"Desire, I'm hungry
I hope you feed me
How do you want me"
Song: Desire - Meg Myers
"This chapter is dedicated to touching."
(I finally made a Harry styles reference on purpose say you're proud of me gosh diddly dangit 😡)
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A/N:
Again, this contains some things that may not be everyone cup of tea.
If it's not your cup of tea, do not sip, just skip.
*****
I'm nervous.
Harry had got up from the bed to go into the bathroom and clean up the mess he'd made on his stomach, but when he came back offered me his hand to help me up from the bed; my anxiety started setting in.
I felt so upset with myself and frustrated.
I know this is what I want, and I hate my brain for the way it's trying to scare me out of it.
It's like a more extreme version of the night harry and I had our one night stand. I was so fucking shy and nervous, but I wanted him and what we were doing... I hated having to argue with my insecurities inside my head.
The things that always stopped me doing what I wanted most of my life.
Harry noticed the shift in my behaviour, seeing how anxious I looked and that had him pausing; telling me to wait on the bed while I watched him with curious eyes as he went to our cupboard.
My nose scrunched a bit in confusion when he grabbed our box, sitting it on the bed and rummaging through it for a second before he grasped something in his hand and walked back around to stand next to me.
I looked down to his hand and saw him holding a blindfold, and he lent a knee on the bed as he hovered above me; and held it up, "I know you're nervous about me seeing you... and you don't want to see yourself, do you mind if we try it this way?"
"Blindfold me?" I question, glancing to his hand and back to his face.
Harry nods, "yeah, and you can tell me when you want me to take it off. Or you can leave it on, it's up to you... I thought it might help."
Actually.
That might help.
I've done everything I can to avoid looking at myself these past few months, and the idea of not having to see Harry see me... does make it less intimidating.
"We can try that," I say, fidgeting with my fingers while my eyes glance over his shirtless figure in front of me.
Harry gives me a small reassuring smile, offering his other hand to help me up again and this time I take it.
He helps me get up from the bed, keeping a hold on my hand to lead me around it but stops a few feet from our bathroom.
Next he moves to stand behind me, so close I feel the heat from his chest on my back; and he leans down to press a kiss to shoulder over my shirt before speaking near my ear in a low soothing voice.
"Remember this stops whenever you want," he assures me, "you've gotta talk to me though, use your words. You're in control. Alright?"
I swallow, feeling my hands start to shake a bit as the reality gets closer, "alright."
Harry brushes my hair back over my shoulder, pressing another kiss against my neck, whispering, "do you trust me?"
My heart is hammering as I look at the bathroom, and I reply in a meek voice, "I trust you."
One of his arms hugs around my waist and his chest presses against my shoulders as he says, "close your eyes."
I take a coaxing breath, trying to calm myself as I let my eyes drift closed.
Harry waits a few seconds, letting me feel the pressure of him against my back before his arm slips away and then I feel the fabric of the blindfold being placed over my eyes.
He secures it behind my head, and then his palms slide up and down my arms like he's reassuring me.
"Remember to breathe, it's only me."
That's what I need right now Harry, it's you.
I'm trying not to get stuck in my head, fighting the thoughts and fears that have crippled me for months now, along with the memories that flash back to torture me.
"Did you want me to take you into the bathroom now?" he checks in a gentle voice, and before i can talk myself out of it I make myself nod.
Rob had reminded me that true bravery and courage isn't acting out of the lack of fear, it's acting in spite of your own fear.
If that's true I'm the bravest bitch on the planet right now because I'm terrified.
Not of Harry, of myself. What my mind can do to me. I'm scared of what Harry might think of me. The fear that maybe he'll see the same things David said about me. He'll be disgusted by the scars or marks I have now too. The reminders.
"C'mon little mouse," he urges, resting his hands on my waist, "words baby."
"You can take me in there," I finally say, clenching my fists to dig my nails in my palms to distract me.
Harry moves to stand in front of me, and I feel him take hold of my hands; keeping an almost protective tight hold on them as he starts to walk backwards and lead me into our bathroom.
"Kinda feels like I'm about to play a game of pin the tail on the donkey," I say, my nerve cracking a dumb joke to try and help the unbearable tense atmosphere, "you gonna spin me around when we get in there?"
Harry laughs under his breath, and I feel the cold tiles under my feet as we get into the bathroom.
"There's a lot of things I wanna do with you," he says, finally stopping us and honestly I have no clue which direction I'm facing, "none of it involves donkeys or spinning unfortunately."
"We could play Marco polo?" I offer, with obvious stress in my voice and a shy smile.
"Actually," he's standing close in front of me now, and he lets go of my hand to rest his own on my hips, "I'd prefer hearing you call out my name. How about that?"
"Seems a little narcissistic if i'm being honest," I tease, now genuinely smiling.
"We both know you don't love me cause I'm humble, baby," he teases back, and this gentle banter is settling how on edge I feel.
I jolt a bit when I feel Harry's hands cup my jaw, and his lips press against my forehead. It was a surprise is all, considering I can't see.
"I'm gonna turn the shower on, alright?" he checks, and now my stomach is really twisting as I exhale a shaky breath, "that okay?"
"It's okay."
He leaves another kiss against my forehead, before I listen to him walk over to the shower and open the door; then the sound of the taps turning and the water pelting down onto the shower floor.
He comes to stand back in front of me, and this is such a weird feeling; because I'm still very much turned on from what happened earlier, but I'm also currently riddled with fear of what's next.
I'm being brave. I remind myself. Taking Maurines advice.
I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want David or Andy having control over me anymore.
"You're sure about this?" Harry questions, and I feel his palms run down my arms.
I swallow, pushing the words out despite my nerves, "I'm sure."
