august 1st, 2020
2:18 pm
THE LAST TIME that Ayoluwa had been this joyful was when Lauryn was born.
Just when she thought it wasn't possible, she had found someone she could devote her free time to.
Ayoluwa and Joshua were sitting on the couch with him slumped down against her, his head was in her lap.
Ayoluwa's speaker was playing music but Joshua was more clearly focused on cascading his thumb against her cheek.
He pulled her down into a kiss then began to lightly press her against the cushion.
"Uh, no condoms. Remember?" Ayoluwa said against him.
Joshua kissed his teeth but didn't let go, "Once won't kill us."
Ayoluwa looked at him like he was stupid, "Yeah, that's what happened to Imani. Her 'once won't hurt us' turned out to be Lauryn."
She adjusted herself away from him just as the doorbell rang.
The two straightened in a mix of alarm and confusion.
"What..?" Ayoluwa started to say.
"I don't know. Stay here." Joshua dusted himself off then opened the door to reveal Dior, Shareef and Caleb.
"Hey." Shareef pushed his glasses up his nose.
"Um, hi?" Ayoluwa said.
"Did y'all forget?" Dior strolled into the house, "It's August. Y'all can go."
Ayoluwa was speechless for a second, "Oh, right. Let me just get my clothes. Josh, you have clothes upstairs too right?"
"I-I think so."
The two went upstairs and as soon as they were in the bedroom, Ayoluwa pulled Joshua into the bedroom, "We need to figure out a way to tell them."
Joshua licked his bottom lip in clear contemplation, "Maybe... Maybe it's best to act like this never happened."
Ayoluwa stared at him, not comprehending what was happening, "What?"
"Like hear me out, I'm going to Arizona with Woo in a couple of weeks and then a year or two I'm gonna be going pro. You're basically gonna be a full time mom, us doing anything doesn't make sense. We shouldn't confuse them by telling them what happened." Joshua explained.
"I don't understand. We were literally kissing not a full ten minutes ago." Ayoluwa was in full disbelief, "Is this just because of them? 'Cause they'll get over it. They'll be shocked at first, yeah, but once they see how happy we are, they'll get over it. They would be happy for us."
She moved to go back downstairs with the intent of shouting their secret to the mountain top when Joshua gripped her wrist and pulled her around to where she was standing previously.
Joshua shook his head, "Ayoluwa, you know that I was never planning on having a relationship. I told you that at the start of all this."
Ayoluwa went deaf for a second due to hurt and sadness then surveyed the bedroom.
The bed was still messy and the windows were still open from when it overheated last night.
She had damn near fallen in love in this room and it was a stab to the heart that this was the room that he was choosing to end whatever this had been in.
"We had fun, right? That's what matters. I think better of you." Joshua attempted to put a hand on her shoulder but Ayoluwa quickly pushed his hand off.
He had used her.
They had laid up, she had caught feelings and he only wanted a part time therapist and someone who was warm to hold at night.
And now he was done with her.
"You know what I think?" Ayoluwa moved to her suitcase and began to throw her clothes and toiletries into it.
"I think that you're scared. You're a scared little boy who's afraid of his feelings and to grow up. I don't know why I didn't see it sooner. You already showed me your true colors, I don't know why I thought we could actually be something," Ayoluwa looked away from Joshua for a second then back at him.
His face was pale but stony, taking in her words.
"You wanna act like nothing happened between us? Fine. You do that," Ayoluwa pulled up the handle of her suitcase and moved to the doorway.
"But if anyone asks me, I'm gonna tell them the truth: that you're scared of the future, of your feelings and of loving me and you will forever be scared and all you do is push the people away who care about you just because they're not afraid of everything like you are. Have a nice life."
When Ayoluwa went downstairs, the three boys were sitting on the couch, talking quietly amongst themselves.
Ayoluwa snatched her tattered songbook and pen off of the ottoman, "Let's go."
She directed her words to Dior and Shareef who were giving her curious looks.
"You good?" Shareef asked, denoting to the hurt and anger in Ayoluwa's tone.
"No. I wanna go home." Ayoluwa responded, her eyes stinging.
"So, this didn't help at all?" Dior asked, "Not even a little? Y'all still hate each other after all this shit I went through to pull this off?"
The sound of Joshua creeping down the stairs made the group turn to look at him.
Ayoluwa held Joshua's gaze, "It just made everything worse. Of course I still hate him."
It couldn't be any further from the truth.
Caleb sighed and then passed his brother an annoyed glance.
"I was so sure that this shit would work." Dior muttered as he stood up.
"Yeah, well. I told you guys from the start that we were oil and water. We're never getting along," Joshua lied.
Shareef stood as well, "Come on. I would like to get back as early as possible."
Ayoluwa didn't Joshua a backwards glance as she followed Dior and Shareef to the car.
Fighting back tears, Ayoluwa put her suitcase in the trunk before sitting in the backseat.
Ayoluwa could still see the outline of Joshua and Christopher on the porch arguing about something.
Sure that her friends weren't looking, Ayoluwa hid her face by turning it to the window as tears began to stream down her face, silent but strong.
She flipped open her songbook to a fresh page and then titled it 'Close To You'.
Her worst fears had come true.
He had broken her heart.
NOTE FROM KY
😬 Josh is a coward, y'all knew this tho
vote & comment, porfa!