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Nandini's outfit
Goa definitely did not agree with Nandini because 6 am was too early for her to be up and sitting by the window of her hotel room while contemplating on the big decision she was supposed to make. She wasn't a morning person and yet from the last eight days, that she was here, she couldn't sleep past 6 am.
In spite of that, she loved this place. It wasn't exactly fun but it had all the peace and calm that she was in desperate need of, for quite some time now. She found herself asking the same question to herself repeatedly- was she a beach person or a mountain person? She loved mountains but being here made her question her choice. Or that could be just a new habit she had developed of questioning all her life choices.
She concluded that she sucked at making right choices for herself. But that did not help her solve the dilemma, she was in at the moment.
She realised that she missed Manik just as much as thankful she was of the fact that he wasn't here. She wanted him to be there beside her when she simply admired the view from her window or when she spent a little time every evening at the beach or simply when she went to the bed at night knowing that she wasn't going to get sufficient sleep. But then again, she was glad that he wasn't here when everything that had happened in the last month flashed before her eyes, which was quite often for her liking.
Thinking about everything and rethinking about the same wasn't exactly a party since it made her all cranky early in the morning every day. The bad mood cleared up only when she'd get to work at 10 in the morning. Being back at her position felt very fulfilling and made her realise that how much she missed it. She loved taking charge and to get to do it after weeks together felt like homecoming to her. The work was also a great coping mechanism to feel good about herself after being subjected to constant badgering about making bad choices for herself.
The event was shaping up really good and she was sure that three two weeks from today, she and her team would have managed to pull off the best festival that this place could have ever seen. Yeah, she was that optimistic about her work because she felt it was vital to feel that way about at least one thing in her life. None of the other aspects of her life seemed like something to be positive about so she might as well focus all her energy on one thing that made her happy in the moment just the way she did back then after the 'Aryaman' fiasco.
Coming to Manik and her, she dropped him one text the day she reached here to inform him that she was safe and another one, two days ago, saying that her family had moved out and he was free to go back to their place. Manik did not try to extend their conversation over the text and neither did he try to call her. It seemed like he had finally got the hang of giving space and Nandini was nothing but glad about it.
She was aware that she broke his heart when she told him that she might never want to come back and their marriage could be doomed. She couldn't get rid of the image of his face when she told him that. It was one of the things that made her feel extremely guilty but she recovered from it soon. She owed this to herself. She needed to prioritise herself for one moment even if she was wrong in wanting that for herself.
She had made Manik her whole world and now she needed to break that down. Even if she wanted them to work out and she ends up going back to him, she'd never repeat the mistake of depending on him completely ever again. Manik never asked for it and neither was he ever ready for it. He had his own shit to deal with and she did not want hers to pile onto it. Before he came in her life, she always carried herself and her baggage without any external help and she was proud of it. She needed to do that again.
Although, if someone asked her if or not, she'll be going back to Manik- she had no answer to that. She had mixed feelings about it. To learn that Manik had commitment issues was like a nuclear bomb dropped on her. It made her realise of how little she actually knew him. She knew all his daily habits and all the trivial things but she wasn't aware of his psychological issues. She made the mistake of assuming that if she opened up to him about her issues then he would have too, if he had any.
She finally understood that, she was only one who shared her actual problems with him. All that he did was to tell her stories of his life. He never shared about his issues like she did. He never hid anything from her, sure. But he never really opened up to her about his actual issues either. She wondered why? A part of her even said that it could be her mistake that she did not make him feel comfortable enough to let her be a part of his true problems.
She recalled small stuff about that- how he shut himself up in the bathroom when he learnt that he might lose his job, instead of telling her. He never talked about how he felt about Dhruv and Alya with her and he only did that when situations became worse between the two of them. He kept his feelings to himself about how frustrated Avantika made him feel. She didn't know anything about how he felt about his family who betrayed him.
Recalling all that felt like all the walls were closing on her. She couldn't blame him for not sharing, instead, she cursed herself for being so ignorant. Maybe, she wasn't the right person for him afterall. No wonder he panicked at the thought of starting a family with her. They weren't ready at all. Hell, she didn't even know anymore, if they belonged to each other.
That's it. She shut her mind out because she felt herself to be at the edge of a breakdown and she did not want that. She had promised herself to keep it all together and to not let herself fall weak so she'll do what needs to be done.
And at the moment, getting ready for work and going for breakfast at the buffet seemed like what needed to be done.
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Manik's outfit
"I don't know what more to do, Cabir. I've thrown myself into work and I'm doing everything to keep myself from taking the next flight to go down there and bring her back." Manik uttered, frustrated with everything around him. He needed Nandini to bring back his sanity. Nandini could think all she wants that she was the only one who needed him all along but it was far from the truth. Manik needed her just as much. He did not feel comfortable in broadcasting it but that did not mean that it wasn't true.
Manik was moving back to his house today and Cabir tagged along to help him out with stuff. They reached there an hour ago and being here amplified Manik's vexation as every corner of this house reeked of Nandini. Manik was aware that Nandini had left the house 8 days ago and yet he could feel her presence inside that home.