He moves closer so our hips are touching, and his hands go to my thighs; slipping up under my shirt to my hips but not going further.
His thumbs stroke against my skin, and his lips hover near mine. I can feel his warm breath against my mouth as he keeps his voice soothing, "Can you let me take your shirt off for you? Is that okay?"
I'm so thankful I actually have this blindfold on right now, because the fact I won't have to see his reaction is reassuring.
I'm so scared he won't look at me the same way.
My voice is small, as I bite the bullet before I degrade myself out of trying, "... You can take it off."
"I'll be careful," he assures me, pressing a gentle kiss to my lower lip, "if it's too much we can stop any time you want."
I feel his hands slip up higher to my waist, but slide back down again and I find that small action comforting.
His hands are the only ones I want on my skin.
My heart starts hammering against my ribcage as his fingers grasp the end of my shirt, and I have to bite down on my lip to hide it starting to tremble.
"Breathe, baby," he coaxes me, while he starts to inch my shirt up until it gets to my ribcage, "you're doing so well. I'm gonna take such good care of you."
He slowly brings it up to my chest, and I'm trying not to panic but Harry distracts me when his lips press against mine.
He keeps my shirt held up, but holds against the sides of chest just under my arms; pulling me against him so my bare chest presses against his.
He's so warm, and there's something about his skin against mine, feeling that again, that is overriding the horrible pit in my stomach.
His mouth caresses mine, slipping his tongue past my lips and leaves me unable to focus on anything aside from how fucking instense the desire is behind the way he's kissing me.
It contradicts how careful and cautious all his other movements are, when he urges my arms up and I mindlessly oblige.
Harry only tears his mouth from mine for a split second to remove my shirt from over my arms and head; not even giving me time to think or react to it being gone because he's wrapping his arm around my back and kissing me with more desperation.
He keeps me pressed against him, and the thought briefly enters my mind that maybe he's doing it to reassure me. Taking away the worry of him looking at me, because he physically can't right now.
His free hand goes to his sweatpants, tugging them down as far as he can without breaking the kiss and then using his legs to kick them off the rest of the way.
He won't let go of me, and I'd worked up so much anxiety and fear over this moment that I'm shocked at how...
Well frankly I'm shocked I'm not having a complete meltdown.
All I can focus on is him kissing me and how incredible his body feels against mine again. My brain hasn't had the chance to panic.
My arms come up to wrap around his neck, and Harry's hands start to explore over my back, caressing a slow savouring path like he's trying to memorise every inch of skin he's touching.
He finally pulls his lips back a fraction, breathing heavy, but his voice is hushed, "you're doing so good baby. Did you want me to take you into the shower? Are you feeling okay?"
He's trying to be the calm and composed one, but I don't miss the emotion in his tone, or his own nervousness.
I'm trying to keep going with this before my brain catches up with me, clinging to this feeling he's giving me so I nod, "we can go in there. I'm... I'm okay."
Well I'm as okay as I can be.
The fact I can't see is making my mind focus more on what i can feel, and i'm not sure it's even fully hit me yet that I'm naked.
Harry pulls my arms from his neck and takes a protective hold of my hands, starting to slowly lead me towards the shower and with my eyes covered all my other senses are heightened.
This is making me think of the first time we showered together. How hard he tried to make me feel comfortable.
My pulse is getting faster as we get into the shower and I hear Harry shut the door, the steam is making my skin humid and the tension around us is making the thick air harder to breathe in.
He keeps leading me until I hear the disruption of the water stream as it hits his skin, and he brings us both under the water.
Most of the water is hitting the back of his shoulders, and spraying down my front as his arms come to wrap around my waist, pressing me against him.
His nose brushes against mine while I do everything to not let my mind hurt me, pushing out memories I don't want as he says, "you're doing amazing little mouse -- see, you're okay. How are you feeling?"
I hold onto his hips, to give me something to grip on so my hands stop shaking, "I'm... I don't know."
I'm not sure how to find words for it, the relief I feel being back in here with him is being mixed with the pain of the last few months.
I feel Harry unwind his arms for a second, and it makes me hold tighter onto his hips feeling like he's going to pull away but after a few moments I feel a warm washcloth run down my back.
"Just focus on how this feels," he murmurs, stepping back a fraction so there's some space between us but I don't let go of him, "see if it helps."
Flashes of being in the basement go through my head and it makes my eyes squeeze shut tighter, but I fight to focus on the sensation when he brings the washcloth around my waist and I feel the soap on my skin as he smooths it up my stomach.
"Is it okay if I look at you?" he asks in a hushed voice, dragging the cloth up to my chest and I suck in a breath at the damp fabric going over my nipples, "I haven't looked yet. Can I baby?""
Something about him letting me know that he didn't look at my body, even though I can't see and he was waiting for me to tell him it was okay has my throat getting tight.
I try not to show the waver in my voice as I whisper, "you can look."
I'm letting the feeling of him occupy my mind, distract me from the urge to cringe and hide myself from him.
The heat from the shower is is hitting against random parts of my skin, and I feel him slowly drag down the wash cloth to my hips.
Harry's breathing skips, and he doesn't say anything at first and while he runs the washcloths down my thighs I feel his fingertips from his other hand trace over my collarbone.
His gentle fingers feather over my chest, down between my breasts and make my stomach quiver as he ghosts them down my sternum.
One of those fragile moments is back, if either of us spoke to loud it could shatter it.
Every movement he's making feels so careful and loving, full of affection, and his fingers continue to explore around my torso when I feel the washcloth dip between my legs to slip against my inner thigh.
"Can I tell you what I see?" he murmurs, with a mix of lust and emotion in his voice.
Before he lets me respond, he removes one of my hands from his hip and places the washcloth in it; bring it up to his chest and urges me to move it around his torso.
