my dumbass accidentally deleted the previous draft of this chapter and i hate myself for doing that lol like fmllllll
i swear the plot will go somewhere very soon because i've just been supplying endless amount of fluff (for good reason I promise and because writing fluff makes my heart melt every time)
wow i got this out earlier than expected lol
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I may be quiet,
I may be mysterious,
I may be isolated,
and kept under the harsh words
of the voice in my head.
But, darling, for if I have the strength
to one day hold you in my arms,
to one day use my voice to protect you,
and to one day to be able to repay your promises,
then perhaps breaking free from myself
wouldn't feel as damaging
as I already feel.
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Only the sounds of hushed laughter had filled the air of the two girls trying their best to not be too loud in the hopes of not disturbing the other people in the park. Wheein found herself propped upright, legs stretched into the grass with Hyejin next to her, laying in the grass with only arms and hands supporting her head. It was perhaps around late evening time, an ideal time that most people𑁋especially couples𑁋venture out of their homes to admire the beauty of the Han River at sunset.
Wheein stayed quiet for the most part while listening to Hyejin talk𑁋something not out of the ordinary at this point. Her mind only continued to drift places as Hyejin's voice and words got lost into the relaxing sounds of the river not that far away from them. For some reason, this night, she felt happier, and there's especially a certain reason for that. She felt safe from everything, as if the river emitted some sort of magical aura around her and Hyejin as well. She had completely forgotten about her own feelings that were trying to bring her down while in the company of Hyejin right next to her.
So the moment reality slapped her back to the world, the moment she had turned back to Hyejin with a puzzled brow.
"You're thinking again," she had said, propped on a single elbow with a curious curve of a smile at her lips. "You know, when your eyes seemed to drift off. Or your mind. Or both. Because you seemed so fondly interested in the grass in front of you than me telling you about my aspirations." The way Hyejin had said wasn't at all in a rude remark, but more in a teasing fashion. Wheein felt generally surprised at how observant the younger girl became to notice when she... thinks? Usually it would be hard to notice when Wheein would begin to separate herself from her thoughts; everyone would just think she was weird.
Wheein just gulped, unsure of how to respond to that, as it was very much true to how she described it.
Hyejin sighed, "It's okay, though. You know too much about me now. I-I've spoken too much about myself for one day and I'm quite exhausted to say the truth," She faced back to Wheein with a wandering gaze, a shimmered light shone in her iris from the angle of the moon, and the curve of her lips increased. "What do you aspire to become, Wheein-ah?"
Wheein looked up to the moon as if it was gonna send some telepathic message back to her, which unfortunately and unsurprisingly, it didn't.
She attempted to make eye contact with Hyejin, a small smile on her face as Hyejin's darkened gaze seemed to be too much for her to be able to handle.
Her mouth opened to speak, "Art... An artist," and then she was out of breath.
"That's what I figured." Hyejin responded, a small laugh leaving her mouth.
Silence took over the both of them, and Wheein felt something poking at her left hand that was settled on her thigh on the material of her sweatpants. And upon looking down, she could see Hyejin slowly grazing a singular finger across the skin on top of her hand, tracing a shape Wheein wasn't able to make out𑁋a flower? The young girl's finger trailed goosebumps on Wheein's warm skin. The small girl had the urge to take her hand away, but she felt herself relax upon feeling Hyejin's touch.
And Hyejin also noticed the way the girl would relax, perhaps this could be a way she could use when she would be able to sense Wheein's nervousness.
"Do you think I can see your drawings someday?" Hyejin asked after some time, a gentle tone in her voice, as she continued to trace.
Wheein's nervously lip twitched in response to that. She had rarely ever showed her drawings to anyone, even to Hyoyeon in some cases. It was just a part of her life that she had chosen to not entirely fully conceal away from the world, but kept to herself. She was surprised at the fact that Hyejin had never tried to invade her bubble whenever she drew the many countless times in front of her, and that was also something she really liked about the younger girl, among the many other things she also adored about her.
It was merely an endless list at this point. These feelings that Wheein had now𑁋they're real. Realer than they had ever been. The fact had grown significantly within her. Though she hasn't got herself to fully accept that they're there, it was still overwhelming of how much Hyejin had an effect on her.
