↳ ❝🍓 [chapter 19] ¡! ❞🚬
EVA OFFERS TO LET YOONGI STAY THE NIGHT AT HER HOUSE. It was nothing out of the ordinary, plenty of times has Yoongi just fallen asleep on her couch. At some point, it became nothing more than just a second bed to him. He much preferred Eva's house to his own, even if he lay alone at night on the couch.
They drip all over her door mat, soaked in rainwater. The light sprinkle didn't last long and quickly devolved into violent showers which had no mercy on either of them. Shoes are abandoned beside the front door in a reckless clutter one of them would probably trip on in the middle of the night. Eva turned to look at Yoongi, his cheeks flushed in red and his eyes were cast away with embarrassment, mostly because Eva's shirt was clinging to her chest and he could see her purple bra.
"Hold on. I think I have some clothes that can fit you." She liked to wear big clothes to sleep, it was just comfier, so no doubt she had something to fit Yoongi. Eva walked away, trying not to get anything wet as she made her way upstairs, leaving Yoongi standing at the front door. He leaned back against the door and looked down at his hands, his fingers tracing over the tattoos over his knuckles.
Yoongi wanted to pull out his soaked box of cigarettes and smoke. He medicated himself in the only way he knew how. If he didn't have cigarettes, he drank, and if there was no alcohol, he'd sleep to get away from the stress for a while. Postponing the inevitable. He didn't take them out. One, they may not even light being so wet, and two, he isn't going to disrespect Eva. Sure, she might not stop him knowing that he's grieving, but why would he ever take advantage of her kindness like that.
Out of the corner of his eye, Yoongi saw Oreo making his way over for a friendly greeting. He looked up at Yoongi with his bright, jade green eyes and meowed, rubbing his head along the jean fabric of Yoongi's pants. He squats down and scratches behind Oreo's ear.
Eva soon comes down, wearing fitted sweatpants and a loose-fitting shirt. In her arms, she has a towel for Yoongi to dry off and folded clothes she thought he'd be able to fit. He wasn't all that much bigger than her. "Here, if anything doesn't fit I can find something else." Her voice feels like a kiss on the forehead. She comforts him without even intending to.
Yoongi thanks her quietly, almost hugs her before he stops himself. Instead, he simply breezes past her to go to the bathroom and change.
It's been a while since he's looked at himself in a mirror. Pulling off his wet shirt, he never noticed until now that he was gaining weight. Yoongi wasn't as skinny as he once was. His ribs were no longer visible through his milky skin. His skin wasn't just clinging to his bones anymore, there was muscle and meat, fat required to keep him alive. His once sunken stomach now pressed against the waist of his pants.
At least Eva's insistent need to feed him wasn't in vain.
Yoongi got dry and put on the fresh, dry clothes, grey basketball shorts and a slightly fitted black shirt. He wasn't exactly sure where to put his clothes when he left the bathroom but luckily for him, Eva was just coming upstairs with a hot cup of tea. She noticed Yoongi standing in the middle of the hall with the ball of his clothing in his hand. "Oh, I'll go put it in the washer. For now, have this." Eva exchanges the mug for his clothes to toss them in the washer with her own clothes.
Yoongi darts away, avoiding the inevitable conversation about the cemetery. He'd rather catch malaria than talk about it. He rushes past Eva with the mug and nearly trips on the stairs on his way down. It wasn't like he wanted to be alone, he didn't, that was the last thing he wanted, but he didn't know how to say he didn't want to be alone. It was easier to simply be alone than to ask for someone to stay with him.
Yoongi sat alone on the couch, sipping the tea she had made for him. He wasn't really a tea person. It was just slightly flavored water and sugar to him. He much preferred the sharp bitterness of black coffee. But Eva made her tea sweet, full of flavor and reassurance that everything was okay.
Caffeine was caffeine at the end end of the day and was something Yoongi used in place of cigarettes. It wasn't the greatest substitute but it was a substitute regardless.
Eva started up the washer carelessly. She was far more concerned with checking up on Yoongi and ensuring that he was okay. He had panicked a lot and each one left him more debilitated than the last, so much so that Eva took the initiative to drive back to her house. He was silent in the passenger seat, completely zoned out in some endless void of nothingness.
She creeps downstairs, peeking her head beyond the wall which separates the upper stairways from the lower stairway. She goes further and makes her presence known to him, standing on the stairs with her fingers curled around the guardrail. "Hey...are you okay?" Yoongi sits with his legs crossed at the far end of the couch. His head is resting against the back of it, adam's apple prominent against his throat, hands still grasping the mug he had been given. He nods lazily. "I'm fine." He's far from fine, but he doesn't want to burden her more than he already has.
Eva didn't want to push him. She was scared to. He could get upset or have another panic attack if she tried to get details out of him. "Okay, well if you need anything, I'll be in my room...goodnight Yoongi."
Yoongi only grunted in response. Eva took that as her queue to leave. She gave him one last glance before making her way back upstairs, turning off the lights on her way.
