"And you didn't tell me!?" I yelled.
"I didn't know how to okay!?"
I scoffed as he yelled back at me "So you lie to me? and jeopardize our friendship? Finn, you can't just do that!" I yelled. I hoped no one could hear us but odds are everyone could.
"but I did! for you! to keep you okay!" He yelled back grasping onto my shoulders.
I quickly pushed him off yelling "Yeah well maybe I don't need you to save me!"
"it's my job to save you! I'm supposed to be your best friend!" He yelled back making my heart break.
"IT'S NOT YOUR JOB FINN I'M A GROWN WOMAN NOT YOUR CHARITY CASE! I WENT TO REHAB TO GET WHERE I AM!" I yelled.
"BUT YOUR MY BEST FRIEND! YOU'RE ACTING CRAZY! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO SEE YOU LIKE THAT! WE'RE JUST DATING ITS NOT THAT DEEP!"
I shook my head "YOU WANNA CALL ME CRAZY FINN?? MAYBE IT'S JUST MESSING ME UP THAT YOU, TO WHOM I TELL EVERYTHING, EVEN THINGS THAT I SHOULD TELL YOU, DECIDED TO KEEP A BIG SECRET FROM ME THE GIRL WHO THOUGHT SHE WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND. AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S HARD TO SEE ME LIKE THAT TOO SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T SEE ME AT ALL!"
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!?" He asked looking at me like I was crazy.
"TELL MR SHUE I WON'T BE HERE. HAVE FUN FINN!" I grabbed my bag and picked up my keys.
"Where are you going!?" He asked a little softer but still very loud
"Anywhere but here. I'm leaving." I said stopping out of the office into the choir room where everyone sat in their seats staring at the door I had come out of. I kicked a chair on my way out as Mr Shue walked in.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Mom!" I yelled stomping through the front door.
She was in the backyard, the screen door was open so she could hear me. "Yes, honey?"
"I'm going to visit Quinn for the week. Don't tell anyone. In a bad mood."
She dipped the sunglasses just below her eyes. "Book a hotel before you get on the train and tell Quinn I say hello."
"Yes ma'am."
The Story Of Us by Taylor Swift sung by Isabella Anderson
I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us,
How we met and the sparks flew instantly,
And people would say, "They're the lucky ones."
I used to know my place was the spot next to you.
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat,
'Cause lately, I don't even know what page you're on.
I ran my hands through my hair with a huff grabbing a duffle bag and shoving in as many clothes as I could. As if I wasn't going to steal Quinn's anyway.
Oh, a simple complication,
Miscommunications lead to fall-out.
So many things that I wish you knew.
So many walls up I can't break through.
I pulled out my phone and looked at hotels near Yale. I hoped Quinn would stay with me while I was there. I'm not sure though. Tears dripped from my eyes to my phone before finally tossing it aside after booking a nice room.
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking.
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
I pulled my skateboard out from under my bed. I hadn't used the thing in a couple of years but decided against a car since the train station was fairly close.
Before walking out the front door of my house I threw my keys on the counter. It was hard to skate with tears in my eyes but I managed.
Next chapter.
I stepped on the train still crying but I covered it with my hood. No one bothered to look my way thankfully.
Over in New Haven... "I'm telling you, if I could hit it I would," Miranda argued walking into their dorm with Quinn.
"He is in his fifties M seriously!" Quinn said back closing the door behind her.
"And I care because?" Miranda shrugged falling onto her bed as Quinn's phone rang.
'Finn Hudson'
"I gotta take this, shut up," Quinn said answering the phone. "Hello?"
"Quinn, have you heard from Bells recently?" He asked rushed.
"No, I have not." She paused listening to Finn urging him to tell her if she was with her. "If she was why would I have to tell you?" She asked confused.
"I just- I got her mad. And she left. I assumed she would go to you or Kurt."
"Well she's not here and what the hell did you do to my girlfriend Hudson?" She asked angrily. "You've been being weird lately."
He sighed, "I didn't tell her me and Liz were dating and I may have called her crazy by accident."
Quinn scoffed at her ex-boyfriend, "Are you fucking kidding me? You know she's sensitive about that. And why didn't you tell her? She tells you everything ever. She would support you."
"Yeah well, it doesn't seem like she's very supportive."
"Because you fucking called her crazy and you lied to her? Like does that not ring a bell? She hates that. She's been lied to her whole life and she thinks she's crazy every day she wakes up. That's one of her biggest fears, going crazy, she hates it and you of all people called her that? Gosh Finn you can be so insensitive sometimes." She paused and when he didn't say anything she kept going.