A faint smile grew on her face at the offer. "One day."
Hyejin lifted a brow in slight disappointment, a pout at her parted lips, "One day?"
"One day."
"Promise?"
"Promise. One day." Wheein simply replied in a small voice, the smile still on her face.
The younger girl chuckled lightly while laying back down on the ground, "Then I can't wait for that day."
As more silence passed, Hyejin could've sworn she could listen to Wheein's voice for hours. Even if it was such a rare occasion to happen𑁋to hear the girl's voice𑁋it's quite possibly a voice she would never hesitate to listen to. Wheein's soft-spoken, honey-like voice is something she could get used to.
Perhaps for a long time.
Hyejin only continued tracing flowers on Wheein's skin.
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Wheein finds herself to not be paying attention in class at all, her mind had drifted off once more as the tiredness seemed to linger around her. She didn't know why exactly she was tired as she had went to bed unexpectedly well last night, but perhaps her brain hadn't had the time proper time to wake up to be able to take in the newfound information that Mr. Kim Heechul was lecturing at the front of the class, which seemed to catch all students' attention, besides hers.
And Hyejin too.
Wheein had her head down on the table, thankfully covered by one of her classmates in front of her so Mr. Kim wouldn't be able to spot her. Hyejin had her head supported by her propped up arm, nail lightly tapping against the surface of the desk that seemed way louder than it actually was. She was faced away from the smaller girl, though Wheein held a gaze of admiring her side-profile.
Hyejin could feel those eyes on her; it was a weird feeling to her, yet it makes her faintly smile from it. So as she slowly turns her head around, landing gazes with Wheein, she watches as the girl quickly turns away and buries her face into her sleeves. A brief flush of heat tugs at Hyejin's facial muscles, quirking a teasing brow upwards.
"Why do you look at me like that?" she quietly whispers, tone hopeful; the question was genuinely serious to her curiosities.
Wheein swallows nervously, emerging her face from her sleeves and meeting eyes with Hyejin. Yet in a single gaze, her thoughts just explode.
I look at you because you make me feel like my chest is about to explode at any moment, and my stomach does those somersault things that last for a long time. I look at you because you're sweet and remind me of a sunflower. I don't know why you make me feel this way, because it scares me. A lot. It scares me of what these feelings are capable of. But if I had the voice to tell you all of this, I would, but I can't. I can't𑁋
"You're thinking again." Hyejin hoarsely whispers, getting Wheein's attention once again. The classroom seemed to died down signficantly in terms of volume, so Wheein was barely able to notice that Hyejin was talking to her.
An embarrassing blush flusters Wheein for a brief moment, mumbling a low, "I-I'm sorry..."
Hyejin quickly places her hand on top of the small girl's on the desk, surging warmth immediately.
"Don't be sorry, it's okay," Hyejin delivers an innocent smile before it slowly unfolds into her trademark smirk. "I like the way you look at me, actually."
A low, distraught sound bubbles up Wheein's throat, making the younger girl just lightly chuckle to the sight.
Though it doesn't last long when a distinct voice interrupts them, booming loudly across the classroom, "Girls in the back! Please pay attention to the lecture. I don't want to have to separate the two of you."
All eyes immediately fell on both of them, and Wheein suddenly felt the weight of her hand fall off the desk and into her lap, prompting the inability to move it as Hyejin seemed to hold a grasp of it. And the prominent, quiet laughter that she and Hyejin could hear from those girls across the classroom made her stomach lurch, and made Hyejin mentally roll her eyes towards them.
Wheein, for a moment, found it quite ironic as that had been the first time where a teacher had to command her to do something. Normally, she wouldn't even be noticed as she never talked and never interacted with anyone else in the school. She didn't know if that would be a good thing or not.
"Yeah, pay attention!" Jieun hollers in their direction.
Hyejin shoots a deathly glare in the girl's direction for a moment, which they ignore unsurprisingly. She inhales a sharp breath before facing back towards Mr. Kim.
"We're sorry, sir, it won't happen again." she says politely, forcing a smile on her face.
