Onika pov:
"when" she asked lowly looking down. "Today" I mumbled and she looked up at me then back down. I knew the routine, I have to break up with her now. God knows I don't want to but if I go away forever I don't want her to feel like she has to stay worrying about me. I want her to live her life and be happy, even if that means i'm not. I set dagga on the bed and looking at bey trying to ignore the heavy weight on my chest.
"bey" I said lowly and she looked up at me. "You know I might be going away for life right ?" I asked. She nodded slowly and I sighed "I don't want you waste your time on me". She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion then shook her head. "No, no please" she said with her eyes starting to water. Knowing i'm the reason for the tears forming in her eyes made me wanna break down myself. "Bey listen please" I said then swallowed the lump in my throat. "are you breaking up with me ?" she whispered. The look of hurt on her face hurt me more then she will ever know, but it's the right thing to do.
"yes" I said lowly. She pulled back about to leave but I grabbed her "No bey please" I said pulling her back to me. "w-we don't have to breakup" she said now crying "yes we do" I whispered lowly. "p-p-please n-nika I d-don't wanna" she sobbed out and I bit down on my lip trying to keep my tears in. I felt like my heart was getting stomped on over and over again. I hate this. Bey is sobbing and begging me not to breakup with her but it's what's best. "Bey please calm down" I said with my voice slightly cracking. "I-I-I c-can't" she cried out hiccuping, she was getting so worked up her face was starting to turn red.
I wrapped my arms around her shoulders pulling her closer to me closing all the space in between us and placed my head on hers. "listen" I said wiping her tears but more continued to pour from her eyes. "I love you beyonce" I said now crying myself "That's why I want you to move on" I said and she shook her head. "I d-don't want t-to nika I n-need you" she cried out "I need you too bey" I said starting to cry harder. Doing this hurt almost as bad as losing my mom. "But i made a lot of mistakes.., and I gotta suffer the consequences but you don't" I said "Move on, have fun enjoy your life" I finished. "A-And what about y-you" she asked "Don't worry about me".
She didn't respond she just stuffed her face into my neck sobbing loudly. I felt her wrap her arms around my waist and squeeze me tightly. I rubbed her back trying to keep myself together but it didn't work, a broken sob flew out my mouth and I quickly put my hand over it to muffle my cries. The person i'm deeply love with, the person I would die for in a heartbeat is in my arms heartbroken... and it's my fault. I can't change the past and now it's affecting my future and present life. But the worst part is it's hurting the person I promised I would never hurt.
I felt bey pull back and she wiped her eyes then looked at me. she gently wiped my tears away then grabbed my hand. "Can you promise something" she asked "Yes" I said looking into her eyes seeing nothing but pain. "I-If you get out or you don't go, promise you'll come back to me" she said. "Of course baby" I said lowly "No you have to promise me nika" she with tears slowly forming again. "I promise bey" I said and she nodded. A stray tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away sniffing then looked at me with her lip quivering "i need a hug" she said lowly reaching for me.
I brought her into my arms hugging her tightly while she cried into my shirt. We stood like that for a while then I pulled back "stop crying, you're gonna make yourself sick" I said wiping her eyes. Truthly I wanted to curl into a ball and cry until I passed out. Seems like life finally caught up with me. "You're crying too" she mumbled then wiped the tears off my face. I didn't even know I was crying. "Will you call me" she asked grabbing my hand starting to play with my fingers. "Yes i'll call and write you letters, will you write back ?" I asked "of course i'll write back" she said lowly still looking down at my fingers.
I lifted her chin up with my finger and placed a soft kiss on her lips. "I love you beyonce" I said lowly. "I love you too bitch" she said giggling afterwards. I smiled at her goofy ass then pulled back sighing. My life is falling apart, it's my own fault though so I can't be mad at nobody else. I felt tears sting the back of my eyes but I didn't let them fall. It's no point in crying now, it's already done. There was a light knock on the door catching me and bey attention "Come in" I said then the door opened and chanel walked in. "You know August, Melly, and Aubrey was all arrested last night ?" she asked making me gasp "No, what for" I asked. "The same as you" she sighed.
