Note & Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing with some beloved characters. Also, Anakin was pulled aside by Palpatine so Obi-Wan is the Jedi speaking to her. Anakin is not in the room in this scene.
She was facing them as they stood in a crescent around her. The silence weighed heavily down on her and she could tell they wanted her to speak first, but she wouldn't. If they have anything to say to her, they should go ahead.
Her teachings reminded her that's not the mentality of a Jedi. She should let go her anger.
Well, she thought, the Council's actions made it clear I am not a Jedi.
Finally, Master Obi-Wan began. "I am so sorry," he paused. "About everything." The look of regret and anguish on his face was evident, and it tugged at her heart.
Yet, all she could bother responding with was a nod.
Master Plo soon followed him. "You have our most humble apologies, little 'Soka."
Honestly, that just made it worst, his name for her only making it more painful as it showed how deep his betrayal went.
"The Council was wrong to accuse you," he continued.
Master Tiin went third. "You have shown such great strength and resilience in your struggle to prove your innocence."
Ahsoka felt numb at their apologies. They obviously were doing this just so they could clear their minds of the guilt. She wouldn't make it any easier for them.
"This is the true sign of a Jedi Knight," Master Mundi went on. In another life. In a previous time that really wasn't that long ago, though it had felt like ages, she would have been beyond ecstatic to hear what he was saying.
Right now, though, she couldn't give two bantha ticks about it.
Next was Master Windu. "This was actually your great trial. Now we see that."
She couldn't kriffing believe it.
"We understand that the Force works in mysterious ways," She couldn't help it. Didn't care enough to help it. Crossing her arms, she stared at him in disbelief. "And because of this trial, you have become a greater Jedi than you would have otherwise."
She finally understood why her Mas- Anakin hated Windu so much.
But then Master Yoda was speaking, and as much as she wanted to start accusing them of the hypocritical load of poodoo they were shoving out, she couldn't help but listen to the wise old creature.
"Back into the Order you may come."
Her heart felt like it was being torn to shreds by a Loth-wolf.
She knew what she had to do.
Master Obi-Wan began again. "They're asking you back, Ahsoka. I'm asking you back."
He was starting to sound like Anakin, wearing his heart on his sleeve like that and that observation only hurt more now that she knew she couldn't come back.
Wouldn't come back.
She stared at him. Those green-blue eyes staring back at her, eyes she had seen so full of compassion and wisdom in previous times, but now only full of guilt and hope.
A hope she knew she was going to crush.
He may not have been her official Master, but he was the water to Anakin's fire that had always balanced her.
Looking between his outstretched hand – the hand that held her sacred and beloved Padawan beads – and his face, she could feel her eyes beginning to water.
He was so desperate – she could feel the way he needed her to come back, if not for his sake, than for Anakin's – but he could see the way she was hesitate and he knew.
He knew, but he tried one last thing.
"Ahsoka, if not for me, and not for Anakin, then for your men. For your Captain."
Kriff.
She couldn't do it. Her men meant more to her than they would ever understand.
Ahsoka stopped. And stared at him. He didn't even look apologetic for pulling that out. Her men. Her brothers. Her vod.
And Rex.
"I-" She began. "I need to think. I will inform you tomorrow. But, just – for tonight, please, Obi-Wan, let me think."
For once, he didn't look at the Council for approval, just nodded his head and retracted his hand, her beads still weighing heavily inside.
Without acknowledging any of the other Masters, Ahsoka turned and walked out, her arms wrapped around herself, not knowing where to go.
She couldn't see Anakin – not yet. Besides, she had seen the Chancellor signal him soon after the trial, which explained why he wasn't here with the rest of them.
Or because they simply didn't tell him what they were doing yet, fearing his reaction if she did the unthinkable and turned them down.
And she couldn't go to Padme's because there was a high chance he would be there later that night.
That left her real home. Definitely not the Temple anymore, but the place she truly felt safest in – which was ironic given that it was a flagship built solely for war.
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By the time she had arrived at the Resolute, it was dark and the air taxi driver had been trying to talk with her. She just ignored him and stared out the window, not speaking a word beyond telling him to go to GAR ship yards.
She felt naked as she walked without her lightsabers to her ship, noticing how the clones on duty shifted as she past.
Walking down the gang plank, she saw a clone stationed by the door. A shiny whose name she didn't know yet. Ahsoka didn't want to look at him and as she typed in her codes to enter, it was clear he felt uncomfortable too.
He saw everything he needed to about her trial on the holonet. And how she attacked some of his brothers.
Not that she killed any, but it probably still didn't feel right being too friendly with her. Not that she could blame him.
Walking down the corridors to where she knew Rex's rooms were, Ahsoka swaddled herself in the Force, strongly suggesting everyone she walked by to not notice her. She didn't have the strength for that yet.