I think he's giving me something else to focus on.
I'd almost forgotten what this feels like with him. How much I desperately missed all of this. The comfort.
There's apprehension when I speak, because such a big part of me was convincing me he'd be disgusted like I am, "you can tell me."
His hands start to explore around my skin as he talks, while I focus on moving the washcloth down to his stomach and his face comes closer to mine.
"I see my Abby," he says in a quiet voice, and my eyes are still closed but I feel them start to burn, "I see what I've missed for months. Everything I've dreamt about for months. Everything I'm in love with... Can't take my eyes off of you."
I try to swallow down the pressure in my throat, and Harry's voice wavers a bit, "I've missed being able to see you. Every single part of you... you don't know how beautiful you are to me. You always have been, it's never gonna change."
His hands ghost around my hips and back up my stomach like he's savouring every inch he's touching, "he was lying to you Abby, everything he said about you was a lie. He's a fucking liar."
My chin shakes, and I can hear David's voice in my head repeating all the grotesque things he said about me, how worthless I felt and I ask in an insecure voice, "So you.. Still want me? You're... you don't think I'm disgusting?"
Harry's hands stop moving, and he takes the washcloth out of my hand to drop it on the ground; holding my face before he says, "Can I take the blindfold off? Please? I want you to see my face and then try and ask me that again."
I try to squeeze the moisture from my eyes, and Harry asks again, "Can I please take it off. I want you to look at me."
I hold my breath and my voice cracks a bit when I push the words out, "you can take it off."
Harry's hands slip to untie the fabric at the back of my head, but I keep my eyes closed when he pulls it away and drops it on the ground.
"Look at me," he begs, "please look at me."
I hesitate, convinced I'll see what i've been scared of but I swallow down the fear and let my eyes slowly drift open.
Harry's hair is drenched, bits stuck around his forehead and face; but his expression near knocks me over.
I always said his eyes could scream what he was feeling and the amount of love coming from them is crushing. It's mixed with a stomach knotting desire but grief there too though, like I've ripped his heart straight out of his chest.
His palms cup my jaw, keeping my stare on his as he says, "now you look me in the face and try and ask me something like that again. Tell me I could ever fucking think that about you."
His eyes are glassy, faintly bloodshot and the way he's staring at me has me feeling bare from the inside out.
I don't need to ask him, because he's already answered my question, leaving no room for argument with the look on his face.
I'm not sure I'll ever have someone look at me with the amount of adoration that he does.
He still wants me.
He loves me.
My hands rest over his on my jaw and I suck in a wavering breath before my face pushes forward and I'm connecting our lips.
It's the only way I know how to answer.
And honestly if I try to talk right now I'm going to burst into tears.
Harry pulls me closer, kissing me hard and letting all of emotion explode into it.
He takes my hands and wraps them around his neck, then hugs me tight against him and he barely gives me a chance to breath as his tongue and lips attack my own.
Harry's always had such a talent for speaking with his body, expressing himself with it and right now he's speaking a thousand words of love, need and worship with a kiss.
There's a faint groan of relief that comes up his throat; sounding he could melt to the ground from feeling my skin against his and it's making my legs feel unsteady.
His hands and fingers start roaming everywhere, appreciating and exploring every part they can as his movements become heated; reigniting that want in me earlier.
I can't get enough of him.
I still don't want to look at myself, that hasn't miraculously disappeared... but I want him to see me. I love the way he looks at me.
It makes me want to see myself that way.
One of his hands grabs hold of my ass, squeezing it as his other hand tangled in my damp hair at the back of my head and the kiss starts to take a dirtier turn.
His lips and tongue are consuming mine, spelling all of the deviant desires I know his mind is endless with and his fingers grip tight in my hair, making me gasp and my body flinches from the faint sting.
This makes Harry stop, and his hand is leaving my hair as he pulls away; and it makes my eyes open with a confused look.
Harry's chest is rising and dropping harshly, and I'm worried when I see the guilty expression on his face.
"I'm sorry," he apologizes quickly, "I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that. I'll be more careful, I won't do that again."
He scolds himself, holding my face again but almost hesitates before touching me, "I wasn't thinking, I'm sorry."
It makes my heart sink.
I realise that he's worried that he's scared me or hurt me, and I don't like it.
I don't want to be treated differently. I know he wants to be careful and I appreciate that but right now I need him to himself.
"Harry please don't do that...," I say in a small voice, feeling my eyes start to burn again. I don't know why but the way he pulled away from me felt like it was my fault. Like I'm the problem.
His thumbs stroke against my cheeks, "No, I won't, I won't do that again-"
I cut him off shaking my head, "No please don't treat me like there's something wrong with me."
Harry's expression drops, and I beg him as I struggle to fight those awful feelings about myself crawling back, the shame.
"I need you to treat me like you used to..." I say, with my lower lip trembling, "please, please I need you to not treat me differently."
Realisation hits Harry, with his words coming out fast, "Oh... baby, no, no that's not what it was, I just didn't wanna scare you-"
"You won't..." I tell him, hating how all over the place my emotions are, " what scares me is you not treating me the same anymore. I need you. I missed you. Please... please don't treat me differently. I want you back."
Harry's eyes search over my face, with his brows creasing as he listens to me, and I see it wash over his expression... that look I've seen so many times before as he understands what I'm trying to say.
All lives were completely ripped to pieces, who I was, was ripped to pieces and I just need something to be the same. I need our normal.
I jump when Harry's hands drop away, only for one of his hands to grab the underside of my jaw and I'm being pushed back until my shoulders hit the cold tiles of the wall.
He doesn't say anything at first, and I press my back harder against the wall over the look in his eye.
That restraint he's been holding onto now, for over 90 days is hanging by a thread he's ready let snap.
