august 2014
kenzie louise
"this is your fault again!" my father shouted at me
we were in the hospital with my siblings and ross, he caught a flight back with me for a few days
"how?!" i cried
"you never said goodbye" my mums fragile voice spoke
i looked over at her in disbelief
"i am now" i shouted
as i went to walk over to her, the line on the machine, it went flat.
"your not" mason said with no monotone
i felt ross' arm on my lower back, i turned on my heel and faced him; he was shaking his head
i shook my head before breaking down into his chest
"your dads right" was all he said.
~
this time, when i woke up i didn't shoot up from my
position, i layed there with my eyes wide open
i looked over to my side to see ross fast asleep; his mouth open slightly as he was holding onto my waist
i turned slightly and started playing his hair; trying to distract myself but it wasn't long before he opened his eyes
"baby?" his voice breaking
"hey" i smiled weakly
"why are you awake?" he said closing his eyes again
"bad dream"
he opened his eyes again and looked me straight in the eyes; them filled with worry
"i think i need to go home" i nodded my head slowly closing my eyes
he sighed; knowing i was right.
"i'm coming" he mumbled
i shook my head "i'll be okay"
he sat up slightly and looked at me dead in the eyes again; with a demanding smile
"you cant stop me from coming with you"
"i will, trust me" i laughed a little
he shook his head "i'm going to talk to my parents"
i took my hand and rubbed it against his cheek "only if your sure"
"i am, definitely, your more important"
i pecked him quickly before he rushed out off bed, i watched him stumble whilst putting some grey joggers on with a white shirt, he ruffled his hair in the mirror before looking back at me
i laughed a little and shook my head before he ran out the door
i got up out of bed with a lot of effort, i went to the bathroom and redid my messy bun before brushing my teeth; never know
i packed the mess that me and ross had made in our hotel room, i soon heard the door click
i was leaned over as i finished packing some clothes for ross; his family were taking his main suitcase onto the van so he didn't have to carry it around la.
i felt someone's arms creep around my waist from behind, i leaned up slowly and melted into their touch
"ready?" ross mumbled into my neck
i looked up at him with my eyebrows furrowed "they're okay with it?"
he nodded "they understand"
i turned around and placed my hands on ross' chest, he leaned down and kissed me softly before letting go
he grabbed my hand in one hand and his bag in the other, i glanced around the hotel room one last time before grabbing my things
ross smiled down at me from my side before we walked for the door, turning the light off, and walking out.
~
baring in mind it was around 5am by now and i had just booked a plane ticket in the uber.
the airport was pretty empty; except from the few family's or school holiday trips, it was just us.
we made our way to our gate after getting some food, we sat down in our gate and waited to board the plane
a few minutes go past and a little girl screams; going through me completely.
i whip my head to the direction it came from to see what i think is her mum, dad and her, she looked around 5ish.
she looked up at her parents as they gave her a nod, she was soon to come running up to me and ross
"are you ross lynch?" she asked as she stood in front of us both
ross sat up and payed his attention to her "well i am"
"i love you!" she shouted
ross chuckled as her parents came and stood with her
"we played her an r5 song one day, now? she's in love with your music!" the mum told us
i laughed with them all when ross asked: "how okd are you"
she held up six fingers with her hands showing us she was six years old
"woah! six! i loved when i was six" ross gushed
he was so good with kids.
a few minutes of talking and the girl turns to me "are you his girlfriend?"
i looked at ross as he shrugged, i slowly payed my attention back to her and nodded slowly
"oh" she frowned
i furrowed my eyebrows "what? why?"
"i just love him so much" he said in a sad tone
"hey! we can share" i tried sounding enthusiastic
she looked up at me immediately with her eyebrows raised "really!?"
i nodded eagerly "of course, look..." i said as i picked her up and sat her on my lap
i scooted closer to ross "sharing" i smiled
ross laughed at us before putting one arm around my shoulder and the other on my lap, with the girl in the middle
"soo...what's your name?" i asked as i bounced my leg up and down
"emily!" she clapped
"what! that's such a pretty name" i smiled
she blushed "what's yours?" she asked me
"ummm...kenzie" i said
"kenzie...ross...renzie!!" she smiled up at us both
i look up ross with my lips pursed, trying to hold back the laughter, ross' face was an exact image of mine
"i love it" ross said taking a deep breath
i let out a small laugh that i had been trying to hold in "sounds funny"
she shrugged before the lady over the intercom spoke: "gate 14 is boarding now"
she jumped off my lap quickly as i stood up, she wrapped herself around my legs giving them a tight squeeze
i stumbled slightly before holding her back; pushing her closer to me
"i love you" she smiled
"we love you too" ross laughed "but we need to go back home"
she let go of my legs and quickly moved to ross'; hugging them tightly
i chucked slightly as the parents took a quick picture "come on! let them go" her dad said extending his arms
she let go off ross' legs and looked up at him, he ruffled her hair softly before she ran away with her family
ross looked at me and intertwined our fingers "are you ready?"
i nodded.
he kissed my temple before we walked onto the plane, we found our squashed last minute seat and i took one by the window
i threw my bag under my seat and immediately slipped my shoes off
i look over at ross to find him doing the same.
he looked at me, then down at my hand, he took one in his again and brought it up to him; kissing it gently
"soo...renzie hey?" he laughed
i laughed with him "i love it"
"and i love you" he told me
i felt myself blushing, i threw a hand over my face in embarrassment
i walked into that.
