groaning, jisung placed his right hand on to his left shoulder and massaged it, walking out of the elevator the moment he reached their floor. he was tired from practices, and the fact that he had to stay longer just to assist his advisory class. because of this, he wasn't able to go together with his boyfriend in taking their son from the chinese's cousin. well, chenle did insist to wait for him, but he knew that he'd take long staying inside the campus, and he preferred for his boyfriend and their son to be home early.
and now that he's standing right in front of the door to their unit, he was so ready to march towards his shared room with his soulmate and sleep— but the moment he had opened the door, he was greeted with a sight of his son crying and his soulmate hushing the boy down. ❝what's going on here?❞
hearing a familiar deep voice laced with worry, chenle lifted his head up and showed the taller male, that just arrived, an upset frown. however, despite that, he managed to still greet him. ❝bae, welcome home.❞
approaching the two, jisung disregarded his aching body from dance practice and settled a peck on his boyfriend's forehead, mustering up a smile as a response. ❝so, care to explain?❞
chenle could see how tired his boyfriend looked, and he knew the latter would want to rest. he wants that for him too, that's why he curved the corner of his lips up to cover the miserable feeling he's having. ❝nothing, jiro just doesn't want to go to sleep. i can handle him, you can go to our first and i'll follow after.❞
however, that doesn't seem like he's telling the truth. sighing, jisung crouched right in front of their boy who's muffling out his sobs as he buried his face down on to the cushion of the sofa. ❝little dude, what's wrong?❞
being stubborn as he is, and definitely didn't want to tell his father as he knew he'd just be a burden, the said boy that's being called by his nickname then started shaking his head aggressively. he insisted not to tell and just continue crying in hopes that he'll be alright soon after. or in another solution, he might as well just cry himself to sleep.
that caused for jisung to click his tongue, driven along with how tired he is for the day. ❝park jiro—❞
but before he can have his voice raised and scare their son more than he already is, chenle cuts him off by finally saying what really happened. ❝sungchan won't talk to him. every time jiro would ask him out to play, he would just push him away. heck, he won't even spare the kid a glance.❞
the little dude didn't quite get what his dumpling father had said, but upon hearing a certain name, that caused him to sob even louder. it echoed inside the living room even though he's crying flat on to the cushion. ❝d-dad, you said w-we just give b-bigfoot hyung some time.❞
brushing a hand on to his son's soft strands of hair, jisung composed himself down as he almost burst a while ago. ❝we are, and bigfoot hyung needs space.❞
❝b-but it has been a w-week already,❞ lifting his head up, the little boy had his lips quivering and his eyes brimming with tears. ❝and b-bigfoot hyung is still a s-sad bitch.❞
it's a serious moment, it is supposed to be, but jisung had to lower his head and hold back a laugh at how their son is cursing at this situation. lifting his gaze up to his boyfriend, the chinese had a brow raised and his stern expression warning the younger to act properly as making fun of the circumstance is nowhere near appropriate.
gulping, that strict stare was enough to make jisung shake in fear and be threatened. ❝little dude, bigfoot hyung is having a hard time dealing with his problems, let's just understand him, okay?❞
❝i d-don't want bigfoot hyung t-to be a sad bitch,❞ sniffling, the boy brought his hands up and wiped his face that's soaked with his tears. ❝because i'll also be a sad bitc—❞
❝okay!❞ jisung could already feel his boyfriend's glare sending him daggers, because he's the one who taught their boy that certain word. ❝little dude, how about this, daddy will take care of bigfoot hyung and by tomorrow, he's going to play with you and ant man!❞
being carried up by his father, jiro puckered his lips as wanted some reassurance. ❝a-are we going to b-bite ant man's k-kneecaps tomorrow?❞
it's honestly so endearing to see his little boy being concerned and worried. even if his son stumbles with his terms and use of words, jisung still can't help but show a smile to give him a peace of mind. ❝yeah, bigfoot hyung will even give you macaroons tomorrow.❞
❝i love macaroons,❞ finally silencing his cries down, jiro pressed his lips to a thin line as he was about so say something that was known to most, but he usually doesn't admit it. ❝i l-love dad too.❞
jisung was also taken aback by it, meanwhile, chenle stood there as he watched his boyfriend and their son look away simultaneously with obvious red tints on their cheeks and their lips forming to a shy smile. its not like he rarely sees this view of them being affectionate to one another, they would give each other subtle actions and words to show that they care for each other, but it's refreshing to see the two be so vocal about it. and he may also be enjoying the two being embarrassed, wanting to tease them about it.
