Alice POV
"Beep! Beep!"
The smirk on his face at my honking noise as I returned from the bathroom made me suspicious but I sat down and attempted to get a read on Benji's expression. I can usually tell exactly what my brother is thinking the second I see his face. Our banter was always casual and breezy so this look of mystery made me curious.
My back was becoming sore at how stiff our seats were so I curled up in my chair and buckled in, wiggling around to get cozy while eyeing Benji with a playful glare.
He gave a non-committal shrug, sipping his water a moment before simply saying, "Have a nice... trip."
My eyes rolled, head shaking in mock annoyance at his teasing while he snickered at my reaction. Benji started giggling and finally broke character to show the boy whose crooked grin with a smattering of freckles always reminded me just how young he still was.
It's hard to remember he's barely fourteen.
We joked a bit further, poking fun as we always did and I smiled as he pointed out the window, amazed at how high up the mountain we had traveled thus far. The altitude was making me nauseous but Benji helped distract me with an animated story replaying how he smashed through an outer space level of Angry Birds, sending enemy pigs floating peacefully thanks to the lack of gravity. He was so amused at the way this game paid attention to that scientific detail. It was adorable how he paid attention to things like that, especially since I knew how special it would be to someone else when he was in a relationship one day.
I let out a long breath, leaning back and relaxing each muscle as I attempted to still the thoughts sprinting through my mind. The stomach pain was not going away and it felt a bit like the train was speeding up. Sitting backward was a bizarre experience, one I remember vaguely from childhood and a few car rides with friends that had those cool wood panel station wagons with a rear-facing back seat.
This all felt so bizarre but I chalked up my extra layer of anxiety to the fact we left everything we've ever known behind to start fresh in a new town before my little brother's freshman year of high school. I also just graduated from college less than a week ago. So much change in such a short time span is bound to cause growing pains. That's all part of life, isn't it?
What's that song lyric? "Well, I've been afraid of changing, cause I built my life around you... but time makes you bolder, even children get older... and I'm getting older, too..."
"Want to switch seats, Lissy?" The concern in his expression was evident but a quick smile calmed his nerves quickly.
My head shook and I started to respond, "I'm fine, Beep. Just a bit puke-y..." but was cut off. We shared an alarmed expression as the train again leaned even further to the side while continuing to gain speed. Benji braced himself with arms locked against the armrests, avoiding the window as was recommended on the emergency brochure we were asked to read upon boarding.
When his eyes found mine, I saw the little boy who would say "beep beep" with Hot Wheels toy cars along any possible surface he could reach. The baby who puked on me the morning of my third-grade school pictures, but I didn't even care that the photos showed the stain on my dress. The toddler whose squeals of excitement would greet me when I came home from elementary school.
My little brother insisted I be his Show and Tell "item" after our parents died, stubbornly proclaiming this was the only possible choice since he had to introduce his class to his new family.
My Beep Beep, my baby brother, was terrified.
Somehow my eyes found the man I bumped into, the one I previously tried not to stare at even though his deep blue eyes drew me in, and saw a peace on his face that made me feel calmer within moments.
You can do this, Alice. Stay calm for Benji. Keep the thermostat level like Daddy taught you.
Lead by example.
My brain knew the words I needed to hear so I had a mental pep talk prepared within seconds that began to play over and over again.
Maybe it really is just mind over matter at a certain point, but I said them as a mantra to ensure I could gather enough momentum for whatever may happen. Our eye contact held for a pregnant moment, the train continuing to speed and sway as our fellow passengers stirred in their seats while we attempted to strengthen one another. I felt a connection and needed to find solace any way I could.
Then it was broken.
I watched as the train shot to the left, his head shattering against the window. A scream left my mouth while my body was flung like a rag doll, seatbelt managing to hold tight while my arms reached forward in a futile attempt to shield Benji.
"Lissy!!!" his shriek came as steel groaned. I saw glass seem to hover in mid-air, the crash happening as though we were in a snow globe.