"Well i'm gonna just turn myself in" I said rubbing my head. "Really ?" she asked and I nodded. "Not today though right" she asked. "Yes today" I said "damn cookie" she said lowly then took a long breath. "I'm gonna find you a good lawyer ok" she said then paused. "Fuck man, why you ain't listen to me" she asked raising her voice a little. I knew she was hurt, it was all over her face. She's right though I should've listen to her years back when she told me to stop. "Are you gonna tell ming ?" she asked "Yea, tell her to come over" I said and she nodded before walking out.
I looked over at bey who was silently crying and sighed before going over and picking her up. Honestly I just wanna keep her in my arms while I can. She laid her head on my shoulder and played with my necklace. "You want it ?" I asked her. She looked up at me and nodded slowly "Take it baby". She slightly smiled before unhooking the necklace from around my neck and putting it on hers. "I look like you ?" she asked with a smile making me chuckle. "Yup, just like me" I said then pecked her lips. "I'm gonna miss you" she mumbled sadly and I gave her a sad smile "I'm gonna miss you too" I said lowly.
I put her down then picked up dagga smiling at her. "Mommy's gonna miss you too baby" I said smiling to hide my pain. She smiled at me not understanding a word I just said "Can I get a kiss ?" I asked her and she opened her mouth before leaning in placing her mouth on my lips. I giggled before moving her back "Thank you smarty" I said smiling but feeling the overwhelming urge to cry. "Cookie ming here" Chanel said walking in. "That fast ?" I asked and she nodded "Come on".
We all walked into the living room and ming smiled when she seen me "Hi sissy" she said coming over to hug me. "Hi mimi" I said smiling hugging her back. She pulled back then looked over at bey "Hi BB" she said brightly "Hi ming" bey said smiling. "Why it look like you've been crying ?" she asked bey. "Um, ming I gotta tell you something" I said clearing my throat "what ?" she asked looking at me. "i'm going to jail" I said getting straight to the point then watched her face change from a look of happiness to a look of sadness. "For how long ?" she asked "Well if I beat the case not that long" I said then she nodded. "And if you don't ?" she asked causing me to sigh.
"life" I whispered and she gasped. "But you didn't do whatever it is so you good right ?" she asked in a hopeful tone. I looked at her sadly before shaking my head slowly "You did it, didn't you" she asked. I just looked at her and she sighed looking down. "Ming" I said making her look up and I seen she was crying "no just shut up" she mumbled before storming out. I chewed on my bottom lip trying to keep my emotions hidden from everybody else in the room and not burst into tears. Last time I went to jail ming didn't talk to me for months I don't want that again.
All the emotions I was feeling right now was damn near driving me crazy. I was ready to just go away and stop causing pain and drama in everybody life. "Cookie go talk to her" Chanel said and I sighed before handing her dagga then walking out going to ming. She was sitting on the porch silently crying while scraping a rock on the ground. I sat next to her causing her to look up but look right back down when she seen me. "please don't be mad at me" I said lowly. My sisters are my rock. It's been like that since we were little, the last thing I need is for her to hate me while i'm already suffering.
"i'm not mad" she whispered then looked up at me "I just don't want you to go" she mumbled. "There's always the chance I beat the case" I said. Honestly now that I think about there is a high chance that I will. Every murder I ever did there was no witnesses, They can't have evidence cause I didn't leave none. I never do. The only way I would go to jail is if somebody take the stand against me. "Yea but what if you don't cookie, i'll never see you again" she said sadly "You will see me on visitation days" I said trying to get her to feel better. "That's not the same cookie and you know it's not" She snapped.
"I'm just gonna miss you" she mumbled before looking away. "I'm gonna miss you too" I said then pulled her into a hug. "I love you" I said "I love you too" she replied before pulling back and standing up. "Write me everyday" she said making me chuckle "Ok sissy" I said. "No i'm serious, call me too and i'm coming to every visitation" she said pointing her finger at me. "Ok ming I will" I said nodding. "You broke up with bey didn't you ?" she asked and I nodded sadly. "How did you know" I asked "Cause both of ya'll look heartbroken" she said then walked back into the house. I stayed on the porch staring into space. I can't say i'm surprised I just thought I would have more time. I don't know what imma do if I don't beat the case. I'm pregnant, and if I do decide to keep it I could have a miscarriage.
