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### notes!! ###
tune in to my spotify playlist; you won't regret i guess hehe
or listen to the songs i recommended in the previous' chapter ^^
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"I'm back, losers!" Atsumu entered the class, yelling at his friends who were sitting in a group at the back of the class. I entered after him. Everyone was there, including Suna. They started dapping hands and chat while I just walked myself to my own seat and settled down. I haven't gotten the chance to tell him about it yet. His sudden presence still shocked me as if this was just a hallucination. I didn't expect he would be here this early. I haven't even get myself prepared for another fight with him. What's worst, this is the fight I, myself caused it.
I heard Atsumu talking about his youth camp, sharing what did he learnt and practiced there. The others were listening to him except for Suna whom I noticed been glancing at me, giving me a weird smile. That got me even more nervous than I already am. The guilt in me raising up and my hands were started to sweat. I couldn't keep it, I need to tell him as soon as possible. My heart felt so heavy, I felt so suffocated.
"Let's go out for a smoke. We have another ten minutes before the class start" Ginjima cut in, stopping the blonde guy from talking about his camp. "Yeah, let's go" Kosaku straightened his body from leaning against the edge of the table. "Count me out" Atsumu replied, making the others to quirk eyebrows. That's unusual. Honestly, it weirded me out as well. Atsumu is a smoker. Although he didn't smoke as often as the others, yet he's not the type to refuse. "I have extra, don't worry" Osamu patted his pocket, revealing the shape of his cigarette's box.
Atsumu ran his fingers through his hair, eyes moving to look at me. "Someone told me to quit smoking so I should consider about it for her" he shot me a flirty wink. Now, talking about being the best boyfriend ever. That made me feel even more guilty. Yes, I did tell him to when we were in our way to Kyoto but I didn't expect him to actually do it. But look at him, he's willing to do it... For me, and I did shit behind his back. I don't deserve him.
"Fuck, they're so cringy. I'm out of this place" Osamu snorted and walked away from the circle, heading towards the mens. "For real. I'm going with you" Suna sighed, slipping his hands into his pockets and tailing behind him. Kosaku and Ginjima looked so confused and blank but they followed the two eventually, leaving Atsumu alone at the back of the class.
Seeing his friends leaving the class for a smoke, Atsumu made his way towards his seat which was just next to mine. He pulled his chair, bringing it close to mine and sat down. He propped his elbow on my desk, resting the side of his face against his palm. His eyes locked on my visual. He was admiring me with a sweet smile curved upon his lips. He tucked my hair behind the ear, moving away the strands which were covering my face. "I miss you so much, beautiful" he murmured. I swallowed, hands clenching on my jeans.
"I... I miss you too" I bowed my head. I can't even look at him in the eyes. I can't even face him properly. I was too scared of literally everything. I wanted to end this suffocation but I don't want to ruin his good day. He looked so excited and happy to finally be back in Kobe. I can't just let myself to ruin it. I need to at least find a good time for me telling the truth but at the same time, I was lowkey impatient and selfish.
"How are you?" he asked while his hand glued on my cheek, the pad of his thumb brushing against my skin. I can't deny, I missed him doing all these boyfriend material gestures. I looked into his eyes. He missed me so much, I can feel it. "Did you eat well while I was away?" he leaned in to steal a peck on my lips. Yes, it was the clingy Atsumu I knew. I hummed, eyes were still staring at him in the eyes. "What did you do then?" he smiled. His fingers stroke my hair lovingly.
I didn't give him a fast response. His question got me off guard. "Hiking" I mumbled. "Hiking? Wow, that's quite productive of you" he chuckled. "With whom?" he tilted his head. Ah shit! I clenched on my jeans tighter, hands started to tremble. "A friend" I swallowed myself. "A friend? Mika?" he quirked an eyebrow. He was curious. I pursed my lips, humming a few seconds later. I lied. I was forced to lie. I hate myself for doing this at him.
Atsumu stretched his lips, grinning widely. "I like hearing you exploring the nature. I'll surely bring you closer to them" he squished my cheek. "You're so cute, do you know that? Ugh, I'm so in love with you, y/n" he pulled me into a hug. He held me closely to him that I could hear his heartbeats. They were calm and soothing. I braved myself to hug him back, hiding this guilty feeling I had in me.