but this is not the right time to do that, ❝alright, jiro, do you want papa to put you to bed now?❞
giving him a small nod, the little boy lifted his arms up and made grabby hands to his father. ❝sleep.❞
with a light chuckle, jisung gave the stubborn child to his boyfriend, also stealing a peck on the lips from the older in the process of doing that. although, he received a glare from it, which he replied with a nervous laugh. soon then, the taller managed to ask a question. ❝is sungchan in his room?❞
cradling their baby in his arms, chenle heaved out a sigh of distress. ❝has always been, for the past week.❞
❝that's concerning.❞ jisung said with a frown, darting his gaze at a certain door.
❝please, i have been talking it out with him. a while ago, i went inside his room to talk to him about skipping classes for the past days, and all he did was shut me out.❞ chenle clicked his tongue, ❝the audacity he has for kicking me outside his room like he owns this unit he lives in.❞
❝zhong chenle.❞ it was jisung's turn to warn him by calling his name out.
❝i'm kidding, of course i'm worried for him, he's my bestfriend, for god's sake.❞ letting out a groan of annoyance, chenle just then realized that their kid is already dozing off to sleep. ❝but he just won't listen to me.❞
❝well, maybe because you keep on scolding him like he's some kid that needs supervision.❞ running a hand through his hair, jisung took a step close to the skyscraper's door. ❝is he drinking again?❞
❝if he isn't acting like a brat then maybe—❞ pausing in the middle of his sentence, chenle stared at him with brows furrowed. ❝sungchan has been drinking?❞
❝yep..❞ widening his eyes, jisung hissed as he ruffled his messy strands of hair in annoyance. ❝uh, you weren't supposed to know that.❞
with fuming footsteps, chenle charged towards his friend's room and was about to barge inside once more just to tell off this friend of his from drowning himself with alcohol. but before he can even do that, without considering that he might wake his son up, a hand had a tight grip on his shoulder to stop him from doing so.
❝i'll talk to him.❞ jisung insisted.
❝park jisung, he's drinking and god knows how many bottles has it been. what if he'll get alcohol poising? or worse, he'll—❞ chenle was cut off from losing his patience and having to raise his voice.
❝see, this is why he doesn't want you to know this, he knows he'll just worry you.❞ jisung then saw his boyfriend raise a brow in question as to when and how he got to know that he has been drinking all alone inside his room. knowing there was no escape, the younger male had to tell him. ❝it was late at night and i couldn't sleep. i went outside of our room and planned to get fresh air, but i stopped when i saw him take two bottles from the kitchen cupboards.❞
with a scoff of disbelief, chenle gave him a look. ❝and you didn't even bother stopping him with that?❞
❝chenle, that's his coping mechanism, who am i to prevent him from that? if he feels a slight better with alcohol, let him be! the reason why sungchan would oftentimes hide things from you is because of this, he doesn't want to burden you as he knows how much you care for him.❞ closing his eyes, jisung pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a stressful sigh. he didn't want to argue with his boyfriend, not when they still have a friend that needs some company, and definitely not when their little boy is sleeping soundly in the chinese's arms.
so, to settle it, the taller approached his soulmate and placed a gentle kiss on the shorter's lips to make up from how he raised his voice at him.
❝sorry, i didn't mean to shout at you.❞ jisung said as he pampered the older male with kisses, reassuring him that he's nowhere being mad despite of sounding like he had lost his temper. ❝i'll talk to him, don't worry. after all, i promised to jiro that by tomorrow, he's going to be fine. how about you go and put little dude to bed, and you also get some rest. i'll handle this.❞
before the younger male can even take another step towards their friend's door, chenle used his other free hand in taking the latter's and placing a peck at the back of the male's hand. ❝bae, i'm sorry for arguing with you. i love you.❞
❝and i want you, i need you,❞ one last, jisung can't seem to get tired of kissing him as he settled one long one on top of his forehead. ❝because i love you too.❞
leaning back at the headboard, sungchan stared to oblivion as he chugged half another bottle that he had took out from the kitchen. one thing he had noticed, which he never expected, was how his chinese dumpling of a friend has fine wines kept at the cupboards. maybe it would be used during special occasions, but for this wasted guy right here, he's taking one out and he is still about to get a taste of it, probably after around one or two bottles of alcohol left.
as he was about to drink some more, the door then started to creak open, having the lights from outside get in his room. he was put to a halt and as he turned his way towards that direction, and he caught a glimpse of his other twin tower leaning by the door frame with his arms folded across his chest.
