A/N Happy Birthday to the wonderful @playztasnim !!!!! A bitter-sweet kind of chapter for you, but I hope you enjoy it, and the rest of your day. xxx
Raephier couldn't help but notice the troubled expression on Jacob's face when he entered back into the room.
He wanted to ask what the matter was, but couldn't quite build up the courage to.
It didn't matter a moment later when Jacob gave him a clue.
"How well do you know the man that sold you to me?"
Raephier felt his stomach drop.
"N-Not that well," he stuttered after a moment's pause.
Raephier had never worried about lying to a master before. He did it almost as second nature. But with Jacob it was different. Jacob had specifically asked him not to lie, and so far he'd shown him nothing but kindness and trust, and he didn't want to jeopardize that by being caught out on a thoughtless lie.
Jacob sat down in the chair, and Raephier watched as Jacob seemed to be in battle with whatever thoughts were swimming around in his mind. His forehead was creased by a frown, and his jaw was clenched and tight. And Raephier hated it.
Eventually, Jacob spoke again.
"Is it weird that he's sitting downstairs right now?"
Even though Raephier had assumed that this was the case as soon as Jacob mentioned him, to have it confirmed somehow made it worse. He felt like he was an injured animal and the vultures were circling him from above.
Anxiety prevented Raephier from giving any kind of answer to Jacob, but he didn't seem to notice and instead asked another question.
"Do you think he might try to steal you back?"
This time Jacob turned to look at Raephier, clearly expecting a reply.
At least this was a reply Raephier could give, and one that might ease Jacob's fears.
"No, I don't think so."
Jacob looked a little relieved by Raephier's answer, but he still looked tense.
"Maybe it's just a coincidence then. Because of the storm?"
The upward turn at the end of the sentence alerted Raephier to the fact that he was being asked to respond.
"Possibly," he replied, although he felt like the word clogged in his throat a little.
Nothing more was said between them. Jacob appeared lost in his thoughts, his hands absentmindedly playing with a small silver timepiece that he'd pulled from his pocket, so Raephier settled back into the comfort of the bed.
Within minutes, Raephier started to feel his eyes drooping.
"Move up and let me in," Jacob said, snapping Raephier back awake.
He did as he was told and moved to the far side of the bed as Jacob removed his jacket and boots, turned off the small oil lamp on the bedside table, then slid into bed beside him.
The bed was plenty big enough for them to not have to touch, but Raephier could feel Jacob's body next to him like it was a raging fire.
The idea of sleeping this close to the Captain was both thrilling and scary in equal measure. As much as Raephier wanted to be here, maybe more than he wanted to admit, he knew that he needed to say something or he'd be too anxious to sleep.
"If I move around or make too much noise, please can you wake me so I can sleep on the floor? I don't want to disturb your sleep."
Raephier felt Jacob shift so his body was facing him. The silence made the hairs on Raphier's arms stand on end. There was something about being in the dark that heightened all the senses, and right now, the air felt like it was thrumming with static energy.
"And is it likely that you will thrash around in your sleep?" Jacob asked in not much more than a whisper.
Raephier had to fight hard not to tremble at his words.
"I'm afraid I have bad dreams sometimes," he said.
"About what?" Jacob asked.
Raephier could feel Jacob's breath as he spoke, and it was making it hard for him to think.
"Things from my past."
"You can tell me if you want," Jacob offered.
"I'd rather just try to forget, if that's ok," Raephier replied.
Jacob went silent, and Raephier started to worry that he'd said the wrong thing. Didn't Jacob say that it was ok for him to not answer every question if he was uncomfortable with sharing?
Raephier tried to think of something he could say, any bit of his dreams that he might be willing to share, but then Jacob spoke again.
"If you get scared in the night, you can wake me. I don't mind."
Raephier felt like his mind might explode.
"Thank you. That's very kind."
There was no way that Raephier would ever take him up on that offer. He'd been living with his nightmares for years now, and always dealt with the after-effects on his own. Just having Jacob next to him, would make it 100 times easier to deal with anyway, even if he was asleep.
Despite his emotions being all over the place, as soon as Jacob's breathing evened out, it didn't take Raephier long to also succumb to sleep.
And as sure as night follows day, the horrors of his past returned to haunt him.
The light reflected off a shoal of silver fish, drawing his eyes away for a moment. Movement. That was always the first thing Raephier noticed when he dreamt of home. Everything underwater was constantly in motion. It was one of the things that had taken him the longest to get used to when he was first on land - the stillness. The way everything stayed in its place, and even the air could be so still that he couldn't even feel it moving against his bare skin.
Raephier knew he was dreaming. But despite that, there was never anything he could do about it. Probably because it was a memory rather than a made-up event.
Raephier's attention was eventually brought back to the reason he was here.
He stared around at all the familiar faces in front of him. His parents, siblings, cousins, friends, neighbours. Those faces should have brought him comfort. Should have made him feel safe. But even though he painstakingly searched every single feature on their faces, he felt as though he was staring at strangers.