"People in love stinks" Osamu said with a disgusted face on him as he entered the classroom. "Get a room" Suna scoffed and walked towards his seat which was at my left side. Atsumu shot a death glare at those two, his hands were still stroking my hair. "Shut the fuck up" he whined. Kosaku and Ginjima entered after them. "If my girlfriend won't act like how y/n did, I'm leaving her" Kosaku cackled.
The professor entered, making Atsumu to release me from his hug. He pulled himself back to his seat, still looking at me with a smile. "I love you" he mouthed, followed by a soft giggle. God, I hate myself so much.
***
"Arghh!" Atsumu groaned, stretching his limbs. "You're the worst" Osamu rolled his eyes at the hideous behaviour of his twin brother. "Can you not ruining my mood for one goddamn day?" Atsumu glared at the grey-haired boy seated at the back. Kosaku rise from his seat, stretching as well. "Let's go grab something to eat. I'm hungry" he whined. "What should we eat though?" Suna tilted his head to look at the guy.
Atsumu got up from his seat and walked to stand next to me. "You guys go ahead without me. I have a date with this one" he looked down at me. "Sorry" he glanced at his friends, scratching his nape. "You both would end up doing the nasty. I can feel it" Kosaku said jokingly. Atsumu hummed, his fingers tapping his chin. "I'm not sure about that" he wiggled his eyebrows playfully. Suna got up from his seat, gesturing his trademark; hands slipped in his slacks' pockets. He let out a loud sigh and his head tilted sideways. I turned my head in Suna's direction. "Atsumu's living a good life indeed" he glanced at me, his lips curving into a sneaky smirk.
I know Suna and I have resolved things but I can't help but to feel threatened. I felt like I'm in danger when Suna's around Atsumu. I would rather have myself confessing my sin at my boyfriend than to have him hearing it from Suna. I don't want that. And Suna has been showing an odd behavior ever since Atsumu entered the class. I felt like I was being pushed to the cliff as if I could fall from it anytime.
"I am though. Y/N is a blessing. I'm living in heaven" Atsumu ruffled my hair gently, not trying to mess up my hair. I bit down on my lower lip. I felt nervous. I felt like puking just by thinking of the sin that I did myself. Osamu's eyes moved back and forth to look at Atsumu and Suna from his seat. He didn't say anything, he was just watching. "I'm jealous though" Suna shrugged his shoulders. I looked away and tugged on my jeans tightly. Suna was scaring me. His behaviour seemed fishy. "You'll find yours someday. Hang in there" Atsumu replied him with a chuckle. I can't take it anymore. My heart felt uneasy. I need to tell Atsumu before everything gets even worst than it already is.
I stood up, cutting their conversation. I cleared my throat, my head cocked up to the tall blonde guy standing right next to me. I forced a smile, my hand bravely tugged on his sleeve. "Take me out for a date today" I can see Atsumu's eyes growing sparkles. He liked how it sounded. He liked the idea of it. He quickly picked up his bag, slipping on his shoulder and I took mine. "Alright. We have to go" he smiled cheekily at his friends while he held my hand firmly.
"Y/N" the call from Suna had me stopped my steps. I didn't dare to turn my head to him. "You forgot your phone" he leaned against his desk. Atsumu grabbed my phone and chuckled. "Hey, you're being careless with your belonging" he handed me the phone. "Ah, my bad" I faked a chuckle. "Alright, we got the phone so let's go" I quickly pulled him out of the class.
"Why are we rushing, baby? Eager much huh?" he wrapped his big arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to him. I looked up at his innocent face, "I'm just excited for the date" I formed a big smile on my face. I'm going to tell him today but not now.
"Your place or mine?" he asked as soon as he buckled up his seatbelt. Eyebrows knitted, I gave him a weird look. "You know what I'm referring to, baby" he cupped my cheek, leaving a chaste kiss on my lips. "I've been away from you for five bloody days" he leaned closer to my ear and smooched it few times. "I missed seeing you being under me" he then moved to kiss down to my jaw. Of course, if I didn't screwed up, we would be making love by now but I can't just let myself getting done by my boyfriend when I haven't even told him about what I did behind his back. It's just too shitty. Yeah, I was being shitty and I won't let myself to be shittier.
