tw : self harm mentioned.
10th october 2014
ross lynch
standing in the hallway of all the bunks outside the audition room for a new show called austin and ally
i had just finished the audition and i did get through, next was to start filming.
"ross, kevin is on the phone" my dad says passing me the phone
i take it from his hands and into my own, putting it against my ear so i could hear him
"there's my new superstar!!!" he shouted a tad too loud in my ear
"heyyy" i said adding a little awkward laugh at the end
"so, here's the thing, shooting starts tomorrow and finishes by the 10th of december ok? we need you and laura to take a few 'couple' photos for the magazine"
i didn't sign up for this.
~
"w-what do you mean?" i ask ross sitting in front of me
he sat crossed legged in front of me on the couch, grabbing my hands and holding them between us both
it felt strange but i wasn't going to stop him.
"remember when i told you a long time ago when we were on our way to the beach house? i told you that i got a message for a new show named austin and ally?"
i nod slowly as i get a hit of nostalgia
"well, i went to it at a pit stop on tour, i got in and started shooting the next day, there was a company we were signed up with and they wanted me and my co star laura who plays ally, my 'love interest' on the show to take 'couple' pictures together for more fans" he explained in depth
i stayed silent, every piece of me trying to stay together and not break down.
"i never wanted to hurt you kenzie"
that one hurt.
i let my head drop and my eyes fixed to the couch i was crossed legged on
if it was all a lie, why didn't he tell me in the first place?
"i didn't tell you at the time because i purely couldn't, and you were right back then, i was so in love with you that i didn't even realise the life i had outside and with other people that weren't you"
oh.
"and you do too, at first i hated it, making new friends on tour and spending time with people that i wasn't used to and having the meet the new crew wasn't fun, all i wanted to do those first few months were be in your arms, with you playing with my hair, you calling me your superhero...that's all i wanted"
i felt my cheeks flush red and it suddenly became hot
i really didn't have words at the moment.
he lifted my head up by the chin with his two fingers and looked into my tears eyes, his hazel eyes that i have missed ever so much were also glossy and i felt horrible.
"w-why did you ignore me earlier...when ben was hurting me?" i rasp out
his eyebrows furrow for a second before it seemed like something hit him and his face fell in guilt, his body tensed and his jaw clenched slightly realising what his did
"t-that was you?" he says still in shock with his mouth open a little
i nod and swallow the lump in my throat.
"i'm gonna kill him" he says harshly
"ross, why did you ignore me" my voice becomes more stern
"i didn't know it was you! i promise you, kenzie you have got to believe me"
do i?
"even if we weren't together i would do anything for you, i never planned on falling this much in love with you, the past week has been nothing but torture, i just want you kenzie, please tell me the same"
i missed him so so much that words don't explain.
but do i think this is a good idea?
nope. no not at all.
"i-i don't know" is all i say
he stays silent, my head falls back down so my eyes glance at the couch, i close my eyes slowly and a tear that had been waiting to fall for what felt like forever finally fall and land on the black fabric beneath us
i hear ross sniffle slightly but kept my head down, i knew he was hesitant on the next move but he pulled me into his embrace, letting me break down and finally let everything out
what i needed.
with my head buried in his chest whilst both his hands were holding me tight, tighter then ever before, like someone was about to come and rip my from his grip
our arms squashed between us we stay there, in silence, apart from the few sniffles and little cries from one another we both soon pull away
he puts his hand on my cheek and pulls me up to look at him, his eyes glance down to my lips and back up to my eyes, he licked his lips slowly before he started to lean
oh no.
i find myself leaning in also to the man i shouldn't still be in love with
the man that i hadn't met lips with for at least 4 months.
the man who means everything to me even though he shouldn't
the man that broke me into tiny tiny pieces and left me alone to pick them back up
the man i thought i meant everything too
the man i lost because of his actions.
the man that makes me feel like i'm on cloud 9
the man that means everything to me
the man that helped me through so much without even knowing how much he was trying
the man that still keeps me going to this day
the man i will love till my last breath
the man that was always there for me
the man and the first man that loved me really
the man that treated me like a princess
the man that i called my superhero
the man that would win bears for me at fairs
the man who would do anything for me
the man that made me feel like a million dollars
the man that made me laugh when no one else could
the man that stuck by my side
the man that listened to me rant when i was upset and angry
the man that would rub my back when it hurt
the man that wanted to get his nails painted the same colours as mine to feel 'closer' to me
the man that introduced me to his family
the man that is so wrong for me it's right
and finally, the man i wanted to grow old with.
