Trigger warning!
//ANXIETY ATTACK//
These few following chapters ain't gonna be easy on ya, I'm warning y'all beforehand :/
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Grace Evans
It's the next day when Lauren comes to my room regarding some work.
We're almost done when she stretches on the couch.
"Do you have water?'' She questions.
"Yeah yeah. Hold on.'' i say getting up as i go and fetch the bottle.
I hand her the bottle and start making my open hair into a bun to stop it from going everywhere when Lauren's brows come together.
"You okay?'' i question looking at her.
"Are you okay?'' she says keeping the bottle next to her and pulling me closer as I stand there confused.
"Who did this?'' she says softly touching my arms.
Oh.
I almost forgot about them. Now that i remember the night flashes in front of my eyes.
"Grace who did this?'' she flickers her eyes back to me.
I didn't know how to answer this question.
"Uhm.. no one.. I must've got hurt somewhere.'' I say tucking my hair behind my ears.
"You think I'm that dumb?'' she gets mad. "Whoever you're protecting they're not worth it Grace. It looks painful. I wonder what it's like to have them.''
Painful.
"Lauren don't worry about it. I'm fine'' I say trying to calm her down.
"But Grace this isn't okay. Can you see how bruised your arm looks?'' she says seriously
"No.. but.. i don't wanna look at it..'' I murmur
"You need to see.'' she pulls my arm up so as for me to see.
I take a glance and see the place has turned dark purple and red. The fingerprints are clearly visible. It made me uncomfortable just looking at it.
"Do you see this? It's so hurtful. You need to tell me who this was.'' she makes me turn to her.
Her voice echoes in my head as my mind travels back to all the times I've been hurt like this. My heart starts racing and my palms get sweaty.
"Grace are you listening?'' she says a bit louder.
"Lauren please let's not talk about this. Please..'' i request as my heart felt like it added 50 pounds.
"But-''
"No please.. I need to be alone.. I'll talk to you later okay?'' I stand up walking towards the door as my hands started shaking.
"Grace you shouldn't do this!'' she shouts loudly making me lose my calm.
"Lauren please just let me be for a while!! I cannot talk right now! Understand'' I raise my voice.
"You know what. You deserve it. You're a coward who can't even take her own stand.'' she says storming out of the door.
I lock the door and rush to the washroom splashing water on my face immediately.
I didn't feel comfortable yet. I keep washing my face but it doesn't help. My heart rate kept increasing. My vision started getting blurry as I was starting to stumble.
I walk into the shower turning it on. My skin felt like it was a hundred degrees hot. I rip off my t-shirt as i didn't know how to feel normal. I was trying everything I could. I hold my head in my hands digging my fingernails into my scalp to get control of the situation but nothing seemed to help. I felt out of breath.
The warm tears started rolling down my cheeks as I pulled at my roots. I kneel down on the floor bending over holding my stomach, crying. But even crying didn't help. I needed to let it out. I find my t-shirt that was soaked by now and brought it to my mouth screaming into it. My hands were shaking terribly as i cried and screamed biting onto my t-shirt.
I held onto it like dear life. It felt as if all the pain was slowly flowing out of me and getting absorbed into the cloth. My skin finally started feeling the cold water as the cool sensation eased my mind. I was broken inside out. I plummet down on the floor completely as i lay there curling up slowly. I curl my knees having my arms around them as i slowly closed my eyes. I knew I didn't have the energy to even breathe.
I felt the rhythm of the shower hit my body repeatedly sending me into a hollow state of mind. But I didn't fight it. I let it take me over. I knew I couldn't even sit up right now. My body felt like it was drained out from every last ounce of energy I had. I pass out.
********
I open my eyes softly. I have no idea how long has it been since I closed them. The shower was still running as I was drenched now. I sit up with what I know is not even half an ounce of energy. My body felt numb. My mind didn't function. I stare blankly at the wall.
I sit there for good ten minutes before pulling myself up on my feet as i trembled slightly. I peel myself out of the soaked clothes and put them in the waterproof bag to launder them when i reach our next destination.
I clean myself up with some soap and wrap a towel around my body before walking out. I stand there in the middle of the room as half the water from my hair trickled down and got soaked into the towel and the other half pooled around my feet.
I didn't have the strength to do anything. I sit on the bed bending forward holding my head in my hands. Even though the extreme emotions were subsided now, I still didn't feel better as I should.
I was getting flashbacks of the horrible memories that I kept buried in the farthest ground of my mind.
I kneel down near my suitcase opening in. I randomly take out a black shirt and my black denim shorts. I get into my inners and next wear the actual outfit. Now i stand there looking at myself in the mirror.
