"Do we have children?" she dared to ask in a low tone of voice, almost unable to speak. Benny nodded, his eyes and nose were red, he hadn't gotten any tears but you could see the sadness.
"They want to come to see you," he approached and she didn't say anything, she was scared, she didn't know if she was ready because it was a lot of information to her. "Lise-Lotte and Hans Fredriksson, don't forget them," he added. Frida frowned, Fredriksson? she had heard the doctors call Benny after Andersson so it made everything more confusing.
"Me Are you Fredriksson?" she dared to ask. Benny hesitated to answer, it was the hardest thing to tell her.
"No, they don't have my last name because they are your children from your first marriage," he explained. Frida was silent, she wasn't sure she wanted to know more at the moment, but it hurt her to have children and not be able to remember them; She closed her eyes and squeezed them, made a double effort to remember their faces or some moment, how could a mother forget her children? as a result of her great effort to remember, the only thing she managed to do was to get dizzy, so she had to lay her head down again.
Benny noticed that she went pale and worried, "Are you feeling okay?"
"For some reason I feel tired."
"The best thing is that you rest now," Olive closed the curtains so that no more natural light entered. Benny also turned off the lights, Frida didn't open her eyes anyway which meant she really didn't want to be awake anymore.
Frida began to open her eyes, someone was staring at her and she could feel it. There was a brunette girl staring at her as if she was waiting for something, she also stared at her because she didn't know what to say, she remembered her name immediately "Lise-Lotte," she tried not to forget it the moment Benny said it, she didn't want to feel worse than it was.
"Mom, do you remember me?" she smiled at her and caressed her face. Frida looked at the other side, there was her big boy, bigger than she expected, he, on the other hand, was blond and hadn't said anything yet.
"Hello," Frida said trying to be nice, although they were strangers she knew that they were her children and she didn't want to make them suffer more than they had already done. Hans leaned a little closer and to kiss the part of her forehead that was uncovered.
"Mom, it's good that you're awake, we miss you," he said trying to stop his sister from asking her if she remembered her but to no avail.
"Can you remember me?" She insisted. Frida looked at her and her eyes watered, she didn't know what to say.
"Lotta, stop mortifying her more, we talked about this before we came," Hans spoke with authority but his sister all she wanted was to cry.
"That means you don't remember me," Frida felt bad, but she couldn't remember anything.
"Lotta, let's help her feel good soon," Benny held her shoulders and squeezed her, then hugged.
"Sorry, I don't know anything about you," Frida apologized, you could really see her worried face, the mere fact of not remembering her children made her feel terrible.
"Mom, the fact that you are awake is enough for us, don't worry," Hans, who was more mature, the only thing he wanted was for his mother to be well. Frida smiled, she had the strange feeling of wanting to protect and love them, as if she felt connected to them, as if they were her home, but she fought against the feeling that caused her not to remember anything.
Lotta took a step back, it hurt a lot to see her like that, it was horrible to know that the most important person for her didn't remember her, it hurt to death. Frida could feel the tension between them and she didn't want it but she didn't know how to resolve it either. Benny knew it would happen and it was exactly what he wanted to avoid, enough problems Lotta and Frida had had in the past, now that things were good he was afraid they would go back, the fact that her mother didn't recognize her could have great consequences not exactly because Lotta wanted it that way, but her insecurity sometimes couldn't control it.
The trauma doctor who was handling Frida's case entered the room with some documents in his hands followed by one of the nurses, "Good afternoon," he said as he entered and shook Benny's hand.
"Good afternoon, doctor," Benny replied.
"Lyngstad, any discomfort?" He asked her.
"I feel a little dizzy," she replied. Hans and Lotta provided space for health professionals to examine their mother. The doctor began to put on the latex gloves.
"We will remove the bandage from your head, I want to see how your wound is and in a matter of cleaning it," he explained. Frida got up a little more to get her head off the bed so that they could have more ease. The nurse removed the metal hook from the bandage and then proceeded to unroll it, she did it slowly so as not to hurt her because it was the first time they had done it since she woke up.
Frida was almost shaking, she didn't know what to expect, she felt awkward and she knew that all eyes were on her, it was as if she was pitying and she did not like that feeling at all. "Excuse me," she stopped the nurse holding her hands and then looked at her children who were right at the foot of the bed, "kids, could you wait outside? I don't know how beaten I am and I don't want to be seen by you like that," she asked.
