Lando
I'm having a baby, it's really sunk in now that we have been building the cot. I mean we absolutely struggled but it's up and it's properly setting in that in a few months I will be a dad. I'm still not sure this is something I'm ready for and I know I wouldn't do it without Rosie by my side. That was part of my issue accepting it in the first place, I wasn't going to be able to be a parent without being with Rosie. "I am absolutely shattered" she says and I can't help but smile at her slightly flustered face "I know, how about we have a chill afternoon?" She nods and follows me through to the living room. It's become a routine for the past few days that Rosie sits with her feet in my lap and I massage them, right now is no exception. She seems to have something on her mind "you okay Rosie?"
Rosie
Lando's question drags me out of my thoughts "actually I've got a scan booked tomorrow and Charles was supposed to go in Monaco but I've rebooked it to here and I was hoping you might want to join? We will find out the gender?" His face lights up "I would love to come" he gives me a blinding smile "okay cool, I've booked it for tomorrow at 3pm" he nods "shall we go out for breakfast?" I nod already dreaming of fluffy pancakes! The rest of the evening is spent watching movies and trying to distract me from freaking out about tomorrow. "Have you had any ideas for names?" I ask Lando who shakes his head "not really? Have you?" I know this is going to either go down well or badly "well if it's a boy I would like to name him Jules" I gauge his reaction "I think that would be wonderful, I know how close you were" I nod sadly my thoughts drifting to my friend who was taken from all of us too soon.
The next day
We are currently sat in the waiting room and I'm sipping on a litre bottle of water as you need a full bladder to get a good scan. I know I will be bursting for the loo but it's worth it "Miss Russell" the woman calls and I stand up Lando following "how are you both?" She asks and I smile nervously "a little bit apprehensive" she smiles gently "it's gender scan day, would you like to know?" I nod immediately knowing I don't have the patience to wait "perfect, if you can bring your top up" she requests turning to type in some information, I'm ready when she faces me again "so cold jelly then the pressure of the wand" she tells me and I look over at Lando who looks nervous. I take his hand as she pushes the wand over my stomach "there we go" she says and my eyes immediately snap to the screen in absolute wonder "wow" Lando whispers beside me. She keeps moving the wand around recording measurements in the computer "everything looks good, and I can let you both know that you are having a baby girl" my eyes well up and I can't help the tears that fall as the sound of my baby girls heartbeat echos around the room. The only thing I miss is Charles, it feels really wrong that he isn't here.
"That was amazing!" Lando says as we wander through the shopping centre "I know! Part of me felt it was going to be a boy though" he laughs "well I think another you in the world isn't a bad thing" he takes my hand as we wander into mothercare and we immediately drift over to the girls section. It's absolutely adorable, little pink babygrows, cute little headbands and dresses. I feel quite overwhelmed but I pick up some babygrows and vests in newborn size "it is all very pink" Lando comments and I laugh "of course, all girls want is pink" I say sarcastically as he notices I'm holding neutral or white babygrows "well she doesn't have to wear pink all of the time" he jokes and we walk through the shop till we arrive at pushchairs and car seats "this is overwhelming" I comment and he squeezes my hand but my eyes settle on the most beautiful pushchair and I immediately walk over. It was a deep green with a forest scene and I knew I wouldn't want any other "can I help you at all?" A shop assistant questions clearly noticing that I've been looking at the pushchair "actually I really like this set, does it come with a car seat?" The shop assistant nods "it does, it can attach onto the frame as well" I nod and look for Lando who is currently stood in-front of a plain grey pushchair "can I order this?" I ask knowing it's slightly early but I'm still going to races for a few more weeks "absolutely I can do that for you now" I give the pushchair one last look completely certain in my decision.
Once we got home Lando decided to stream some games with Alex and George. I curl myself up on the sofa and put I'm all time favourite movie on, The Grand Budapest Hotel. I'm about halfway through the movie when I decide to try and call Charles, I want to tell him about the scan today. It rings out to voicemail twice and I decide to leave it calling my parents instead to tell them the news, I can let George, Soph and Jake at the weekend.
Spa
Arriving at a race weekend with Lando feels extremely odd, I haven't travelled without Charles for months! I really miss him, he has become such a huge part of my life, well I suppose he always was! I walk into the garage feeling quite glum having not heard from my favourite Monegasque since our argument in Austria. I drop my bag in my locker before walking over to my desk "Hi Marcus!" I say hoping to sound more happy than I actually am "Hey Rosie, you okay?" I nod before loading up my computer and burying myself in the race week data. The morning flys past and I can feel how hungry I am "I'm going to hospitality want anything?" I ask Marcus "ooo a salad box with chicken and a tea please" he requests and I walk my way out of the garage. I scan the paddock hoping to spot Charles and force him to talk to me but I had no such luck. We have F2 and F3 as support races this season and one of my friends Anthoine Hubert is racing, I will go see if I can find him in the F2 paddock. I spot Kelly straight away and she give me a grin "Hey Rosie, you okay?" She asks and I nod "you?" I ask back "yeah good, finding all of this travelling exhausting" I smile "it's an adjustment!" I laugh "what can I get you?" She asks "ooo two chicken salad boxes, a tea, a water and a piece of that chocolate cake please" I ask and she quickly gets everything sorted "meeting Lando?" I shake my head "nah, one of those is for Marcus and I'm going to head over to the F2 paddock to try and find Anthoine" she nods "well have a good day" she tells me "you too! Dinner tomorrow?" She nods "cool see you" I walk out of the building and drop Marcus his lunch before walking over to BWT Arden to locate Anthoine. It doesn't take me long to reach their garage and I ask one of the team where I could find him.