I stopped him; hands against his chest and I pulled myself back. He looked so confused. I'm not the type who would refuse to sleep with him, more like I would gladly have him on me but I just can't let it to happen now. "What's wrong?" he asked. His face looked worried. "Did I do something wrong?" Atsumu tilted his head sideways. "No, baby" I cupped his cheeks and caressed them gently. "Let's have a real date today. It'll be on me today. Anything you want to do, or to eat, or even to buy, it'll be my treat today" Atsumu shook his head slowly, "No, baby. I'm not going to let you pay for me. That's my job, not yours" he refused but I was insisted. "Please, let me. Just this once, hm?" I pursed my lips while my hands held his cheek strongly. Atsumu looked into my eyes, sealing his lips for a few seconds before he let out a sigh, "Fine".
***
We spent time doing lots of things that day. We went out to eat his favourite food, bought milk teas, went to the arcade, window shopping, walking around the town, and do all those couple things. Being by his side made me the happiest girl ever. Every time I saw the smiles on his face, it made my heart feel at ease. I love it when he smiles, when he laughs, when he's being whiny and fussy about everything, and when he's being a baby. I love it when he holds me, when he proves me that I mean a lot to him, when he pampers me, and when he always assures me that he always loves me.
Atsumu brought so much happiness into my life. Atsumu taught me so many things. He showed me what real love is. He showed me by proving me that he could give me the kind of love that I've been longing for, that I've been wanting, craving for. He would have dated someone else, who's prettier, smatter and richer than me but he didn't. And that's because he loves me for who I am. He accepted me without even bothered about my family background or status. He loves me with all of his heart.
But why? Why did I have to hurt him? Why did I have to break us? Why did I become so stupid? I should have being careful, especially when my friend is my own ex-boyfriend. And I'm fully aware of his jealousy against Suna, yet I still hang out with him. Why did I do that? Why didn't I sacrifice my friendship with Suna for Atsumu, my own boyfriend? Why? I'm so disappointed in myself and I know that he will say that he's disappointed in me.
It was 8pm. Atsumu drove me to his dorm, saying that he'll go grab his clothes for him since he'll stay over at my place after I told him that Mika will be staying over her boyfriend's place. He was excited and happy, and that broke me. I know I'm about to break him but I would rather hurt him now that to see breaking later. I would rather getting yelled, scolded by him now so I could immediately apologise and make up with him. I would do anything for him.
Atsumu pulled the gear lever and unbuckled his seatbelt. "I actually got something for you" he adjusted his body facing to me. Seatbelt unbuckled, I sat facing him as well. "What is it?" I murmured. His hand reached a big shopping back from the backseat of his BMW and handed it to me. "Take a look" he said. I looked at him before taking out a big box with Faviana written on it. Could it be? I quickly opened the box, my eyes caught the metallic silver strapless dress. "Be my prom date this weekend" he held the back of my head.
Yeah, the prom. It's in two days. Atsumu remembered that. He bought me a prom dress. I can't hold my tears any longer. I finally broke down, head bowing facing to my hands which were holding on the dress while my tears rolled down like a river. "Why are you crying, baby?" he laughed, pulling me into a hug. "You're really a crybaby" he rubbed my back. I cried louder and my hands started shaking. It wasn't a cry of happiness obviously. Atsumu pulled himself to look at me trembling. He held my shaky hands. "Why are your hands so cold and shaky? Are you okay?" he tilted his head to looked at my still bowed head. I can't stop crying, my tears can't find a way to stop from falling.
"Y/N, is something wrong?" he furrowed his eyebrows. I lifted my face, shamelessly looking at him in the eyes. "I need to tell you something" I sniffed. The smile he had on his face earlier began to fade. "What is it?" he stared into my eyes. I need to do this, I'm sorry.
"Remember when I told you I went for hike while you were at the camp?" I let go off the dress, shifting to hold his hands tightly. My hands couldn't stop shaking. I was feeling scared. I was scared of losing him. He replied me with a hum. "It wasn't Mika who I went with. It was... Rin" my eyes didn't leave his. "R... Rin?" he pursed his lips, "Your new friend?" he faked a smile. He was trying to deny the person he was thinking of. I know he wished and hoped that it won't be the person who he don't want it to be. I shook my head, "Rintarou. Suna Rintarou" and that's how I saw his eyes changed and his smile vanished.