Darkness. One second everything is there in perfect, plain sight and the next, it's gone, replaced by the endless voice of eternal emptiness Yoongi was so used to. He stared blankly at the ceiling for what seemed like years, years falling into decades, decades into centuries. He felt so full of emotions yet empty at the same time.
Seconds pass. Those seconds turned to minutes and those minutes turned to hours. The house was so silent, so still. The settling noises had ceased entirely. Yoongi could hear the continuous pitter-patter of the violent rain against the window, wetting the world outside into the late night.
Oreo had come to lay with him, curled up in a warm little ball, purring away blissfully in his sleep while Yoongi scratched behind his ear. Unlike him, Yoongi couldn't sleep. When he can't sleep he gets upset and when he gets upset, he smokes. But his cigarettes are soggy.
He was getting irritated.
Finally, Yoongi sat up. He placed his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees, sighing with frustration.
Maybe he should ask Eva to keep him company.
No, stupid, she's probably asleep, don't bother her.
But he's never felt more at ease than when they're both passed out on her couch late at night. Yoongi went back and forth, contemplating whether to go up and ask Eva to stay up with him. That would be selfish of him he felt because he knew Eva would do it or at least try.
Maybe he could go to sleep with her.
No, that was even worse. That would be weird.
God, he was a mess.
Finally, Yoongi made the conscious effort to get up. The worse that can happen is that she says no. Yoongi wasn't afraid of rejection, that was the least of his worries. He was afraid of bothering her.
He made his way upstairs, the wood creaking under his weight as it always did and Yoongi winced, unsure if Eva had woken up to that.
She had.
It was a slow awakening. Her eyes cracked open to be greeted with nothing but darkness. She yawned and rolled over in bed, blinking the blurry sleepiness from her eyes. For a minute, panic filled the woman but quickly retreated back inside her when she remembered Yoongi was in the house. He was probably just going to the bathroom.
Her thoughts were proven wrong almost immediately as the slight shuffling of Yoongi's feet against the floor stopped at her door. It was silent for a long moment. Eva stared at her door and Yoongi did just the same from the other side.
"Yoongi, is that you?" He heard her call from the other side. Fuck. He couldn't back out now.
Yoongi sighed and opened the door utterly embarrassed to be caught. "Yeah." He muttered sheepishly, standing in the doorway. His fluffy, white hair stood out like a glowstick in the darkness. Yoongi stood gleaming in the moonlight. A ghost of her dreams.
He hung his head low. "I'm sorry, I keep bothering you. I...can't sleep."
Eva sat up in bed with her back against the headboard. "It's okay, you're not bothering me." She assures him and she means it wholeheartedly. Eva adored Yoongi. If he needed her, she'd be up at any hour of the day. Just for him.
"If you want, you can come and lay with me." She offers. It sounds strange but being with someone can make all the difference. If she doesn't make it awkward, he won't either.
Yoongi doesn't waste any time coming over and sitting down beside Eva. In all honesty, he hadn't expected her to invite him into her room. He's never been in here before. It was somehow exactly how he imagined it to be. A vanity full of makeup and perfume, a little reading nook in the corner of the room beside a window. Her room smells just like her, like fresh strawberries, chocolate, and vanilla.
"Do you want to talk?"
Yoongi shrugged. "What is there to talk about?"
"There's always something to talk about." Eva reached over and nudged him playfully. "Like..." She looked around in search of something to talk about and her eyes found the wet window. "I love the rain." She told him. "I don't know why, but rain is so comforting for me. It's the perfect time to sit down, curl up under a blanket with tea and a book." Eva's lips drew into a fond smile.
Yoongi was a bit envious that she was able to find comfort and happiness in anything. He could only look into her bubble of joy from the outside where everyone else was suffering, packed with the hard truths of life. He was happy that she could be happy and would protect her bubble so that no one else could pop it for her.
He let Eva talk about the most random things. Her favorite tea, what strawberry-incorporated pastry she should make next, a tier list of the best types of tea. Her voice soothed him in a way he hasn't been in a long time. Yoongi thought he could listen to her speak forever. She just had one of those voices that everyone fell in love with completely and irrevocably.
And as tired as Yoongi became by the sweet lullaby that was Eva's voice. He couldn't sleep.
"This is a really weird question," Yoongi interrupted her. He looked down at his lap scratching his neck anxiously. He felt like a kid under her burning gaze."But can we cuddle? I'm really cold." His voice was low and timid, like a shy little boy making new friends. Eva thought it was so peculiar yet cute how soft he was being.
Eva didn't say anything. No need to make it awkward. She simply shuffles closer to him, draping her arm across his waist with her head against his chest. Yoongi's cold feet pressed against her warm ones and they tangled together beneath the blankets. He immediately felt warmer like this.
Slowly, Yoongi placed his arms around Eva as well, embracing her as she was him. He prayed that she couldn't hear his heart through his chest, how it pounded with violent care for her.
She could.
For once, Yoongi didn't smell like cigarettes and Eva didn't know how to feel about it. She often associated the smell of cigarettes with Yoongi and now that it was gone. She could only smell the faint cologne that still remained on his skin. She liked this better, just the smell of him and not his vices.