Horacio, their colony's most senior Elder was speaking to everyone who'd gathered to hear the sentence. But Raephier was too distracted to listen. He'd heard all this before, when someone else had stepped outside of their strict rules. Horacio loved the sound of his own voice and would talk for at least 10 minutes on the importance of their race and the lengths they needed to go to preserve it, before he would actually say what the punishment was.
Raephier tried to fight it, even though he knew it was hopeless, but his eyes were eventually drawn to the King and Queen. The Queen was crying, her face buried into her hands. The King was just staring at nothing. It was almost as if he was frozen in time at the point he'd first heard the news.
Nothing was the same, everything was different.
Raephier hadn't slept well since the incident and so he felt like his brain was swimming through fog. But he tried to focus, and continued to look for clues. The only thing he could liken this feeling to, was the time he went travelling for a month, then came home to find his mum had redecorated their home.
But this time everything still looked the same, so why was it so unfamiliar?
There was something missing!!! Yes, that was it. Or rather not a something, but a someone!!
Jas.
Jas, his best friend, his companion, his first crush.
Horacio's words finally cut through Raephier's thoughts when he heard his name.
"Raephier Kaleem Jamison you have been found guilty of the murder of Prince Jasper Poisier III. A crime such as this would usually result in death, but due to the circumstances aforementioned, you will be spared."
Oh yes. Jas was dead.
Raephier was aware that he should feel something at having his life spared. Maybe relief? Or hope for the future? But all he felt right now was numb.
"However, due to your curse, it has been decided that it is not safe for you to stay. So you are being banished from the Kingdom of Aldern for the rest of your life. You have until sundown to leave."
Raephier looked towards his parents. Neither of them looked back at him. They both stood resolutely still, staring straight ahead at Horacio. Raephier recognised the look on their faces. They were ashamed.
And then it hit him. Why everything looked so unfamiliar. It wasn't because they'd changed. It was because he had. They looked at him like he was a stranger, because he basically was. He was a killer now. A murderer. A criminal.
Horacio must have stopped talking because the crowds had started to disperse.
No one came over to him. No one spoke to him. They all just swam away and left him.
Raephier looked towards the cave that was his home. He didn't have many possessions. Merpeople weren't material in that way. Family is what they cherished above all. And it suddenly hit Raephier somewhere deep in his chest that he no longer had a family anymore. He had nothing.
So he swam. Away from his home, away from Aldern, and away from the memories of his past.
Only he had nowhere to go. The next colony of merpeople was thousands of miles away, and the chances of reaching it safely on his own were slim.
They might have spared his life today, but by banishing him, they'd also given him a death sentence. He'd be lucky to be alive this time next year.
But Raephier didn't mind. He deserved to die anyway.
So with no destination in mind, he just swam. He swam until his whole body ached, and he could hardly draw breath. He pushed and pushed, until his vision started to fade in and out, and his head felt like it was going to explode. He didn't want to stop. He didn't deserve to stop. He needed to feel pain. He needed to be punished.
His vision started to go out of focus, and soon, black spots were dancing in front of him, making him feel dizzy. But he didn't stop. He couldn't.
But then the choice was taken away from him. His body finally gave in and shut down and everything went black.
And he felt like he was floating. Drifting like a jellyfish, following the current.
It was peaceful. And calm. And quiet. And endless. And then everything just.....stopped.
"What do we 'ave 'ere then?"
Raepheir sat bolt upright, gasping in lungfuls of air, much like he'd done on that night when he'd heard that voice.
It was dark, and a movement to Raephier's right made him tumble off the bed in fright.
"Go away Fingers! Leave me alone!" he shouted, still disorientated.
"Raephier! Shit!" he heard, followed by a rustling and the padding of bare feet across floorboards.
A lamp was lit, and finally, Raephier could grasp the reality around him.
"Are you ok?" a rather frantic Jacob asked, kneeling on the floor in front of where Raephier had fallen.
"I-I'm s-sorry," Raephier stuttered, feeling embarrassed. "I just had a bad dream."
"Well come back to bed, and we can talk about it," Jacob said, taking hold of Raephier's arm and gently pulling him up off the floor.
Raephier crawled back into bed, feeling a little better although his heart was still beating so hard he could hear pulsing in his ears.
Jacob sat quietly while Raephier got himself comfortable. He looked over to Jacob, expecting him to say something, but he stayed silent.
Raephier began to wonder if he was just waiting for him to say something, but to be honest, he had no idea where to start.
Eventually, Jacob must have tired of waiting.
"Can you tell me what your dream was about?" he asked.
Raephier fiddled with the blanket, not wanting to look up and see Jacob's kind face.
"It was a memory more than a dream," Raephier eventually replied.
"Oh," Jacob said quietly. "Would you mind telling me about it?"
Raephier gripped the blanket tightly. He didn't want to tell Jacob. It was probably the lowest point in Raephier's life. Even worse than when he was being tortured by Jinx. And he was bitterly ashamed about it.
But he didn't want to disappoint Jacob. Not when he'd asked so nicely.
"It was the time shortly after I'd been cursed, when I was banished from-" Raephier caught himself just in time. "When my family threw me out and told me never to come back."
"I see," Jacob said gently, and then he reached out and took hold of Raephier's hand which was twisting the blanket so hard he was probably close to ripping it.
