BENJI POV
Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Benji...
And he loved his sissy so, so, so much... but sometimes she got very scared.
So when she was scared, she needed to make sure she could tell his heart was still beating just so she knew he was okay... it wasn't much, but it always helped. Sometimes all it took was something little to make her feel better. Benji learned he was the same way, too! He didn't need big presents or huge parades to be happy. All it took was simple cars or cake to make his day better...
I was only eight when our parents died. She was sixteen.
We sat on a couch at the hospital, adults running all around while I laid with my head in her lap. Lissy played with my hair and told me stories, just holding my wrist with one hand while she quietly counted my pulse. She scratched my head like a dog, over and over.
It felt good. My sister had no idea how to help, but this story will probably always be my favorite.
I didn't want to move away from her lap then.
I think she knows I'd never want to be away from her. She fought to keep us together once we were on our own. I don't know how, but it doesn't matter.
Now all that matters is our big move.
Atlanta was so exciting, especially since we lived so close to the College Football Hall of Fame. We got to go to the park all the time, plus would ride our bikes every single day unless it snowed.
My best friend Jason lived a couple of streets away from us so we got to play on the same recreational baseball team. Lissy even let me go over to his house when she had tutor sessions or worked at the coffee shop. His dad was a manager at the Hall of Fame and got us in all the time so I learned about all the different players and why they were honored.
That's why I love sports.
Regular people can do cool things and get their names known by everyone in the whole world.
You don't have to be born to someone special. It can be someone normal but if you try really hard, you can be someone who has dreams and does something important and is remembered.
Lissy was so busy with school and work but made time for me anyway. She would make big meals and then trade food with my friends' moms. That was always fun, especially since she made it feel like we were really a family.
I never felt like I was missing out on what my friends had.
Lissy said that our job was to just make it a day at a time, so that's what we did.
Do the next right thing.
Now I am glad we made a new friend who could help us get out of that train before it was too late. I had no idea what to do, and could not have gotten Lissy out by myself.
Remington saved her life... and mine.
The explosion was so big I just kept my eyes shut for a while. Remington hugged us tight and made me feel safe. He walked Alice and me back so it wasn't as hot, too, and by the time I opened my eyes all I could see was a really big forest in front of me.
Even when I was on the train and asking for water, I knew he would help me.
In Atlanta, I always knew when people were safe. Lissy and I call it my Spidey-Sense. I have a good radar for whether someone is a good person. Mommy taught me to lead with kindness but never forget to be wise. My sister is the same way.
We dumped our bags by a group of trees further from the wreck and found a nice dry mossy area that looked perfect for a campout. I didn't do Boy Scouts but Jason did and he taught me some of his fun stuff. We didn't have the money or time for extra activities but I went camping with Mommy and Daddy in the yard. Daddy would play guitar while Mommy and Lissy sang to us, or we would make s'mores and I would spend hours listening to them talk about everything.
I liked watching the grown-ups. Lissy never dumbed things down like most of them did. She knew I understood but also didn't bug me if it wasn't something I had to worry about.
Now I got to watch Remington with my sister.
She was leaning back against a tree with her hands on the sides, taking some deep breaths, but he looked really worried.
I knew he liked her right away.
I could tell.
The way he looked at her and how he was so protective made my heart happy.
What was it mom said? I'll take that as a win? There you go, Benji, take this as a win. Maybe you just lived through a train wreck, but at least your lame big sister finally has a crush on someone.
Alice kind of blushed while Remington helped her sit by a tree. He touched her hips and braced her carefully, whispering, "Is this okay?"
"You're fine, Remington. I appreciate... oof... all the help..."
She winced and sucked in air through her teeth while trying to talk so I knew she was lying.
Lissy is a terrible liar.
She is not fine. Her body is falling apart, but hopefully, help comes soon so we can get to the hospital. Remington is probably badly injured also. He's the one that hit his head so I should try to keep an eye on him also.
My arm hurt so bad but I didn't want her to worry any more than she already was.
Lissy was in a ton of pain so I can't make her even more sad.
"Benji?" Remington came closer, his voice lower this time. He started walking away from Lissy, which I knew meant he wanted to give us a little privacy. I followed along and listened while he spoke, "So, what hurts?"
I laughed a bit, trying to be tough like I would to Lissy and hide the pain, "I mean, what doesn't?"
"I have some Tylenol at least that should take the edge off the pain. Can't hurt anything. I would have thought we would see help by now...." He kind of trailed off a bit so I had to think about how to say what was in my head.
"Remington?"
You can trust him, Benji... he just saved your life AND made sure Lissy got to safety first. That means you know he's someone you can trust. Just ask.
"What's going to happen now?"
Remington let out a long sigh and looked at Lissy a minute then past the train crash before his eyes were right back on me.
I knew he wasn't annoyed, even though sighing usually means annoyed. I had learned enough about body language from Lissy. She may not speak a ton around other people but she says a lot in the way she acts.
He was processing.
Lissy always does the same thing. Her brain just needed time to figure out what was next so I learned how to be patient and let her get a plan together.