And it was a testament to her skill that not a single clone even paused as they passed.
Fifteen minutes later, she was in front of his room. She wasn't completely sure how he was going to react, but he was one of the few people she had always trusted to have her back.
Before this whole incident, she would have still included Anakin in that list, but she had seen that, if it came down to it, he would stay and stand with the Order, regardless of how they treated. True, he found a way to save the day as he always did, and didn't give up hope, but it was clear that he would not be leaving the Order for her anytime soon.
He'd do that for Padme before he did that for her.
Shut the kriff up.
She reached out with the Force to see if he was there.
He was.
She reached up and knocked, once, then twice against the cool metal door. Untangling the hazy Force suggestion that still surrounded her, she waited for him to answer.
Her montrals picked up the sound of him walking across the floor and she felt so anxious she felt she might throw up.
What if he hates me, doesn't believe me, doesn't want to se-
The door opened wide and the look of surprise would have been comical if it wasn't for the fact that this moment could break her. If he turned her away, she would be gone. No one would see her until she wanted them to.
If Rex was not willing to be her anchor, she would be lost.
"Ahsoka." How he managed put so much confusion, disbelief, pain, worry, and relief in one word – her name – she'd never understand.
With her arms still wrapped tight around her, trying to keep herself safe from the world and those big golden-brown eyes, she said. "Hey, Rex. Do you- you mind if I come in. I don't have anywhere else to go."
Well, she had her own quarters on the ship, but if Anakin came looking for her, that would be one of the first places he'd check.
"I – no, no, of course I don't mind. You're always welcomed here, Commander."
Love, in its purest, highest form, roared through her with a ferocity that almost took her breath away. She felt dirty for evening doubting him. She could always count on Rex and she pushed that emotion towards him so he could at least have an inkling of how much she appreciated him.
He stepped out of the doorway and she walked in around him. His rooms were bare, looking just like the basic barracks besides that it had walls and a personal 'fresher. Grey and steel surrounded her, giving her just the protection she needed.
Ahsoka stood in the middle of his room, not wanting to assume her right to sit in the single metal chair that resided near his bed.
Silence reigned supreme. Except, this time, she wanted to speak. At least to him.
"Thank you, Rex. Really." Even to her own montrals she sounded subdued, numb and she couldn't help but flick her eyes up to see what his expression was.
A warm, concerned face met her gaze. "Ahsoka, what happened?"
The tears she had just gotten control of sprang back up like a fresh well. She screwed her eyes shut and willed them to go away, but they wouldn't. Keeping them closed, so she wouldn't have to watch him watch her fall apart, Ahsoka said, "They betrayed me, Rex. Each and every single one of them." She tried taking a breath and she felt like she was choking on air. "Even Master Kenobi."
She could feel him shift in the Force, not just physically, but emotionally.
That didn't stop her from being stunned when a pair of strong, black-clad arms wrapped themselves around her, pulling her close. Ahsoka felt herself melt into him and untangle her own arms to wrap around him, the stress, exhaustion, and utter anguish she had known so intimately over the past few days seep out of her as she buried her face into his chest, the tips of her montrals, scratching against the underside of his jaw.
He smelled safe.
He smelled like home.
Without thinking, she heard herself ask into his chest, "Can we go to sleep, Rex? Please."
She knew it was impulsive and pushing him past his comforts – because I am his commander, not his girlfriend - but kriff, she couldn't think any more today about anything. She just wanted to be safe and at home.
And now she was.
Ahsoka felt his heartrate pick up and she almost backed out, but she could feel herself falling asleep against him already.
After a long pause, he replied, "Yeah, Ahsoka, we can go to sleep." He started to unwrap his arms from around her, but she grabbed his hand before he had completely let go. Steadily avoiding his eyes, and allowing her own to droop, she rolled into his hard bed, and waited for him to follow.
Curling up on her side, she faced the wall and felt him lay down next to her. He wasn't close enough, so she pulled the hand she still had hold of over her stomach and let Rex readjust till he was comfortable.
He was still too stiff, but she sure hoped he wasn't planning on going anywhere because, right then, he was her only sense of stability in the chaotic world around her and she would not willingly let him go anytime soon.
And yes, she was well aware that was a blatant attachment but she really didn't care.
"Love you, Rex." And she meant it, even as she was in her half sleep state.
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It was about 2100 when he heard a knock on the door. He assumed it was just one of the boys coming to talk to him about one thing or another and he took his time getting it.
He knew it wasn't the general because he had a very distinct pounding tone in his knocks. This one wasn't like that. It was lighter.
Pressing the door seal open, he was not greeted with one of the faces that he was so familiar with, but, instead, sunset orange skin and wide blue eyes stared back at him.
"Ahsoka."
Rex didn't know exactly why she was here, because she had to have someone who was more important – closer to her than him.
