Sometimes
Being a survivor is not a blessing
It's more like having a demon as a pet
And praying it will tear you to shreds
Before you open your eyes
You have no idea how lucky you are
It's amazing you lived through that
You should be more grateful
It's easier to die than to live with the dead
If only you watched
If only you heard
If only you felt
Their blood
Their screams
Their fear
Filling the air
The agony they suffered so long ago
Lives on —— continues
In my head
In my dreams
In my day to day
And sure, yeah, I'm thankful
To have made it this far
But all I've been doing
Is keeping myself from falling apart
It's exhausting
I'm tired of this suffering
It's draining me
Even though I can't really feel anything
So to the ignorant I say:
Surviving is not a blessing
It's a God damn curse