"With others? Kita was there also, right?" he was still putting on the forceful smile. He was trying his best not to look disappointed. Again, I shook my head. "Well, I'm... Jealous" he laughed bitterly. "But yeah, it's just a hiking though. Right?" he looked into my eyes again, realising that it was just not a hike. "I'm sorry" I murmured, holding his hands tighter. "I know you will hate me, I know you will be disappointed in me, I know you will be mad at me but I don't mind that. I just want to say that I am so sorry" I cried out loud. Atsumu frowned. He was feeling confused at my sudden apology. "Hold on, y/n. I don't get it. Why are you apologising?" his hands slowly to release mine. "I don't know what happened to me. I don't feel like I was being myself that time. I wasn't in my senses, I promise you" I sobbed. "Just tell me, what happened" the tone of his voice changed.
"I... I kissed... Him" I gripped on his wrists. Atsumu dropped his jaw, scoffing. "Tell me you're lying, y/n" he mumbled. He stared at me, getting the sign of me not giving him any response. He scoffed again and leaned his back against the car door, breaking our eye-contact.
"Atsumu" I cried his name. "Why aren't you mad at me? You should be yelling at me, Atsumu. I deserved to be scolded by you. You can't just stay quiet like this. Please say something" I shook his hands.
Atsumu looked up at me again. "Trust me, y/n. I'm mad" his voice sounded calm instead. "I feel like screaming and yelling but you know why I didn't do those?" he furrowed his eyebrows. "Because, the last time I did that to you, I almost lose you that had me traumatized. I've promised myself not to repeat that ever again because I'm scared of losing you" he sighed. "No matter how bad our arguments will be, I will never allow myself to let out my anger on you because I don't want to lose you, y/n. But why? Why did you do that? Am I not enough for you, y/n? What is it that I'm lacking? What is it?" his voice cracked.
"Did I bore you? Did I do something wrong? Did I do something that you hate? Tell me, y/n" I can't help but to cry even harder. Atsumu looked so disappointed and broken-hearted and it's because of me. "Please don't tell me that you started to love him again" his hands felt cold. I shook my head, "No, Atsumu. I only love you. I promise" I replied. Atsumu let out a loud sigh. "I'm sorry... But I doubt that" I felt like a sharp knife just stabbed me on my heart. "This is why you've been acting weird today. You avoided looking at Suna, you insisted on paying things for me. And it's because..." he pursed his lips, stopping himself. "You being nice to me today because you feel like it would be our last day together... Right?" he stared at me. I couldn't answer him. Yes, I did feel that but I didn't want that to happen. Never.
He nodded his head, pulling his hands from my grip before he pulled out his phone from his pocket and dialled someone. "Are you in your room?" he asked the person on line. "I'm at the lobby. Can you come down and do me a favour? Please" he took a deep breath in between. It was Osamu who he called. "I need your help to drive y/n back to her dorm now" he said. That broke me even more. I reached for his hands but he quickly pulled his hands away. "I don't feel quite good now. I really need your help, Samu. Please, drive her home" he was glaring at me with his eyebrows knitted together into a frown. He was mad obviously.
Atsumu ended the call and one of his hands slipped at the back of my head. "This shit hurts but I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to be harsh at you... But I hope you could give me some time" he sighed and got off from his car. I sobbed harder and buried my face in my hands.
"Oi shithead, can you not disturb me for one goddamn da..." Osamu stopped whining when he saw me crying in the passenger's seat. He looked at his twin brother, "What happened?" he asked. Atsumu pursed his lips and patted the grey-haired boy's shoulder. "Just make sure she's home safely. It's you who I can only trust as for now" he nodded his head before entering the building, leaving us behind.
***
Atsumu closed the door once he entered the room. He leaned his back against the door, sliding himself down to sit on the floor with his knees up. He clutched his shirt, rubbing his chest. His forehead crumpled and his tears rolled down on his cheeks.
He buried his face in his hands, sobbing out loud. "Why?" his fingers gripped his hair in frustration. "Why must it be him? Why him?" he rubbed his chest as he felt the ache coming from his heart.
"I gave you my all. I showed you everything. I wanted to be the best for you. But why are you looking at him again? I'm just right here in front of you, why can't you see me instead? Why can't you forget about him? This is painful, y/n. I've tried my best but why can't you see it?" his hand can't stop from rubbing his chest. He was trying to stop the pain that came from his heart. He was heartbroken. He was hurting.
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### author's note ###
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thank you for your read and i hope you're liking it so far 🤍
xoxo, sya.