven't gotten any since Vin, right? And that man is almost a carbon copy of him. Am I right?"
Beth stared at me as we entered my room, and I just nodded. It had been so long and I missed him so much.
"Yes, you're right, as always. He was just so intense. Don't you think?" I asked, and Beth smirked.
The man never took his eyes off of me and I was so enthralled. I should have known something was wrong with him.
"Yup and creepy, but whatever floats your boat, girly. Come on, let's get your purse, grab something to eat, and then you can help me move." She said, and I agreed as we headed over to the commons for lunch.
Later that night, Kevin stopped by for Beth to sign some papers and to complete the room transfer. He brought us some brownies and helped Beth unpack. We got to know him a little better, and he wasn't so enamored this time. I caught him watching me twice, but he went back to his room, and we got ready for bed.
Looking at our dessert, I asked, "Are you hungry? I'm going to try a brownie. Do you want one?"
Beth said no and then walked into the bathroom. To this day, she thinks I can eat whatever I want and never gain a pound, but that's so not true. I still love chocolate, and brownies will always be my favorite dessert.
We went to bed a little while later, and after a few minutes, I was fast asleep. Then the dream started, and it was just like before. I'm blindfolded, tied up, and a man comes to me. He ravages my naked body. And I don't know who it is, but I'm completely at ease with all of this. My body wants this man, and I can't refuse him. He caresses me and takes me as I'm bound to this hard-wooden cross. He whispers very sexual things to me while he plays with every inch of my body. I'm so aroused that no matter what he does, I want more. Then there are two of them. Hands are all over me and they are bringing me so much pleasure. Pushing and pulling, using my body, and I'm lost in total sexual desire when I'm awakened by Beth.
"Amy... Amy! Wake up, Sweetie! Amy!" She yelled, and I opened my eyes.
Oh, good lord, it happened again; I thought to myself.
Beth exclaims, "Are you alright? You were thrashing around in your bed and you were whimpering."
At that point, I was embarrassed, but it's Beth, so I explained my wacky sex dreams to her.
My best friend listened intently and afterward, she said, "You just need to get laid!"
I smiled, and we both giggled.
"Where is BOB? Did you break BOB Amy?" She asks and I laugh hysterically at that question.
I reply, "No, my battery-operated boyfriend is just fine, thank you very much!"
We giggled some more.
Beth and I had gone shopping one day, and we both bought a "friend" for fun. Vin and I enjoyed BOB a lot. I was amazed by how excited Vin was that I had bought one. I thought it would bother him, but we found it was very stimulating. He enjoyed using it on me, and I loved every minute.
Maybe that's why I dream about two men all the time? Now, if I said that out loud, Beth would have died from laughter.
As time went on, I kept having dreams and Kevin would come around, looking at me that way. One night, we were getting ready for a party and I couldn't wait to see if Kevin would be there. I thought about what might happen, and then Vin popped into my head.
Feeling guilty, I told Beth my thoughts, and she walked over to her desk. My friend opened her top drawer and pulled out a paper. She handed it to me and I was shocked. This was something that spurred me on, and I no longer felt the anguish I had before.
The tabloids ran an article about the billionaire playboy. Vin and the first of many blonde bimbos in this rag were on the cover. It was a picture of them, at his house, naked and in his pool. At that moment, I was hurt, but he was doing what I had told him to do. Seeing this, I decided, it's time I get what I need.
Later on, at the party, Beth went off with her latest new friend and I hung out in the living room, drinking my Budweiser. The house was trashed, and it smelled like stale beer and feet. Not a good combination, but those boys were known for hosting wild parties every weekend.
Suddenly, a group of guys came running through the house yelling, the cops are here!
I looked out the window next to me and no police had arrived. The group of guys laughed, as all the under-aged kids started spitting out their drinks and running for the door.
Total assholes, I thought to myself as I finished my beer and was ready to head home.
Kevin didn't come. The boys were immature jocks, and I was not having a good time. Beth didn't need me to wait for her. She knew her way back to the room. We were just next door anyway, so for me to sit there would have just been a waste of my time.
I set my can down on the coffee table and was ready to get up when I felt someone rub my shoulders.
"Hey, Amy, why are you sitting in here all alone?" Kevin asked.
I was immediately excited. I'd told myself that if Kevin made the first move, I would not stop him. It was time to move on, and I was giving in to my wants and desires.
"Well, I was just thinking about leaving. This party is dying down and Beth is off with her friend." I whispered, hoping he would walk me home.
Kevin asks, "Would you like me to walk you back?"
Wanting to jump up and down, I instead just nodded with a grin on my face. He was standing behind me, and I was so aroused.
Wanting to seal the deal, I said, "Yes sir, if you wouldn't mind", with a sultry voice, while turning to face him.