The scene was set.
Glass sparkled like confetti raining from the ceiling, shimmering in the sunlight as the smell of fuel filled the compartment.
My mouth opened to release another scream as the first explosion tore through the car.
Benji was looking in my eyes and his mouth was moving. I tilted my head, aware he was speaking but trying to determine why.
Somehow everything was happening at once and frozen while rushed and completely stalled. The train car tilted further, sounds continuing to echo and buzz while my eyes locked with my brother.
"I love you."
The words were clear.
I didn't need to hear through the loud static in my brain.
My right shoulder slammed into the window and I gritted my teeth, trying to stay in my seat through the movement. My feet were now soldered to the floor, hips glued into place. I noticed Benji mimic my body language and was relieved he was paying attention. He had been tackled during playful soccer or football games enough to know how to protect his body during possible injury.
I knew my body would not be leaving this chair, no matter what, and Benji would not be leaving his.
The sound broke through whatever fog was in my head and I yelled in pain.
Metal scraping against metal while voices screamed and glass shattered.
Noise reverberated in my ears, forcing my jaw to clench harder and teeth to ache. I could see gaps in the side of the train growing as the tilt continued while I struggled to stay in my seat. That moment happened, as though you're on an elevator about to hit its desired floor. The weightlessness felt during a freefall as the train tumbled over made everything inside my body hover.
"CLOSE YOUR EYES!!!!" My screams hopefully echoed through the train but I had no clue if any sound escaped my lips.
I just hoped Benji heard and realized what I was trying to say.
Windows shattered and I felt glass shards raining around me as we continued coasting toward the ground.
All I could do was hold on.
Breathe.
Hold on tighter.
Breathe deeper.
Hours pass but in reality, it was probably just seconds before the train stopped and the lights went out. Somehow the train skidded to a stop on its side, resting so my right arm was now on the ground. The smoke billowed through the train car making visibility impossible. I took a split second to wiggle my toes, muscles moving one at a time as tried to figure out if I was alive.
BENJI.
The moment hung and my eyes lock on my little brother, silence amid the loud ringing in my head. I saw his screams and felt his hand touch my arm, blood streaming from a head injury and glass sparkling in the sunlight. Smoke filled the car while my eyes attempted to focus.
He's alive... it's okay... he's alive...
Everything hurt. Another breath and I winced, ribs crackling as I tried to free a bit of space from the smoke to keep from suffocating. The pain filtered through my body like a wave of heat flowing from my head down to the tips of my toes. I was unable to process and felt the panic rise until bile overtook me. Sharp glass pierced my skin as I let my head relax against the glass while I opened my eyes and saw Benji.
Pain was a welcome relief At least it was something besides the fog.
The words his mouth formed were clear.
"I've got you, Lissy!!"
His eyes were wide and the fear was evident, but this boy was going to fight to make sure I was okay.
I knew I would be.
Somehow, even as I still couldn't hear or process or understand, I knew things would work out. My mouth opened to speak but nothing came out. I reached out and touched his face, my hand cupping his cheek a moment as I nodded. Glass dug into my temple at the motion but the pain kept me focused. I needed to stay present and awake so whatever it took to keep myself in the moment would work.
"I love you, Benji. Let's get out of here." My mouth formed the words but a migraine was decimating my brain as I felt for the seat belt, unfastening a moment and releasing myself onto the side of the train. I was pretty sure a loud yelp escaped my body as I landed, pain rippling through my body at the effort and fresh cuts sustained now that I was out of my seat. The hardest part was breathing through the pain, since every muscle was burning and aching while my lungs screamed for fresh air.
None was available.
Smoke was everywhere. I did not smell fire, I smelled burning flesh and plastic.
I shrimp crawled toward Benji as he knelt on the ground and gingerly checked his limbs, noting a shattered left wrist and plenty of cuts and bruises. My arms embraced him without any of the restraint I should have shown, but he didn't care. Benji unbuckled and sobbed, his body shaking as he wrapped his right arm around my neck while I slid so we were now both seated on the ground.