It makes my stomach swirl, because it's that want I've been missing.
He leans closer to me, keeping a tight hold on my jaw and his voice is low as he asks, "you're sure that's what you want?"
I nod but he cuts me off, "use your words."
"That's what I want," I exhale, feeling my skin start to tingle and my mind has been temporarily wiped clean of anything aside from how much I enjoy having this feeling back.
He leans up straight, and his eyes go from my face, slowly down my body and back up again.
"And you're going to say stop the second you don't feel comfortable?" his question sounds more like an order and I agree, with the anticipation sending chills through my body.
I reach up as I speak, taking his hand from my jaw and guide it down until his hand is holding around my neck and say, "I promise."
Harry stares at where I've placed his hand, and I watch his muscles tense under his tattooed skin on his torso before he lifts his eyes back to mine.
There he is.
I only get to catch a glimpse of it, that same glint in his eye that has my heart skipping before he's knocking the breath out of me when his lips crash into mine.
Goosebumps break out over my skin when I feel him apply a slight pressure to the sides of my neck as he continues to kiss me.
I feel his other hand drag his fingertips down my stomach, and it shocks me when they dip between my legs; groping at my inner thighs before shoving them further apart.
I choke on a moan when I feel his fingers drag a slow teasing stroke up my centre, making my hips squirm as he explores my skin there.
He tears his mouth from mine, only to dip his head down and drag his lips over my chest; leaving wet open mouth kisses across it before suctions his mouth around my nipple.
It makes my back arch up but Harry keeps me pinned against the wall, moving his mouth to my other breast and taunts me with faint touches against my clit.
My hips try to move to get more from him but it doesn't work, he only pulls his hand back and I feel his teeth graze against my niplle has some form of chastising.
He lifts his face back up to mine, with a menacing look on his face and as crazy as it sounds it nearly makes me smile.
It makes me jolt when he pulls me back from the wall, and backs me up towards our shelf seat at the back of the shower with his hand still around my neck.
I feel the seat hit the back of my legs, and Harry's pushing me to sit down.
I'm not even given a second to be left wondering about what he's doing because he's sinking down to his knees in front of me, pinning me back against the wall where I'm sitting.
His other hand grabs under my knee as he leans forward, shoving my legs open and lifting to perch over his shoulders.
I can't take my stare off of him as he lowers his head, keeping his eyes locked onto my face and I gasp a high pitched "fuck" when he drags his tongue from my entrance up to my nerves he has throbbing again.
His fingers keep a tight hold on the sides of my neck, making my blood rush faster and Harry makes the most shameless, toe curling groan when he latches his mouth to my clit.
I'm watching slack jawed, with my brain trying to catch up with how fast this happened and my hands going to bury into damp hair; holding onto it.
He starts to suck against my clit while swirling his tongue against it, not even trying to build up to it; he's just gone straight for the ways he knows he'll have my legs shaking.
My eyes start to close as my hips circle back against his mouth but the snap wide open when I feel his palm smack against my thigh.
He glares at me with heavy eyes, not trying to hide in the slightest how much he's enjoying himself but pulls his mouth back a fraction to circle his pointer and middle finger against my entrance.
My stomach clenches as I watch him lean back enough to spit where his fingers are, mixing it with the moisture already there and then sinks both of his fingers inside of me.
My fingers tighten in his hair and he drops his face back down to suction his mouth against me with a deep moan that vibrates against me.
He still won't take his eyes off of me, watching my every reaction, and makes sure I see just how much he's enjoying this.
His fingers go straight to the spot that has me whimpering, curving up and massaging against it as he thrusts his fingers inside of me while the movements of his mouth become more intense.
I can't think of anything else aside from how good he feels, it's making my abdomen clench and he keeps me pinned in place with his hold around my neck.
He's not trying to tease me, he's making very obvious he wants to have an orgasm and he is not fucking around about it.
The look in his eyes is somehow both begging me for it and demanding it.
The fact he hasn't said a word is only spiralling me further, he's too consumed by all of it and too high off of what he's doing to me.
That pressure is coming back as his tongue works faster against me, and I tug on his hair pulling his mouth harder against me as I stutter, "oh my fucking god."
He keeps coaxing me with his fingers, and I can feel how wet I'm getting soaking them along with his mouth.
I feel like I'm starting to run a fever, and my hips start to grind faster as I find it impossible to hold still.
Harry pulls his mouth away, leaning back to stare up at me and I forget how to breath as I look at him.
His cheeks are flushed, with his chin glistening and his features are filled with an unfiltered hunger.
He's already got me close to unravelling and he knows it, that's the point. He's doing it on purpose. Like he's proving a point that no matter how much time goes by he'll always know my body like the back of his hand.
Plus he's making it obvious he is very much getting off on all of this.
"You wanted me back?" he asks with his voice dropped so deep it makes me shiver, "you wanna see how much I've missed you Abby? See what you still do to me?"
I don't answer right away, because frankly I can't; it gets kicked out of me with a moan when Harry releases my neck to press his fingers against my clit and massage them at a pace that has my head spinning.
"Hm?" he presses, gritting his teeth, "want me to show you?"
I nearly shriek when he focuses with more purpose against that place inside me, fucking his fingers faster into me that's pushing the pressure in my lower half to an extreme point.
I'm pretty sure his question was rhetorical because as I'm hanging on the edge of unraveling his tells me.
"I'm gonna make you come all over me right now, in this shower," he states, and the sudden wave of pleasure that shoots through my body has my fingers pulling tight on his hair which makes him groan, "and then, I'm taking you out of this shower and throwing you on that fucking bed so I can fuck your god damn brains out as hard I can."