My hand travelled to my upper arm that was now aching. I softly touch it over my shirt. I'm not a fan of shirts at all. But I needed them today. At least they'll cover the bruises. I cannot answer questions related to it anymore.
Also, I shouldn't have behaved that way with Lauren. I felt bad. But what she said before leaving really hurt me. Although I know she mustn't have meant it.
I towel dry my hair and look at the time. 10:57am.
We had to leave in half an hour and I hadn't even done anything yet.
I felt so exhausted.
But anyways I take two pills of the ADs and do my chores gathering all the energy I could channel.
I walk out of my room and see across the hallway to find Liam and Lauren talking.
I slowly walk down the hallway towards the elevator when Lauren's head turns towards me. I take a glance and look away. As the elevator arrives I walk in and just as it's about to close i see a hand come between them opening them back up. It was Harry. He pauses for a moment looking at me but gets in anyways.
I look down at my sneakers counting the lace holes not wanting to make any conversation. At least not for a few days.
As we reach the lobby he walks out first and I follow him out. I go the car checking the documents.
I hear footsteps and turn my head to see Louis.
"Hey good morning" he gives a bright smile
"Good morning. Where are the others?" I smile back at him as I see Harry standing against the car leaning on it with his phone in his hands chewing on his gum.
"They're on their way." He shrugs "I like your outfit" he says pointing at my shirt. "You look cool in shirts. Should wear them more".
"Oh wow.. okay sure. I'll keep that in mind" I grin and see Harry check me out get back to his phone.
"Yay I found her! I win!" I hear Niall's voice as I turn around to see him sprinting towards me as Liam follows him.
"Hey Niall. What's up?" I say
"Heyyyy! I told Liam whoever finds you first wins!" He says smiling wide
"Haha that's cool" I say giggling.
"I know right!!!" He comes and hugs me over my arms hurting me.
"Oww" i say in reflex.
"Oh sorry did I hurt you?" He looked guilty
"Oh no of course not.. it's just.. I hurt myself... in the shower" I say looking away
Harry stopped chewing as his brows come together, his eyes meet mine and quickly flicker to my arm and back to my eyes as his lips part softly.
"Oh. Silly Iz. What would you do without us." Niall shakes his head dramatically
"Live in peace" Louis chuckles and we all laugh.
I see Lauren come out with the other guys and as soon as her eyes meet mine she turns away this time.
There was such awkward tension among us.
"C'mon. Enough chit chat. Get in your cars." She says getting in the car. I start walking over to the car as I thought I was going with her like always but she quickly shuts the door. "Go with the guys" she says getting on her phone.
I walk back to the SUV where the guys were still standing outside.
"Oh wow you're coming with us???" Niall asks excited
"Yep" I smile at him.
"That's so great." Liam says happily.
We get in and for the airport.
I get done with the formalities and go to the seating area taking a seat calling my mom. I hadn't talked to her for almost 4 days now.
I'm on call when I see Harry approaching me.
I look in the other direction as even looking at him reminded me of last night.
"Yes mom I love you too. Bye take care" i hang up and see he's standing there.
"I uhm-" he clears his throat "does it hurt?" He gestures towards my arm
I give him a silent look and look down at my phone. I would say yes but then he'd feel guilty and probably get mad at himself. I've known his anger issues since we were teenagers.
"I'm talking to you." He raises his voice
"It's better now." I lie
"Don't lie to me" he gets mad
"Then If you know the answer why are you even asking me in the first place?" I question
His face goes expression less.
"Because.. maybe I was hoping it didn't." He looks down
"Then maybe you shouldn't have done what you did Harry. You hurt me for real for the first time. I don't know what's gotten into you but I don't like what we've become."
He glances up at me hearing my words and looks around as if looking for someone and then looks back at me.
"Look. I don't care what you think. I don't even care about anything that you do anymore. I was just trying to make a conversation. But you don't even deserve it." he immediately snaps at me.
"Well, thank you for trying. Now that I don't deserve it, you better not talk to me anymore." I look down at my lap as I didn't exactly have the energy to fight with him anymore.
"It was a mistake talking to you." he says before walking away.
I feel my phone vibrate and see it's an unknown number. I pick it up.
"Hello?" I say quietly
I hear some distorted sound that hurt my ear as i immediately pull it away. The call gets disconnected.
I glance around to see the others busy in their own when I feel the phone vibrate again. It was the same number. I pick up.
"Your time." the robotic voice says and the phone's disconnected.
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Heya! Hope you're doing well. I love you so much<3 if you're seeing this, you deserve the world. Thank u for being there for me. You're appreciated<3
Also I'm changing the update schedule to Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Hope it's alright.<3 Vote and comment loves!<3
It's just getting crazier in the next chapters. See ya ;)