I rolled over and flopped my body into a sleepy Harry next to me. He groaned from the force of my body as it woke him.
"Hello?" He asked, unaware if he was awake or still dreaming.
"Hello, good morning," I spoke into my pillow, refusing to lift my head due to my headache.
"Terrible morning," Harry's raspy accent spoke.
"Are you hungover?" I lifted my head to see this rare sight.
"Are you Madi?" He asked, not looking at me.
"Shut up," I smacked his head.
"No! Don't do that, I'm kidding," he started rubbing his temples.
"I didn't think you were even that drunk," I said, rolling on my side to face him.
"Madi, you were just that drunk," he chuckled.
"Dear God," I laughed.
"We gotta get up," Harry started moving but my arm wrapped on his torso. "Don't you wanna get up, lazy bones?"
"Not yet," my muffled voice said and I put my hands out for cuddles like normal. He took the invitation and joined me back in bed.
"Tell me a story," I sighed and said while gently laying my head on his bare chest. His fingers began to stroke my hair and he hummed.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you said you had stories with your songs, so tell me one." I said.
"Which one do you wanna hear?" he asked. I turned my head to look at him and formed a small grin on my lips.
"Golden."
Harry smiled and then moved his hand to start rubbing my back.
"Good choice," he said.
"I just wanna know. I mean I flaunted the song last night in clothing form, I'd least like to know what I'm representing."
"Your heart," he said with no hesitation. My brows furrowed.
"Elaborate," I said.
"We were in Japan a little over a year ago. You and I kind of felt like outsiders. Especially me, I was nervous about the album never coming together. We were sitting in your hotel room after a long day. I had walked you back to your room and I wasn't ready to say goodnight because you were the only thing that felt like a piece of home with me. When you were trying to shoo me out," I rolled my eyes at that part. "Put your eyes back in your head, you know you were tired and trying to get me out."
"Fair enough, go on." I smiled and readjusted myself.
"Anyways, I started having another small panic attack, like-like I wasn't going to be good enough. Like the album wasn't going to be what I needed it to be," I could see him start to display some of that frustration. "Kind of similar to how when I visited home after the band broke up, and you calmed me down. I just...I guess I just felt worried and conflicted about it all. I couldn't part with you just yet, even for a night. You brought me in and sat me down. You immediately got me a cold glass on water and rubbed my arm. You told me about home. You reminded me of the things I love. You told me about the coast, Malibu."
//FLASHBACK//
Harry's POV
"Hey, hey it's okay." Madi rubbed my arm as my breathing intensified.
"M-M-Madi," I couldn't get a full sentence out.
"You don't have to say anything, just breathe. And hey, think about...your car." I looked at her in confusion, my breath still heavy. "Yeah, your car. Think about driving it down the coast at sunset. Feel it, see it, smell the air. It's home." I still couldn't picture it. All I could imagine, all I was consumed by was anxiety about all of it.
"Here," she snapped my attention back to her," close your eyes." A sense of fear came over me. "Trust me, Harry." She took my hands in her soft ones and repeated," close your eyes," once more. I took an inhale and closed my eyes.
"Your car," she said. I saw me in my car, the wheels are rolling, I'm driving, the feeling of the seats on my back and under my legs. My hands on the wheels, my fingers gripping it.
"The coast," she said. I look to my right and I see the ocean. The sun bouncing off the waves as they rise and fall. The orange tones reflecting off the water. The textured sand awaiting the peaceful yet aggressive waves coming toward it.
"See it?" Madi asked.
"I do." I said, my voice normal now.
"Okay good," she tried to pull her hands away but I gripped them tighter.
"Not yet," I could feel her fear with my eyes still closed, she was afraid I'd slip into another panic attack, but I was being open. She didn't let go and my vision continued. It wasn't complete, not yet.
I look over in the passenger seat and see her golden hair, whipping in the wind. She's waving her hand in the wind, a bright smile on her face, singing a tune.
'Dadada da dadadada'
I heard it in her voice. It was in the beat of my heart while watching her. The golden sun reflecting on the golden waves, reflecting on her golden hair. She was glowing in golden.
//END FLASHBACK//
Madi's POV
"You thought of me with you?" I asked.
"You told me to think of home. It wasn't complete without you. Everything I saw that calmed me down came from the words from your heart. Your heart is golden Madi," I laid there on him in silence with a smile tugging at my lips.
"And you're sure it's not just my hair," I joked.
"Madi, even if you had black hair, you're golden it doesn't matter."
"I just-wow." I sat up.
"What?" He asked.
"I just...all this time? I...whenever you tell me these stories I think in my head like 'why didn't he just tell me right then and there'." I said with a slight tone of frustration.
"You don't know many times I've walked away from a conversation with you kicking myself because I could've said it. But that night..." he trailed off.
"So why not that night?"
"I mean, I'll be cheesy and dive into the lyrics if you want me to," he chuckled.
"Hit me," I nodded.
"'I know that you're scared because I'm so open'." I was still left confused. "You still don't get it?" I shook my head. "I freaked you out when I wanted to stay in that fantasy. I knew I did. I was vulnerable and open and you could feel that. You took my hands and you got nervous. And as I kept writing the song later on, I was reminded of all the times you've gotten nervous or scared when I've been open."
"Not true."
"Very true," he scolded. "And now you can hear it when you listen to the song. Hell, the first lyrics are 'Golden, golden, golden, as I open my eyes'. I opened my eyes and looked at you and still saw golden."
"'Hold it'," I said.
"'Focus'," he said.
"'Hoping'..."
"'Take me back to the light'," he sang. "Make sense now?" My eyes lit up with realization.
"Whenever you tell me these backstories all I wanna do is listen to them and really finally understand and appreciate them...like...wow..." I said in awe.
"Like...wow...?" He laughed.
"Listen, I'm not the artistic one in this relationship I just don't know how to put what I'm feeling in words other than...wow."
"I know love, I'm just giving you a hard time," he pulled me in tighter.
"God that song," I sighed. "You are a deep person." He laughed again at my words. "'I'm out of my head-'"
"Which I was," he cut me off.
"'And I know that you're scared-'"
"Which you were-" he cut me off again.
"'Because hearts get broken'..." a silence fell between us, finding no reason to rehash what's already been discussed on that.
I perked up again, running through the lyrics in my head.
"'I don't wanna be alone when it ends don't wanna let you know, don't wanna be alone'-" I said and he cut me off.
"'But I can feel you take a hold, I can feel you take control of who I am and all I've ever known-'"
"Damn," was all I could say. "So the song was that moment. I just, I didn't know you felt that much then, in that small moment.
"I was terrified of where I was going in life and you took control. Besides isn't that what this is all about, the small moments?"
I just hummed in response. Every time he tells me these stories, I just can't comprehend how lucky I am to be here with someone who puts their heart in the literal palm of my hands, even though he knows it scares the hell out of me. I am excited to hear the rest of the stories about the songs, but I don't know how much more my heart can take. I'm overflowing and pouring out.
"Well what do you say love, you ready to go to Japan?" Harry asked.
"You did this on purpose didn't you," I laughed.
"I actually didn't just so happened to be coincidence," He said then grunted, getting himself out of bed.
"I don't believe in coincidences," I sat up and adjusted my shirt.
"Then maybe it was God," Harry said, pulling on some sweatpants. His fingers graced under my chin before planting a sweet kiss on my lips. "I'm going to get some Advil," he smiled and walked off.
//
heyyyy, i'm the worst author ever for rising from the dead and updating every half a year and i'm sorry :(
but the overwhelming joy i feel when i see y'all comment and say that you love it makes me so happy
have a great day :)