"Shadows of the past keep on chasing me,"
-Your Eyes Tell
"Well, where can I take you?" Yoongi asked politely, his attention split between Jin and the road in front of him.
"To a phone store," Jin mumbled under his breath.
"What?" Yoongi asked glancing over.
"Nothing, sorry. It's just I was so mad at Jungkook last night I threw my phone in the dumpster somewhere in town."
Yoongi nodded slowly, turning back to the road. "Because that's what you do when you're mad..."
Jin felt his ears get hot in embarrassment. "Yeah, well, when you find out your boyfriend cheated on you, you'd do some pretty dumb shit too," Jin remarked a little annoyed.
"Jungkook cheated?"
"Well, no, but he was thinking about it..." Now that Jin was thought about the entire situation, he felt even more embarrassed. His reaction seemed appropriate at the time but now seemed downright childish, especially when he had to explain it to someone like Yoongi.
"Wait, wait, wait," Yoongi mused, eyes bright with amusement. "He didn't cheat but he thought about cheating and you got mad, left, threw away your only source of communication to—what? Take a night stroll in freezing weather?"
"I-I-" Was this motherfucker psychic? How the fuck did he know that? "I needed to think and my car was, well, I don't know where, and why are you judging me? It wasn't just some random guy in passing he had a dirty thought about—it was my ex who cheated on me multiple times, so, sorry if I'm a bit fucking sensitive about being potentially cheated on. Again." Jin sneered, turning away from Yoongi to glare out the window. Internally he chided himself for yet another act of childishness. What was it about Yoongi that made him forget how to act?
Yoongi sighed and pulled the car over. "I'm sorry, Jin, I didn't know,"
Tears began to cloud Jin's vision, but he managed to blink them back. God, when will he be done with this shitty tear-fest? Jin briefly wondered if you could get tear-duct removal surgery but dismissed the idea, his eyes already irritated the hell out of him he didn't need anymore issues there.
"Yeah, well, Jungkook did and he still pulled this shit," His voice cracked adding to the embarrassment of crying in his boyfriend's friend's car at 7 in the morning. Jin felt the urge to stomp his foot but refrained.
"Do you want a hug?"
"What the fuck?" Jin whipped around in disbelief.
"You look like you could use a hug." Yoongi nodded and opened his arms.
"Are you serious right now? After all this shit you think—"
"Do you want the hug or not?"
"Yes, I fucking want the hug, the fuck," Jin grumbled, launching himself into Yoongi's inviting embrace. The center console jabbed into his hip but he ignored it in favor of Yoongi wrapping comforting arms around him. He was clearly bigger than Yoongi and yet the smaller man seemed to dwarf Jin as he hugged him tightly.
Yoongi really was a good hugger, not too tight, not too loose but a perfect balance of comfort. It reminded him of Jimin and holy hell was he missing his best friend. His thoughts were out of order, jumping from one thing to the next. Images of Buckie came filtering through, then his mom, his dad, and finally Jungkook. He didn't hold back the tears as he pressed his face into Yoongi's jacket. He didn't care if he got snot, tears, and whatever other liquid he managed to produce on the other man's clothes, the little prick could clean it later. Yoongi both irritated him and made him feel safe and he didn't even know the man all that good.
Yoongi spoke softly to him the entire time, giving him encouragement and rubbing his back comfortingly. He really was the best hugger.
Jin wasn't sure how long he stayed like that, wailing into Yoongi's chest but when he finally pulled away he never felt lighter. He was exhausted and in a desperate need of sleep, but he felt better than he had in a while. He doesn't remember the last time he cried that hard. Yoongi thankfully had napkins in his glove compartment and handed some to Jin as he got to work getting the snot off his coat.
"Thank you for," Jin made a big circle with his hands. "All of this,"
Yoongi looked up with a smile. "No problem. You looked like you needed it."
They sat in silence while Jin caught his breath. There were a lot of things Jin need to go through, so many things, but right now he needed to focus on the one person who needed him the most at that moment.
"Hey, Yoongi? Can you take me to the hospital?"
*******
Jungkook sighed in relief as he got the text from Yoongi saying Jin was okay and headed over to see Buckie. As much as he wanted to go to him, he didn't. Jin needed time and seeing him right now would probably only anger him again. Jungkook knew he needed to give Jin space to think but he couldn't help but feel the need to go to him, to check on him, to beg for forgiveness. Deep down he knew Jin wouldn't appreciate it at the moment. So, instead of dwelling on it, Jungkook decided to clear up his kitchen and then his livingroom and then his basement, before he knew it he cleaned about ¾ of his entire house.
With a sigh, Jungkook threw his dirtied cleaning rag onto the coffee table, sank into the couch, and dwelled on it.
It killed him knowing they haven't been dating that long and yet he kept fucking everything up. They were coming up on month three and this was usually around the time his relationships begin to fall apart. Maybe he was cursed...or just that shitty at relationships. Or maybe both. And if that was so, maybe he shouldn't be with Jin.