"Mom, it doesn't matter. I want to be with you at all times," Lotta refused.
"Please do it for me," she insisted. Hans took his sister by the arm and led her to the door to get out of the room.
"Come on Lotta, mom is right," of course he had to be responsible and obey their mom, at those times they couldn't be her headache. Frida watched them walk away and she felt a warmth in her stomach, but even though she didn't know them, everything she did was instinctively and for their sake.
Once they were outside, the nurse continued with what she was doing until she managed to remove the bandage completely. Her wound was on her forehead a little more at the top where she had baby hairs, it had been healing but not completely. The nurse took iodized disinfectant, a cotton and began to rub it all around the wound, Frida had to close her eyes because it hurt but she wanted to look like she was strong, especially since Benny was there and she didn't want to complain in front of him.
"Doctor, when will we have the medical results?" Benny took the moment to ask, although they had been done in the morning, he was very impatient.
"There are some that are already ready but others are still waiting, as you know, we have limitations because although our equipment is the most advanced of the time, there is still a long way to go to reach technological advances," the doctor explained. "But don't worry, the neurologist will come at some point to explain what the diagnoses are."
"I understand." Once the doctor and the nurse checked on Frida, healed the wound and checked that everything was fine with her blood pressure and so on, they left, Hans and Lotta re-entered the hospital room.
"Benny, Lotta and I have been talking and the best thing is that we go home now," Hans said as there was not much to do there anyway. Frida looked at them and she felt guilty, she knew that their attitude had become that way because of the situation but she didn't know what to do, perhaps it was for the best, she needed time for herself.
"I'll call for the driver to pick you up and take you home," Benny responded by hugging Lotta. She squeezed him hard, she felt unprotected now that her mother didn't remember her and in a way she found refuge in her stepfather, she had always had a good relationship with Benny and now, although there was a lot of tension and they tended to stress over nonsense, they could not stay arguing forever. Frida was impressed about the way in which Lotta and Benny treated each other, even though she found out that he was not her father, apparently they had a good relationship and that softened her heart.
"Benny, why don't you go home with them to rest?" Olive suggested.
"No, I'll stay here. I think it's you who should go and so stay with the children," he refused.
"In the two weeks that have passed you have only been home three times, we miss you. Heléne is going home tonight," Lotta who was still hugging him told him. Frida frowned because she didn't know who was Heléne but still didn't comment about it.
"Andersson, go..." Frida dared to say, still somewhat shy. "It seems like it's important for the children that you are with them," she continued, capturing everyone's attention. She didn't use to talk a lot but when she did, it was a revolution.
"Frida, I..." he tried to say something to her but was interrupted again.
"Andersson, I won't accept a no by answer, please go with the children to the house, they need you more than I do. I am fine and here I am cared for by the doctors and nurses," she made him see reason. Benny sighed, he really didn't want to leave her alone but he didn't want to let Lotta down and maybe it would do him good to share a moment with them.
"Okay, I'll go for a while to be with you," Lotta smiled and her face lit up, at least he agreed.
"Thanks." Frida noticed the happiness on her daughter's face, perhaps the other Frida was also happy that her daughter shared with Benny, she thought.
"I'll go for a while but I'll come back at night to sleep," he approached Frida to say goodbye.
"You don't have to come back, you can spend the night with the children and so you rest," Frida told him.
"I'm not interested in resting if you're here," he replied in the most genuine way and caressed her cheek.
"Don't be stubborn, I'll be fine here," she tried to smile so as not to make him feel bad. He said nothing more and leaned down with the intention of kissing her but she was not sure if she was ready to receive a kiss from him so she opted to turn her face a little and his kiss remained on her cheek.
Benny separated from her and although it hurt, he didn't want to show it because he still knew that it was not her fault. "Olive, call me if anything, please," he turned to her taking Lotta's hand to go home.
"Nothing will happen, you have to relax now," she assured him.
Once Benny and the children left, Frida stared at the door, she couldn't believe that this was her family, it hurt her not to remember any time with them even though they seemed to get along. Olive stared at her, she didn't even want to imagine what was happening, it would be hard to have to wake up one day and not remember anything, so she would need all the necessary support. "What year is this?" She turned her face away and asked out of nowhere.
"1980, April 15," Olive replied.
"Stockholm?"
"Did you remember?"
"No, I just figured it out." Frida stared at the ceiling, she quietly continued in a constant struggle to remember although nothing seemed to work and that stressed her even more.