Looking back over my life the reason I went down the road I did was cause I never cared about anything. I didn't care about dying, I didn't care about getting shot, I especially didn't care about jail. I didn't care cause I never felt cared for. Other than my mom but she worked all the time so I was on my own. Chanel and ming always had their dad to go to while I didn't have one. I would always watch them bond and have fun together or they would always tell me storied of what they dad did. I wasn't jealous at all but a small part of me wanted it too. In middle school I started hanging out with the older kids on the block and that's how I was introduced to the life I live now. I fell in love with it, it gave me something to care about. I became obsessed with the life of crime. And now... I have a girlfriend well now ex that I love more than I love myself and a baby girl that I care about, caring about them was slowly making me care less and less about the streets. But now it' too late, and caring about the street for all that time is taking me away from what I really care about now.
It's a hard pill to swallow. But I knew the consequences of the streets before I got in them. I chose this life. And it's nobodys fault but my own. I heard the door open then bey came and sat by me. "you ok ?" she asked quietly. I nodded and sighed heavily "it's time for you t go isn't it" she asked looking at me sadly "yea" I whispered feeling tears sting the back of my eyes. "Can I ride ?" she asked and I nodded. We both stood up then walked into the house "You ready ?" chanel asked. I nodded then took the two guns off my waist putting them on the couch.
"Let me see her" I said smiling reaching for dagga. "Chanel if I do go will you bring her to see me" I asked grabbing her. "Of course" she said smiling then the front door flew open and rih stormed in. "What the fuck cookie, you just wasn't gone tell me ?" she asked angrily. "I wassss.... just not you know now" I said. "So when ? Over a fucking letter from jail ?" she asked and I nodded "Yea basically" I said. "The fuck type of shit is that bro" she said walking up on me. "Aight rih i'll shoot yo ass" I warned and she smacked her lips waving me off. "Man fuck all that, you foul bruh" she said pointing her finger at me. "If you gone miss me just say that" I said rolling my eyes. I know rih, and I know how she is. She doing all this cause she's gonna miss me.
"Duh i'm gone miss yo short ass" she said then huffed. "You really finna do this ?" she asked lowly. I nodded then pulled her into a hug. "I'm gonna miss you too sixhead" I mumbled then heard her chuckle. I pulled back and seen she had tears in her eyes "you fighting a life sentence aren't you" she asked sadly. I nodded feeling tears form in my eyes causing her to sigh. "damn man" she said dropping her head. "might as well get going" I mumbled then kissed dagga cheek "Byebye baby" I said smiling then gave her to ming. I grabbed bey hand then me, her, and chanel all walked to the car.
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"Write me every week ok" Chanel said. We was standing outside of the police station and I was about to go in. "I will" I said lowly "I'm gonna be here every visitation and I want at least two phone calls a week" she said and I nodded. "Be careful cookie don't go being a hot head remember you still have a baby growing inside of you" "I will chanel" I said then she pulled me into a hug. "I love you so much ok" she said, from her tone I could tell she was starting to cry. "I love you more" I said feeling tears of my own start to roll down my cheek. "If you go i'll try to have money on your commissary as soon as possible" she said pulling back. She smiled through her tears then kissed my cheek "Bye" she said with her voice crack and I felt my lips start to quiver but I bit down on it to make it stop. "bye" I cried out .
Bey walked over to me and smiled sadly "well, I guess you gotta go now" she said "yea" I said lowly then she burst into tears. "I-I don't know what i'm gonna do without you" she sobbed out. I wanted to be strong for her and not cry but I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. "You'll be ok bey" I said still crying "And what you're gonna do is live your life, be a singer like you want to.. be the best singer out here" I said smiling. "I wanna see you on tv and I can be able to tell everyone I had the chance to experience falling in love with you" I said wiping her tears. "And I must say i'm a very proud customer" I finished making her giggle some. "I'm a proud customer too" she said softly. I kissed her lips passionately then pulled her into a tight hug.
"Don't forget me" I mumbled "I could never forget you" I heard her say then she pulled back sniffing. "Even though we separated you're still mine ok" I said "I know and your mine too" she said smiling. "Forever ?" I asked "Even after forever" she said then pecked my lips. "Wipe your tears baby" she said wiping the tears off my face for me before placing two soft kisses on both of my eyes. "You can't let them see a gangsta cry" she said giving me a slight smile which I returned. "Bye stink" I said sadly
"Bye bubba"
Hello
This chapter was sad :(
But anywayyy how was ya'll day