Maybe he should let him go.
He didn't want to bring Jin down like he's done with every other relationship he's had. Relationships were supposed to be easier than this, right? He wasn't supposed to bring Jin down, he was supposed to lift Jin up. He was supposed to a place a refuge and yet he's done nothing but make the man cry. He wasn't good at this and it showed.
"You're nothing but a coward."
Jin didn't know how right he was. He couldn't even confront his own best friend about his embezzlement. He was scared of things he couldn't control so he avoided them. It was a terrible way to go about life but he's been living this way for so long that it was almost impossible to break the habit. When things got too close, Jungkook would let it fall rather than hold on. It was easier that way. To just give up and move on than to face the uncertainty of new feelings. There was always that chance they wouldn't love him as deep as he would; always that chance they would wake up one morning just to say they didn't love him anymore.
A part of him thinks Jin would do this to him someday, hell, they are already fighting and the honeymoon phase wasn't even over—well it's not supposed to be at least. Maybe it would be best—
The interruption of the front door opening and closing broke Jungkook from his string of thoughts. Not even a second later, a barefoot Hoseok came into the livingroom wearing pink fishnet stockings, a high-waisted faux leather skirt, and a white crop-top that had "Daddy's Princess" embroidered on the front. He had his Louis Vuitton bag hooked on an arm as he slid his pink heart-shaped sunglasses off his face.
"Oh, Jungkookie, are you still in pjs?" Hoseok asked, cocking of his head.
Jungkook wasn't sure what it was, maybe it was the innocent question from his beloved hyung dressed like a call girl, maybe it was the stress of the morning, the lack of sleep, but the next thing he knew he was crumbling. Tears that seemed to appear out of nowhere cascading down his face as he tried to hide them beside shaky hands. A gasp was heard before Hoseok was across the room, wrapping the crying man into his arms, rocking him gently.
"I-I-I can't," Jungkook gasped out between choked breaths. "I ca-can't do this,"
"Shhh, I got you, baby, I got you," Hoseok soothed.
Jungkook unfolded just a little in order to wrap his arms around Hoseok and draw him into his lap, the older man going willingly. He buried his face into Hoseok's shirt, hoping it blocked out the world from finding him, from demanding him to make decisions he wasn't ready to make.
They stayed like that for maybe half an hour, rocking gently side to side until Jungkook was spent, his breath beginning to even out. He felt calmer, his head clearer even with a headache beginning to sprout. Saliva, tears, and snot clung to Hoseok's shirt as Jungkook pulled back to get a breath of fresh air. Neither men caring about the nasty wet patch at the moment.
Hoseok continued to run his hands along Jungkook's back in a soothing manner. "It's been a while since you had an attack. Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, moving the sweaty hair away from his forehead.
Jungkook rested his head on the back of the couch without replying and Hoseok took that as his answer. Nodding, Hoseok got off his lap but made sure to replace himself with a pillow before going off into the kitchen. He came back a minute later with a glass of water and some pain meds. His shirt looked to be dabbed clean.
Jungkook took the glass and pills grateful, downing both quickly. Hoseok collapse beside him, wrapping their arms together and resting his head on the younger's shoulder. They stay like that for a while in the comfortable silence.
"Sorry, you had to see that," Jungkook says, voice barely above a whisper, eyes still focused on the ceiling.
"Never apologize for that, sweets, I'm always here for you," Hobi replied softly.
They lapse back into silence, neither in a hurry to fill the void.
"I don't know what to do," Jungkook finally whispers, voice sounding strained.
"About what?"
Jungkook paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts. He was tempted to change the subject, but decided against it. If he could get advice from anyone it would be Hobi.
"I think I should breakup with Jin," Jungkook said lightly, almost hoping the other man couldn't hear him.
Silence.
He could tell Hobi was thinking hard about his next words and even though he couldn't see his face he knew his brows were scrunched up in concentration.
"Would that make you happy? To break up with him?" Hobi matched Jungkook's tone evenly, giving none of his inner thoughts away.
"Yes...no, I don't know," He sighed bringing his head forward to lay on top of Hoseok's.
"Why do you want to break up with him, Kookie? Just last night you looked at him like..." The older man trailed off.
"Like what?" Jungkook whispered as he watched Hobi play with his fingers.
"Like you love him,"
Jungkook could feel fresh tears gather in his eyes but he refused to blink hoping they would just go away. He knew he felt deeply for Jin but it hasn't been that long since they've known each other to call it love, right? People don't fall in love that quickly. Only teenagers did that, telling their partner of three days that they love them. He wasn't like that. Jin wasn't like that.
Then why couldn't he deny Hoseok's claim?
It was quiet again until Jungkook finally spoke. "I'm scared."
"Of what?" Hoseok asked, intertwining their fingers together.
Jungkook squeezed his hand, "I don't think I'm good enough for him," he muttered the confession sadly.
