Chapter 56
Reasons why I dreaded Thursday:
1. I didn't want to deal with my emotions
2. I didn't know anything about hunting.
3. I didn't want to know anything about hunting
4. I hate anything and everything camo
However, none of those things mattered when Thursday morning arrived. Hell, Blake didn't seem to care that I didn't have a clue about hunting. He was just happy that I was willing to come along – and get up extra early too. His casual attitude helped me ignore my uneasy emotions too. Plus, Blake was willing to teach me what I needed to know.
But there was one thing I could not get over: the downright hideous camo clothing. There was nothing okay about the gaudy brown collage of bark and leaves. And when I arrived at his house, that's all he was wearing! Camo boots, camo pants, camo jacket, and camo cap. Unlike him, I was wearing jeans, a sweater under my nylon jacket, and polka-dotted rain boots that matched my beanie. Nobody said I couldn't look good while hunting. Or while attending Blake's hunting-101 course first.
Blake did his best teaching me everything before we left. If the obsessive-level of camo didn't give away how serious of a hunter he was, his preparedness did. It was cute to be honest, how serious he was about hunting. He showed me his gear, the deer calls, and his shotguns.
Not gonna lie, most of it went in one ear and out the other. Until we did some hands-on practice.
We walked far into the woods behind his house. Our surroundings were lit in a blue hue thanks to the sun still hiding below the horizon. When we reached an area less dense with grass patches separating the trees, Blake pointed out several wooden targets. They were nailed to different trees in the distance. Way in the distance.
"You remember I've never shot a gun before right?" I scoffed.
"Trust me, if you do it right, the distance won't matter." Blake offered me one of the two shotguns he brought with us. "This is a 20-gauge. It will be easier for you to start with."
When I grabbed the gun, I nearly dropped the damn thing and had to tighten my arm. Jesus. I did not think it would be that heavy!
He spoke with amusement in his voice. "You'll get use to the weight. Now, here is a shell. Remember. The yellow ones are only for a 20-gauge," he said, handing it to me. "Try and load it like I showed you before."
My hands were full and awkward. I propped the gun down against my leg and bent down, looking for a lever. Wait, did this one have a lever? I couldn't fucking remember; I tried paying attention before but it was difficult.
Facing me and watching me struggle, he couldn't help but chuckle. "Here, I'll walk you through it. Hold the gun with both hands – and hold it comfortably," he said, repositioning the gun back in my hands. "Now, slide your right hand up to the lever until it clicks open."
Seeing the lever, I did as he said. It caused the barrel to snap down and open, allowing me to slide the shell in. Because of the weight, I looked pretty awkward snapping it back into place.
"Now, next you will rack it, raise the gun, aim it towards the target. Do not take off the safety though. Do you remember where the safety is?"
I looked down at the gun. "It's this switch on the side."
"Yup. Always check that it's on until you are ready to shoot. Now, see that target? I want you to aim like I showed you." Then, with the other gun, he turned and aimed it towards the target for demonstration. "Keep the stock back and press the butt of the gun into your shoulder like I'm doing."
Trying to take it as seriously as him, I took in his form and how he held the gun. Of course, it was hard to ignore his strong hands on the gun. Or the way his facial hair brushed part of the gun when he craned to look down the barrel. Even though I disliked the camo clothing, it defined his strong and bulky form I couldn't help but admire.
Stay on track, whore. "So does it hurt when you shoot it?"
"Not if you hold it correctly."
"So yes, it will hurt."
Setting his gun against the nearest tree, his gaze turned playful in mine. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you do it right. Give it a go."
With my left hand on the bottom pump and my other below the trigger, I raised the gun up. I tried holding the same form as him, but there were plenty of errors, errors Blake had to fix. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I didn't mind one bit.
His eyes were warm and laid-back. Same as his hands that readjusted mine. "Move your hand up here. And tuck the butt of the gun more firmly into your shoulder. Hold it higher too," he said, moving closely behind me and lifting my arms holding the gun up. "Like this. You want it close to your face. I know your arms probably already hurt, but make sure the gun stays this high," he added teasingly.
He wasn't wrong. My arms already wanted to fall off. "Yeah, this thing is a fucking beast.