My lower half feels like it's pulsing, and the pressure feels overwhelming and I gasp, knowing what he's going to make me do, "Harry -- I'm gonna, you're gonna make me-"
His hand leaves my clit to press against my lower abdomen, clenching his jaw and the muscles in his arm flex as he doesn't let up with his fingers, "I know baby, go on. Let it happen, go on. Show me. I'm dying to get it all over me."
My eyes squeeze shut as it hits me, my orgasm slamming into me hard and sudden as my whole body shakes and I cry out sounds that are nearly screams as Harry presses down further on my abdomen and he only fucks me harder with his fingers to intensify it.
I feel that pressure release, making my stomach muscles convulse and I can hear the wet sound of his fingers driving into me as I feel my release coating my thigh and his hand.
I can hear his moans mix with mine from what he's watching before he grunts, "Fuck yes Abby, that's it, just like that. Good girl."
Harry's mouth latches back onto me as this happens, making everything feel almost unbearable as he sucks on my pulsing nerves and I try to tug his head back by his hair but he won't budge.
He only stops when I cry out a strained, "Harry.. I can't, stop, I'm-" I'm trying to say I'm too sensitive but I can barely talk.
He slips his fingers from me, pulling his mouth back and cups his palm against me as my hips still writhe like he's soothing me.
I finally slump against the wall, trying to catch my breath and I can't even move my fucking arms as they drop away from my hold on his hair.
My eyes slowly drift open, and he's watching my face with hooded eyes and his mouth parted; breathing heavy.
"You're so fuckin beauitful," he sighs, and I watch helpless as he leans down to run his tongue up the inside of my thigh; that was covered in the part of the orgasm I'd just had, "soaked my damn hand, arm, my mouth... right here," he mumbles against my thigh, swirling his tongue against it then looks at me again licking his lips, "so perfect. Such a mess."
Guess it's fucking lucky we were in the shower.
I'm stuck on words, because Harry right now is... I don't even know how to describe it.
When he said he was gonna show me how much he'd missed me, what he'd missed all these months I underestimated him.
Everything about him seems amplified tenfold right now.. Far more intense than I can remember seeing him in a long time.
Harry gently pulls my leg down from his shoulder, letting me try to recover the use of my damn limbs as I watch him get up and walk over to the shower; stepping under it for a few seconds and rinsing himself before he shuts the water off.
My heavy eyes rest closed for a few seconds, trying to gather my wits from how overwhelming that orgasm was.
I don't even care that I'm naked anymore, I can barely comprehend I'm a damn person right now.
My skin is still damp, but has started to dry from being out of the water and Harry strides back over towards me; not saying a word as his arm slips under my thighs; while the other slips behind my back and I'm being hoisted up.
Harry pulls the shower door open, and I notice he keeps his back angled towards the mirror as he carries me out of the bathroom.
I didn't realise how literal he was being earlier, because as soon as we reached the bed; I yelped as he tossed me onto it.
I land on the bed with a bounce, and in a heartbeat Harry has crawled on top of me, perching between my legs; grabbing my wrists and pinning my arms above my head in one of his large hands while his other hand rubs down the front of my body.
"Harry-- the bed, the sheets," I sound a bit delirious as I try to say, "we're still wet -- the shower-"
"Fuck the sheets," he dismisses, spreading my legs further apart with his knees, " I'll change them later. We're gonna ruin em' anyway. You okay though baby?" he checks in a breathless voice, lowering his face to brush his lips against mine, "you still want more?"
I should be spent after what he just did to me in that shower. I should be exhausted.
I'm not sure if it's adrenaline, or insanity but I'm only excited.
My mouth cracks into a faint smile, as I decide to tease him since I can finally speak, "depends on how much you want me."
I feel his grip tighten around my wrists, and then i suck in a sharp breath when he wraps his other hand around himself between us and I feel his tip drag up my heated sensitive skin that's still soaked.
Harry sucks in a hiss through his teeth, and releases my hands to grab one and push it down between our bodies; wrapping my fingers around him to show me how hard he is again.
"Feel that?" he says, staring at my mouth, then to my eyes, "feel what you do to me when I see you?"
As if it were possible he feels more rock solid than before, and he gasps when I start to stroke my grip around him.
His mouth dips down to capture mine, moaning into the slow kiss as I continue to work my fist around him and I try to urge my hips up to guide him to push inside of me.
When he feels me press him against my entrance and push my hips up again; he pulls himself back making me whine into his mouth as he kisses me harder.
He tugs my hand away from him, pinning it back above my head and moving his mouth to my neck; latching his lips against my skin and sucking hard to make sure he leaves a deep bruise.
I feel his other palm flatten against my chest, sliding down before I feel his nails drag down my stomach and I whimper at the sensation.
His mouth tears away from my neck to breathe against my ear, "if you thought I had you coming hard in the shower Abby, just wait, I'm nowhere near done with you yet."
I feel him tease me again, pressing against my entrance and when I push my hips up he pulls his hips back again.
"Harry," I whine, desperate to feel him again and not caring how overstimulated I am still, "please."
"You want me?" he asks, tugging at my earlobe between his teeth, "how do you want me?"
He holds himself again, nudging the head of his erection against my sensitive clit and it makes my hips flinch, "tell me. Tell me what you want from me."
"I want to feel you," I sigh, feeling a chill go down my spine as drags his tongue up the side of my neck.
"Feel me how though?" he urges, bringing his face to hover over mine as his damp hair hangs in front of his brows, "tell me baby."
It's feeling impossible to hold still, and I've got no clue how he has that heat pulsing between my legs again already but he has. It feels ever stronger than before.
"I want you to fuck me," i say in a quick breath, and watch my words wash over Harry as he almost moans at the sound of them.
My stomach drops when he pulls away though, sitting up but he quickly assures me when he notices the worry on my face.