I walk over to their pit exit and see him soaking in the sun "Hey you" I say walking over and his whole face lights up "Cherie! Look at you" his eyes scanning over my more visible bump "I know! Starting to fully show now" I laugh and he pulls me in for a hug "excited for the weekend?" I ask him and he nods "absolutely! Racing is what I live for" I know this about all of the boys "yeah it's a difficult passion to shake" he laughs "what brings you down here Rose?" I smile "just had a thought about you and made it my mission to come find you" he smiles appreciatively "well I'm glad you did! I heard you and Charles aren't talking?" Pierre must have told him "Pierre! Yeah we had an argument about me trying to work things out with Lando" his eyes widen "well I'm not surprised" I furrow my brows at him so he continues "well Charles has obvious feelings for you, but if you know this is what you want he can't stay mad at you" he explains and rubs my arm "I know it just feels strange with him not around" he nods "I know but you are strong Rose, you will be okay" I nod my head "oh! I also have news I wanted to share" he looks at me expectantly "I had a scan this week and we found out I'm having a baby girl" he pulls me straight in for a hug "I can't wait to meet her" he tells me touching my bump affectionately "uncle Anthoine" I say and his smile widens. "Actually I wanted your opinion if I named her Juliette after Jules?" He gives me a soft smile "I think that he would love that, it's a very thoughtful idea!" He tells before his name is called across the garage "sorry Rose I've got to get on, see you Sunday evening? I can get Pierre to come get you?" I nod my head before walking back out of the garage.
It's Friday and Quali just finished and I'm trying my hardest to get through my tasks quickly so that I can go watch the F2 feature race. Marcus can tell I'm impatient "did you want to go watch F2?" He asks and I nod "just go! It will all be here when you get back" he says giving me a smile as I jump off of my chair. All of the drivers are in interviews so I can't make George come with me. I walk toward the chain fence when I spot Alex's mum and sister who both wave me over and give me quick hugs. I stand with a view over the track but also the screens that show the action from around the circuit. I watch the start expectantly and see that everyone gets off to a clean start which isn't always a given in F2 races. As the cars begin their second lap I watch the screens as a driver lost control of his car as he climbed the Raidillon curve he lost control of his car causing his car to spin and hit the left wall of the circuit, tearing off his rear wing and spreading debris onto the track. I let out a gasp as I watch another driver reaching the crest of Raidillon, he slowed down and moved towards the run-off area to avoid the damaged car and the field of debris. Another driver who I think is Hubert, is following the slowing car in front closely and moved right as well, but he clipped the car ahead, looks like right rear wheel with his front wing. Hubert's car crashes into the tyre barrier on the right side of the track at an acute angle and he is deflected sideways into the path of another driver, who strikes the left side of Hubert's car. Panic ran through me as I watched the lack of movement from those two cars. This is a huge accident, my blood runs cold. I sprint to try and find Pierre or Charles or George. The media pen has frozen and I saw Lewis staring at the screens in horror. Where are my boys? I spot George and I practically throw myself towards him in my hurry to have some support "Rosie, what is it? The crash?" I take a breath "it's Anthoine" he freezes before leading us both out of the media pen "let's find Charles and Pierre" he tells me and I walk along in a zombie like state.
We didn't manage to find either of them so George sat with me in the pit box my eyes watering every couple of minutes. I kept telling myself that he was okay, he needed to be okay. They called of the race completely and the two drivers where airlifted to hospital immediately. It was confirmed that it was Hubert and Correa. George sat with his arm wrapped around my shoulder with his free hand wrapped in mine. Everyone at the circuit is waiting for news, good news to arrive from the hospital but nothing has come through so far. Claire has let me a George out of our responsibilities for the day due to the fact that Anthoine is our friend.
After about 2 hours of sitting on the ground in the Williams pit box I finally see Pierre walking towards us down the pitlane with Charles following along behind and my heart skips at the sight of him. That's till I see the look on Pierre's face and I immediately know that it's bad news. He stops, crouching down in front of me "he's gone Rosie" he manages to tell me and the whole world stops. My mind can't comprehend the information. I'm seeing Anthonie for dinner Sunday night with Pierre. I can't believe what he has just told me and I see him burst into tears and instinctively I wrap my arms around him. No words are spoken for a few minutes before he peels himself away "I need to go, but if you need me" he manages to choke out and I nod in understanding before looking over at a extremely stoic Charles "Charles" I say quietly and he shakes his head "I don't need this right now Rosie, I need Anthoine but that won't happen again" he seethes at me before Pierre pulls him away and back down the pit Lane. My heart breaks all over again for the loss of Anthoine and the fact that I've also lost another friend in a completely different way.
George walks me back to the motorhome to a waiting Lando. I collapse into his arms and he rubs my back soothingly "I've got you RoRo, I've got you" he encourages me to lay down and he wraps me in his arms. No words are spoken and I just stare at the blank wall across from the bed, tears rolling down my cheeks. I cannot believe he is gone, the world has lost a truly beautiful soul.
I knew this would be difficult to write but this is my tribute to Anthoine Hubert and I just hope I managed to do the situation justice.
AH19