7x10
Everyone told Cristina how she should react since the shooting. They didn't say it, but I knew they all thought that all of them went through the same trauma and that her reaction was not okay. But I hated that.
The truth is that, not everyone will understand your pain. They may claim to, but they don't and they won't. Because your pain is different from theirs and theirs is different from yours. A lot of times it happens that, when you talk about your pain, you're told that others have been through the same or worse. They may relate to you on a general level, but what you've been through and what they've been through is different at the end of the day. Because their pain on their scale may be bigger but your heart is different. So don't let them compare your story to theirs. You're not competing on pain. Understanding is built on the basis of having felt what someone felt or simply in the art of just listening to them, not belittling their pain by telling them "that's nothing" or "I've been through worse".
That was the reason I was standing in the middle of a lake with Derek and Cristina. The least thing i could do for the person who saved my brother was being there for here. Making sure she felt understood. Cristina didn't need someone to push her by force out of the rock bottom. She needed someone to stand by her and patiently wait. And fishing was all about patience. Even though she wasn't too keen on it.
-You know the fish can hear you?- Derek told her- did you read about that in your research? Fishing is supposed to be quiet.
-Is this a spinnerbait?- she whispered and I laughed.
-I'm not quizzing you. I'm fishing.
-What about you, McBaby?- I looked at her and shook my head.
-You're not fun- she stared at the lake- maybe we should move the boat over to the other side of the lake.
-Nop- my brother answered- this is a good spot.
-For tanning maybe- she said with annoyance- is this typical? I mean, to go for hours without a bite?
-You need to be patient, Cristina- I stated with my eyes put on my fishing rod- the only thing predictable about fishing is that it's unpredictable.
-I thought you well- Derek said proudly.
-Wow. That's deep- Cristina mocked and I rolled my eyes.
-C'mon, Cristina- I smiled- just use this time to ponder. Quietly. Enjoying this wonderful view.
-You want me to throw up?- I gave her a look.
She started to ramble again talking about why we should change our spot.
-Just stop! Stop talking- Derek stopped her- stop worrying, stop thinking. Stop.
-Can we just try it my way? Please...
-No!
-I can't stop- she said after a while- I can't turn my mind off.
-Yes, you can- my brother assured.
-But...
-But you can- I interrupted her- just fish.
We sat there in silence. I took a deep breath enjoying the nature. My thoughts were interrupted by Derek's phone ringing.
-Well, thank you, Dr Keller- he talked- I think you did the right thing coiling the aneurysm rather than clipping it- I raised an eyebrow knowing he wasn't talking to Keller- thank you for the update and I will check in with you later.
-Was that Meredith?- Cristina asked.
-No- I shot him a look- yes.
-Oh, my God! Oh, my God!- she screamed excited when a fish bit her fish hook- I think I have a bite!- we got up as she laughed- what do I do? Oh, my God!
-Stay calm. Sit down- he instructed and she listened.
-I didn't read the part...what to do when you catch a fish!- she panicked.
-Let it run- I said trying to calm her.
-What does that mean?
She freaked out a little longer until we pulled the fish out of the water. We went back to the edge of the lake.
-28 pounds!- the man of the fishing shop said impressed. We clapped- that's one of the biggest we've had this year.
-Cristina, you fished!- I told her excited.
-I did!
-Do you want a picture?- the man asked her.
-Definitely!- Derek said much more excited than her- Come on!
He hold the fish and gave it to Cristina as she chuckled. He passed his arm around my shoulder and we watched her with a smile on you face as the man took a camera to take the picture.
-Your friend's first time out?
-Yeah, first time- Derek said.
-She really is something.
-Yeah, she is- I agreed- she really is.
Her smiled froze on her face as she heard that. She just stared at us. Derek pulled me closer to him and in that moment we knew Cristina was starting to heal.
-Okay, smile now- the man said and she looked at the fish and started to cry.
-It's okay- the man next to us said confused- we don't need a picture.
-No, take it- my brother said- take it now. We're gonna want to remember this.
He took the polaroid and handed it to me. I took it but my eyes never left Cristina's face. We both observed her as she took a deep breath with a small smile.
She was going to be fine.
...
7x11
-Meredith, for the 100th time- i told her as I poured some coffee on my cup- we talked about fishing!
I had to sleep at their house because when I came back Arizona was standing at the door of my apartment and Callie really wanted to be alone. She came back from Africa to get her back and honestly I didn't know how to feel about it. I liked Arizona but after seeing all the hurt she caused to my friend... I sighed and looked back at Meredith.
-That's what your brother says but it can't just be it.
-It was- I assured her with an obvious expression.
-But how did you know she needed to go fishing to get better?
-Because it works for me- I sighed- look, Mer, i know you're worried. But some people take longer to heal. Sometimes you just gotta go to the middle of a lake to see the bigger picture. To know you'll be okay.
-I mean, you two stole my best friend, and it's not okay!- I chuckled at her dramatic behavior.
-You slept here?- Jackson entered the kitchen without a shirt on.
-Yep- I tried not to stare at his torso but I couldn't help it and I blushed- Mark was with Lexie again at his place and Arizona was crying all over my door so I came here.
-I shouldn't have let you, bff's thief- I laughed.
We all got paged at the same time. There had been a mass shooting at a college.
-Shit- I murmured and we all started to run.
...
We all stared at the news on the TV at the hospital. I looked around and everyone was beyond affected since months ago the went through the same thing. Lexie was crying on Mark's shoulder. I put my hand on April's shoulder as she cried as well. I looked at Jackson with worry knowing he was still struggling and used my other free hand to hold his. He smiled weakly and squeezed it.
We went outside to wait for the ambulances.