She was always curious why one would turn to smoking or drinking. They were educated on the consequences in school and yet...here they were. Everyone had a different reason, some did it because their friends at the time peer pressured them, starting them on a lifelong path of addiction, others just wanted to seek relief for a while.
"Hey, Yoongi," Eva spoke up. She felt the rumble of his chest as he hummed with attentiveness.
"...why did you start smoking?"
Yoongi thought it was a very out-of-place question. Why did he start smoking?
"Anxiety." He spoke simply. "Panic attacks and such." Smoking made his anxiety significantly worse without them. Things like large groups, loud sounds, and other triggers sent him into a wild panic. He couldn't go long without a cigarette. He was addicted to the nicotine. It was the only form of medication he had for it.
He's never truly felt safe after Yeonsoo died. That's when the attacks started happening and they always got worse around the anniversary. It was easier to smoke and get rid of the problem in the moment than go any talk to a professional about all his trauma so he can get proper medication.
Why did Eva hate it when he smoked so much? Was it simply the smell like she had stated before or was it something more personal?
"What's your deal with smoking? You have a personal beef with my cigarettes every time I come around with one." He mused.
Eva remained silent. Reminded of her father. She really needed to call her parents more often, check up on how he was doing.
"Sorry, you don't have to answer if you don't want to-"
"No, it's fine." She shook her head against his chest, her fingertips brushing against his back. "My dad... he use to smoke a lot. For as long as I could remember actually." From the age she suddenly gained cognition and consciousness, her earliest memory was of her father smoking.
"Eventually, he got diagnosed with lung cancer."
Yoongi stilled. His eyes flicked down to Eva's as she turned her face against his chest. He was almost afraid to ask what he was thinking. He didn't want to upset her but there was only really one logical question that comes to mind after hearing something like that.
"Before you ask, he isn't dead. He beat it." She's quick to add on and immediately feels Yoongi's chest lower as he let out an inaudible breath of relief. "He just has permanent lung damage. He can't do too much physical activity or he'll break out in an asthma attack. Even if he brushed his teeth immediately after smoking, his teeth would still be stained." Her voice trails off a bit. "I don't mean to dictate what you can and can't do. I just don't want to see that happen to another person I care about."
Yoongi feels how deeply she cares about things like this. She's seen her father deteriorate into a shell of what he once was. That's why she held such disdain for the little stick that did it to him. If she could stop Yoongi from smoking as many cigarettes as possible. It would make her feel a lot better about herself.
And in an admittedly very rash decision, Yoongi decides that he's gonna make a sacrifice for the one he loves.
"...I'll try to quit smoking." He says. "If it'll make you feel better, I can give it a try." Yoongi knew those things weren't good for him but he couldn't stop. He had no real reason to until now. Eva could be his motivation. He could do this for her.
Eva didn't want him to suddenly drastically change his way of life just for her. "I can't ask you to do that, Yoongi."
"You don't have to ask. I've been wanting to stop anyways, I just never had the motivation to."
Eva's smile was so wonderfully brilliant, pearly white teeth shining through the darkness. His heart opens to her, blossoming like a bloodied rose in his chest after being fed with her sunlight. She must understand how she makes him feel.
"Really?!"
Yoongi nods. "Really." His smiles if full of warmth and fondness towards her, only for her.
Eva doesn't know what came over her. Days upon days of just weighing out the possible scenarios of what may happen if she dares to kiss him are disregarded. If this ends miserably, it would have been worth the risk, to finally know what his lips feel like against hers.
She kissed him quickly, just the softest peck. Ever so hardly noticeable before their lips parted again.
Yoongi stares at her, lips parted, eyes wide in complete shock. Regret filled her eyes immediately. "I am so, so sorry. I should've done that. I don't know what came over m-"
Eva's interrupted when Yoongi takes her by the waist boldly and kisses her. This kiss lasts a little longer than the last one. It's desperate and passionate but incredibly short-lived as Yoongi pulls away. Emotions rage on like a hurricane inside both of them and they don't know what more to do. They can't meet each other's gaze.
Eventually, Yoongi pulls himself out of her hold and turns his back to her. "Goodnight." He says before pulling the blankets over his head. He curses himself in his head for embarrassing himself like that. Now she knows he likes her.
But now he knows she likes him.
Eva is frozen in her place. It takes her a minute to wholely process what just happened. It all went too fast, far too fast. She wished they were longer, but those little kisses were enough to stain the taste of each other on their lips like a memory.
She turns her back to him as well, letting down on the opposite side of the bed. They're rendered strangers once more.
"Goodnight."
*.✧ Kᴀʏs Eɴᴅɪɴɢ Nᴏᴛᴇs
It's picking up yall, it's picking up. We're getting to the good stuff. After so much weird tension it's finally gonna come to a head.
Thank you all for reading. I hope you guys enjoyed and I wish you all an amazing day/night
사랑해
~Kay ༼;'༎ຶ ༎ຶ༽