"Well, right now we are going to take a couple of deep breaths and keep talking a minute before I go into the woods to pee. You can stick with Alice and we will just stay put right here. We can see the train clearly so when help arrives they can find us." He smiled and ruffled my hair a little which I liked.
Lissy always does that so it reminded me of her.
Remington continued, "Worst case scenario if no help comes by morning, I'll hike a bit into the woods to see if I can get cell service. We can just give ourselves a little time. We may not have known each other before today, but you two are stuck with me now..."
I saw his eyes go back to Lissy again and snorted, "Well, I have a feeling she doesn't mind."
Remington's ears started turning red and I cracked up laughing. That's the same way I blush and it's so embarrassing when you don't even realize your ears are the same color as a fire engine. "Ooooohhh, Remington! You've got it bad!"
"Benji, please..." Remington pleaded with me to stop. The look said, "Don't say a word."
I laughed harder at his face and shook my head again. He tried to stop me again, "Just.... Please?"
I grinned, "Don't worry. I won't sell you out. It's too much fun to tease you. Roasting is one of the highlights of my life." I started to walk back to Alice and had one more word he needed to hear, "Both."
Remington did one of those loud whisper shouts, "Wait. Benji!! Both?"
I gave him a bored shrugged and kept walking as carefully as I could, bracing against tree trunks since my leg felt broken. "Hey, why don't you tie a shirt or ribbon or something to a tree branch. That way we can remember where the bathroom area is in case it gets super dark at night."
My sister gave me a funny look when I sat down, but I grabbed her backpack to get a snack. She knew I was up to something. Jason and I always pulled pranks on her so I got really good at distracting Lissy from what I was really up to.
This will be way more fun if I can keep both of them in the dark for a little bit.
"Good thing that lady earlier...ohhh..." I was going to be happy about having extra water but then got sad that the sweet attendant we got them from probably died in the crash. Lissy reached her hand to me, tugging me to sit next to her.
"Beep?" My sister took my left wrist while I sipped the water, then gave her the bottle so we could share while doing the triangle breathing technique she taught me.
In through the nose for four counts... hold for seven counts... release for eight counts....four... seven... eight... keep the count, Benji...
A couple of minutes was all it took for our breathing to get us back on track. Lissy's breathing wasn't as deep as I was used to hearing so I knew that was a bad sign. Remington said something before about her ribs... those protect your lungs, so if her ribs are hurt then it would make sense she would have a hard time breathing.
"Liss? Are you okay?" I knew she would tell me the truth.
I knew that even if it was hard she would find a way to be honest.
Her eyes stared into mine and she nodded, "I will be once we get to the hospital, Beep. Come here."
I scooted toward my sister and laid down on the ground on my right side with my head in her lap. She helped me get settled and tightened the sling around my arm so it felt snug even though I was laying down now.
The ground was so cold and damp but felt perfect.
I laughed, making the joke, "Hey! The ground is grounding me!"
She smacked me on the back of the head and tried to stop laughing since even breathing was painful. I was serious, though. I knew enough from therapy about how to use all my senses when I was freaking out. Feeling how cold the moss was shocked my senses. Smelling the soft grass and mushrooms was a far cry from fuel and smoke.
It helped to have something different going through my mind.
Anything but the bodies I saw and screams I heard.
Anything but the fire, smoke, and terror.
Lissy ran her fingers through my hair, quietly comforting me while we both watched the fire burn from the safety of the forest floor.
I didn't want to watch. I just couldn't look away. She kept her nails a little bit longer, but it was just enough for perfect scratching right behind my ears. I could tell she was checking me for injuries, setting aside pieces of glass, and yelping once in a while when she found glass by accident. Part of me wanted to stop her, but Lissy needed this as much as I did. She had to keep herself busy as well to stay awake and alert.
Just like that night. That first night back when Mommy and Daddy died.
Nothing we can do but watch.
Wait.
This time we don't have people buzzing around, human beings rushing and ignoring the orphans who sit in a waiting room confused about why they're in a hospital at two pm on a Tuesday when they should be in school.
"Everything alright?" Remington got back and grabbed his backpack, also getting water and chugging half the bottle with one swig. I sat up and shook my hair out onto Lissy's lap before passing him the extra bottle we had stashed, but he shook his head. "Thanks, bud."
I laid back down, letting Lissy get back to work playing with my hair. She had already carefully cleared glass and debris with some leaves and was making sure to pick a couple of pieces out of her fingers that had become lodged. I felt bad that she got hurt while taking care of me, but knew she didn't mind.
This is my favorite.
Lissy started humming the song "Landslide," one of Mommy's favorites. I smiled a little, "What made you think of this song?"
"Thought of it back there..." her head nodded toward the train, "Mostly because of you."
I liked hearing her say that. Lissy was always proud of me and never shied away from telling me how she felt. She bragged all the time on Facebook and Instagram when I got a high grade or scored a goal during soccer. One time I hit the winning run for our baseball game and she got it on video! She let me watch it sometimes when I had a bad day and just want to feel better.
"Why did "Landslide" make you think about me, Lissy?" I asked, but I saw my sister watching Remington while he tried to get settled. He let out a loud groan when he plopped down and leaned against another tree. Lissy narrowed her eyes at him like she did when I was being stubborn but he shook his head.