❝so, we're at your fifth episode of destroying your organs,❞ jisung said with a sweet smile. ❝is it your kidney this time?❞
❝did i not lock the door?❞ sungchan uttered out with his voice hoarse and his tone being slurred.
❝chenle gave me a spare one.❞ chuckling, jisung lifted his right hand with a key twirled on his finger. ❝care to have a company?❞
❝do what you want to do,❞ at this point, sungchan didn't care anymore. maybe his chinese friend had gotten tired of talking to him and scolding him about what he should not do, and decided to let his boyfriend to the dirty and stressful work in dealing with him. ❝i know you won't fuck off even if i tell you to.❞
that actually made jisung giggle, closing the door from behind as he marched towards the bed. the roomed reeked out of alcohol, and upon sitting down on the space from the bed, he scrunched his nose at how unpleasant it is. though, he tried not to pay attention as what he should be focusing is how he's going to wake the older up from just mourning. ❝it's your third bottle, huh?❞
❝you can take the last one, i still have that wine left.❞ sungchan casually offered, pointing a finger at that full bottle that's right next to the bed, accompanied by empty ones laid beside it. but after seeing how displeased the younger looked, it made the taller smirk. ❝right, you have a traumatic experience with alcohol. talk about ptsd.❞
as much as jisung would like to join him in drinking, he knew he shouldn't, and the fact that he's getting flashbacks by just getting the smell lingering in his nose. though, he did his very best to shrug off any memories that might trigger him to breakdown. flopping his back on the bed, he just stared at the drunk male who still keeps on taking sips from the bottle even when he's already clearly red from the drink.
❝i fucking hate you.❞ that was how sungchan broke the silence between them after a minute.
with a guilty smile, jisung darted his gaze up on the ceiling. ❝i know.❞
❝i badly want to punch your face.❞ sungchan continued, ❝heck, i'd even go to an extent of murder. if only that isn't a crime.❞
brows knitted, jisung told himself to hold on and just understand that their friend is drunk and is not in his right state of mind. however, he knew very well that that's how the latter felt towards him. ❝i know.❞
❝i can't believe chenle still had the heart to forgive you after what you have done.❞ they might be getting along well, but back in the past, sungchan was close to also committing a crime after knowing what had happened to his bestfriend.
with a sign, jisung was having a hard time breathing with the memories that's coming back to him. ❝i find it hard to believe too.❞
the older male then became quiet and jisung found it strange. he had encountered him being drunk as hell, and he noticed how talking that guy can get. he would sometimes speak gibberish, and the other times, he'd ramble out things like this. the younger male that joined him inside the room then stared at the older who's just drinking his alcohol.
he then made a guess, ❝you're mad at yourself, aren't you?❞
with his tongue poking in his inner cheek, that managed to silence sungchan up, making him finish the last bottle that he has been taking small sips because of how dizzy he's starting to get. usually, he'd be tipsy right now, but surprisingly, he's still sane enough to even have a proper answer to that question. however, he chose not to say a word.
jisung then noticed how the older skyscraper was reaching for the full bottle which was offered for him, making him be quick in stopping the latter. ❝i asked you, are you mad—❞
❝is it not fucking obvious enough!?❞ sungchan retorted, his stern voice echoing inside his room. what made the younger flinch was how he dropped the bottle he had already took in his grip. ❝i fucking hate myself.❞
fortunately, the bottle didn't get smashed into pieces as it made a loud thud on the ground. however, jisung doubts that there's no crack. putting his gaze away from it, he turned back to the drunk, but had a sober state, male who's now hugging his legs and burying his head face down to his knees. ❝sungchan,❞
❝i promised that i won't become like my mother's soulmate, but little did i know, i was being an asshole from the very start. i pushed shotaro away, i rejected his generosity countless of times, and i took advantage of how nice he is.❞ hearing sniffles coming from him, sungchan couldn't hold himself back from crying. he told his own self that he won't cry, because he doesn't have the right to do so, but here he is, showing how vulnerable he can get. ❝hell, i even had the audacity to make a move on donghyuck.❞
jisung wanted to agree with what he said because technically, he isn't wrong. he had done those for himself, and for what? he has been warned a lot of times and he knew the consequences of the outcome. though, the younger didn't get to prepare himself for this day to come that the skyscraper would admit his own faults.