Benny was at home, he had taken a shower and put on more comfortable clothes, he was feeling better, he couldn't deny it. He was in the bedroom he shared with Frida, that bed hadn't been used in a long time, the last time they made love and fell asleep until the next day, just the day she had the accident. He lay on her side of bed and held her pillow, closed his eyes and took a deep breath feeling the perfume of her skin and hair impregnated there. He missed that Frida, his faithful friend and companion, his love. He wanted all that to pass, she would return home and be the same again, he didn't know how long he was going to be able to endure all that they had to live.
The bed was so comfortable and he felt so good smelling the pillow that he inadvertently fell asleep, plus he was so exhausted no matter how much he denied it, that it didn't have to happen much for him to fall asleep right away.
Lotta was sitting on the bed in front of Benny while she dried her hair, it was wet, she was wrapped in the bathrobe, she had just bathed; Heléne was next to her also in a bathrobe while she painted her toenails. It was already night, barely 8 p.m., so it was still early. Benny started to wake up and the first thing he got was the strong smell of nail polish, so he suddenly opened his eyes."Lotta?" he said seeing her in bed.
"You finally wake up," she commented, throwing her hair back.
"Hi dad," Heléne said lifting her head and making herself noticeable.
"Hello! At what time did you arrive?" he sat on the bed.
"Recently." Benny looked at the clock and felt his belly growl, he was hungry, lately he was eating crumbs of things.
"Are you kids hungry?" as if it weren't obvious, they were always hungry.
"Yes, what will we have for dinner?" Lotta asked getting up from the bed.
"Do you want pizza? I don't feel like cooking," he didn't want to do much, he couldn't help feeling melancholic, so didn't feel like much knowing that his love was in a hospital with a condition that he still didn't know about and couldn't do much.
"I'm trying to diet," Heléne frowned.
"Sorry Heléne, I have no desire to cook to be honest with you."
"Okay, order the pizza. I assume I can make a mess tonight," she agreed, she would be hypocritical if she said she didn't want pizza.
Heléne and Lotta left the room to go to put on their pajamas while Benny ordered dinner. Going downstairs, Peter and Hans were in the family room and the TV was on, they were watching a movie. "Hi," Benny walked over and sat next to them.
"Hi dad," Peter replied. "How is Frida doing?" Benny couldn't answer because a lump formed in his throat making his eyes water. Hans and Peter stared at him and felt bad, Benny rarely looked so cuddly. Hans put his hand on his shoulder to give him strength, although none of the three knew how to act at the moment.
Lotta and Heléne were entering the room at the time and noticed that Benny was crying, so they were immediately scared. "Did something happen?"
"No, sorry. I don't want to scare you," Benny quickly wiped away his tears.
"Why are you crying?" Lotta insisted.
"Have a seat," he asked them. Hans turned off the TV, and they obeyed. They both sat one on either side of him, pushing their brothers aside.
"Do you feel good?" Heléne wiped his tears away.
"I have tried to feel good but I cannot lie to you, this whole situation with Frida has made me very sad."
"Do you think she will recover?" Lotta asked, dreading the answer.
"Yes," he was optimistic, "yes, she will, although we must be patient and give her a lot of love once she is back home," he continued. "She doesn't remember any of us but that doesn't matter because we do remember her, that is the main thing for her recovery, that we help her little by little to feel that this is her home."
"When will she be discharged?" Hans intervened.
"I don't know, I hope it's soon. We have to be ready for when that happens, make her feel comfortable and welcome. It's like starting over, like we are strangers to her."
"Will she recover her memory?"
"I don't know that, the doctors have to give us the diagnosis to know it. I hope so, and if not, we can make her love us again," he assured them. "Do you agree with me?"
"Yes, dad. We commit ourselves so that Frida will go back to being her old self," Heléne said. She put her hand, then Lotta put it, followed by Benny who now went from crying to smiling, Peter and Hans also joined hands and made the pact, it felt good because they were family and had each other, there was no one better than them to get out of trouble together. In spite of everything, Benny felt good because he knew that he was not alone in this new journey, his children were older and understood things better, in addition to providing more support and that made him feel better and more confident.
They were interrupted by the bell, the pizza had arrived, the night promised. He had to call the hospital before sitting down to watch movies and eat, he wanted to make sure everything was fine there, otherwise he would feel selfish. He couldn't wait to make the same plan once Frida was home, even though they were all together, the void still existed and was noticeable.