"Also, make sure you have your hand by this first before the trigger." As he slid my hand towards the safety, his touch lingered for a moment... and I felt his breath against my hair. "Now, um," he continued softly, clearing his throat. "I want you to aim and line up the sight with the target. Lower your face more towards the side of the gun so you can look down the barrel."
With the subtle intimacy that appeared in the air, my heart picked up as I lined my eyesight up with the end of the gun. "Okay. Like this?"
"Mhmm," he hummed softly. I felt him press slightly forward into me... before he stepped back. "Alright, now remember to hold it just like that when you do it."
Nodding, I lowered the gun, trying not to smile and blush. Ugh, stay focused. Stop thinking about how wonderful that was. "Alright, so rack it, raise it, aim, safety off, and fire. That's everything, right?"
"That's everything," he said, standing back beside me.
"And it won't hurt right?"
"Not at all."
So I racked the pump back and raised the gun just like he showed me. I took my time, readjusting my arms, my footing, and my face as I aimed. Flicking the safety off... I pulled the trigger. The second I did, the gun kicked back – kicked back hard. The front of my shoulder was meant to absorb it, but holy fuck, it did not feel like it!
Lowering the gun, I immediately scowled at him. "Blake, that fucking hurt!"
"Simmer down, it didn't hurt that bad," he scoffed.
"No, but it still fucking hurt and you said it wouldn't."
"Would it make you feel better if I said that you hit the target?"
"No way, did I really?!" I grinned, snapping my eyes back to the target.
"No, you didn't," he said, revealing a bright white and teasing smile.
Shaking my head, I bit my lip in amusement. "You're terrible."
"You were close though. Try again."
Despite the kick of the gun beating up my shoulder the more I shot... it was worth it. Target practice was actually a lot of fun! It was exciting – but not as exciting as the reoccurring reminder that I was here with Blake. It's been so long since we've spent time together and it was exhilarating. It was everything I wanted and missed. It didn't matter that I didn't give two shits about hunting. We barely started and already I wouldn't trade this for anything.
***
Once our hunting lessons were over, it was time for the real deal. The 'real deal' was nothing but sitting and waiting.
The land he hunted on was actually on the other side of the bay and accessible by his canoe. After reaching the shore, we hiked through the woods to the deer blind we were now sitting in. It was nestled around bushes along the edge of trees, overlooking a large meadow in the middle of the woods. The blind itself was a small (really fucking small) wooden structure. It had four walls, but the top half was open to the cool air. Though the sun was finally up, it felt just as cold as earlier if not colder. Sitting next to each other in plastic chairs, I couldn't help but huddle my legs and arms together within the first ten minutes.
"Your heater sucks," I said, glaring at the ancient portable heater in the corner.
"It works fine. You're the one that didn't dress warm," he whispered as he scanned the field.
"I am dressed warm. I have boots, a hat, a jacket—"
"All of which are not resistant to this kind of weather," he whispered with amusement. "I brought an extra jacket if you want it."
"Yeah, an ugly ass camo jacket!" I exclaimed. "No thank—"
"Ruth," he scolded.
Shit. That was an important rule: be as quiet as possible if speaking. "Sorry."
The longer we were exposed to the autumn air, the more I realized he was right. So, I grudgingly snagged the ugly jacket from the supplies scattered around us. The bulky long jacket smelled like him too. Secretly, I was more giddy about that than I wanted to be.
Things were still shockingly – very shockingly – not awkward. Not having that tension made it easy to continue shoving aside my pain. It also made it easier to steal glances over to the gorgeous man. Sitting next to me, his eyes were razor focused on the tree line in the distance with his shotgun ready in his lap. Though I didn't understand it, I loved how dedicated he was to something that required simple patience.
Seeing his gun, I couldn't help but wonder something. "What's the point of me having a gun when you're the one hunting? Or doing that practice earlier?"
"You're hunting with me. I'll make the shot in case you miss the deer. You're the one that's gonna do it."
"What?!" He didn't say anything about that earlier!
"Shh! Keep talking loudly and we won't have to worry about even seeing a deer."
"Blake, I had 15 minutes of lessons earlier and could barely lift the gun. I just figured I was, I don't know, your fucking back up or something."