All it took was one moment and we went from stuck in our seats and apart, to embrace in a moment of stolen peace.
Benji seemed to calm, with cool tears streaming from his cheeks from pain and trauma as well as relief in knowing we are both alive, but his peace was short-lived.
The mystery man I noticed earlier appeared, bloodied and battered, eyes full of fear.
Now that the buzzing in my ears was duller I could feel some noises that were like words start to filter in. His mouth was moving, yet I still couldn't tell what he was saying. All I knew was there was a problem and he was there to help us fix it.
I could tell he was trustworthy. Not like I was in a position to spit in his face anyway.
I stood immediately and carefully helped Benji to his feet, our unspoken goal now clear.
We need to get out of here.
And we need to do it now.
A breeze blew through the train car and confusion washed over me as a new smell hit my nose.
Then it hit me why my new friend was so scared.
My feet moved ahead faster than I thought possible and I saw Benji reach over and grab our backpacks off the ground, most likely to preserve his Nintendo Switch and the snacks I have stashed. The man helped him, essentially carrying both the bags along with my brother as he rushed us toward a hole in the side of the train about twelve feet in front of where we were located.
Debris was everywhere. Seats strewn about with bodies and body parts on every surface as well as belongings, leaving us to step and climb over people and things in our attempt to escape. I could not see in front of me, barely stumbling as I crawled through the wreckage and snagged skin and fabric each time I moved toward freedom.
Fresh air broke through the chaos and my ears rung with silence amidst the wreckage as I struggled to make my way, each move more painful than the last.
You have to do this. You can't. But you have to.
You have no choice.
His strong hand at my back gave me a boost to get through a smaller opening past another seat and into a clearing, finally safe from the majority of the wreckage. I ignored bodies and the hands I touched while worming through the obstacle course, keeping my mind on the task at hand.
We need to get out, and we need to do it now.
I stood a moment once I was at the clearing, catching my breath and helping Benji make his way through. Our new friend passed me the backpacks and his own bag, allowing me the chance to throw the luggage to the side so he could climb through without extra weight holding him back.
Benji stumbled a bit as he landed near me but had a look of pride in his eyes. The pain was probably blinding but he was fierce, built of iron and steel when most boys are lucky if they are made of straw.
My brother knew how to survive.
He had to. He had no choice.
My brother stumbled toward me and I slipped off my hoodie, fashioning a makeshift sling before realizing the long-sleeved shirt I was wearing underneath had patches of blood from my own injuries. Fresh air allowed me to see the train car more clearly now and gave my lungs and brain much-needed air.
I could think clearly and see clearly.
Lissy... please... you need to protect Benji...
I met his eyes and nodded slowly as a way of communicating we are both okay. I moved our bodies so Benji's back was to the wreckage, shielding him from the horror as we waited. Our new friend continued his climb around the obstacles and was clearly strong and agile. Maybe he was military? Or an athlete? He was definitely strong. His arms flexed and I was struck by how he seemed to easily visualize the path through so much debris. It reminded me of the "Family Circus" cartoons and how Jeffy would make a path through the family home on top of bookshelves and under beds, all indicated with a dotted line.
Somehow this man found a way to maneuver the three of us through an entire mangled train car in one piece!
My eyes met his a moment and I began to form the words, "Thank you." I wanted to see the same smile we shared earlier, maybe a glimmer of hope that everything will be okay.
His alarm and scream stopped me instantly. Wide eyes and panicked expression were the complete opposite of what I expected now that we were in the clear.
I met Benji's eyes for a split second before complying, my feet moving before my brain connected with our assignment.
My hand grabbed for Benji as I felt the man's footfalls behind us.
He scooped up our bags and ran, loudly yelling, "NOW!!'
The explosion knocked us off our feet, before the world went dark.