"And if you think she wouldn't support you, hell yes she would. How do you expect her to right now after you said that to her? Maybe she overreacted a little but you calling her crazy is what drove her away. She's not crazy. She's just scared. Goodbye, Finn." And with that, she hung up.
How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy,
And you're doing your best to avoid me.
I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us,
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here,
But you held your pride like you should've held me.
I sat and cried silently wishing this nightmare could be over with. I wasn't sure how I could do anything without my best friend. Yeah obviously I went overboard about it but I'm not crazy. I refuse.
"Have either of you seen her?" Quinn said to the two girls.
"No, we haven't seen her, what's going on?" Santana asked.
"She ran because she and Finn got into this big argument. She's not answering which means she's on her way to one of us." Kurt grabbed his jacket and ran out the door, Santana and Rachel quickly followed but they dispersed even quicker after ending the phone call with Quinn.
Oh, I'm scared to see the ending,
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how.
I've never heard silence quite this loud.
The train was silent, not a word was spoken for the two hours I was on it but to me it felt like a stadium. The home team had just won the World Series and was going wild. It was all growing to be too much. I didn't care about how everyone tried calling me. I have a voicemail for a reason.
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking.
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
I tugged at my stuff pulling it off the train. I wasn't sure what direction to take as the last time I was here I had my girlfriend.
This is looking like a contest
Of who can act like they care less,
But I liked it better when you were on my side.
I walked around the city alone for the first time. Walking downtown I hoped I could find my way soon. I couldn't bear looking at my phone so I just didn't. It was growing dark and Quinn grew more and more worried running around not hearing anything from anyone.
Santana and Rachel hadn't gotten any news yet regarding the girl and whether she was in New York or New Haven.
The battle's in your hands now,
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight.
I walked past a bustling pizza parlor. Boy would I give everything to go in and grab a bite but I couldn't. I had to find my girlfriend. I needed to or else I never thought I would stop crying.
So many things that you wish I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon.
I jogged past a familiar building, I was on campus. So I looked in the building to see if she was in there. She wasn't, not even her roommate. At least if it were her she could show me home.
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking.
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
But I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now.
I knew she was growing closer as I passed more dorms. I looked in the windows where my eyes could see, not that they could see much with how much I was sobbing. I finally saw a familiar overhang.
I ran and ran as fast as I could. My legs were on the edge of giving out but I couldn't give up, I was an inch away from comfort. I needed this more than anything right now. I needed to keep running.
...and we're not speaking.
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate 'cause we're going down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
Finally, I ran inside wiping my face and attracting many stares as I jogged up the stairs trying to find the right door and once I did I knocked on it.
The end.
Quinn swung open the door as she threw her phone on her bed. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw it was me.
"I'm so sorry for showing up like this i- I'm so sorry. I didn't know what else to do or where else to go. I ran away a-a-" The choked sobs cut me off.
Quinn shushed my extremely worried rubbing my back. It's okay honey. I'm right here. What's going on?" She asked concerned. I just shook my head not ready to talk yet.
~~~~~~~~~~
Quinn took me to my hotel and got me checked in for the night. She got me a cup of apple juice and gave me a blanket to curl up in. "You gotta tell me what's going on, if you don't tell me I can't help you," Quinn said sitting down beside me.
"I'm sorry Quinn for barging in like this." I sat my juice down to the side curling into Quinn's embrace.
"Don't you even." She said. "I would stop the world for you Isabella Renee Anderson."
"I know," I whispered.
Quinn could tell I still didn't wanna talk. So she just did all the talking. "I missed you so much I'm so glad you're here princess." She kissed my head holding me close.
"I missed you too," I said a smile creeping to my cheeks.
"You caught me at a good time. I'm off from classes for the next couple of days. There's a power outage in the building all of my classes are in and it won't be back until next week." She rubbed her right hand up and down my back.
"Good cause I'll be here for a few days," I said.
"Let's go apartment hunting yeah? You know while you're here? Maybe look at some online before we do but I think we should."
Scratching up and down my arms I said, "I'll look up on it." Quinn noticed how red my arms were. How I scratched wildly at my tattoos.
She impulsively grabbed my hands and held them. "None of that, come on. How long has it been?"
I sighed and said, Too long for me to start over."
Suddenly Quinn's phone rang. She picked it up and read 'Santana Lopez.' She looked at me and I nodded.
When she pressed answer you could see Rachel and Santana. "I don't know where the hell she could be!" Santana shouted walking into their apartment.
"We ran around a city we're not even sure she's in!" Rachel said to Quinn not looking up at the phone.
