september 2014
kenzie louise
tomorrow i started college.
everyone had been venturing out of their rooms slowly but surely, the house did feel empty but we all sat and had dinner as a family last night; which was strange for me and i think everyone else too
it was going okay until my father brung up the funeral, knowing i would have to finally let her rest? hurt.
but my dad did say that we were going to have to have it soon or later, letting her rest was what we needed to do.
it had been a few days since then so here i am now, laying on my back in bed with ross on the phone that was laying perfectly in the middle of my stomach whilst i starfished the bed
"you need to get ready" ross whined at me down the phone making me feel even worse unintentionally
"i know ok?" i say bringing my hands up and onto my warm forehead
"don't stress" he told me
"i'm trying not too" i said picking my phone up for my stomach and bringing my face into view whilst we were on facetime
ross was now currently in san diego, god knows how.
he was in his changing room before a show, the time difference had been the same over the few weeks and i'm honestly suprised he hadn't had enough of my moaning and whining down the phone
it was 6:50pm the night before i had college, it was a monday which was odd considering that then meant i started again on a tuesday
if i'm honest i'm not sure what college is going to feel like.
it'll be strange for sure, i hadn't been to school since july and i just knew college was going to be a lot different and much much harder than school
i took music seriously most the time in school, it didn't even feel like my last year there when i left
the whole time i was there i was alone until that one day that ross turned up
he made me feel like i was worth something and he made me feel like there was a matter
before i met him i didn't really know what my 'happiness' was, i wasn't sad all the time or feeling bad about myself or anything like that
but i wasn't particularly happy.
after i lost my bestfriend when i was 13 i knew it was never going to be the same, i'm so scared to drive, petrified even.
she knew the ins and outs of my life, it was like she knew more about my family and me then i even did
"i need to get my stuff readyy" i groan extending the y
i heard ross laugh slightly into the phone as i slowly but surely got myself up
i wasn't really sure what i needed, i wasn't even sure if my classes, i was for sure taking music classes as in learning about the history and playing there but for the others i had no clue
i walk over to the corner of my room that was starting to dust in certain places and pick my bag up
i throw it on my bed and walk over to my drawers to grab my things, opening the draw i took a pack on highlighters that felt like they had been sitting in there for years along with a pen, a pencil, ruler and a few other things before walking back over to my bed and the things in lazily
"when's your show starting?" i ask ross as i go over to shut the draw
he waited a second before replying "in around 60 seconds"
i froze "oh right"
i heard people talking and muttering in the background, ross quickly told them to stop laughing and talking but him himself was laughing too
i arched my brows and walked over to my bed to pick my phone up and put my messy bun and glassed face into view
"i'll let you go superhero, have fun" i smiled weakly
he frowned "i miss you"
"i miss you too...only..." i thought to myself "seven more months?" it came as a question more than a statement
he nodded still frowing "i'm gonna have to-
he got cut off by some people laughing guessing it was there siblings
"go, i know" i finished it as i was starting to get used to this feeling
he didn't reply.
"are you on the road tonight?" i asked him
"yeah, to palm springs, it's confusing though because we have one main bus and i somehow get on the crews everytime" his eyes wondered off
i laughed to myself in awe of him "okay"
"i'll call you, if your awake...i don't want you to be tired tomorrow" he warned me
"i will be dont worry" i told him knowing that i would most likely be awake
"ok ok, i love you"
that'll never get old.
"i love you too, now go, have fun i miss you" i rambled
he laughed "bye baby"
he smiled at me one last time before i heard the two beeps knowing the call was now over
considering it was 7pm the house was extremely quiet, it wasn't like this often, after the passing of my mother it had been kind of? bland.
and i know that i shouldn't really be saying that but ross and rydel have sort of made me think on the positive side of things
telling me that if i was upset it would upset my mum up there in heaven, so even since then i've tried my hardest
i layed back down on the back with a sigh before grabbing my pillow from next to me shoving it into my face
it felt like i was repeating days over and over again, everything was the same
i started getting lost in my own thoughts.
me and ross had been together officially for around two months now, the date coming up soon.
july 23rd...my birthday.
today was the 3rd and me and ross didn't even mention the first anniversary of dating.
i looked down at my fumbling hands to find the ring that ross gave me, i've never taken it off.
it was silver and perfect overall, it had two hearts that connected in the middle of my middle finger.