❝i got upset when he's so close with that juyeon guy,❞ lifting his head up, his eyes were bloodshot red from crying. ❝yet, i'm the one who's liking someone else.❞
an instinct inside jisung kicked in that made him scoot close to the sobbing male and lift his hand up just to wipe the tears that's wetting his cheeks. he also brushing the latter's hair as it's sticking to his face. he tried to hush him down, but all he got was his cries getting louder. it would usually be chenle taking care of him, which is why he got taken aback to see how he broke down like this.
jisung got used to the older male looking tough, mean, and he can be stupid at times— watching him cry like this made him felt so different, like his heart is being crumpled like a paper. ❝sungchan, hey, take deep breaths.❞
❝i promised i won't be like him, i promised i won't be like my mom's soulmate, i promised i won't be like that dickhead who left my mother,❞ with swollen lips, bloated cheeks, tired eyes, and cries still heard, sungchan finally gathered the courage to look at the male sitting across him. ❝but why am i slowly becoming like them?❞
this sight looked so familiar, and jisung can't help but be reminded of his own self way back then when he made that grave mistake. as a matter of fact, he was worse than this. then again, he can't compare these two situations, because they have different problems. it just pained him to see his friend just like how he was, totally broken.
❝i hate myself so much.❞ and from the bottom of his heart, he really did mean it.
❝sungchan,❞ jisung made an attempt to call him out once more in hopes of the latter to get back to his senses, but it came out with no use.
the said male just kept on blaming himself, letting his mind be devoured by his faults and flaws. ❝i should have went along with her while i still had the chance.❞
that made jisung widened his eyes, his heart racing at what's circling around the latter's thoughts. ❝jung sungchan!❞
with the younger's voice being muffled in his hearing, he had his eyes closed as he covered his ears with both of his hands. not because he purposely didn't want to hear the teen dad scold him, but he was hearing voices inside his head, blaming him for being incomplete, for not being perfect— for simply existing. ❝i'm s-sorry, i didn't mean to hurt sho—❞
but he was slapped back to his senses, literally.
feeling the stinging pain on his cheeks, sungchan faced forward and had his brows knitted when he saw the younger male having his eyes brimming with tears and being breathless after giving him a harsh slap. he wanted to question about the violence he chose, but he got more worried after seeing the male across him looking like he was going to have a panic attack soon. ❝why are you crying?❞
❝the alcohol, the way you're acting, how you're blaming yourself, how you're thinking of just having your life being taken away,❞ with his head lowered down, jisung moved away as he was gasping for air, cold sweat starting to form on his forehead. ❝p-please stop.❞
this is such a wrong move, and jisung knew that. the reason why chenle wants for the two of them to be separated once one of them acts up is because both of them had suffered. different problems, different solutions, but they were both broken. the chinese, who is the reason how these two met, would always put them in a different room the moment the other would have a depressive episode just to prevent this from happening.
because one is bound to remind the other on the mistake he is trying to move on from.
and that is what sungchan is doing, reminding the younger on how much of a mess he looked and how he acted back then. however, jisung knew, and he had the choice to stop this from happening. but even if he was well aware that he'd get a flashback of the mistake he had done, he still pushed himself to go inside this room and accompany the broken male.
because he thought that they might relate to each other, that he would understand him more than anyone because he had gone through this kind of breakdown.
❝j-just stop,❞ little did jisung know, he would also be affected from this. ❝because you're making me remember of what i should have killed myself from doing.❞
well, that slap, for sure, brought sungchan back to his senses. he was now capable of knowing how harsh that statement is. ❝jisung, that's—❞
❝shut up!❞ having his hand clutching to his chest, the younger was hyperventilating because of the rush of memories inside his head. it took him a good minute to actually get a hold of himself. ❝you were just saying that to yourself awhile ago.❞
❝that's because i have been a dickhead and an asshole to my soulmate.❞ still, sungchan shouldn't have even thought of having regrets in living.