"It's okay darling, don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."
I watch him lean over to where the box is still sitting towards the end of the bed, and tug it over a bit closer before his sifting through it.
I'm confused when he tosses a bottle of lubricant on the bed,but then my brows shoot up when I recognise the vibrator he grabs, dropping that onto the bed as well.
It's the one he used on me months ago, that he tied between my legs with his belt when he had me bent over the couch.
He grabs something else then kneels back between my legs, and I watch puzzled when he also grabs the lubricant and squirts some of it on his palm before wrapping his fist around himself and coating it from his tip to his base.
He glances at my face when he tosses the lubricant back on the bed and I see him take a rubber ring of some kind; stretching it over his tip and rolling it down at his base.
Harry notices how confused I look, and he slowly strokes his fist against himself as he speaks, "it's just a cock ring baby, no need to panic."
Cool. He explained that like I had any fucking clue what that is. That helped.
All my questions are answered.
"They help you last longer," he adds, looking amused over how lost I am, "help you come harder too."
I'm not gonna bother asking how, I'm just gonna go with it but he notices my eyes dart to the vibrator and the lubricant.
"One of those I'll be using later, and the other one I might be," he states and it makes my brows crease.
"The lubricant is only if we need it," he says, groaning suddenly as he continues to pump his fist around his length and watching him is making my mouth go dry, "I'm gonna be using that vibrator while I fuck you either way."
He drops back down so his hand is resting next to my head and stays propped above me, "that okay baby?"
In what universe would I say no to that?
Oh no, please, don't use the toy that nearly sent my soul to another planet while you fuck me stupid. Oh the horror.
"It's okay," I agree, wrapping my arms around his neck and Harry lets go of his length to feel his fingers near my entrance before dragging them up my slit to check how wet I am.
It makes my hips shift, rocking up for some kind of friction, and Harry looks drunk out of his mind on lust.
"I've got one more question," he asks, tilting his head down and his tongue teases against my lower lip, "remember what we did last time we had sex? In the stall? What I tried with my finger?"
"I remember," I say slowly, not sure where he's going with this, but gasp when I feel his finger trace a slow circle around my clit.
"I wanna try that at some point tonight," he tells me, "two fingers this time. I'll tell you when and you can say yes or no. that alright with you baby, huh?"
He really isn't holding back tonight.
Everything he pent up from the last three months he really is trying to get out of his system in one night.
"We can try it," I agree, getting tingles down my spine from how deep and rough his voice is.
"You can change your mind any time," he assures me, pressing a quick kiss to my lower lip, "but I'm gonna show you I love every fuckin' inch of your body Abby, and how amazing it feels, no exceptions. okay?"
I try to pull him down further for a kiss but he won't let me, "Okay... Harry, please, please stop teasing me-"
He doesn't even let me finish the sentence; his eyes are locked on my face as he lines up to my entrance and surprises me when he sinks into me; burying himself as deep as he can.
His jaw drops as he moans a shameless, "holy fuck," at the same time my head rolls back and I cry out.
He drops down onto his elbow next to my head, grabbing my leg to wrap it around his hips and stays buried in me as he circles his hips.
He grabs my jaw, forcing me to look at him and I swear he looks like he could nearly cry from what he's feeling.
My arms are clung tight around his neck, and his face dips down as he breathes heavy; murmuring against my lips, "you've got no idea how much I've missed you. Missed touching you, seeing you. Fuckin everything about you."
"I've missed you too, so much" I tell him, overwhelmed by the emotions coursing through me and how relieving it feels to be so close to him again.
Harry draws his hips back at the same time that he kisses me, then pushes forward to start slow savouring thrusts that leave us panting into our lips clashing together.
My hips rock up to meet his thrusts, and I feel Harry's body shudder at the feeling and his skin breaks out in goosebumps.
It seems like he's relishing all of it, every movement and every feeling; unable to get enough of any of it.
He tugs at my lower lip with his teeth, moaning, "tell me you love me."
I bury my face against his shoulder, pulling him closer as I pant, "I love you, fuck, I love you."
Harry pushes back up onto his knees, forcing me to let go of his neck as he stares down at me and roves his desperate eyes over my figure below him.
His hands smooth over and touch every part of my skin as he keeps the pace of the slow way his hips keep meeting mine.
"I love all of you," he groans, not hiding the heated way his eyes are enjoying every part of what he's seeing, "don't ever doubt that. It'll always drive me fucking crazy. It'll never change."
He looks down between us, so he can watch as his length disappears into me with each thrust and he pushes his damp hair back with his fingers away from his eyes.
When he looks back up, something in his expression has flipped, gotten darker and he grabs my thighs to place my ankles against his shoulders.
I see the corner of his mouth lift up into a sly smirk, "now I'm gonna prove it."
I'm not given the opportunity to ask how because he shows me, he holds onto my thighs, bringing his hips back and slams them forward.
It knocks the air out of me and I don't get to catch my breath because he does it again, going as deep as he can as he clenches his jaw and thrusts into me hard enough it makes my entire body jolt.
"Harry what -- fuck" i cry out, gripping onto the covers but then he grabs my legs again pushing them forward so my knees are near my shoulders.
He doesn't take his eyes off of my face, and every muscle in his body is clenching with the force of the strength that he's driving into me.
"Wanna know what your body does to me Abby?" he grunts, barely able to talk from how fast he's slamming into me, "How badly I've wanted you back for months? Well here, have it."
He sounds legitimately unhinged, absolutely no restraint whatsoever with a filthy desire to his tone that could make me come from hearing it.
Harry drops forward, letting one of my legs go but keeps the other on his shoulder, and his hand grabs around my throat, pressing his fingers against the sides enough to send blood rushing to my head as he slams into me.