The look in his eyes told me everything I needed to know. He was going to take care of me, and it was going to be powerful.
"Well come on then, let's get you home." He whispered in my ear, and I took his hand as we walked to the door.
Strolling through the foyer, a couple was standing in the hall. The two were intertwined and looked as though they were ready to have sex right there in front of everyone. It was stimulating, and when I turned to look at Kevin, he looked at me with such need. I'm sure I looked back at him the same way, and my heart started racing. My cheeks felt hot, and I was ready for anything.
We crossed the courtyard rather quickly and on into our building. Kevin stopped suddenly and turned to me. Without saying a word, he kissed me hard while pushing me up against the wall. He lifted me, and I wrapped my legs around him as he took me to his room down the hall.
I remember Kevin kicked the door open. Once inside, he let me down and I backed up. Then turned and shut the door. Kevin locked it, and I knew what was bound to happen next.
He started by saying, "I have fantasized about taking you, Amy, so many times. Ever since we met and I need to know, do you want it hard or soft, baby?"
A split second later, he turned to face me. He kissed me roughly and pushed me up against the wall again. After that, he ravaged my body. Kevin kneeled and pushed my dress up to my waist. He buried his face in me, and I have to say, it felt fantastic.
"Oh God, Kevin, I need it hard, so hard," I exclaimed.
Kevin ripped my panties clean off, using his teeth, and he devours me right there, on the spot.
Grabbing his hair, I pulled while trying to hold on for dear life. He liked this, and it aroused him even more so, just like Vin. I gasp for air as he began his ministrations, and I felt him slide his fingers into me. Stretching and pulling, then thrusting them deep inside forcefully.
As he did this, I pictured Vin.
Harder and harder he pushed into me as he played with my body.
With him, I had my first orgasm, in so long, with an actual man. To be honest, it felt good as my body pulsated. And then he spanked my ass hard in that quick second. I was shocked and confused. That's when I should have clued in.
Kevin said, "Amy, you naughty little thing. I did not say you could release yet. Now you're in for it, little miss. You go over to my bed, bend over, and wait for me. Do you understand?"
Hearing this, I became so aroused and decide to take it further.
"Yes, Sir," I replied.
Pulling my dress completely off, I threw it to the floor.
It had been too long. Vin was having fun, and I was hurting. The words, I'm not cheating on him, ran through my mind. And it was time to let Vin go. This was my life, and I planned on living it up.
Walking over to his bed, I hear him open a cabinet, but I don't turn around. I just did as I was told. Facedown on the bed, I bent over with my ass in the air.
I was like a cat in heat, but my mind had decided that this needed to happen.
He's next to me. I feel him standing behind me, and I'm nervous. I feel something slide down my back. He's tickling me with something, but I can't figure out what it is... It's cold and hard...
"Amy, put your hands together above your head," Kevin said sternly.
At that moment, I flashed to Vin and me in the woods, by our tree. Thinking of him, and wanting him back, I slid my hands up the bed slowly and continued my pose.
"Good girl," Kevin said, as he put the handcuffs on me.
Then he ran his hands up and down my body. Teasing me and exciting me. He reached between my legs and found my spot. A second later, he rubs it in a circular motion and it felt so right.
As soon as I was with him, Kevin stops and then he is gone for a moment. My body was on fire, but I felt self-conscious when he returned and sets three condoms on the bed in front of my face.
I'll never forget what he said next. "Amy, I am rather large, so I need to prepare you for me. I will not hurt you, but I'll push you further than anyone ever has before. Are you ready for me, baby?" He asked, and I nodded.
He waits, and then I realize what he is waiting for.
"Yes Sir, I'm ready," I said breathlessly.
Taking the first condom, he gets ready and places himself at my opening.
When he enters, it burns. Slowly he slides inside, deeper. I am stretched, but so excited at the same time. Vin was about the same size, and it took me a while to get accustomed to him at the beginning too.
Further and further, he pushed into me, and I remembered that feeling again. My first time with Vin, I thought, oh my God, I can't believe all of that fits inside me. Now here I was again, starting over with someone new.
Again, he pushed in and I was so aroused by this as he again withdrawals. The next time is faster and I feel the burning sensation again. He moves more rapidly, and I felt like I was on fire as Kevin thrust inside, repeatedly.
My moans turn into screams of pleasure as he took me harder than I'd been taken in a very long time. He sent me spiraling out of control. The feeling erupted again, and I was about to orgasm when he stops everything.
Kevin then stated, "Amy, do not come yet. Do you hear me? I will tell you when you're allowed to. Hold it in and when I say release, you may. Do you understand?"
I nodded but felt somewhat annoyed.
He waited for me to answer again, so I said, "Yes, Sir," while trying to remain calm.