The man nods in acknowledgment, "Thank you, Miss Ahn. Now if you all focus back onto the board, you will notice that𑁋"
"Ugh! She doesn't mean it, we all know it, right?" Jieun remarks once more, making everyone in the classroom turn towards her with curious eyes. "She doesn't mean her apologies at all, just look at her face! She's terrible at hiding it."
Suddenly, all eyes seem to direct back towards Hyejin, and it was entirely overwhelming to her. Wheein finds herself crawling back into the haven of hiding her face away her sleeves, but she could feel Hyejin tighten a grip on her hand on her thigh as if to reassure her. It was working, but not enough.
Mr. Kim attempts to jump in, "Everyone, please direct your attention back towards the front," Then her turns in the direction of Jieun. "Miss Kim, I would advise you to please discontinue your behaviour."
Jieun's eyes widen. "Discontinue mine?" Then she points in the direction of Hyejin, signaling the girl out among everyone in the classroom. "What about hers? She's always been known as a troublemaker just like at her past schools, which is the reason why she always moves to new schools in the first place. Her behaviour shouldn't be the one allowed here." The girl's fake sincerity and worry in her voice made an almost-silent, low groan of disgust to leave Hyejin's mouth.
The classroom instantly erupts into gasps and whispering sessions. Hyejin could feel her blood boil inside of her, attempting to control herself from bursting out. She feels her entire body slowly begin to tense up, jaw clenching in the process. She hated what she was feeling and hearing the whispers around her surely didn't help at all; it just made her stress increase even more.
Make my life a living hell and I'll be sure to make yours one too. Those words she stated not that long ago had been echoing through her head. She felt like she had the power to do that in one go𑁋to allow her anger to leave her.
But she doesn't... somehow.
"Miss Kim, one more word and you'll be written up for disrupting the lecture." Mr. Kim states intimidatingly.
Jieun looked as if she had a lot more to say, but as she looks between the man's serious eyes and Hyejin's seemingly defeated face, she just sits back down in her seat with crossed arms, appearing as if she had reigned victorious. And though Hyejin, for a moment, did feel defeated, it wasn't until a subtle quirk of her brow upwards that she leaned back in her chair to realise that she still had her hand in Wheein's. Looking to the side, she's met with Wheein's worried puppy eyes.
Hyejin gazes at her face for a moment too long, intaking the small girl's soft features, scanning from the top of her head and down to her parted lips for a split second. Inhaling a seemingly large breath, a serene smile spreads on the younger girl's face.
Gosh, you really are an angel, are you?
Hyejin just mouths a simple "Thank you," in Wheein's direction before facing back towards the front of the class.
Wheein blinks a couple of times, blushing harder than ever for no apparent reason. She tries to focus back on the lecture she wasn't paying attention to at all, but completely distracted as she feels Hyejin tracing flowers on her skin under the desk.
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Yeah, Ahn Hyejin was a troublemaker (kind of, in some way, as one could say), solely for the reason because she was tired of those who looked down upon her. She was tired of taking it all in, tired of being criticised for every little action she did, tired of being called all those names, tired of feeling inferior to literal prepubescent children who were just the same age as her. And so she lashed out on her classmates one day during one year in middle school, and maybe the year after that too at her new school, and just maybe again at her new school in a definitely more subtle way.
She hated moving. Absolutely hated it.
But just how the hell did those girls have the right insinuate her past actions? How did they even find that out anyway? She wasn't on social media anymore, wasn't keeping up of what was making the world go downhill each passing day; instead, she was focusing on herself, and she liked it that way. Her mother had been gone for almost a week or something𑁋she never really counted the days of how long her mother had been gone; she could care less anyways.
Her mother being gone had really helped her be free with herself when she would be found spending her days alone at home. Even if she doesn't talk with her mother much at all; if the woman was in the house, she didn't feel like she had the right to be free with her emotions and feelings, causing it all to bottle up inside of her.
Maybe that's why her anger frequently took over her. She hated it. She hated a lot of stuff.
That's why the situation in her English class still hadn't left her brain. In fact, it felt like utter poison as those memories of her came back to her from the words of Jieun and those girls. Now she's going to be labeled as some sort of delinquent by everyone𑁋the many reasons why she never dares to step foot in a place as chaotic as the damn cafeteria. Her reputation was already bad the moment she stepped foot in the school, and now she has to continue to witness it going down.