I didn't know what that meant but they seemed to be having conversations without words.
Lissy finally spoke, "Oh, the song. Yeah. The line about how I've been afraid of changing. We have a lot of change happening so that's something that scares me but is also super exciting."
Her voice was quieter than I was used to. She was breathing heavily and it sounded painful.
I started to sit up, thinking maybe I could help her get more comfortable, but Lissy stopped me. "Beep, will you please stay here for me? I don't want you to move. This tree is bracing my back just like Remington said it would and you laying there is helping my hip stay right where it needs to be. He is right... I think I messed it up when I was climbing."
Her words were slow but clear. That's just what I would have expected.
She was so good about explaining stuff to me. Lissy knew she could have talks like this and actually tell me what was going on for real. Jason didn't have that with his parents. They even got divorced and didn't say anything to him until the lawyer made him choose who to live with. Of course he picked his dad, but it was really sad that his parents didn't even love him enough to talk to him. Jason was disappointed that his mom used him as a pawn while his dad was just sad all the time.
I was always glad Lissy loved me so much she told me what she felt. It made me feel important. I know I'm just her little brother, but she could have spent years treating me like a stupid kid. Instead, she decided to protect me as much as she could without hiding anything hard.
I smiled, wiggling a little so she could tell I was planning to get really cozy, while she reached over and grabbed an extra sweatshirt for me to use as a pillow.
We were quiet for a little bit.
I like when it's quiet.
Lissy loves having the house really quiet. When she had homework for college she would wear noise-canceling headphones all the time, even when she was in the kitchen, just so she could think through her work. Her brain won't stop sometimes so the headphones or music help her focus and stop all the other distractions.
Distractions like me.
This made it way easy to scare her.
It's fun to scare Lissy.
I started giggling when I remembered one of those times from just a few weeks ago but then couldn't stop laughing. Lissy had to stop playing with my hair thanks to all my moving around then she smacked the back of my head and said, "Beep, what's going on?"
Then I really started laughing.
It took a little bit for me to calm down enough so I could talk. Lissy and Remington were both really confused but laughing anyway because of how stupid I looked.
"I just... Phew... okay... Lissy... So I was remembering back during finals....."
That's all it took.
Lissy whined, "Beep, no! Don't!! I can't laugh now!!" She still grinned while holding her stomach, the pain stopping her way more than it could stop me. Lissy couldn't laugh but I was doing enough of that for both of us.
I don't know the right word but I think there's one for when you kind of go crazy with pain and when bad things happen. That has to be what this is now. It just has to be.
Remington looked even more confused now but Lissy filled him in, just so I could keep cracking up. She was good about doing that. She knew that once I got started laughing, it would be a while before I stopped.
"So one of the things I do is wear noise-canceling headphones when I study. I was in the kitchen working on a final paper before graduation and needed to get dinner in the oven." She shot me a dirty look, "Now SOMEONE enjoys scaring me and knows I'm really jumpy."
He started laughing harder now with me while she finished the story, "I mean, let's just say that I had to throw away my outfit and we ordered pizza. Thankfully I was putting the enchiladas with red sauce into the oven so at least I didn't get burned when the pan went flying."
Remington and I were rolling on the ground laughing while Alice looked so annoyed. Finally, I got calmed down and sat back up, then wiped my face on my t-shirt.
"Beep! Don't!!" Lissy whined at me and I laughed again thanks to the high voice she used. She always did this when I used my clothes like a tissue.
I shook my head at her and put my hands up like I was giving up after being caught during Hide and Seek, "Oh, I am so, so sorry, dearest sister. Please excuse me to the bathroom where I will use a clean towel and wash my face in the sink with soap."
This made Remington laugh even harder until he was snorting like a pig. The two of us kept cracking up, finally catching our breaths after a few minutes.
"Wow, that was awesome," I finally said.
Lissy shook her head, "You are delirious, Beep."
"That's it! That's the word!" I screeched.
"What?" Remington was still laughing but now just looked confused.
"I knew there was a word for why I was laughing. That's the one. Delirious. That has to be it."
Alice and Remington paused and looked at me, then looked at each other in silence a moment before they both started laughing again. Lissy was just chuckling kind of quietly but had a smile on her face and looked proud of me.
That's also my favorite.
When Lissy is proud of me.
I grabbed a fresh water bottle and took a long sip. Laughing is apparently something that makes me thirsty. It was starting to get dark outside, so I checked my phone.
"It's already after six at night?!"
Remington nodded, "Yeah, let's just make camp here. I am glad it's so warm at least. I can grab a few more suitcases from the wreckage now that the fire has died down so hopefully our stuff is salvageable."
"And hey, at least we have lots of snacks," Lissy pulled the snack Tupperware from her bag and passed it my way.
I smiled at my sister, "Guess we can just take it a day at a time?"
She grinned, "We're good at that."
"Thanks to you, Lissy."
Her face usually blushed a pale pink but in the sunset, it was a pretty peach shade. I saw Remington smile at my sister while he laid on his side, staring toward her.
Maybe he's good at taking things one day at a time, too.