But her next words quickly dismissed that, though, leaving him both hurting for her and a little fuzzy that he was her safe space. "Hey, Rex. Do you- you mind if I come in. I don't have anywhere else to go."
"I – no, no, of course I don't mind. You're always welcomed here, Commander." Though it was the truth, he mentality smacked himself for being so affectionate. Captain Rex of the 501st was not affectionate to or for anyone.
Yet, as soon as he had finished, the clone felt a not entirely foreign, warm, bright cocooning presence wrap him up.
I am Love, the feeling whispered to him. You are loved.
Realizing this well of emotion was from the little, battered Togruta in front of him, he no longer could bring himself to care just how expressive he was. She obviously needed it.
Moving back out of the entrance to let her get through, he quickly scanned the hallway to see if any of the men had noticed her.
Just rounding the corner out of sight, at the end of the corridor, he caught the edge of a distinctly familiar ARC trooper's pauldron and shoulder armor.
Shavit. The whole barracks would know she was in his room by the end of the night.
There was nothing he could do about it now though, so he just turned back around to see Ahsoka tensely standing in the middle of his room, not really looking at anything in specific, but definitely avoiding his gaze.
He had to say something, but he was just so out of his depth, his mouth refused to work and he ended up just standing there, staring at her. Di'kut.
It was her who ended up breaking the silence.
"Thank you, Rex. Really."
Her voice wasn't right. There wasn't that energy – that fire that he was used to. She sounded much too old for her age. Though it was true that many things his little Commander did, didn't really match up with her age, this was different.
She looked and sounded like she had put through Hell, and though she came out stronger, she had left a part of herself behind. The hollowness of her voice echoed in his austere room.
It wasn't right. "Ahsoka, what happened?"
At his question, he could see how she cracked. It hurt him to see her like this. This soul who had cared and fought so hard for all of his men, splintering before his eyes.
He had seen what was covered on the holonet and how she was painted as a villain, but he needed to know from her.
"They betrayed me, Rex. Each and every single one of them." The strangled sound that came out of her as she tried to press on made it all too easy to decide his next action.
"Even Master Kenobi."
A deep well of anger came over him, intricately interwoven with the need to protect this young woman at all costs. She had come to him, out of everyone, and he wouldn't make her regret it because she deserved the galaxy and those Jedi Masters – no matter how kind they appeared or even acted to his vod – had broken her trust.
In two steps, he was close enough that he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed, trying to communicate the unspoken message that with him, no one would ever hurt her. It pained him to know he had even been part of the hunt to find her.
At first, he wasn't sure that he made the right move, but then he felt her relax against him. He could feel her nose mush against the center of his chest, and her montrals awkwardly rubbing against him so he couldn't easily look down, but he wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else.
Standing there, he let her breathe, to calm down, to know she was safe. Rex wasn't sure what to say next, but he didn't really want to move.
"Can we go to sleep, Rex? Please," she asked. There was a pleading tone to her voice that made him uncomfortable. The idea of them sleeping together was just as awkward, and automatically his mind flash to the exact opposite of what she was talking about, which just made him more uneasy.
But, again, he could tell she needed it. She needed him. And he knew what it was like to simply need to feel someone. To know someone was alive and still breathing with him and that it wasn't just him against the next battlefield full of droids.
Plus, Rex could feel her leaning heavily against him, as though she couldn't stand any longer on her feet. Which, in all honest, she probably couldn't.
"Yeah, Ahsoka, we can go to sleep." As he made to pull away from her so she could lay down, she caught his hand.
Your hands are so tiny and delicate, cyare. But he could feel the rough, worn callouses over top and reminded himself of her strength.
He was thoroughly out of his depth so he just let Ahsoka guide. He watched her lay down in his bed only for him to follow her, and he realized just how bizarre this situation was. Not exactly in a bad way, and he sure wouldn't push her away, but just the fact that she was still his CO and, not to mention, still kind of a Jedi and he was just a clone and they were in a bed together left his head spinning.
But he pushed air steadily in and out of his lungs to keep himself from panicking as he laid down next to her, trying to keep just a small bit of space between them.
She would have none of it, dragging his hand to rest on her waist. His heart felt like it was going to thump its way out of his chest, but, not given much of an option, he scooted closer.
Her need to be felt, hugged, touched indicated to him how completely wrong she felt. Before this moment, he would have never imagined her wanting to get this close to him or any of his brothers.
But now.
Now, everything had changed and he still had no idea what was going to happen to her, but he decided, in that moment he would do everything he could to help her with whatever he could.
Not that he had a lot to offer. Still, though, he would do what he could.
Rex couldn't make himself any less rigid, but he at least tried to relax his face against her smooth chevron montrals.
That was until he heard her whisper into the dark room, drowsy, the words, "Love you, Rex."
His eyes snapped wide open.