-People, people- Richard started- our own trauma is fresh and we are gonna have feelings today, and there's no shame in that. What I want to say is what we went through six months ago, they are going through right now. Which makes them our brothers and sisters. Which makes them fellow travelers. Which makes them our own. So to the very best of our ability, we are gonna do our work first, and you're gonna have your feelings later.
Lexie sobbed.
-Grey?- Hunt asked.
-I'm fine.
-Go to the pit and make sure we're stocked- Mark ordered worried- call the blood bank...
-I'm fine- she repeated.
-Call the blood bank. Tell them to give us all the O neg they have- she left to do that.
-You fine?- I whispered to my brother.
-Nothing about this is fine- he looked at me- but we're gonna save this people.
I nodded and ran to an ambulance that just arrived with him.
-What do you have?
-Professor John Sturgeon, 48- the paramedic reported- fell out a fourth story window, has an open skull fracture and a blown pupil.
-He fell?
-He helped a dozen kids out the window- I grab my penlight to check his pupils as she spoke.
-He's herniating- I looked at my brother.
-Get him to he front of the line. Get him in the OR. Cora, you got this, I stay for the incoming ambulances.
-C'mon, Dr Grey- I yelled at Meredith and we both ran.
...
Mer and I were both quickly scrubbing.
-Intracranial pressure's getting higher- she said- are we doing a craniectomy or a craniotomy?
-Craniectomy is our best bet.
-Dr Shepherd?- a nurse came in- the professor's wife has just arrived. She wants to speak with someone.
-I'll go- Meredith said and I nodded- I'll be quick.
When she came back we started the surgery, but Meredith left every 20 minutes to update the wife. I didn't say anything since I knew what she went through when it was my brother the one in the operating table.
-Son of a bitch- I cursed when the machine started to beep.
-ICP is still 45- Meredith said.
-His brain is still swelling. We're gonna have to remove the other side.
-You're gonna take off both sides of his skull?
-We're gonna leave this strip here that covers up the superior sagittal sinus. Let's get the other side prepped.
-Well, I'm gonna go update the wife- I looked at her and sighed as she left. I looked at the nurse- please, page my brother.
I continued with the surgery alone until Derek came.
-I just finished with my patient, you good?
-He's got a bad contusion.
-Where's Meredith?
-Updating the wife. I need another pair of hands- he started to do as I said to help me.
-Since when is she a social worker?
-Since she almost lost her husband, I guess- I looked at him serious- you've got to talk to her, Derek. She went through a trauma too.
He sighed focusing on the surgery again.
We finished and I went to informed the wife. Meredith was with her.
-Mrs Sturgeon, I'm Dr Shepherd- I smiled at her- hi. Your husband is in a medically induced coma. He'll have to stay that way until his brain heals. Hopefully, in a couple of weeks, we'll be able to replace the skull, and wake him up.
-Wait, you're saying that he lived?- she asked crying-that his alive?
I nodded with a smile and so did my sister-in-law.
-We have a long road ahead of us- she hugged me and I chuckled surprised- but yes, he is alive- I looked at Meredith while I said that- and I can take you to him if you'd like.
We took her to her husband's room.
-Hey, Mer- I said closing the door as we both exited the room- I think you should talk to Derek.
-About?
-About how you feel- she stared through the window at the woman crying and holding her husband's hand- you went through a lot too and it's okay to feel like this. But...
-Thank you- she interrupted me and I gave her a confused look- thank you for helping Cristina. You know she's in an OR doing a surgery?- I raised my eyebrows impressed- you and Derek helped her when I couldn't. So thank you.
-It's okay- I smiled- let's go to the gallery and see Cristina.
We walked through the hallway and I spotted Jackson talking with a woman who was crying.
-You should talk to him to, you know?- Meredith's words made me look away from him- I can find my way to the gallery on my own- she joked.
She gave me a quick smile and walked away. I approached him.
-Hey.
-Hey- he smiled at me- how's your patient?
-He's gonna be fine. Yours?
-Well he was the shooter- my blood froze- I just talked to his mother. He left a suicide note and she had no idea.
-How messed up can you be to think this is better than living?- I wondered- poor woman.
-Yeah- he agreed thoughtful- I walked away of the surgery.
-Really?- I frowned.
-I couldn't do it- he admitted- but now I see I made a mistake. We took an oath and I failed it.
-Well, that's right- I put my hand on his shoulder- but as I see it you lost 2 friends because of a shooting, Jackson. This is a difficult situation but I understand your reaction. Many people would have done the same.
-Altman didn't. Yang didn't.
-She's like a super soldier, Avery- he chuckled a little bit- she's been to war. She's done this a million times before. And as for Cristina... she's extraordinary. No one can really compare with her, 'cause I don't think anyone but Meredith knows how her brain works.
-Would you have done it? Walk away?
-I don't know- I shook my head- I don't think so, but maybe that's because Derek didn't die that day.
He sighed but gave me a thankful look.
...
We were all sitting in the gallery watching Teddy and Cristina performing the surgery on the shooter when Owen entered.
-I just took my kid to a room- he informed- he was the last one.
-Besides this one- Richard pointed.
-Yeah, besides this one.
Teddy looked up and nodded, letting us now her patient was going to be fine.
-We saw 26 patients- the Chief started- 26 victims. And we had no casualties. No one died.
Emotions filled the gallery. I smiled showing my tooth. My eyes connected with my brother's and we started to laugh with joy. Soon, everyone joined us.
-I hate this place- Stark got up and left, making us laugh even harder.
-I was holding a grudge- Webber spoke to Arizona- I can hire you back. But you're gonna have to work under Stark- she stopped laughing making it even funnier.
-Good luck with that, Robbins- I said with a grin on my face- and by the way, I'm not giving you the waffle iron back!