Hoseok sighed, straightening and pulling Jungkook into his chest. "Not to offend, but you haven't thought very highly of yourself since the incident, baby."
"Wow. I am very much offended," Jungkook snorted but didn't move away.
"Don't joke about this, Jungkook. You haven't gotten over your dad kicking you out in the shittiest way possible and it has fucked you over ever since." Hobi stated bluntly. He tightened his arms around the younger when he felt him try to pull away. "Nope, we gotta talk about this. I told you to go to therapy but you refused so here we are. Besties confronting past trauma."
Hoseok was stronger than Jungkook originally thought and after a few minutes of struggling, the younger finally gave up and fell into his hold.
"You have commitment issues. We been knew. When things start getting too hard or emotions start getting too strong you pull away. Don't think I don't notice this, I basically raised you. Your anxiety becomes too much and you start shutting down before it gets too serious. It sucks that you can't be free from what he did to you, it sucks that he made you scared that people won't love you, it sucks that he is still wreaking havoc on your life even though you haven't seen him in years."
Jungkook begins to struggle out of Hobi's hold once again but the old man grabs his wrists tightly and crosses their arms. This was not the conversation he thought he would be having today.
The tears he tried to hold back came crashing down for a second time.
"I'm sorry he did this to you. I'm sorry you have to go through this but fuck your father. Fuck that man who raised you then threw you out like you didn't matter because you do. You fucking matter and you deserve to be happy too, Jungkookie. You deserve to feel safe in a relationship, you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be loved."
They were both crying heavily by the time Hoseok finished his speech. Restrained arms loosened as both men were too winded by emotion to continue to struggle. Hoseok's makeup trailed down his face but it didn't matter at this point. He had the rest of the day off.
"I wish—I wish this was like some shitty romantic movie where you realize your flaw and just fix it and go on but life doesn't work that way." Hobi breathes, resting his head on Jungkook's trembling shoulder. "It's something you gotta work to overcome, baby. You gotta recognize that what you are doing is hurting yourself the most."
Hoseok allowed them both to calm down some before continuing on. "If you love this man, if he makes you happy, if he wants to be with you, then say it. Don't let him go. To be loved and to love someone is something you will have to face, Jungkook. You don't have to be great, no one is, but you have to stop letting fear get in the way of what you want most. Don't allow him to keep hurting you like this after all these years."
*******
They eventually fall asleep from exhaustion, Hoseok wrapped snuggly around the younger. Both too emotionally drained to move or even respond before they passed out on the couch. Hoseok is the first to wake up, his phone ringing to indicate an incoming call. He answers the call regretfully as he watches Jungkook pout and began to wake up. The call was brief before Hoseok ended it, barely saying any words to the caller.
Clearing his throat, the older man removed himself from around Jungkook much to the younger's dismay. "I know, baby, I'm just going to go wash this makeup off and make us something to eat, okay?"
Jungkook nodded once before laying down completely on the couch.
"Do you want anything special to eat? Do you need more water?" Hoseok asks, moving to the guest bathroom.
"Water?" Jungkook's voice cracked, his saliva still thick in his mouth from crying.
Hoseok nodded and went about his tasks. An hour later the two were eating bibimbap with some kimchi at the bar in Jungkook's kitchen. The younger watching his phone anxiously.
"Stop it, Jungkook," Hoseok sighs. "You're just going make yourself more anxious."
"Can't help it," Jungkook muttered, playing with his food.
"What are you going to say to him when you see him?" The elder asks, Jungkook had told him about the whole fiasco during the night and the texts from Yoongi when he was cooking.
Jungkook shrugged a clear avoidance of the question in his actions.
"Not this again," Hoseok said placing down his chopsticks and putting his full attention on the man next to him. "Are you breaking up with him or are you going to work it out, Jungkook?"
"No, I'm not breaking up with him unless that's what he wants," Jungkook said matter of factly. A relieved sigh leaving Hobi instantly. "But, I don't know what to do from here."
"That's okay, you can work that out together." The older man reassured picking up his chopsticks once again to continue eating. "Oh, almost forgot, Yoongi's coming over in a few. Said he needs to discuss the case at work or whatever? The one about the stolen money?"
"That's the only case at work, Hobi. We're accountants, not detectives." Jungkook joked even though he could feel the feeling of unease wash over him. "What did he say exactly?"
"Well, maybe you guys are just shitty accountants and lose money all the time? I don't know how you guys work. Anyway, he said something about recent activity that he needs to go over with you? IDK, you guys figure it out when he gets here. I've done my job as the emotional support best friend and I'm tired. Work was shit, got groped, spilled my drink on the guy and then he had the audacity to say he was going to sue. You believe that shit? These rich bitches got another thing coming if they think—are you even listening to me?"
Jungkook stared wide-eyed at his food before facing Hoseok and blurting, "Yoongi's been embezzling money from the company!"
AND SCENE 👏
A day late but better than never! After going over the story I realized I need to do A LOT of revisions lol 💜