He rests his mouth near mine, and my hands hold onto his back; my nails digging into his skin as he grunts at the feelings.
"Let me feel you nails down my back baby, go on," he begs, nearly drawing himself all the way out of me only to smack his hips forward, "where's that little devil huh? I missed her too."
I bite down hard on my lip, feeling my body buzzing and that thrill shoots through me as I drag my nails down his back and watch his face screw up in pleasure with his jaw dropping.
"Harder," he moans, speaking against my lips, "hurt me."
Hearing the desperate need to his voice sends prickles all over my skin from the top of my spine, and I dig my nails in harder at his shoulders, ripping them down his back.
I know I've broken skin, but Harry drawls the most erotic moan from it that my muscles clench around him when he thrusts into me, and he chokes out, "Again. Harder."
He kisses me, even though it's useless, our mouths can barely move; and I dig my nails into his back again, dragging them down as hard as I can but slower this time.
Harry's thrusts falter, and he grips tighter on the sides of my neck as he growls a loud, "Fuck," through his teeth with his eyes squeezed shut.
That last time seems to have flipped something in him, because next thing I know he's pulling out of me and I'm being tossed onto my stomach.
Harry grabs my hips, hoisting me up onto my knees, giving me no warning before he's lining back up with me and smashing his hips forward.
His palm smacks against my ass at the same time he buries himself inside of me; and I was convinced he was about to come just before but it turns out he's nowhere near finished.
I'm shocked by the force that he slams into me with, and I feel his hand grab my hair; twisting it around his fist at the base of my neck and tugs on it as he starts fucking into relentlessly.
All of it feels amplified from the fact I've already came twice tonight, mixing with the relief of deprivation I had for months all happening at once.
Harry's hand runs down my back, and then I feel him grab a greedy handful of my ass, squeezing it as he keeps a tight hold on my hair.
I'm not sure how someone can be fucking you like they hate you, and somehow it makes you feel more loved than ever before.
That's what this feels like though.
Every movement he's making feels like he's starving for me, like an explosive yearning that's made him lose control.
All i can hear is Harry's grunts and deep moans from the strength of each of his thrusts, with our skin connecting and then I hear Harry ask, "Can i do what i asked earlier?", his finger teases against my rear entrance, "can I make you come again baby?"
Honestly at this point I'd let him fuck me there if he asked because everything feels incredible at the moment, and i remember how amazing it felt the first time.
"Yes-" my answer gets cut off with a moan, and my body is starting to get covered in sweat as my nails dig into the covers.
Harry's movements slow down, and he almost stops completely when he leans to grab the lubricant and vibrator near us.
I gasp when I feel the cool liquid hit my skin, and Harry's finger massages it against me, groaning, "I'm gonna make you feel so good Abby, I promise."
He drops the lubricant on the bed next to us, but all he does next is put the vibrate between my legs underneath me; pressing the head of it against my clit.
"Remember your words," Harry says, and my body jumps when he turns the vibrator on low at first but feeling it against my has my hips writhing as I curse.
He now stays still inside of me, sunk into me completely, breathing like he's ran a marathon and then I feel his index finger press against my rear entrance; applying pressure before he checks, "ready baby?"
My answer is pushing myself back against him, whining a quiet "yes," over the mix of sensations going through me.
I'm not even nervous, all I can focus on is the ache that's between my legs at the moment and building to the point I want it released again.
Harry still doesn't move inside of me, and just like the first time I feel his finger inch in slowly; making my stomach clench from the pressure but he pauses each time he goes deeper and waits for me to adjust.
Once his finger is down to his second knuckle, he starts thrusting it inside of me at a careful pace; groaning as my hips circle back against him from the vibrator sending pulses of pleasure through my body.
"You wanna try two fingers now darling?" he drawls, sounding drunk off of what he's watching and I nod with my face pressed against the covers.
"Use words or I stop," he warns me and I whine a pathetic, "yes, two, it's okay."
He repeats the same actions he did the first time, but the extra pressure as he starts to tease both fingers into me and push them in I whimper at the feeling.
It doesn't hurt, it just feels... tense, a tight pressure I'm not used to.
His fingers are slick from the lubricant that there's no resistance and he's patient, taking his time until he was able to sink both fingers into me almost completely.
He keeps them stilled there, and then I feel him turn up the speed of the vibrator.
"Oh fuck me," I choke, feeling my thighs shake from how it feels.
"Trust me, I'm planning on it," Harry teases me, "you ready darling?"
At this point, the fact he isn't moving is driving me mental and I start circling my hips back harder against him, "Please, Harry please keep going."
He doesn't make me wait much longer, and the first thing he does is draw his hips back and starts a slow rhythm at first and feeling that alone, with the vibrator and how full I feel with his fingers inside of me nearly makes me come right there.
Next his finger inside of me curves down, like his applying pressure to where he's pushing into me and his fingers start careful thrusts at the same pace as his hips.
What ever places he's hitting inside of me with his fingers, shocks me, only intensified by the vibrator and my voice raises as I moan, "Harry -- I'm - fuck, please don't stop."
"I told you I'd make you feel good Abby," he pants, and then he slams his hips against me as his fingers thrust into me quicker and I near shriek at the feeling as my whole body starts to tremble, "I always wanna make you feel good -- as good as you make me feel."
This feels totally different to what I felt in the shower, and the orgasm that's building hits me very fucking hard and very sudden when he presses the vibrator harder against my nerves and fucks into me faster, filling me in every way possible.
I feel my muscles clamp around him, pulsing and it makes Harry curse a loud, "fuck, Abby."
Hearing the filthy moan from harry tips me over the edge, and the feeling that hits me is indescribable.
I've got no control over my body, or how I react; and I scream into the covers, then cry out chants of profanities and Harry's name as every muscle I have convulses and tenses.
