20.
It's very late at night, and I haven't been able to sleep a minute.
I'm sitting downstairs watching a film, and my mind is everywhere except on the television screen.
I was worried about Harry. Just because I was completely annoyed with him doesn't mean I don't hope he's alright.
It's strange for him to stay out this late.
I shake my head, looking down at the floor- I need to stop worrying about him, he doesn't worry about me.
I see headlights shine through the window, and my heart began pounding through my chest.
I placed my tea in the sink, trying to be as subtle as possible and make it upstairs before he came in.
When the front door opened and there were footsteps into the kitchen, I knew it was too late to make it upstairs with out him seeing me. I take a big breath of air and let it out, relaxing myself and preparing for whatever he's going to say to me.
I turn around to be greeted by a very intoxicated Harry- he was sweating and his hair looked like a mess, he looked completely exhausted, and he couldn't walk in a straight line.
I roll my eyes at him. I don't need this now.
"Jules!" He yells quite loudly, making us both flinch from the volume.
I don't respond, just stand there with my arms crossed and an annoyed expression on my face.
He ventures closer to me, barely able to walk in general let alone to me.
"Oh right," he breathes out towards me, the smell of alcohol filling my nose, "you're mad at me." His tone was mocking, and he pointed his index finger at me and chuckled to himself.
"Well, let me tell you something." He was coming in and out of reality, I could tell because his eyes kept falling back into his head and closing.
I waited for him to continue, but we just stood there staring at each other.
It went on for a few minutes, and soon he began to look off into space, his eyebrows scrunched together.
"I was going to say something very smart, but I forget." He slurs out, his face leaning in closer as he almost falls on top of me.
I softly laugh, it really was comical to see him in this state.
He smiled once I began to laugh, and I decided it's time to go to bed.
"Alright, let's go Harry. We need to get you up to bed." I take his arm, wrapping it around my shoulder as we make our way up the stairs and into his room.
The whole entire time I was helping him upstairs he was rambling on about who knows what, it was the most random things you could think of.
The conversation went from his favorite color to what he wants for breakfast tomorrow in about 2.5 seconds.
I brought him to his bed and took his arm off of my shoulders to let him sit down.
"Aren't you going to help me undress?" He grins smugly, his eyes almost completely shut.
I laugh sarcastically, even when he's drunk he can be such a flirt.
"Go to bed Harry."
He lays down in bed, and I take off his shoes for him. He pulls the covers on top of himself, but continues to look at me as I walk towards the door.
"Jules?" I hear his voice softly call out before I leave the room.
"Yes?"
"Are you going to stay with me tonight?" He asks innocently, I couldn't see him but I could hear it in his voice. He wasn't smirking or trying to be a flirt.
I smile even though he wasn't able to see me since there are no lights on.
"Goodnight, Harry."
"Goodnight, Julianne."
I close the door as softly as I can and make my way to my own bedroom, falling to sleep in what feels like seconds.
-
I was finally able to sleep in for once this morning, and it felt refreshing.
I woke up to the smell of bacon, and I figured my nose was playing tricks on me, but when I walked downstairs, my eyes saw it for themselves.
Harry was making breakfast.
"Good morning, darling." He stated in a cheery tone, his voice almost cracking at the end because it was so high and light.
I stood there, not believing what I was seeing.
"Um, morning." I cautiously walk into the kitchen, confused by his sudden kindness.
"I made bacon and eggs, I hope you like the tea I made also. It's my favorite."
Am I dreaming?
"What about your hangover? Aren't you sick?" I ask a bit confused.
"Never better." He states, fixing up two plates for the both of us.
He continues to stare at me with a wide grin, and I almost fell for it.
I didn't want to be a bitch, but he can be one to me, and just because he acts nice and makes me breakfast one morning doesn't mean everything's going to be perfect.
"I'm not hungry."
His smile fades, and he's left there standing and looking dumb founded. I did feel a little bad, but compared to what he's done to me this is nothing. He needs to know he can't treat me like dirt then have me running back to him after I'm mad.
His nostrils flare as he turns around, facing the sink and placing his hands on top of the sides of it.
"Are you fucking-" he stops mid-sentence, taking a deep breath then letting it go. "Okay, Jules. That's fine."
His voice turns from pissed off to completely calm, and he controls himself.
I'm genuinely surprised, not excpecting him to react that way.
My intentions were not to start a fight, I just didn't want to pretend things were okay.
"Um, alright." I softly say as I go back upstairs after slipping a few granola bars in my pocket.