"She's right here," I said glumly. They both screamed jumping to look at the screen.
"Oh my god thank heavens you're safe you had us running all around New York! Don't ever do that again!" Rachel said pointing her finger at me.
Hiding my tears I just nodded as I dug myself farther into Quinn. "You scared the living shit out of me oh god," Santana said sighing and plopping down on her couch.
"She's okay, it took her a while to find me, she trekked around the town for a couple of hours. She's safe. Tired, but safe." Quinn answered for me. She hadn't let go of me still very attached, physically and emotionally.
I didn't mind though I properly sat up on her lap as she tucked us under the blanket.
Kurt smiled at the phone before asking, "Can I call everyone and let them know you're safe please?" I had said no to Quinn before but this time I nodded. Kurt stood up off their couch to call whoever he could reach and Rachel did the same leaving Santana the last one on the phone.
"Are you hurt?" Santana asked me.
"In what way?" I asked bringing my knees up to my chest.
"Either."
I let out a shaky breath as tears lined up in my eyes. At this point, I've cried so much in my lifetime I'm not sure how many tears I have left.
"Just emotionally. I'm so tired." I started to scratch my wrists again.
Quinn took both of her hands and gently rubbed her fingers over the red spots. "Santana we have to go, I'm sorry but it's for the best."
Santana understood and they all said their goodbyes.
"Do you want to watch a movie? We can talk about it in the morning."
I looked up at my girl, "Don't let me go?"
Quinn shook her head with a smile. "I would never."
Soon enough Quinn's phone rang again. "It's Lacy I think she wants to talk to you." I hesitated but grabbed the phone laying my head down on Quinn's chest.
"Hey, kid," I said softly over the phone.
"oh my, you're okay!" The girl cried. "Why did you leave? What happened who do I need to fight?" She asked sadly.
"I just needed a little break Lacy okay? I'll be back as soon as I'm ready." I said trying to stay strong for the fragile girl on the other line.
"Okay, Bella. Just- Don't leave me again, please. Not without warning."
"I won't, I won't," I assured.
"You promise?"
"Pinky promise." I asked, "Lacy can you do me a big favor?"
"Yeah"
I forced a smile and asked, "Could you give everyone a big hug for me when you see them, tell them I'm so sorry."
"Okay will do!" She said happy to know I was okay.
"Thanks, Lacy. I gotta go now okay."
"Right, okay. I love you."
This time I didn't have to force a smile when I said, "I love you too Lacy."
Immediately after I handed the phone to Quinn. "I- I-" I couldn't spit out the words I just broke down in tears. "Fuck- I couldn't think about anyone but myself! I left them and scared them! Especially Lacy! Sh-She can't handle that after what happened with her brother! I- I'm so stupid."
Quinn shushed me, "No, you're not stupid. You did this for you. You don't need to always tell them everything. Sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish. And one of those times is right now. Let it out, baby."
That night tossed and turned trying to get comfortable. I couldn't. Every time I closed my eyes I would get a nightmare. I couldn't handle it much longer so I did the only thing that felt right at the moment. I stepped outside. I opened the door to the balcony.
I sat outside huddled in the same blanket as before. Taking in the cold New Haven air. I watched the late-night cars drive down the street, the downtown lights shined brightly.
Little did I know I woke Quinn up and she was watching pressed up against the door. When she heard me start to hum she knew she was in for a show.
Colorado (by Renee Rapp) sung by Isabella Anderson
I sang carefully not to wake Quinn up and to the looks of it, the whole world was still asleep beside Quinn. "That was beautiful." She said slightly startling me. "Sorry, I thought you knew I was there." She said joining me and sitting beside me.
"No, no I didn't. I thought you were asleep. Did I wake you?"
Quinn shook her head. "Nah, I couldn't sleep either."
I shrugged, "I was getting nightmares, wasn't getting comfortable. Just the stress."
Quinn moved over closer to me and said, "I've never heard that song." she looked anywhere but me.
Normally I would make a snarky remark but I didn't have the energy to do so. "Well, I tried my hand at songwriting."
Quinn smiled not expecting that answer. "Really?"
I nodded. "Yeah. I wrote it about my rehab stay. I didn't think that you were going to be waiting for me to be honest. So I wrote about how I could become this whole new person in Colorado but I just want to be me and stay here with you."
"I could never leave you. We're in too deep baby."
