I stood frozen in the shower while I deliberated whether or not to answer Kory. Maybe if I was completely still and silent he would go away? Probably not. Shaking my head, I finally replied.
"Ah, no. No you don't." I said, moving my head under the spray to rinse out my hair. "You need to get out and leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you, and I really don't want to talk to you while I'm taking a shower." I heard him moving around on the other side of the shower curtain, and then I heard him walk back to the door. And then back to the other side of the curtain again. "Are you pacing out there?" I asked, curious.
"Yeah." He replied instantly. I was silent, waiting to see if he said anything else. He didn't leave me waiting for long. "Elle, if you don't want to talk to me, then that's fine. But...can you at least listen to what I have to say?"
I thought about it and then grabbed my conditioner off a shelf before putting some in my hair. "Okay. Talk. You have three minutes, because that's how long my conditioner needs to stay in and after that I'm coming out. And you need to be gone by then, so talk fast." I heard soft rustling, and smiled a little at the thought of him running his hands through his hair.
"I'm worried about you. Whoever that was in the basement earlier, that wasn't you. I know that I trained you to fight and to kill, but I don't want you to turn into me. Yes, I have tortured Lycans in order to gain information to save lives. I have killed them, I have maimed them, caged them, and beat them in order to save lives. And I have loathed it everytime. But you don't have to. You are not officially a Guardian, even though you are stuck with us for a while. Downstairs, I saw you almost transform in front of my eyes. It was like...the light just went out of your eyes for a few minutes, replaced by darkness. And it terrified me. I feel like that is my fault." He stopped and took a ragged breath.
"It's not your fault. Why does it matter?" I said softly, feeling bad for a reason I couldn't name.
"I said for you to simply listen." Kory said archly. "Please, don't interrupt me because it's not going to be easy for me."
"Okay. Sorry." I rinsed my hair out, straining to hear the rest of what he had to say over the sound of the water as it rushed past my ears.
"I know that you have been through a lot in the past few weeks Elle. You've been uprooted from your home, forced to train strenuously, been attacked multiple times, and seen your best friend attacked. But, you haven't lost your optimism, or your kindness, the entire time. Yes, you can be snotty, but not very often." I scowled at the curtain; almost certain he was smiling at it. "Until tonight that is. And I can't help thinking it was because of how I reacted after we had sex. I feel like I am the reason you almost lost it. I'm saddened because I feel like you misunderstood why I reacted the way I did." He paused. "Elle, there is no excuse for how I took you. There was no tenderness, no softly whispered words, and definitely not any romance; All things that I have prided myself on with women in the past. I didn't react like that because I thought us having sex was a mistake. It wasn't, in and of itself. I just haven't ever just disregarded a woman's feelings and preferences like that. I mean, I was trying my best to be honorable around you for so long...then, when I couldn't help but make love to you, I practically attacked you. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you by acting like I didn't want you, and I'm sorry for taking you like some sort of beast. I know that it seems like you don't matter to me. I have said many times that I cannot be with you, but, that doesn't mean that I don't care about you. Because I do. So...please, forgive me." He stopped talking, but I could still hear him breathing quietly. Stunned, I was still trying to catch my breath. I held on to the wall with one hand, my other covering my small smile. He didn't think that we had made a mistake. He didn't think I was a mistake. He wasn't freezing me out. And that was the most I had ever heard him speak; at least when not giving orders.
Progress! I shouted triumphantly in my head. There was one thing that he was wrong about though. I couldn't let him suffer under the assumption that he was the reason I had went a little psycho tonight. Getting control of my goofy facial expression, I whipped the curtain back. "You're an idiot." I said, hands going to my hips. I couldn't keep myself from grinning widely at his expression, thunderstruck from seeing me nude. His jaw was almost to the floor it hung so low. He bit his lips with a small groan, and turned away from me, closing his eyes as he realized he could still see me in my naked glory in the mirror.