I was starving, but like I said before I'm not ready to go back to normal with Harry yet. He needs to see what it feels like if it will make him treat me better.
I take a shower upstairs, cleaning myself up.
I accidentally cut myself with the razor, and the blood immediately began dripping down my leg.
I felt a sharp pain, it wasn't one of those razor cuts when you don't realize you even have it until it starts to bleed, I knew I had it right away.
I follow the blood to the place it was coming from, and thankfully it wasn't big at all, it was just a small cut.
Washing it off, I get out of the shower and find a band-aid, putting both it and my towel on.
I finish getting ready for the day, deciding on just being lazy and wearing comfortable clothes- a Nike sweatshirt and Nike sweatpants. I guess I felt athletic today.
As I'm sitting in the immense library, with the rain trickling down the roof, dripping off the side and making puddles, a loud noise sounds from the other side of the room.
A book fell out of one of the shelves.
I walk over to it, scanning it from a distance. It was black and bulky, definitely not a book, but a photo album.
I pick it up, bringing it back over to my spot on the couch.
The title on the cover of the folder reads "My Little Angel", it was written in big black letters in sharpie.
I open to the first page, and there's a picture of a woman who appears to be quite pregnant, and a man, I'm guessing the father, holding his hand on the mothers stomach.
They're both smiling at each other, and they look completely in love.
The caption underneath it reads, "We can't wait for you to join our family, Haz."
This is Harry and his parents.
I flip a few more pages and there's a picture of Harry and his mom, and Harry is dressed up like a pirate.
His mother is laughing at something he probably said, and Harry has that smug grin that he always wears.
I continue to turn the pages until I notice the further I get, the sadder Harry and his mom look.
The dad is no longer in any of the pictures, and now neither Harry or his mom are smiling.
My heart breaks as I'm able to see the downfall of this family in just a few small pictures.
I feel for Harry, I knew he's had a hard childhood but now I am able to actually see what was happening.
The pictures eventually stop, and there's just empty pages for the rest of the album.
But at the very end, on the last page, there's a note that's written to Harry.
"Harry-
At this point in your life when you see this, if you ever see it, I don't know where I'll be, or even if I'll be with you. I'm so sorry that this happened to us. I tried to leave with you, I really did. It's your father, he just wouldn't let me, and for that I am sorry. But the important thing is, you need to know how much I love you. I've loved you since the moment I layed my eyes on your big green ones, and I've never stopped.
I know some crazy things will be happening, they always have and always will, but you need to see that it doesn't matter who or where you come from. It doesn't matter what people think or want you to be, be yourself. And if you are, people are going to love you wether they want to or not, because I know you. And the Harry I know is the sweetest boy you could ever meet.
You may think I abandoned you, but I didn't. I still love you even now, and I will love you forever. I promise one day things will work out, don't ever lose hope.
And one day when you meet someone, and when you love them, I know that girl is going to be a special one. She's going to have a lot to deal with, and it will be hard for the both of you. I hope I'm there to see how beautiful she is. It's okay to love, you don't need to be scared.
You don't have to be scared that you will end up like your father, because you're not him.
And when all hope seems lost for you, I want you to come back to this and read it again, and every single time you do, remember me. Because there's always going to be someone out there that loves you, even if you don't feel like there is.
Stay strong, my love.
-Anne"
I was practically in tears by the time I finished, but a knock on the door interrupted me.
I didn't want Harry to know I've been reading this, so I hid it under the blanket.
He walks in with a tray, looking around the room before he spots me.
His voice is soft and gentle and he strides over to me.
"What are you doing in here?"
"Just reading a few books." I shrug casually, trying to hide the fact I had just been crying.
"I made you some lunch, I thought you might be hungry."
I smile at the ground, raising my eyes to meet his. "Thanks, Harry."
"Well, I'll just uh, leave." He says awkwardly, turning around and closing the door behind him.
I put the book away, eating the food Harry had given me, which was amazing by the way. He was being sweet, I just wish he wasn't doing it so I'm not angry, instead doing it because he wants to.
-
The next few days there was the same routine, Harry would do something sweet, and I would sometimes take the gesture, not all the time, but I was still hurt for all the things he's done.
Harry just asked me if I wanted to watch a movie with him on the couch, but I declined.
It was tempting, but I was genuinely exhausted, I really just wanted to go to sleep.
I could see him growing annoyed after i told him "no thank you" as I was walking up the stairs.
At least I knew he was angry because he sped off in his car for about the tenth time this week.