"oh i see how it is!" he said taking my hand out of his
i took my hand off my face and reached for his hands again, he turned his head away but soon looked at me again once i took his hands
"i love you" i smiled
"are you sure?" he furrowed his eyebrows
i furrowed my too but slowly started nodding.
he shook his head and took my hands out off his, leaving his gaze back to the other isles
i looked out the window in confusion as we started to take off
~
we had around an hour left off the flight and ross hasn't said a word to me.
i started getting tired and decided to take a nap, i brought my legs up to the space in between me and ross
i accidentally hit ross' leg as he was quick to look over at me
"sorry" i mumbled looking down at the seat
i saw him shake his head in the corner off my eye before he grabbed my legs; he threw them over his lap and wrapped his arm around my shoulder
"get some sleep" he said kissing my temple
i nodded slowly still i confusion as i drifted off to sleep.
~
i was woken up to ross' bugging my arm
"we're home" he said
he was standing in the isle, i sat up slowly as he undid my seatbelt, he helped me up and grabbed our hand luggage as we made our way through the airport.
around an hour later and we were on our way home, to my home. i threw maddie a text saying me and ross were home and explained the whole tour thing and the situation for ross, she's simply replied with an message saying: "ok, we're at the hospital, mason should be home, not sure about dad but me and max are here with mum"
i frowned at the thought off my mother.
we soon got home and we were greeted by mason at the door, he looked tired...restless.
we made our way up the stairs and i quickly threw my bag on the bed and collapsed
i felt the bed dip next to me and ross started gently rubbing my back
"we need to see your mum" he whispered
i sighed; knowing he's right this time.
i got up slowly and gave him a weak smile before heading for the bathroom
i changed into a simple comfy outfit that consisted off joggers and a hoodie with my hair in a messy bun still, i then brushed my teeth again and threw my glasses on with a pair of socks before walking out
when i got to my room i didn't see ross there like usual, but i ignored it, he was probably downstairs.
i grabbed my phone along with ross' before walking down, i saw mason and ross talking by the front door and neither looked happy
"we are going to see mum, are you coming?" i said awkwardly slipping my converse on
"oh uh, no, i saw her last night, dad is asleep, max and maddie are there but i'm sure when you get there their leave, then when you leave dad will go, i don't know" he said throwing his arms in the arms
i frowned and rubbed the side of his arms
"speak soon" i whispered
he nodded at me before rubbing his face as he walked away.
me and ross jumped into my truck as i threw him his phone; surprisingly he caught it.
ross had demanded to drive all the way here, so now? we are finally here and being taken to my mums room
we soon arrived my mums room, but when we got close to opening the door i heard something that i wish i never did
"help! the line! it just stopped!" i heard maddie shout
the alarm for her room soon went off and everyone rushed inside.
ross grabbed my and wrapped me into his chest trying to block my view
i felt my eyes watering as i tried pushing off but ross held me closer
a few minutes go by and maddie and max are now with us, i watched from the window as i heard the man shouting
"shock in 1...2...3" then the noise of the machine
they did it a few more times but there was no sign of life, but the doctor for sure wasn't giving up.
tears were streaming off my face by this point, i looked around to find ross tearing up, maddie was in tears whilst max had his head in his hands
i looked back into the room to find a nurse speaking to the doctor that was shocking my mum
he sighed and nodded his head before taking his hands off my mums chest.
"time of death...9:52am"
"what!" i cried
i tried running but ross stopped me, he held me by my wrist; causing more tears to stream
i looked at him; in pure anger.
"let. me. go."
he shook my head as a tear fell off his cheek.
"no! look! she's dead! okay? and you" i stuck my finger out to his chest
"you made me come to seattle!! to 'get my mind off it'"i said in quotation
he stayed silent
my anger suddenly all left me and the that's when i knew the grieving was starting "i'm going to say my goodbyes" i said firmly
and with that, i ripped my wrist from ross' grip and didn't even think twice before walking in as the doctors and nurses left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
a/n
it's currently 2am and i am so tired but i had to realise a chapter today so here it is!!
sorry if this triggered anyone but again...i didn't want to spoilt something so big like this.
i cried a little writing this...
:(((