{ Anaela }
I woke up feeling complete coldness across my entire body. My eyes snapped open and I realized that I had been in the end of a bad dream. My sweaty body was shivering in the dense air conditioning of the mansion. I slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom a part of my room. It was even colder in here and the dark colored tiles along the floors were almost unseeable in the night.
My feet padded across the flooring to the sink and I waited for the freezing cold water to turn hot. I ran my fingers through the reassuring stream. I'm awake. I know that now. My blinks took long seconds as I settled into awakeness. What even was the meaning of that dream? I barely could decipher the random jumbled pictures and feelings I experienced in my sleep.
I heard noise in the kitchen.
I shut the water off and walked with my arms crossed over my freezing upper half downstairs and through the halls. It was just Valentine getting something to drink out of the fridge. She looked up as she heard me approaching. I tiredly watched her prepare her drink then glance over at me.
"You making your own drink?"
I tiredly looked at her then shook myself awake mentally. "Yeah," I answered slowly, my brain still warming up to use. I shuffled into the kitchen in some house socks, going to peek at what my mother had stocked it with. Some organic nonsense I hadn't even seen a commercial for.
I grabbed the orange juice gallon and poured it into a cup Valentine sat out for me. She looked like a different person half awake. I feel like we both felt more wild and energized but at bay. Her hair was a mess of locs with the roots grown out, while my skin was an oily disaster.
Without saying a word, Valentine lead me to the dining room table and we sat next to each other at a table corner. She sipped her drink, staring at the table with a sleep deprived gaze. My mind wandered as I looked at her. Had I been too harsh on her after she apologized for planning to sabotage me? Would Valentine make a legit friend? Was this all my fault for being too naive?
"I know what you're thinking," she said in a sleepy voice. My pussy throbbed. She had that sleepy stud voice that made fems go crazy. I guess I was a fem tonight. Tonight? This morning? Who knows.
"What is that?" I almost whispered, sounding like a curious, young child.
"That I'm a bad person." She looked up at me. My heart melted a bit. The dark circles under her eyes, the openness in them. "I'm a good person, I've always tried to be. It's just my environment." Was she going to have a mental breakdown?
"I've forgiven you, Valentine. Why do you keep apologizing?" I asked genuinely, bringing my cup to my lips. "Because it's eating me up inside," she answered in her rough voice. "Because I care about you."
I started to stand up, shaking my head. I could already see where this was going. "Valentine, I'm not doing this with someone again. I don't do relationships. I think I know what you're about to say and I just- I just can't, Valentine."
"Give me a chance," she pleaded softly, forcing me to look into her teary eyes.
"I barely feel like I can trust you as a friend, Valentine. Why would I put my heart in danger?"
"Because it's worth it," she whispered back.
The silence almost made my ears pop; it was deafening. I heard the rustle of large plants outside the house moving in the midnight breeze. I saw the moon looking in on our conversation through the fancy white blinds.
"What do I mean to you, Valentine? I don't know shit about you."
"You know that I have a good heart. That I'm helping Dom and I always will. That I care about you, that I'm here now. That before I knew what you could offer, I treated you the same-
"At first you were rude then you were flirty," I stated. Valentine smirked over at me, "Am i any different now then?" I thought about it then shrugged. I crossed my arms again, but took my seat. She had my attention, but not my answer yet. She wasn't going to get that right now. I don't know how I feel about things yet anyways.
"So what are you trying to tell me here, Valentine?" I prompted, looking at her half shyly, half boldly.
"Will you..." she seemed to be struggling on how to explain herself. "Will you- Will you consider me?" she asked in an awkward tone.
"Consider you for what?" I laughed a little, amused by her sudden timidness. "I like you, Anaela," she said seriously, her sleepy voice still in full effect. "I want to be with you."
"Valentine, that's too much for right now. I'd rather have my life together first before I even think about who I want to spend the rest of my life with, or some of my life with," I explained, shaking my head again. Valentine rose from the table and walked towards me, head slightly cocked curiously like I was her prey to study.
"I have a case against me- most likely. I killed two people and Dom is missing. They're from the same family and I'm also missing. I have a lot going on too. I'm trying to keep Dom out of trouble and also raise her a little bit better than her folks managed. Me and Teece don't want her to go down the same path as us." She was in front of me now, her slow walk incomplete.
I knew she'd grab me, hit me, or punch me.
She gently cupped my cheek, staring down into my eyes like I was the most fascinating creature ever. "But then there's you." Saying that made tears well up in both of her eyes and I pulled my gaze away. "I want it always to be you. That brings light to my day."
"This is too soon, Valentine," I pulled away, my skin already missing the tenderness of her touch. I turned my back to her, refusing to look at the truth. "I've known you for what...four days?"
I looked back at her when she didn't answer.
She was gone.
I looked down at my shoes willing myself not to do it. The first tear slid down my face and I pouted and scrunched up my face so hard to not let the others fall. When had she gotten in front of me? I felt her grab me and pull me against her chest.
Was this what love was? Indecision and happiness but also worry? Worry for the one you care about and want to be successful in all aspects. Happiness that you love them and that they...hopefully love you too? Indecision about the ways you go about life and how it'll affect your love?
This wasn't what they talked about in the movies. It wasn't happiness twenty four seven, and snow falling and credits at the beginning of finding my love like a Hallmark movie. This was real life with real emotions and obstacles in our way that only my mother seems to be able to control. Come to think of it, this might all end if what my mother tells me tomorrow is bad news.
I held onto Valentine tightly, clutching her like she was the last thing I'll touch before I fall. I felt her steady heart beat through her thin clothes and felt my cold tears against her shirt that I had selfishly shed.
"Valentine......I'll give you a chance."
No matter how stupid it makes me feel or how I might end up looking in the end, I need to take this chance at love.
The kitchen light clicked on abruptly.
"Where y'all at?" Dom asked loudly, walking through the big kitchen. I pulled back from Valentine and quickly wiped my face, feeling even more stupid, as we stood in the dining room off to the side of the kitchen.
Valentine stumbled back a bit, looking unsure of what to do.
Dom found us and yawned. "I heard Anaela come downstairs and it woke me up. I went to ask you about something and ian see you in your room so I came down here, Tino."
"What if somebody was holding us hostage in the kitchen, you just gonna come down here naked," Valentine gestured to Dom that was unarmed. Dom looked at the ground like a child in trouble. I nudged Valentine, as if to say "ease up on her". "It's okay, Dom. Go back to bed. I'll bring you a snack," I said in a gentle voice. Her face lit up and she happily skipped back to the room she slept in.
As Valentine watched me prepare Dom's snack, I realized how much of a mother I felt like to Dom. I had always taken on sort of a motherly role towards Dominique in our old friend group but then there was Pouty who was like a mother to all of us. Now...I don't know what she was.
Do I even have to mention...what me and..Siara did to Valentine? I placed Dom's snack into a bowl and looked back at Valentine. She looked up from studying the counter, sleepiness still evident in her face.
"What are we now?"
Valentine thought for a moment, tracing her finger along a swirl in the imprint of the counter. "We're not a couple because you said you're not considering dating. We're not just friends. We're....something different now."
I thought about it. "You know, growing up, I always knew that I'd love somebody different."
Valentine chuckled, "That's funny because that's what I always thought too." Maybe she and I are less different than I'd ever expect.