i smile at the time i first opened it, in my mind it was like i saw it from a different persons point of view, me sitting on my knees opening the small bag with excitement on my face
opening the envelope and seeing the huge smile on my face when i opened it
it got me thinking even harder, digging into my thoughts it came to me.
i don't know ross as well as i think i do, i want him to be more open with me, and trust me.
when i first spoke to him he seemed confident, cocky almost...but now?
he went shy, he blushed whenever we kissed, he would be gentle with me, scared almost
i'm not sure what caused this to happen but i brushed it off until he left hoping he would come back and be okay with me
ross knows a lot than me and knows my history with ben, he told me i'm his first girlfriend but i don't believe that in a way
i wanted to talk to him, face to face. but i couldn't.
i feel my eyes closing on themselves as i fall slowly into a deep sleep
~
"kenzie...mckenzie...darling"
i flutter my eyes open to see my mother sat on the end of my bed just by my feet, shaking my leg gently to wake me.
i sit up slowly and rub my eyes from the sudden shock.
"yeah" i rasped
"let's go for a drive" she smiled genuinely
i didn't even think about it, the fact she wasn't here, was this real?
i take the covers off from my legs and slide myself out of bed whilst she waited at the door
i wake up a little when walking down the stairs and into the car, why was she taking me? where was she taking me?
we sat in the car after my mum locked the front door and now locked us in the car, she soon started driving down the freeway
without her saying a word i decided to speak up
"where are we going?"
she didn't reply
"mum?"
she picked up the speed without replying once again, i grip my fingernails into the seat
"tell me what's happening!" i shout
her face shows no emotion what so ever as the car jults forward, my head shoots up towards the front of me and before i knew it i was being throw through the front of the car and through the broken window
landing on my cold wet floor i see my mums in shock, still in the car she glances at me for a spilt seconds before starting the car and zooming down the roads
leaving me alone on the hard floor without an explanation or even a word since we left the house.
~
i was nearly sick when i woke up, i felt my throat clench and my stomach gurgle beneath me as i shor myself forward in pure pain
my hands in a ball fisting the bed as my breathing was more than heavy, this was the worst one.
i start to feel the tears leaving my eyes slowly one by one and i don't wait another second before grabbing my phone from behind me
i stumble when putting my password in, almost forgetting it.
i unlock it and see no messages from ross yet which was weird considering it was 2am almost, he should be on the road by now
i send him a quick message asking him if he could call me and wait for a reply
i felt my breathing picking up when i was looking around my dark empty room, picturing my dream happening in real life
picturing me laying down like it was from someone's point of view even though it was only me and my mother in the room
i couldn't wait any longer, i sent the message nearly five minutes ago and he hadn't read it yet, i don't want to sound clingy but right now i needed him.
i head straight to contacts and call him, waiting a few rings before he answers as soon as i was about to hang up
"hello?" she slurred
great.
"ross, hi" my voice was shaky as i leant against my headboard
his mood suddenly changed "are you okay?"
i swallowed the lump in my throat "it's never been this bad"
the line went silent.
"she was here, in my room, on my bed, touching me" i continue
the line stay silent so i don't stop.
"she killed me"
he really was speechless.
"kenzie...was it a dream?" he asks in caution
i nod slowly but then remembered he couldn't see me.
"y-yes" i stutter
he sighed like i was a problem.
"oh sorry, are you busy?" i ask nicely not trying to get on his bad side
"no, no" he said almost immediately
"so what's wrong?" i try distracting myself
"nothing, not your fault i just don't like seeing you so upset" he reassured me
i nodded and wired my eyes shut but i soon felt a vibrate to my ear, i pull it away to see ross wanting to facetime
i accept and leave my phone in between my closed legs
"lay down with me" he whispered
i sighed before picking my phone back up, i placed it against my lamp on the bedside table and layed back down facing him.
he was layed in his bunk, it sure did look like i wakes him up.
"did i wake you?" i ask breaking the silence that was making my anxiety go through the roof
he shakes his head.
"don't think about it, sleep okay? i'm worried about tomorrow"
i nodded and decided it was the best to stay silent.
after a few minutes ross was out, leaving me in my own thoughts for the rest of the night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a/n
this chapter is slightly longer than the most recent ones sk hope you enjoy
/
welcome to the world baby super funk!
-katie