"My back up? Are we police now?" he smirked.
"I'm serious! You really think I am capable of shooting anything? Look. I'm not even holding my gun," I whispered frantically, glancing over to where I propped the gun against the wall.
"Well make sure your gun is in reach then. And for the love of god, please be quiet."
I turned to my right where I propped the gun, but just as I strained to grab it... I instead accidentally knocked it over! The heavy gun slid down the wall, scrapping loudly against the wood planks, and clattered to the ground. The sound was deafening compared to how silent we had to be and it immediately made me double over in my chair and sniffle a laugh into my hands. Two seconds after he warned me to be quiet, I literally rocked the silence out of the air
His strict focus broke. Blake couldn't help but crane back in his chair and snort with laughter. "Oh my god." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "There is no way we're getting a deer."
I slid the gun to rest beside my chair and in reach. "I promise I'll be quiet," I snickered.
"No you won't."
"Yes, look, I promise. I promise I will be quiet."
It was a promise I kept... for maybe 30 minutes. Honestly, I could not help it. It was so boring doing literally nothing. Naturally, I wanted to talk and fill the silence. And I did several times:
"Listen, I'm sorry, but you are fucking crazy to take a day off of work just to sit in a shack and do nothing."
"These chairs are awful. How can you sit in these?"
"If we get a deer, I don't want to see it, clean it, have anything to do with it."
"What's the biggest deer you ever shot before?"
"Again, why in the fuck would you choose plastic chairs to park your ass in all day?"
Even though I kept my volume down, I did apologize a few times for all my random talking. The guy was serious about hunting, so he stayed focused on the open meadow when we spoke. That's why I was pleasantly surprised that Blake eventually had a difficult time not spurring conversation too.
While our gazes scanned the tree line, he caught me off guard when he whispered, "How are the kids? Have you been able to talk to them at all?"
His curiosity was flattering, even if the subject made my hands snaked under my sleeves tighten. "Um, they are doing good. I call and try to talk to them about once a week if Matt allows it," I whispered.
"Is he still planning on moving out of state?"
It's been nearly two months since I learned about Matt's interest in moving away. Since he won custody, he had the right to take the kids with him. Thankfully, that didn't seem to be an issue anymore.
Leaning back in the chair, I took in the side of his focused face scanning for a deer. "As of now, it doesn't sound like he's going to. He told me he won't move if I get my shit together for the kids. And I have been getting my shit together."
"Well that's good. He's finally starting to come around then?"
"Yeah. He's still cautious, but he might let me see the kids soon. It's still hard though."
He turned his warm gaze to mine. "Well, your ex is willing to not move, meaning he sees the potential of co-parenting with you. It's a great sign."
"Right, that is a great sign. It's just... I have no control right now, you know? I know I have to be patient, but I can't see them, can't help them in school, can't be there for them. With the exception of an occasional phone call, I have no place in their lives. I'm trying to be friends with Matt, so I just have to wait until he feels I'm ready. Which I'm fine with. I will go through whatever I need to. It's just been painful."
Blake's voice started to rise, focus steering fully towards me. "I bet. I couldn't imagine going through that. You both have the same goal; just try and remember that. You're strong enough and he'll see you're getting your act together. As long as you don't drink or plant anymore drugs in my tenants houses anyway," he said casually, eyes displaying an amused glint.
Wow. I couldn't help but smile. Those teasing words honestly meant a lot to me. Blake was so hurt by what I did, I never expected him to joke about that. Maybe he was moving past what I did? Or at least was starting to come to peace with it? The thought made my heart flutter in a selfish hope that he might be able to forgive me for what I did.
But I didn't deserve it – and I knew there was still no coming back from what I did. Damn though, this day almost wanted to convince me it was possible. The longer we spent in this little room, the longer things felt just... so warm and comfortable between us. There was no tension, no pain, and no heart-ache (at least none that bubbled to the surface). It was like it use to be. No doubt we would pay for this later. This would ultimately only make it harder for us to heal, but in this moment, I couldn't help but soak it all in and make it last.
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What a fun chapter to write! Hopefully you guys enjoyed it and the return of some new experiences for Ruth. Let me know how you think the rest of their hunting time will go! Thank you for reading! :D