It's been a few days since the nurse visit and in all honesty my life came crashing down the moment I found out why I was so ill, but I can tell you already know what I'm about to say.
Yes, I'm pregnant. And most importantly I'm to scared and embarrassed to tell Jordan, my first time I go and get myself knocked up. My mind was a sea full of questions that I didn't have the answers to but then again did anyone?
The only person who knew about this is the school nurse. She did give me the test after all so it's doesn't really bother me that she knows, but the one person who deserves to know I can't face. I had been avoiding him for days. Texts, calls, emails, even letter to my door, I ignored everything related to him except of course his child that was growing inside me day by day.
And day by day I was running out of options. I knew I couldn't make a decision without Jordan knowing, it's his child too. And I knew it was time to build myself up and tell him, maybe then the sea of questions can turn into a little lake, not filling my head as much. Or maybe, it will become a deeper, much more unstable sea but either way what needs to be done is going to be done.
I decided to message Jordan after around a week of nothing, I knew a message wasn't enough for the loneliness and confusion he probably felt but it was something.
Jordan <3
We need to talk. Meet at my place?
Of course, are you okay?
Just please meet me.
*Read*
I knew from this moment there was no backing out on what's about to go down, the outcomes of this conversation were endless and leading so many different ways my mind couldn't take it.
I decided to shower to look at least a little presentable for when he arrives but obviously being sick everywhere all the time made showering pointless. However, I got up and did it anyway and the water had never felt better. The cold droplets oozing over my skin felt like heaven.
As the water began to warm up I held my head under the water. I tried to convince myself I was only doing it to get my hair completely wet ready to be washed but I knew that it was just to drown out the noise, everything around me was too loud or maybe it was just the voices. Those stupid voices who do nothing but confuse and mentally drain people.
The water came to a stop as I turned the shower off but not before hesitating, I was planning on just staying there forever, not letting the voices back in. But I knew Jordan would be round soon and I needed the voices for once, just to tell me what to do.
I got changed into a comfy outfit and headed downstairs, my grandmother had gone out for the weekend so I had the house to myself. After a while of my heart racing I heard the door bell ring, my heart went from beating so fast I could hear it vibrate in my eyes to feeling like it completely stopped.
I opened the door to a very confused and worried Jordan, I let him in and he sat down next to me. I built up everything I had and sat down beside him. ' if you don't do it now, you won't do it at all' ' now or never jasmine'
"Jordan... I-um" my words wouldn't form actual sentences.
" jasmine? What's going on" he asked, worry rushing down his spine.
" I'm pre-"
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Here's an extra long and interesting ( I hope) chapter for you due to my lack of motivation to upload.
I'm excited to find out how he reacts. Are you?