The days go by slowly. A lot of passing out, dreams about people I've seem to have forgotten completely. I don't know how long it's been.
Every time I wake I'm in the same room being asked the same questions like I'm some sort of lab rat.
"Do you know who this is...do you recognize that man...what is your name...where did you come from?" I don't know the answers to any of these questions.
I know they show me the same faces every time they ask me the set of questions they were supposed to ask but every time I looked at them, they felt more and more like strangers.
At this point, I've stopped answering. They know what my answer will be anyway.
"она готова(she's ready)," a lady said though something in her hand.
Not long after 3 men and 2 women walk in. While the women are significantly smaller than the 3 men they are standing next to, you can tell they will kick your ass if needed.
I've been told to refer to the guy who bosses everyone around as the man from downstairs or as I like to call, the MFD. Everyone laughed when he instructed me to call him that but he never told me he was joking afterward so it just stuck with me.
"солдат, ты начинаешь обучение сегодня. Вы понимаете?(Soldier, you start your training today. Do you understand?)" I've also been told not to talk, so I return a cold nod.
I walk into a room with blood stains on the floor and walls. I look around to see the door slammed and locked in my face then 2 faces appear in a window in the wall.
"это тренировочная комната(this is the training room)." I have so many questions but I can't ask any of them.
3 other men walk into the room. "вы начинаете сегодня. убей их(you start today, kill them.)"
I cant just kill them. Part of me screams no but something takes control of my mind when I hear them say the words I've been hearing for who knows how long.
"тоска(longing)" not this again. I loose control of every inch of my body. I start walking towards the men.
"ржавый(rusted)" I take one hand and wrap it around on of the men's neck while kicking one approaching me sign my left foot.
"семнадцать(seventeen)" stop
"рассвет(daybreak)" I hold the mans neck until he falls to the ground. I notice a man has a knife in his belt. I kick the man to my left again and duck the punch that the man on the right tried to throw at me.
"печь(furnace)" why these words?
"девять(nine)" I quickly grab the mans knife while I'm squatted down. As I come up I dig the knife into the mans stomach with me.
"доброкачественный(benign)" I pull it out and swing it at the man to my left. He ducks and kicks my feet from under me.
"возвращение домой(homecoming)" The other man who I had just stabbed, grabs my arm and twists them behind my back.
"один(one)" a mans voice gets louder but I don't know who's talking.
"грузовой автомобиль(freight car)" I grunt in pain but I manage to kick the man who was to my left, who is now behind me, knocking him out. I try to hit the man who is still holding me down but I am unable to.
The man releases me and I hop back on my feet as soon as I see the MFD.
"небрежный(sloppy)." he says and slaps me across the face. "обратно к стулу(back to the chair)."
•••
What felt like months had gone by. I've made some real progress on my training, I've been leaning this new language, I'm making B proud. They gave up on the old nickname but I don't care what I call him.
I am undefeated in the training room. I've heard other people around my cell talk about a mission for me. I've never gone on a mission before, I'm excited.
This thought feels wrong, part of me things killing is wrong, but I've done it so many times. It's almost as if I'm numb to it. I kill and go about my day, nothing crazy.
I see B walking in my direction from the hallway but I ask like I don't see him. My cell door opens, "Подписывайтесь на меня(follow me)."
He takes me to a room I know far too well. I willingly get in the chair knowing the consequences if I don't.
I can feel the pain before the headset even touches my face. Someone slips a guard in my mouth as the electricity starts to flow through my body. I scream in agonizing pain.
After 3 minutes of hell in a chair, the heat set lifts up.
"тоска, ржавый, семнадцать, рассвет, печь, девять, доброкачественный, возвращение домой, один, грузовой автомобиль(longing, rusted, seventeen, daybreak, furnace, nine, benign, homecoming, one, freight car)."
I get up from my chair and stare at the wall.
"солдат?(soldier?)"
"готов подчиниться(ready to comply)."