❝and i was also like that to chenle before!❞ looking up at the once tipsy male, jisung's eyes filled with tears startled the other. ❝even worse than what you think you are right now.❞
instead of being comforted, sungchan could feel himself boiling in anger as he was once more reminded on how much of a jerk this guy was. ❝you gave up.❞
finally regaining himself back, jisung, too, was fuming in anger. not just at himself, but also at the older male. ❝i know, okay? and i also am goddamn lucky that chenle didn't. he was there for me, and he gave me a reason to change, to continue on living.❞
he had a point, but that still doesn't stop sungchan from getting mad at him. ❝you gave up! you let chenle handle things alone while you are just waiting for him to change you. you're just relying on him while losing hopes for yourself. you didn't do anything and just waited till chenle would have enough and leave you.❞
groaning, jisung shouldn't have tried acting like a trained therapist when he, himself, is broken and had no idea of a shit or two on how to comfort someone. ❝i fucking know that already.❞
❝guess what, chenle didn't give up because he loves you! and i saw how determined he was, how he was so stubborn in loving you, and that wasn't the system's work. it's all because he genuinely cares for you.❞ sungchan wasn't mad at the younger's being, he was just boiling in lava because of how he lost hope for himself like that. sure, he had done the most wrongful mistake, but he had the heart to change for himself. he had the sanity to take responsibility. the problem is, he didn't think of doing those because he thought that the easier way out of the mess was to end his life. ❝if i were you, i wouldn't have given up—❞
jisung was about to talk back and argue with him, but he noticed the abrupt stop in his rant. that him raise a brow upon seeing the older's expression changing to realization. ❝sungchan?❞
it was as if the alcohol that intoxicated his state was never there in the first place. or maybe, that's the reason why he's smiling that he had finally caught the point. ❝wait, i'm right.❞
and jisung was convinced that it's just alcohol. ❝you're.. right? in what aspect, exactly.❞
❝fuck, park jisung, you're a legend!❞ sungchan complimented him as he surprised the younger with a tight hug. pulling away, he gave him a look of enthusiasm. ❝you're here to argue with me and make me realize what i shouldn't do in an aggressive manner because you know that's the only way i would have my mind working. what a fucking genius!❞
meanwhile, jisung was left confused with his brows knitted. that made him forget why he was mad at the older male in the first place. ❝o-oh, is that it? i still have no idea what you're talking about.❞
❝giving up.❞ standing from the bed, sungchan scrambled as he made his way to the door. ❝i shouldn't be doing that or else it'll make me a hypocrite if i shame you for it!❞
the younger male had his face scrunched as he had no idea on whether he should be relieved that the latter had gotten his senses and sanity back, or be concerned because he's still drunk and that might be alcohol making him think of such things. his pile of unanswered questions was shrugged away when he could hear the door creaking open, making him turn his head to the direction where the older male is. and to jisung's surprise, he saw his boyfriend standing there. it looked like their little boy was already put to sleep.
so, it can only mean one thing, the younger's soulmate is there to listen to their conversation. normally, sungchan would have been irritated in eavesdropping, but he looked so happy that he had a wide smile on his face as he greeted his friend. ❝chenle!❞
the said male looked frightened and concerned at the same time. though, his bestfriend is taking the whole view, chenle was able to notice his boyfriend on the bed. ❝bae, have you been crying—❞
❝zhong chenle,❞ taking his attention as he felt like he needed it more, sungchan placed both of his hands on the shorter's shoulder. ❝kick me out.❞
the couple looked equally confused as to what the taller had suggested. ❝what?❞
and as for chenle, he wanted to check up on the two quickly after seeing that his boyfriend would go inside and try to talk to his bestfriend. his guess of them not getting well together was right, he heard the two's shouts as he had already been standing right behind that door long enough.
the chinese father didn't even double check on whether his little boy is sleeping or is just doing that for the sake of his own parent to leave him alone inside his room.
that explains as to why there's a kid standing there with a teddy bear in his tight grip. ❝b-bigfoot hyung, you're leaving?❞
his tiny cracked voiced caught their attention, making them snap their heads at him with his own father looking surprised to see that he's still wide awake, while the bigfoot hyung that he called had an awkward smile, guilty after knowing that he still has the kid to worry in his first sacrifice, which is leaving this unit.
and seeing tears starting to stream down to the little boy's eyes, sungchan got even guiltier upon realizing that he hasn't been really playing with the dude for the whole week. ever since that night that he was left there under the rain, he has only been locking himself inside his room, avoiding any contact with people.
but now that he had found a solution, he gained back a tiny hope for himself. ❝a day after tomorrow, kick me out then.❞
he knows there's a small percent of this going to work out, but he's going on hold on to that microscopic hope. shotaro has been making sacrifices for him since then, why can't he do the same? and just like what he had told for himself, he's not going to give up.
but as much as he wants to make a move now, he still has to use the remaining time to be with the little dude and make it up to him for giving him a cold shoulder. and also, seeing the boy crying at him leaving made sungchan notice how this kid is being an actual carbon copy of his crybaby father.
⚊ t b c ⚊