Great. Just fucking great.
So Hyejin normally eats lunch somewhere completely vacant, also known as the very back of the school where she had settled herself in a place outside. Yes. Outside. She sat outside at the back of the school, sitting in a conveniently placed bench that was faced to look out towards the streets that showcased nearby small stores and cheap restaurants to go to. It was actually quite peaceful, and getting a fresh breath of air is something that she dire needs.
Yet Wheein lingers in her mind𑁋God, what if Wheein thought she was some sort of monster now? What if she believed everything what Jieun was saying? Even though what the girl said was... true, she'd have to try to explain herself, especially to someone like Wheein𑁋someone she cares about a lot. Way too much. Way beyond the aspects of care at this point.
Hyejin puts down her small bowl of ramyeon, taking her phone out to text Wheein.
hyejin 💛
hey wheein-ah?
you're still at lunch, correct?
Read at 12:09 p.m.
It surprises her how fast the girl read her text message.
angel 🤍
is everything okay?
Hyejin scrunches her brows together, lips twitching to the slightest hint of a smile to the girl's care. Not exactly the answer she was looking for, but it could do.
hyejin 💛
as long as you're okay,
i'm okay.
Read at 12:10 p.m.
angel 🤍
honest?
Hyejin could've sworn she could read all of the texts and hearing her voice. It sends shivers down her spine to the thought.
hyejin 💛
a bit complicated
Read at 12:12 p.m.
angel 🤍
i'm sorry for what those girls
did to you back in class
earlier. it was really rude...
Hyejin cocks her head to the side, rereading the text a dozen times. Why was she being sorry? There wasn't anything to be sorry about.
hyejin 💛
yah, there's nothing to
be sorry about, okay? you
weren't involved in it at all.
Read at 12:14 p.m.
angel 🤍
so is it all true? all of those
things that she said... is it
true?
Fuck, Hyejin felt as if an arrow pierced through her heart. She types a bunch of messages quickly before deleting all of it. She didn't want to leave Wheein waiting, anything but that. After a couple of moments, she releases a sigh.
hyejin 💛
will you dislike me if
i said they were true?
Read at 12:18 p.m.
angel 🤍
if it's you, i wouldn't, i
promise
Promise? The word hit Hyejin harder than it needed to be, and she didn't know why. She needed to talk to Wheein, to explain everything to her. There had always been something bugging her for the past few weeks𑁋what if Wheein was scared of her? It could possibly explain the reasons as to why the girl would seem intensely nervous around her at some points, why she tensed up and how she stumbled on her words frequently.
Hyejin bites her lip nervously to the thought.
hyejin 💛
i could tell you everything
after school when we go to
to the river, if that's okay.
Read at 12:22 p.m.
She watches as she sees the text bubble on the screen pop up and disappear, making her wonder what as to what the girl was trying to type. It seemed awful long for a couple of moments, before disappearing once more. It grew her worries more to the slightest.
However finally, Wheein only responds with one word,
angel 🤍
everything?
Hyejin feels her heart race with a mix of feelings as she typed out her simple response.
hyejin 💛
everything.
Read at 12:23 p.m.
angel 🤍
okay, i'll see you after
school?
hyejin 💛
see you after, angel
Read at 12:25 p.m.
As Hyejin turns off her phone, she releases a long breath of relief, resting her back against the cold surface of the wall behind her with a subtle smile sneaking her way onto her face.
And in the cafeteria, Wheein only looks around large and thunderously loud room for a good few moments. Her cheeks were flushed as she tries to hide her face away by looking back down towards the ground, her worries piling up inside of her.
It was complicated, because if Hyejin was going to tell her everything, then perhaps she should also tell Hyejin everything as well.
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*screams* am i going somewhere with this plot??? omggggg
ANYWAYS if you haven't already, I'VE HAD THESE ON FKING REPEAT I CAN'T STOP WATCHING SHE'S SO BEAUTIUFL HELP ME
i wanna cry she's so precious
see you guys soon!! <3 will proofread later or whatev (i say this and i don't actually do it)