"Sorry," Raephier mumbled, letting go of the blanket.
He expected Jacob to let go of his hand. But he didn't. He just left it on top of his, Jacob's thumb brushing gently up and down.
"When you were coming round, you thought I was going to attack you, didn't you?" Jacob asked.
Raephier took a few seconds to register what he said, as he was too distracted by the sight of Jacob's hand on his own.
"Yes, I'm sorry," he said, squirming a little. "It sometimes takes me a few moments to fully come out of my dream."
Jacob's thumb kept stroking, which put Raephier's mind at ease. Surely if he said something wrong, the comforting movement would stop.
"You thought I was Finger's didn't you?" he asked, making Raephier flinch.
"H-he was the one who found me," Raephier explained. "After I..."
Raephier paused, trying to get his thoughts into some sort of order.
Jacob let go of Raephier's hand, and he had to bite back a whine of protest.
Was it because he paused? Had he upset Jacob by not telling him everything?
He looked up at Jacob, and was about to plead with him, and let him know that he was just getting his thought into order, when Jacob sat up, rearranged his pillows, then lay down fully. Then to Raephier's surprise, Jacob's arm snaked its way around Raephier and pulled him up under his arm, so he was pressed against Jacob's side. The hand that had been previously holding Raephier's then made its way into Raephier's hair, stroking him gently.
Raephier all but melted into a puddle on the bed.
"I want you to feel safe with me Raephier. Do you feel safe?" Jacob asked.
Reaphier would have told him he was the tooth fairy right now, if it meant that he would keep pushing his fingers through his hair like that.
"Yes, I do," he said.
"Then know you can tell me anything," he said. "I promise I will still treat you the same, no matter what you've done in your past."
Raephier felt a bolt of shame rip through his chest. Jacob was a good man, he knew that. But he also knew that those words weren't true. Although it wasn't just the past that was the issue. Because Raephier's past was very much connected to his future. And no matter how Raephier felt about Jacob, their futures were interconnected now, meaning that....
Raephier took in a steadying breath. He didn't want to think about it right now. Not when he could be enjoying his time with Jacob. But he did owe Jacob an explanation about his dream.
"After my family threw me out, I didn't have anywhere to go. I was scared and alone. And cursed. I - I went into the sea and swam. I just kept on swimming until exhaustion took over and I blacked out."
"You tried to kill yourself?" Jacob asked, the shock evident in his voice.
Raepher thought about it for a second, and while he did, he felt Jacob's arm pull him closer against his body.
"No, I don't think I was trying to kill myself. I was just upset and so wasn't thinking straight."
Raephier wasn't ready to tell Jacob that passing out in the sea wouldn't have killed him, like it would a human, but then again, being washed up onto shore while being passed out might have. It was only then that Raephier had found out that the curse did more to him than make him a killer. It also gave him the ability to speak, and understand humans, and it turned his tail into legs whenever he was on land.
Jacob's hand continued to play with Raephier's hair, and he let out a contented sigh before continuing.
"Fingers was the one who found me. I was confused and upset, and blurted everything out to him about my family and the curse."
Raephier had never had any interaction with a human before Fingers, and feeling desperate, he'd trusted him. But humans were not to be trusted, just like he'd been told growing up. They were cruel and heartless, and only interested in money and material possessions. Jacob was the first human he'd met who made him question that.
"When he discovered what I was, he sold me to the highest bidder," Raephier said bitterly.
"I'm sorry," Jacob said.
Raephier frowned. "You've nothing to be sorry for," he said.
"But I bought you too. In some ways, I'm no better than them."
Raephier pushed himself up so he could turn and look at Jacob.
"You're better than them in every single way," he said firmly, then on seeing Jacob's eyebrows raise in surprise, he immediately blushed at his words, and lay back down.
Jacob chuckled lightly, then pressed his lips to the top of Raephier's head in an almost kiss.
"You're too adorable," he said quietly, but loud enough for Raephier's blush to deepen.
"And remember, you're with me now," Jacob said, "and I'm going to make sure that you never have to be sold to anyone again. Now, let's try and get some more sleep. We need to be up again in a couple of hours."
Raephier expected Jacob to take back his arm and roll away, but he stayed right where he was, and no more than a few minutes later, his breathing told Raephier that he was asleep.
Raephier slowly rolled over towards Jacob so he was looking at him. He could only see the outline of his features in the darkness, but even so, his breath hitched a little at the sight. He'd never felt this way before. Well, not since.....
But it was pointless to think that way. Because despite what Jacob said, it was only a matter of time before he was back with Fingers, wondering who his new master would be.
He let out a small chuckle, although it was anything but funny. How was it possible that despite the fact he was safe and being treated with kindness and respect, that he felt more sadness now than he had in a long time.
There was nothing he could do. No way to change his future.
But a little voice somewhere inside knew that there was a way. He knew exactly what he needed to do if he wanted to stay with Jacob. But he made a promise a long time ago. A promise he always had every intention of keeping.
He quickly shook that thought away. No, his future was already decided. Jacob was not his to keep. Not now. Not ever.
total word count 18,040