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𝗙𝗜𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗬 𝗙𝗥𝗘𝗘
chapter seventeen:
wait for you !
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ATHENA SAT AT her keyboard, humming a melody and trying to play it on the piano. A piece of paper with a line of lyrics — brown guilty eyes and little white lies — written on it laid beside her. She wished Violetta could come over to watch a movie or something, but Violetta had texted her saying she couldn't because EJ was over and seemed pretty distraught. Athena understood.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Athena sighed and glanced over to her bedroom door. She hoped Artemis or her parents would answer it instead of her having to go all the way down the steps.
"Athena, it's Ricky!" Artemis called from down the stairs.
She let out a deep breath. Athena hoped Ricky wasn't going to yell at her again. Maybe this time they would actually work something out. She really didn't want to face him again, but nevertheless, Athena put on her shoes and padded down the steps. Sure enough, Ricky was waiting on her front porch for her. She slowly approached the door, shoving one of her hands into the pocket of the sweatshirt she was wearing.
"Come with me," Ricky voiced as soon as she opened the door.
Athena's eyebrows knit in confusion. "What?"
"Come with me," Ricky repeated. "Athena, please."
She glanced back at her parents and Artemis, who were watching her expectantly. Athena thought it over for a second before turning back to Ricky.
"Okay," she agreed softly. "But if it ends in another argument—"
"It won't," Ricky reassured her. He extended his hand out to her. "Come on."
She placed her hand into his. It felt so natural, so right, but Athena ignored that feeling as she exited the house and shut the door behind her. Instead of leading her to his car like Athena thought he would, Ricky led her through his gate into her backyard. He stopped them below two large trees, where a staircase with two lanterns at the bottom was leading up to a wooden structure that rested in the trees.
"My treehouse," Athena stated.
"After every fight we've had, we always end up on your porch," Ricky explained. "Thought we needed a change of scene. Especially at a place that means a lot to us."
Athena looked over at him. "So you brought us to my treehouse to . . ."
"Talk," Ricky finished. "With me actually listening this time." He let go of her hand and picked up the lanterns, offering one to her. "After you."
She took the lantern and turned it on before climbing up the steps, Ricky following behind her. Athena opened the door and set down her lantern on one of the chests. She glanced around, noticing all the old furniture and decorations were still pretty in tact. Athena smiled softly at the heart with A + R in it carved onto the wall.
"We used to spend hours up here," Athena said quietly, as she turned back around to face him. "It was just our little escape from the rest of the world. We were just kids with no responsibilities, playing castle . . . which, if I'm remembering correctly, I always threw you out for some reason."
Ricky chuckled and sat down on one of the small cushions on the floor. Athena followed his lead and sat on the one directly across from him. She clasped her hands together and folded them in her lap.
"You told me I devalue your feelings," Ricky said. "I never meant to make you feel that way. So, right here, right now . . . I'm going to listen. Lay it all on me."
"No yelling?" she asked.
He shook his head. "None. I want to hear what you have to say. We can both talk when you're finished."
Athena let out a deep breath. "I guess I should start with the night at the El Rey. Simultaneously both the worst and best night of my life, I guess." She paused to laugh a little. "Uh, I remember what I felt when I caught you almost kissing Nini. My heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces and it suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe. Because I caught my boyfriend, the one who I had been in love with since I was little, almost kiss his ex. Even after you told me you loved me on my porch that night, I kept thinking about that moment. I didn't want to, but you already seemed to have forgotten about it, so I didn't bring it up again. Only to Violetta, who then told me I might have forgiven you too easily. But I still have every right to feel betrayed by that."
"Why did you?" Ricky inquired. "You know . . . forgive me too easily?"
She shrugged. "You were going through a bit of a rough time. I didn't want you to be alone." Athena tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "And then it was the fight in the hallway. You were snapping at me and pushing me away, but I didn't want to be pushed away again. Listen, I get it. You go through tough times and you want to be alone, but telling me that you wouldn't care if I wasn't waiting around for you like I always am, Ricky, it hurt me, too."
He was silent on that one.
"Both times you came and fought for us, because this relationship means a lot, and both times I forgave you. But after I forgave you, you just went and hurt me again." A tear finally streamed down her cheek. "And then seeing you talking to Lily, not even saying anything when she said that it seemed like I didn't care about you . . . it also hurt. Because I do care about you. A lot. And then that started to remind me of all those other times you hurt me. It got too much and all of the hurt was weighing me down to the point where I was going into a spiral." She looked down at her hands. "Then you went to accuse me of not ever loving you, which took it too far."
"I know you love me," Ricky said quietly, tears of his own starting to pool in his eyes. "I wasn't thinking straight. God, I'm so stupid."
"Now it's your turn," Athena told him. "Tell me everything."
He let out a sigh. "All those times I hurt you, I didn't even realize I was hurting you. Not after the fight, not after talking with Lily . . . the only time I really did notice was that night at the El Rey when you were crying, and I was beating myself up so much. I knew I had to fix it, so I spilled all of my gut feelings to you on your front porch. Never did I stop to think about how all over the place you would've been that night, and never did I stop to even ask how you were after the fight. And Lily's irrelevant, but seeing me with someone like her couldn't exactly have been the best experience. I realize that now . . . and I'm sorry."
She noticed him hesitating for a moment. "What else are you not saying?"
"I thought we were always gonna be okay. I mean, we're Ricky and Athena. No matter what, you and I are forever. So when you gave me your necklace the other day, I just felt . . . crushed."