"You and your honor." I muttered to myself. "Yes Kory, I was hurt by how you reacted after we'd had sex. For me, it was the most amazing sexual experience of my life, and the thought that you regretted it was a blow to my self-esteem. However, what I did to Eric in the basement had nothing to do with you." Kory's eyes popped open, and he met my gaze in the mirror, carefully keeping his eyes on my face. "I am tired of being a victim Kory. I am tired of always needing saving. And I am tired of getting beat up. Eric had beat me. Not only physically, but mentally. I had surrendered to him before you guys had gotten to me. I was going to passively accept my death. When I woke up in the infirmary, I realized just how much I had given up to Eric. And it ticked me off. That was the straw that broke the camel's back Kory. When I walked out of that infirmary, I promised myself that I would never again surrender like that. So, when Eric tried to spit in my face, and said what he did about Lina...I snapped. I wanted him to know that I wasn't his victim, that I would never be anyone's victim again, and I wanted him to know what it felt like. It's not your fault. However, I do appreciate your stopping me from losing myself to my rage." When Kory still hadn't moved, I rolled my eyes. "Do you seriously need a verbal invitation?" I said teasingly.
He raised an eyebrow at me. "Come here." I said, crooking my finger at him. He turned with a hesitant, boyish smile on his face. "Come here!" I insisted. I felt a thrill watching his eyes darken as he came to me. He stopped, a few inches from the lip of the tub. Smiling, I reached out with my hands, trapping his face between them as I leaned in. I softly brushed my lips against his, once, then twice before softly nipping his lower lip. I leaned back a little, giggling a little as he leaned forward to stay with me. I looked into his eyes and could tell when he realized what I was saying without words. He plastered himself against me, and kissed me, softly as first and then with growing intensity. He traced my lips with his tongue and then slid inside my mouth, exploring and teasing, his hands sliding up my back, one massaging the back of my neck, and the other tangled in my hair. Moving away from my lips, he kissed my forehead, pulling back and staring at me. I broke out in goose bumps, my skin heating from his gaze as it swept me from head to toe.
"You are a beautiful woman, do you know that Elle?" He whispered. When I shyly smiled at him and ducked my head a little, he lifted my chin until I was looking at him. "I mean it. When you pulled back that curtain, I thought I was going to have a heart attack."
I laughed. "I am not beautiful right now Kory." I knew very well how wrecked I looked, courtesy of my many bruises and cuts.
"You are to me." He countered, making something inside me melt.
"I'm getting your clothes wet." I laughed again, looking at his shirt, two shades darker now that it was drenched. I stopped laughing when he grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off over his head. I couldn't help but stare at the sculpted planes of his chest, rock hard abs, and the sexy v shape where his abs and hips met like a pointing arrow. My mouth worked like a guppy's as I tried to shut it and failed. He grinned at me as he kicked off his shoes, unbuttoned his jeans, hooked his fingers in the waist, and pulled them along with his boxers down before peeling off his socks.
As he tossed the pile of clothes in front of the door, he said, "There, now they won't get wet." Looking down, I noted that mini-Kory was very happy to see me. I began to climb out of the tub, but he stopped me, putting his hands around my waist. "No, stay in there. I like this idea." Pushing me back, he stepped into the tub with me moving the showerhead so it sprayed to the side, while kissing me slowly, his tongue sliding in and out of my mouth and making me moan. I clutched at his shoulders for balance, slightly dizzy from how aroused I was. As we came together, I tried desperately not to yell out, conscious of the other people in my house. After a few minutes of catching our breath, Kory pulled back, and rested his forehead against mine, breathing heavily. "I swear that was the sexiest thing I've ever seen, watching you come undone like that."
I smiled at him, pushing his hair away from his face. "Really?"
"Can't you tell?" He muttered, nodding downward. I was amazed to see that he was still aroused.
"Well, I have just the ticket for that." I grinned at him before slowly, carefully inching my way down his body. A few minutes later, he was the one trying not to holler.
After cleaning ourselves up, I realized just how exhausted I was. Having dried myself, I shakily put on my pajama pants. I was admiring his back when he spoke again. "Elle?"
"Yeah?" I said, smiling at him as I bent over and grabbed my shirt. I pulled it over my head, and watched him do the same before he answered me.
"I need to know...Are you in love with me?" His eyes pierced me with their intensity.
It felt like a trick question. One that I wasn't sure I wanted to answer. Instead, I pursed my lips. Skittering to the door, I left while the leaving was good.