I can't stop shaking and Harry continues to drive into me, until I feel him drop the vibrator and pull out of me.
I collapse down on the bed, with my legs giving out and look to see Harry with his eyes screwed shut.
His hand is wrapped around his base, squeezing himself with his chest muscles taught as he grits, "oh fuck, oh fuck," through his teeth,
I can barely move, feeling like I just had a near death experience from a god damn orgasm and I watch Harry finally open his eyes; pulling his hand away from himself before he locks his stare on me.
He reaches for the vibrator, and I panic for a second not thinking I can take any more of it but he switches it off and tosses it back on the bed.
His stare doesn't leave me as he lays down next to me on the bed, on his back and then he's grabbing me and pulling me on top of him.
I'm not much help at all, literally almost like a dead body but I manage to place my legs either side of his hips.
Harry hugs me against his chest, and I feel him press a kiss to the top of my head before bending his knees up and reaching down to place himself at my entrance again; slowly sinking into me.
My body twitches from how sensitive I am, but it doesn;t feel bad, and it's embarrassing how drenched I am which had Harry pushing into me with almost no effort.
"Can you wrap your arms around my neck?" he whispers, with the atmosphere totally different now, and I do my best to do as he asks, lifting my half useless arms around his shoulders.
My face is now buried into his neck, and both of his arms hug around my back.
"You feeling okay?" he checks, with all of his movements now tender and sweet, "was that good baby?"
His voice is still strained like he's holding back, desperately trying to make this last as long as he can.
"Amazing but I'm fucked," I grunt, because that's the only way I can describe it.
That makes Harry let out a weak chuckle, and his breathing starts to become uneven as he continues slow thrusts up into me.
My hips are shifting against him, still savouring the feeling of the closeness to him and listening to the soft moans coming from him.
Harry's trying to keep me as close as possible, and it hasn't escaped me that he's hugging me.
I want him to feel as incredible as he made me feel, I've missed that moment when he reaches the edge and I get to feel him unravel.
You can feel the emotion behind each of his movements, and how desperately he's clinging to it.
I manage to lift my head up, so I can whisper near his ear, "did you wanna come baby?"
Harry's hips start to rock up against me a bit faster, and I feel his breathing skip, as he responds, "I've been trying not to. I've missed you too much. How this feels."
His words feel like a fist clenching my heart, and I press a kiss to his ear before saying, "But I want to feel you come inside me. I've missed that."
When Harry hears what I say his arms tense around me, his movements pausing, and he lets out a drawn out strained moan.
He catches me off guard when he flips us again, so we're both lying on our sides facing each other and he hooks my leg over his hip.
Harry thrusts back into me, pulling me against him with his arm around my back and rests his damp forehead against mine.
"Kiss me," he begs, whimpering as I feel his thrusts becoming uneven and knowing he's barely able to hold himself back anymore.
My lips are pressing against his without another thought, and I can feel every ounce of adoration he through it; then he pushes himself as deep as he can into me with each snap of his hips.
His mouth pauses against mine, moaning, "Oh fucking hell -- Abby...Baby "
His arm tightens around me, and then there's a sudden burst of hard quick thrusts from him as his other hand tangles into the back of my hair.
I can feel his muscles trembling, and then he slams up inside of me, filling me completely and staying still as his hips grind against me.
Both of us are hot and covered in sweat, and he clings to me as his orgasm hits me.
"Fuck!" he near shouts, hiding his face against my neck and I feel the tremble in his muscles.
His body jolts hard with each release that hits him, feeling his warmth spill into me until his slumping exhausted with laboured breathing.
We both lay there, completely worn out and neither of us can move.
I'm not even sure if we accidentally fell asleep for a bit, I could barely process time.
Looks like I'm not making that trifle tonight.
It's fine. I can make it in the morning.
The only thing that had either of us moving, was the familiar sound of Ludos whining through the bedroom door.
"God dammit," Harry huffed, still cuddled into me and hadn't moved, "I'm gonna have to get up and let him in."
"Uh huh" I mumbled, pretty much half asleep.
Now Ludo is whining louder.
"And we're gonna need another shower," he groaned, and then he whined, "fuuuuuuuuck, I've gotta change the sheets too."
I couldn't help but laugh, he sounded like a toddler just then. A foul mouthed one but still.
"I'll help you change them," I offered and felt him press a kiss to my shoulder, "once I can use my arms again."
Harry sighed, "I'm gonna get up and let him in. Then we'll figure out the other crap. You wait here baby."
He struggled to get himself up, and I immediately felt empty when he wasn't next to me.
I heard him shuffling around the room, and doing things like putting the contents of the box back inside it and closing the lid.
I rolled over to watch him with tired eyes, and he went to the bathroom to quickly tug his sweatpants back on.
Ludo was now practically howling at the door and scratching at it and Harry huffed, "yeah boy calm down. You're alright."
When Harry walked to the door I noticed the very deep red scratch marks covering his back.
Harry opened the door to Ludo sitting in the doorway, and he looked over the bed at me then looked up at Harry and just stared at him.
"Hey," Harry pointed at him, "don't look at me like that."
Ludo didn't budge, just stayed still and silent looking at him and Harry turned to me.
"Harry... he's not-" I try to tell him but Harry's panicked words have me bursting out into a fit of laughter.
"See Abby! He knows. He's fucking judging me - Look at him!"
****
Me @ Stall H by the end of this chapter:
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A/N:
It's like 2am, I'm exhausted so I'm gonna go pass out.
But I adore you, thank you for sticking with my bullshit and the fact your author is some disorganised chaotic gremlin.
Be kind to yourself and stay hydrated.
This wouldn't be the same without you.
*Bumpats from hell where I belong*