Athena sniffled. "I gave you my necklace to signal that I needed some time to myself. And I meant what I said today and that other day in the car, Ricky." She wiped a tear off of her cheek. "It sucks, it really does, but I think we could both benefit from some space from each other. Right now, I just need to be Athena."
Ricky played with the small moon charm on his bracelet to try and distract himself. "I don't want to break up."
She nodded, her bottom lip quivering. "I know. I don't either, but we have to find our own ways. We've been so dependent on each other for so long that I don't think we've had time to sit back and re-evaluate ourselves. It's just like Violetta told me — listen to your heart and focus on yourself."
"My heart always leads me back to you," Ricky revealed. "I'm lost in this world without you by my side. But . . . I'm not going to hold you back from this decision. I've always trusted your judgement."
"I'm not going to hold you back either," Athena agreed, the two of them now crying harder.
"I'll wait for you . . . or — or we can still be together and I'll just give you all the space you need."
She offered him a watery smile. "Listen, Ricky, healing can take a while. I don't want you to sit around and wait for me forever. And I don't think staying together is the best idea. This may sound selfish, but that might make me feel obligated to get back to you quicker. That's not fair to me, and it certainly isn't fair to you since I wouldn't be at one hundred percent. You deserve someone who will be there for you all the time, and that can't be me right now."
"No, I deserve you," Ricky insisted, reaching up and placing a hand on her cheek. "We may be young, but I know you're the one that I'm meant to be with, Athena. You heard me the other day, we've got a forever type of thing. I'll always wait for you."
"We're heaven on Earth, melody and words," Athena recited.
Ricky took a shaky breath. "So . . . that's it? That's the end of us?"
"I guess so," Athena answered. "At least until both of us find our way . . ."
He nodded. "I got it. Give you space. Give us space."
"You'll always mean the most to me," Athena revealed, gripping onto his wrist that was by her face. "I don't think there'll ever be somebody else who I love as much as I love you."
"Hey, Attie?" Ricky asked quietly. "Um, we promised that we would be there for each other no matter what happened between us. So even though we're not going to be together anymore . . . can we still be friends? Because I don't know if I can let you go fully."
Athena let out a laugh through her tears and nodded. "Best friends. You're such a huge part of my life and I'm not going to let that go either."
The two of them dropped their hands from each other. And somehow, someway, they knew that this was the beginning of the end. Someday, they might find their place in this world, who knows? But at least for now, this was for the best.
Ricky then reached into his pocket. He pulled out Athena's necklace, the very same one he had gifted her on opening night. The owl, the letter R, and the planet Saturn charms hit against each other as he moved it. Athena sniffled as she watched him place it on the small table, the metal of it clinking against the wood. His hand then moved to his wrist, where he slipped off the leather cord bracelet she had given him that very same night. The small charm of the moon hit against the metal bar that said WILDCAT and Love, Athena on both sides. It made the exact same sound as the necklace as Ricky placed the bracelet down on the table next to the necklace.
A tear dripping down her cheek, Athena looked back up at Ricky. She could see in his eyes that he understood all of her feelings, because he felt them too. They both liked who they were when they were with each other. Ricky and Athena made each other better — but not this time. This time, it only seemed like they were bringing each other down.
As much as it hurts to admit it, it was true. Usually it was them being lifted up by the presence of each other. Now it was the opposite. Athena was being reminded of all the hurt she felt and Ricky was being reminded of all the things he'd done. In order to get past that, they needed to separate. They didn't know how long. Just until the time was right.
Ricky finally held out his pinky finger, more tears falling down his face now. "I love you."
Athena let out a sob and interlocked her pinky with his. "To the moon and to Saturn. Forever and always."
They stood up. Athena instantly gravitated into Ricky's arms, who tugged her in close to him tightly. He rested his chin on top of her head while she buried hers into his shoulder. The same embrace they always went to to feel safe and protected was now turning into one of farewell. Ricky muttered comforting words to Athena as she cried, tears of his own dripping onto the top of her head.
"We still Beauty and the Beast?" Ricky inquired through their sadness, trying to lighten the mood.
Athena laughed — although it was slightly muffled — before pulling away from him. "Hell yeah. And we're going to kill it."
Ricky reached up and placed a hand on her cheek, wiping away some of the tears. "Can I have one last kiss goodbye?"
She nodded. Ricky dipped his head down and pressed their lips together. It was salty from both of their tears, but it was certainly a way to end their relationship for now. After a couple moments, the two hesitantly let each other go and kept their gazes locked.
"Goodnight, Athena," Ricky whispered.
"Goodnight, Ricky," Athena replied quietly.
She watched as he turned and walked out of the treehouse. Athena's bottom lip quivered again and she looked down at her hands to try and distract herself from crying. It wasn't working. Sure, she had cried the other day when she broke it off, but now that it was actually official, it was even worse. She knows it was because she initiated it, but that didn't mean her heart wasn't getting completely shattered.
The door opened again, and Athena glanced up to see it was Artemis this time. Artemis instantly frowned at her sister's teary eyes and shaky hands. She walked forwards and brought the girl into her arms, Athena crying into her sister until she managed to calm down.
However, Ricky and Athena were forever . . . but what was forever without a break? They would be okay. It would take time, but eventually it would turn out all right. All they had to do was focus on themselves and be patient.
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whatever you do don't listen to reckless by madison beer when reading this
WATCH HSMTMTS THEY SAID. IT'LL BE FUN THEY SAID.
I'M NOT HAVING FUN ANYMORE.
and if you don't think athena taught ricky those piano skills in the latest episode and that let you go was def about her . . . idk what you're doing