That man pulled out, and he was gone again. I'm still bent over his bed. There is a chill in the air and I feel uncomfortable once more when he returns with some oil.
"This will help you, baby. You're ready for me and I think you will enjoy this." He said, and I looked at him.
As he pours the warm liquid on me, I felt the burning sensation and he rubbed this smooth, sensual oil everywhere. This made me nervous and he must have seen me clench because he smacks my ass again, hard.
Kevin chided, "Yes, Amy, I'm taking that little ass of yours tonight, too. It will hurt a bit, but I think you'll like it."
I panicked once again, and that's when he took something hard and pushed it inside of me slowly while I tried to relax.
"So, you've had anal sex before Amy? Did you like it?" He asked and I nodded, slowly.
It had been a while, but every fiber in my being wanted this man. Kevin pulled it out, and then he was gone again.
I was such an idiot.
He returns and I feel something cold and hard again. As he pushed it inside, it burned now and I began to lose my nerve.
"Kevin, that burns, I think maybe..." I said, and he cuts me off.
"Hold on baby, let me get you there." He whispers.
Kevin rubbed me again, faster and adding more oil. Suddenly it was all different. It was good, and I was back with him, wanting this and needing more.
Kevin said, "There, that's better, right, baby?"
Before I said a word, he had me moaning and whimpering while gasping for breath. I held on to that feeling, not allowing myself to release.
Seeing what he meant, I said, "Yes Vin, it's so good."
Then, I realize what I'd just said and tried to cover it up.
"I mean yes Sir, thank you, Kevin," I whispered.
For a moment I thought I had gotten away with it, but then I felt it.
"SMACK, SMACK, SMACK!"
"What is my name, Amy?" Kevin shouted.
He sounded angry, and I had a feeling I was going to pay dearly for that error.
"I'm sorry Sir, your name is Kevin Ryan, sir." I blurted out as he rubs my ass cheeks.
After that, he became rougher, but Kevin kept me on the verge, so I stayed with him like a moron.
Jesus, I remember his words so clearly.
"Amy, I have a feeling you won't forget my name after tonight, baby. I understand I'm not your first, but when we're done, it will feel like I was, so hold on tight and enjoy all I have to give you." He said and then pushed himself into me.
I screamed as he thrust inside deeper and deeper. He played with my nub as he forced himself inside, and I screamed even louder. Faster and harder, he pushed with such vigor.
I screamed, "I'm going to come!"
"That's right baby, come for me!" He hollered loudly, for all to hear.
At that moment, I had the most intense orgasm with this man. I was pulsating everywhere as he continued his assault on my insides. He was relentless as he took me repeatedly. He reached around and played with me again, and I was so sensitive that I tried to hide from him.
He stopped again, and I thought, Oh God, what is he going to do now?
"SMACK, SMACK, SMACK! Do you like getting spanked, Amy? I'll admit, I enjoy doing it to you." Kevin yells and I didn't answer him.
"Amy, I want an answer!" Kevin shouted, and I did not know what to say or think at this point.
Filled with confusion, I said, "I don't know Sir, I'm not sure."
"Good girl, you're learning. You may come again when you're ready, but the longer you hold out the better it will be." He said with a chuckle.
Finally, I could no longer think and I had to let go. I remember feeling my entire body tremble as I came, and he held me tight, pressing on my button, and he released along with me. We stayed there for a moment until Kevin pushed me forward to lie on his bed and my legs were burning.
That was our first time together and looking back, I can't believe I allowed that to continue.
Kevin became even more forceful. He got rougher and would tie me up every time. He put a leash on me once and it went bad for me because he crossed the line. He did other things, worse things, and I had to get away from him. It was over between us, but Kevin would stalk me every day. Everywhere I would go, he would show up and terrorize me. That asshole wouldn't stop, so I got a restraining order against him and Kevin eventually stayed away for a while, except for that one episode at graduation. But Jay was there and took care of him for me.
Looking up, I see my exit and I'm shocked that I got here so fast.
Christ, I can't believe I was daydreaming about Kevin the psycho. Maybe I'm worried about what Beth is up to.
My friend was there for me, even then, when she had to pick up the pieces. I was a mess after that and stayed away from men for years until I met her brother Jay. He was beautiful, and I gave into him that night.
Jay was my only one-night stand. I wished we had spent more time together, but I did not trust myself. He was so good to me and did amazing things to my body. When I think back on that night, in the woods, with the smell of lavender in the air, I wish we had continued our relationship. He was a good man. Jay remembers my birthday every year and Beth says he still asks about me whenever they talk.
It's funny, I haven't had sex since Jay. Well, except for my toys, but they don't count.
Following Beth's directions, I pull into her parking lot, and she's not here yet. Taking a deep breath, I give myself a moment to just breathe, arrange my things and shake it all off before I enter The Vista.