I smiled. "That we are." My head rested against her shoulder as she wrapped her arm around me.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The morning after I woke up in a bed alone. Tiredly I got out of bed and walked to the kitchenette in my hotel room where Quinn sat at her lonesome with a cup of coffee in her hands. "I was about to make you breakfast and then I remembered that you don't eat breakfast. You love breakfast foods but you can't eat breakfast because you have a sensitive stomach." She grinned.
I smiled and moved her chair so I could sit in her lap. "Boy, do I love you!"
"Enough to kiss me with coffee breath?" She asked.
I smiled and looked at her softly. "No."
Throughout the day I had felt lighter after telling Quinn about what was going on in my head so I called around to see if any realtors could help me and Quinn look for apartments. I found one man who was happy to help. He showed us several apartments during the day, all close to Yale and in our budget.
There was one we liked, It was quite big compared to the previous ones. It had two bedrooms a living area and quite a few closets. There was a full bathroom and a half bathroom that worked and there was already a kitchen layout that we both liked, there were no appliances though. As far as it came there was everything we could see as a design in our first home just no furniture. We liked what we were seeing.
I had always been a creative person and by the time I left that apartment, I already dreamed about living there with Quinn. Let's just say we sent in an offer on the apartment. Impulsively? Oh of course.
We decided to do a bit of premature furniture shopping but it was getting later in the day we didn't want to be out much longer. So we grabbed some dinner and went back into the apartment.
~~~~~~~~~~
I just escaped the warm air of the steamy bathroom and found a fresh pair of clothes to put on, and then I heard Quinn speaking to someone. A voice I found familiar but couldn't put to a face.
"No, I know but I can't believe it was because of- no wait it makes sense."
At first, I thought I wasn't hearing right, it was still too early and the nice hot shower made me even sleepier. I walked out to the kitchenette with a yawn. "Oh hey," Quinn said making the other girl turn around. "You remember Miranda right?"
I nodded with a smile. That's it."The roommate, right?" She has dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. "Nice to see ya." She said with a nod.
"Likewise," I said with a small wave. "I just came out for a drink." I slid to the fridge and grabbed a water making Quinn's eyes drift as I walked back into the bedroom.
"She doing okay?" Miranda asked Quinn. "Cause she don't seem it."
Quinn smiled slightly hearing my guitar through the slightly thin walls. "She's getting there. She just works herself up a lot. She's been putting herself into the music. It helps her."
"She writes songs?"
Quinn nodded. "Apparently. She says she wants to put out an album one day. It's a recent dream of hers. As well as being on Broadway. She wants to be Galinda."
A rosy blush coated Quinn's face as she talked about me. Miranda, being the good friend she was, had to point it out. "You are as red as a ripe apple. You love her huh?"
"I love her so much that sometimes it hurts." Quinn listened through the walls as I sang.
'Know it's for the better, Know it's for the better...'
~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey," Quinn said getting my attention away from my guitar. I picked my head up and saw a piece of paper in her hand. It looked like a flyer. "Open mic at a bar tonight if you wanna go."
"Should I?" I asked grabbing the paper from her. I read the flyer thoroughly and thought that maybe this could be good for me.
Quinn took the guitar from my lap and sat beside me. "I think that you should. You could sing one of your songs or you could cover something. Who knows who could be there, you might get some exposure."
I smiled. "Yeah, you're right. What should I sing?"
"That, my love, is up to you." She said and put her hand on my heart.
That night I wore some of Quinn's nicer clothes and sweated a little bit through them. I don't know why I was so nervous. I do this. Like all of the time. What was so different about tonight that I got so shaky?
I ended up being the fifth person to perform. It was pretty fun actually. As soon as I got on the small stage I felt at home. All of those nerves were for nothing. "Hi everyone uhm my name is Isabella Anderson I'm from a small town in Ohio and I'm here to sing you a song. One that I wrote actually. I'm fairly new to it but I like this one. It is called 'Left for Denver'
Left for Denver (by the Lumineers) performed by Isabella Anderson
I felt a lot of weight leave my body. I like this song. It's very personal. I think I wouldn't if I ever get the chance to release it. It's too close to my heart.
"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Have a great night."
~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~
"So I got more dirt on Brody," Santana said as I picked up the phone and turned it on speaker. Quinn is reading over some work as I was sitting on the couch fixing up a song.
"Oh really? Last I heard he was a drug dealer is that still correct Santana?" I asked before putting my guitar pick in my mouth.
"Well, I found out he's a gigolo." She said matter of factly as if I knew what that meant.
"A what?" I asked.
Quinn chimed in from across the room, "It means he's a male prostitute."
I'm gagged. "OH HELL TO THE NO!"
"I hate to do this but I think the only reasonable thing to do would be to call Finn to straighten him out," Santana said.