Every time I get him annoyed or mad, he drives off and comes home with horrible cuts and bruises all over himself, mainly his knuckles.
I eventually figured out he was going to a gym and boxing, and that's why he always came home with bloody knuckles.
I wasn't trying to be a jerk to him or to get under his skin, I just need some space for a while.
And that's exactly what we're getting.
I feel amazing too, I'm not as stressed right now and I have a lot of time to go over things in my head.
I think it's hard on Harry though, I do feel bad each time I see his face after I leave him or tell him I'm going upstairs.
We've slowly been talking more, but just little things like "morning" or "goodnight". It's progress but it's nothing special.
Harry got back from the gym at around twelve, and he was more pissed than he was when he left.
I was going to leave him alone, he obviously needed space, until I saw his physical appearance.
He was bleeding everywhere, it was all over his shirt, hands, shorts.
I could barely even look at him, it hurt me just seeing him in this state. So I quickly helped him clean up, and I bandaged up his cuts.
He tried to convince me to stay with him tonight in his bed, but like every single night he's asked me, I refuse.
And he turned even more angry.
I left the room, going to my own, and I was halfway down the hallway when I heard Harry hit a bunch of the first-aid stuff off the counter, and they shattered on the floor.
I take a deep breath and sigh, changing into a pair of cute pj shorts and a comfortable long sleeve shirt, and get into bed.
-
It's two in the morning and I'm wide awake.
There's no reason why, I just can't sleep, but the sad part about it is I'm so tired.
After lying awake another fifteen minutes I decide to get up and do something, then maybe I'll be able to sleep by the time I get back.
I grab my phone and walk past Harry's room as silently as I can, and tip-toe down the stairs.
I make myself a cup of hot chocolate, and turn my music on since I was in a good mood.
I laugh as a song, that's kind of a bump and grind song or one you'd hear at the club, comes on, and I begin to dance around the kitchen.
Now, like we've been over before, I'm an horrible dancer, and here I am at 2 am, dancing around a kitchen.
The chorus is the best part, and I grin as I close my eyes and just let the music take over me, singing along.
And by doing this I managed to run into everything I could, the table, chairs, everything. It was embarrassing, but I didn't care. No one was watching anyways, and I'd just laugh at myself, then continue.
I was having fun in this hell house and it's about time someone did.
I continue dancing until the song is practically over, but I run into something that isn't a table or a chair.
I bump into Harry, who's staring down at me like I'm crazy.
Maybe I am, it's late in the evening and I'm down here listening to this song and dancing.
I wasn't being very loud, so I don't know how he woke up, but he did.
He had on no shirt and black sweatpants, and there was two necklaces hanging from his neck against his bare chest.
It was very hard not to stare, he looked very toned and his tattoos look amazing as always.
"What the hell are you doing?" He sounds tired and annoyed as his eyes continue to try and adjust to being open.
"I-I'm just listening to some music.." I respond shyly, and he smirks at me.
"No, you werent just listening to music," he pauses, grabbing my hand and holding it in his, "you were dancing."
The song now changes, and the next one on the playlist is "Just a Little Bit of Your Heart" by Ariana Grande.
He places his other hand on my hip.
"Dance with me."
Those simple words made my heart beat irregularly, and the familiar feeling in my stomach came back.
"I think I should go back to-"
"Just dance with me." He states sternly with warning, but not angry.
I decide to just go along with it, my left hand trailing up to his shoulder and my right hand still lifted in Harry's.
We begin moving around the kitchen, the song still playing in the background.
I wasn't sure if I should feel uncomfortable, but right now all I could think about is the moment.
At first, my eyes were anywhere except on him, but as we got further into the song I focused on us and brought my eyes up to meet his, which were already glued to me.
His eyes didn't look emotionless or clear, they were full of happiness, and that above all made me smile.
I was genuinely surprised that he could dance so well, he spun me a few times and would bring me close, he was much better than I was.
The song ended and nothing else came on, but neither of us noticed because we continued to stare at each other for a few more seconds until I pulled back and cleared my throat.
"Well, I think I'll be going to bed."
Harry was leaning against the sink as I grabbed my phone and started walking out of the kitchen.
When I turned around he was still staring at me, so I smiled at him and went back up to my room, and finally, I was able to sleep.
______________
HEY!!!
These chapters aren't as long as they usually are, but hey I thought the end of this was kind of cute.
They're finally making some progress huh.
But I think I've watched this video of Harry at least twenty times and I'm still not sick of it.
So, I hope you enjoyed it and thank you so much for reading.
I love you all!