that's all it was.
as our lips met it felt so different, it wasn't full of love and passion and much affection like i remembered, it was more desperate and desire to be closer to me
he put his spare hand on his waist keeping his opposite on my cheek still, my hands trail up his sides and into his abs i have missed so very much
he pushed me back lightly so i fall to the couch beneath us, hovering over me i opened my mouth for a slit second
not excepting it he slid his tongue across my lip and i allowed it forwards
as our tongues danced with eachother i had a hit and i just didn't know what i was doing.
his one hand trails up to my breasts, curling it slightly and squeezing it, catching me by suprise i sit up as much as i can with my eyebrows raised
ross pulls out and back immediately with worry and guilt written all over his face, his eyebrows arched
"i-i'm sorry" i stutter suddenly feeling like an idiot
"no no no, i'm sorry, angel you need to tell me ok? i don't want to hurt you, don't apologise" he explains sat on his knees in front of me whilst i lean on my elbows
i sit up straight and place my hand on his cheek, rubbing it slightly he melted into my touch
holding his one hand over mine on his cheek, caressing it slowly he pulled me on to his lap to my legs were over the top of him, he somehow moved me around so i was now straddling him, he stood up and i caught him off guard by grabbing his shoulders that somewhat felt more muscular.
must've worked out a lot then.
he kept his hands under my bum as i wrapped my arms around his neck and hung them off from behind his head
we weren't kissing at this point, he just flashed me small smile before i felt us both walking up the stairs slowly to make sure we didn't fall and make a lot of noise
i feel him lean down once we were at the top and he opens my door, closing it behind him i catch him now off guard by crashing my lips on his
he exhaled into his kiss like he was relieved, he pushed me up against the back of the door but kept his grip quite firm
my hands get lost in his hair as the kiss deepens, his tongue slipping into my mouth, having a mind of its own
he pushed himself up against me and let my bum go, i kept my fingers knitted in his hair whilst my legs are right around his hips
he grabs the hem of my shirt and tugs at it slightly, managing to stay on his hips he takes me jumper off and throws it somewhere into the darkness of my room
my free hand on his biceps he grabs it and pins it against the wall above my head, taking the other hand too and holding it up above my head
his lips move down my neck, sucking on it lightly most likely causing hickeys that i would regret later on
he kisses me neck and down my chest, arching my back against the door he keeps a hand on my thigh and another holding my hands in the air against the door
my head tilting back i look up at my wrists in ross' tough hands, stinging started and i felt myself starting to regret this all over again
i relax my body and ross slowly stops kissing me, looking back up at my glossy eyes
he knitted his eyebrows before i looked up at my wrists, he realised his tight grip and i brought my hands down to my eye level
scanning them i saw the bright red marks that i thought would be gone by now
"kenzie..." he says in a slight warningish tone
i shake my head and go back into kiss him but he pulls back, he lets me down of his hips only in my bra and leggings whilst he's in a pair of joggers and a shirt still
he takes me wrists and brings them now up to his eye level taking in the view and marks i forgot about
"you did it again" he says coming to a conclusion
i swallow the lump in my throat before trying to take my wrist from his grip but he was way too tight
i went back to the old habits.
he brought it to his lips and gently kissed each and every single one of my scars and fresh cuts.
taking in the gorgeous view of him, his hair slightly longer than usual pushed out of his face from my hair gripping
he finished and look back up at me with sorrow in his eyes, i shake my head and give him and weak smile before gently kissing him
he wraps his arms around my waist as my arms go to the back on his neck, pulling him closer to me like he's a drug
that i cant stop taking.
he moved backwards towards the bed with me still in his arms, the kiss deepens again and it wasn't soon before i met the comforter beneath me.
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a/n
AHHHH
ok ok ok hi
i started to write smut but i am scared
plus all my friends follow me and if they see then you guys will be invited to my funeral honestly
but yeah i might do a smut chapter
your have to wait and see!
-katie