"I think so too. You should call him now." I suggested.
"Are you sure?"
I nodded. "I think it's a good idea. Plus I have to finish this song."
"Song?" She asked. "Are you writing songs now?"
"Yeah," I said softly. "It's nothing crazy but I enjoy it."
"Good," She said, "I'm sure they're billboard-worthy songs. Anyways thanks, I'll talk to you later."
"Okay, san. Talk to you later."
~~~~~~~~~~
I put on my jacket, packed my bags and my guitar, and had my skateboard by the door saying goodbye to my girlfriend "Thank you for a wonderful week," I said hugging her.
"It was great having you," Quinn said with a smile and a kiss on my cheek. "Anything for you you know that."
"I'm sorry I was so into my music this week. I feel like I didn't spend much time with you."
Quinn held onto me and said, "Just being in the same room as you makes me so so so happy. Plus we went out to dinner and we had a nice relaxing week which is most definitely what you needed."
With a sigh, I leaned farther into Quinn with a smile. "I love you."
"I love you too princess. Forever."
~~~~~~~~~~
I ended up on a train that had a stop in the city. I managed to snag the lucky train and saw a familiar face. "Mind If I sit here?" He asked me.
"I don't mind," I said quietly.
He sat beside me awkwardly. I moved my skateboard between my legs. "I didn't know you skated," Finn said trying to start a conversation.
"Yeah, I haven't in a long time. If I'm being honest this board is about to break, these wheels are shot, and the bearings are rusted. I was surprised it still moved." Finn nodded keeping that in the back of his head. "So you beat his ass?" I asked curiously.
"Uh yeah. I told him to stay away from her. But uh you should probably get a new skateboard, if it broke while you were riding it you would get hurt and I wouldn't want to see that happen knowing I could've stopped it."
"Thanks." I nodded as the tension arose.
~~~~~~~~~~
Walking into the auditorium I watched as the New Directions danced around the stage. They all looked so happy jumping around. My heart warmed, though I didn't see Mr Shue or Finn. Until Mr Shue came out on the stage. He noticed me but said nothing.
Closer by Tegan And Sara performed by the New Directions
"That was pretty good," I said walking down the stairs. They all gasped and ran to me.
Kitty flew to me first engulfing me in a hug. "Don't you ever scare me like that again or ill sew your vagina SHUT." She threatened.
"Yeah, what she said," Jeff added. Hugging me right after.
"Bee!" Brittany yelled jumping into her almost tackling her.
"Hey Sunshine," I said squeezing her a little tighter. Next was Ryder, then Jake, Sam, and Artie. Then Unique followed by Blaine. And all the softball girls came up to me last.
"You have no idea how crazy this week has been without you," Lacey said to me.
"Don't worry little one I'm back."
I put my arm around my little brother until I noticed. I pushed him away by his shoulders scanning him up and down. "You're a cheerio again now?" I asked.
"Co-captain with Becky Jackson." He said.
"Well, I didn't see that coming," I added. Lastly, Marley stood patiently waiting for her turn with the woman who had most definitely become her older sister. "Mar? You gonna hug me or stand there?" Marley sprinted to me. "Oh god, okay." I chuckled holding her close in the hug.
"Don't scare me like that again," Marley whispered.
"I won't mar, I won't. I am so sorry for freaking out on you all the way I did, it was messed up but I couldn't help it. I-Im much better now and I'm ready to come back if Mr Shue lets me." Bella stood in front of the group looking over at Mr Shue who nodded with a smile.
"We'd love to have you back."
~~~~~~~~~~~
I had heard about Mr. Shue kicking him out of the club and she also heard that Sue was Nicki Minaj and sang Super Bass, thankfully Kitty had it all on video and showed it to me. That was one of the weirdest coolest things ever.
Marley told me that Finn was going to try for his teaching degree. I am extremely proud of him but haven't talked to him since our encounter on the train. I miss joking around with him and I miss his hugs. But hearing that voice at the door made me smile. "Hey, Bells." He said softly walking in a little.
"Hi," I said with a smile.
"I uh wanted to stop by and tell you I'm off to college I think. For a teaching degree."
I smiled and stood up walking to the front of the desk and leaning on it. "I'm proud of you," I said.
"Thanks, uhm good luck in New Haven If I don't see you before you leave."
I nodded, "Yeah thanks." then paused. "I'm happy for you Finn."
"Thanks, bells." he goes to leave but stops and turns around "Can I get a hug before I go?"
I nodded "I love you, dude." Finn said squeezing me a bit tighter.
"I love you too bro."