Manik had moved to this house post his break-up with Alya which was not more than 10 months ago. This place had tended to his wounded heart back then and it gave him the sense of comfort that his relationship failed to give him in the first place. But, today that very house seemed very strange to him and it did not give him the same sense of belonging. His emotions about this place had changed ever since Nandini entered his life because she was his home. With her, even the little attic at Shivraj's place in Pune, felt like a home. Manik did move out of this place due to Avantika's atrocities but nothing seemed like a bigger mistake than that, to him, in this moment. Only if he hadn't taken that step a few days ago, Nandini would have been still living with him and he would not be in a spot where he was wondering if she'll ever come back to him and if at all could he ever feel, being back at home again.
"What other option do you have? You kinda owe this to Nandini." Cabir expressed and let himself fall on Manik's couch after dropping the bag of groceries on the coffee table that Manik had picked up from the departmental store.
"I know.... It's just very hard." Manik said. He checked their refrigerator for some beer and surprisingly it was there so he grabbed two bottles for them. He opened them and offered one to Cabir who took it happily and he himself settled beside him while taking a sip from the other bottle.
"Speaking of doing hard things, tonight, I'm going to ask Navya to move in with me." Cabir casually shared.
"Woah, that is big. You sure about this? I mean, I know what you've been together since forever but this is kind of a tough spot for you. Not unlike me, you have some commitment issues too." Manik asked him. Cabir and him grew up together in a very difficult atmosphere and they had some similar emotional shortcomings as well. While Manik learnt to deal with them on his own and overcome them, Cabir failed to do so. Navya had been very patient with him, given the fact that they had been together for almost 12 years now but there was a limit to everything. Such a long time should be enough to assure Cabir that Navya was here to stick with him for a lifetime. He needed her just as much as she needed him and it was baseless to not commit to her.
"I know but I have to overcome them if I don't wanna lose her. Navya is avoiding me since Dhruv and Alya's engagement party. I had to do something so I took Nandini's advice. She said that even if Navya isn't expecting a proposal, she'd want to believe that we're, at least, headed down that road. I freaked her out that night by blabbering all that so I should let her know that I'm serious about us. I don't know if I can marry her soon, but I do know that I want her in my life forever and I'm ready to do anything for that. So, after thinking about Nandini's advice, I decided that I'll ask Navya to move in and I'll also tell her about my issues. She has to know that my problems aren't irreparable. There is room for improvement and I'm willing to work on it." Cabir explained in detail and it surprised Manik. Firstly, it was a shocker that Cabir was talking about his issues. Manik knew Cabir for years together and he was aware of how difficult it is for Cabir to open up about his issues. So, the fact that he had seeked help from Nandini and she could actually make a difference in his head, surprised Manik.
"This is great, man. I'm happy for you!" Manik pat Cabir's back as he said that which made both of them smile.
"Thanks! Honestly, I'm a little surprised that you didn't ask me, when did I speak to Nandini." Cabir mentioned with a hint of a tease that made Manik roll his eyes. Manik wanted to ask that but he did not want to come off as a selfish jerk who just cared about things that concerned him. He cared for Cabir more than anything because he was the only family that he had for many years so it was mandatory to keep everything aside and feel happy for him.
"I'm just a selfish douche-bag in your head, ain't I?" Manik asked while thinking of he ever made Cabir feel like that. Ever since Nandini and Cabir started connecting, Manik kept a little distance from him but it was only because he found it amazing that Cabir could open up to someone who wasn't him or Navya.
"No, you're not. I was just teasing you." Cabir said with a smile. He wasn't stupid to not realise what was Manik's intention behind distancing himself. He knew Manik too much to misunderstand him like that.
"Since you brought that up, can I ask you, if she said anything to you about me?" Manik asked with a nervous look because he wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer to that question.
"Nandini is too much of a smartass to do that. She knows that I'll be in a tough spot if I have to keep secrets from you and she refuses to put me in such a spot. Although, Mukti was telling me that Abhimanyu was worried about her. She is keeping in touch with him but she's refused to talk about this to him as well. Every time Abhimanyu asks her about this, she says that this is something that she needs to do by herself and she wasn't going to let anyone interfere with her decision." Cabir informed him of what he knew.
"That just gave me chills. God, how I wish, I could tell her how much I regret what I did. I just want one chance to make it up to her. I am never repeating my mistakes ever again and I'll stick with her no matter what." Manik muttered with a sigh. It was unnerving for him to not know anything that was going inside Nandini's head. There was so much that he wanted to say to her and yet she did not let him say anything. Maybe this was how she felt when he left without letting her say anything.
Right now, he wanted to tell Cabir how much he had screwed up so that he could give him an earful that he deserved but he couldn't. Telling him that would mean that he will have to tell him why was this so sensitive to Nandini aka the Aryaman/miscarriage fiasco which clearly wasn't his place to share those details with a third person without Nandini's permission.
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Rate the chapter between 1-10.
What would your advice be for Nandini, at this point?
Do you think Manik should tell Cabir about Nandini's past?
Is there anyone among my readers who can actually understand or relate with Manik?