"You guys don't seriously think that the actual ingredients are going to be on the set, right?" Elizabeth frowned as she sat at 'Bobby's' desk, throwing her feet up on it as she swigged some more of the whiskey.
"Check this out." Dean motioned to his brother, holding up a knife. As Sam walked over, he bent the blade back and forth. He then dropped it, picking up another knife and pretending to stab Sam with the retractable blade. "It's fake. It's all fake." He proceeded to stab himself with it on various parts of his body.
"It's like you two have never seen a film set before and I'm kinda loving it." Elizabeth sniggered.
"What are we supposed to do with this crap?" Dean huffed, waving around a rubber machete.
"I really don't know what you boys expected out of this place. We're on a film set. You can't really get much more 'fake' outside of the Kardashian mansion." Elizabeth commented as they walked through the collection of Impalas in various conditions. "No Camaro, I see. Big shock."
"Are you sober yet?" Dean asked.
Elizabeth rolled her head around on her neck to test it.
"Almost. Bummer, right?" She grumbled.
"We gotta get you some more booze. Wasted Elizabeth might just be my favourite." The older brother smirked, earning himself a light shove and playful giggle from the Vampire.
"Guys, come on. Focus. We gotta get back to the real world." Sam huffed.
"Now you're talking." Dean agreed as they climbed into the least destroyed Impala on set - least destroyed on the outside at least.
As they pulled out of the studio, the Impala wheezed and croaked at the simplest of moves.
"This wouldn't be happening if I had my baby." Elizabeth mumbled from the back seat.
"This wouldn't be happening if I had my real Baby and not some imposter movie set version." Dean protested defensively. "What the Hell is wrong with this thing?"
A man wearing high vis and holding a stop sign ran alongside the car, tapping on the window.
"Mister Ackles! Please stop, please!" He shouted.
"Freakin' props!" The older brother groaned, slamming his hands down on the wheel as he came to a stop, switching off the engine. "Just like everything else."
"Thank you, thank you so much." The man panted.
"How the Hell are we supposed to get out of here?" Dean asked him as the trio got out.
"Your car, sir." The man replied, motioning over the lot to a black Cadillac SUV.
"Jensen had the right idea." Elizabeth smirked, looking over to it. "If you're gunna be a fake FBI agent, drive like one."
"Shut up." Dean mumbled, stalking over to it.
Turns out, they had their own driver, which Elizabeth took great pleasure in mocking.
"You know where abouts you want me to drop you off?" The driver asked, looking to Dean through the rear-view mirror. "Jensen?"
Elizabeth turned in the passenger seat, giving him a smirk.
"Yeah, Jensen." She taunted. "Where we off to?"
"Me? Oh, yeah... I'll just tag along with... Uh..."
"Jared." Sam whispered.
"Jared. Yeah, Jared here."
"Since when are you guys talking?" The driver asked.
"Yeah, uh, you know what, Clint," Sam started, having Dean correct him with 'Clif'. "Yeah, yeah of course. Clif. Obviously. So, I think we're gunna go back to... My place and do some..."
"Work on our acting." Dean finished.
Elizabeth shrunk down in her seat, putting her feet up on the dash.
"Yeah. Working on your acting sounds like a good and necessary idea." She mumbled.
"We haven't been introduced." Clif smiled, holding out a hand.
"Hi, I'm Elizabeth." The Vampire flashed a toothy smile back as she shook the hand.
"How do you know the boys?" He asked, motioning to the back seat.
"Oh..." Elizabeth thought for a moment. "I'm a, uh... Family friend.. Ish. I know their da- their on-screen dad."
"Oh, you know Jeffrey? I used to drive him too, back in the day." Clif nodded.
"Yep! Yeah, good old Uncle Jeff. That's the one." Elizabeth shrunk down in her seat some more.
Jared Padalecki's house was... Extravagant to say the least.
It was a huge mansion with an entire wood interior.
"I had a house just like this in the eighteen hundreds." Elizabeth commented, strutting into the place like she owned it.
"Yeah, alright, Rockefeller." Dean mumbled, looking around the house in awe. "Nice, modest digs, Jay-Z." He tapped his brother's arm with his elbow.
"Wow..." Was all Sam could muster. "I must be the star of this thing."
Dean scoffed. "Yeah, right. Check it out."
Sam and Elizabeth looked over to where Dean's gaze had found a sun bed.
"What am I? Dracula?" Sam frowned.
"Wow, none taken." Elizabeth cocked an eyebrow as she continued to look around the place.
She noticed a few pop art pieces dotted around.
"You may not be Dracula, but you might be Andy Warhol." She commented, motioning to the paintings.
One was of 'Jared', another of a woman she didn't recognise.
"Oh. Now we're talkin'." Dean grinned as he found a liquor cabinet. "'Liza, come here. We gotta get you topped up."
Elizabeth giggled, skipping over to the cabinet as Dean got there, pouring some over-priced Scotch.
Noises from outside distracted him, however, leading him over to the window to pull back the curtain.
"Dude, you have a camel in your backyard." He squinted.
"It's an alpaca, dumbass." A female voice interrupted.
The trio looked up to where the voice had come from, seeing the woman Elizabeth had spotted in the pop art painting, wearing a black mini dress, her dark hair curled to perfection.
"Wow..." Elizabeth breathed, entirely entranced by the woman's beauty.
"Ruby?" Dean's eyes were wide.
"You know her?" Elizabeth asked, not even bothering to move her gaze from the figure on the balcony, watching as she made her way towards the stairs.
"Yeah. She's the Demon Sammy had a blood thing with." The older brother casually dropped in there.
Elizabeth reluctantly looked away from the woman to cock her eyebrow in the boys' direction.
"Sam had a blood thing? Why didn't I know about this?" She asked.
"It was before you came into our lives." Sam waved a dismissive hand.
"Ruby, right. That one never gets old." The woman sighed as she walked over. "How was work today, hun?"
She walked over and placed a kiss on Sam's lips.
"It was, uh... Good." Sam replied, in a state of shock.
"Who's this?" 'Ruby' looked to Elizabeth, who was still trying not to drool, but she quickly snapped out of it once addressed.
"I'm Elizabeth. I'm a friend of Joh-Jeffrey's. I was in the area so decided to come see Jensen and Jared at work. It was a really great shoot today." She smiled, her words coming out a million miles a second as she shook 'Ruby's' soft, beautifully manicured hand. "You're really beautiful. The pictures don't do you justice." She chuckled in mild disbelief.
The boys exchanged a look.
"Thank you so much! Any friend of Jeffrey's is a friend of ours. I'm Genevieve, but I suppose you already knew that. Please, call me Gen." 'Ruby' smiled, pulling the Vampire in for a hug.
"Wait... You and Ruby?" Dean frowned to his brother.
"Do you honestly think that's funny, Jensen?" Genevieve scoffed, sitting down on the arm of the large brown leather couch, situated in the middle of the room.
"Right!" Dean smiled, stepping over himself. "Right, 'cause you're not Ruby. I mean, how could you be? You... Of course! You are the lovely actress who plays Ruby. And you are in... Jared's house, uh, because you two are..." He stopped himself as he spotted a picture on the mantel piece to his right. "Married! You married fake Ruby?" He hissed at Sam.
"What are you doing?" Gen frowned.
"Work." Sam said a little too quickly.
"Yeah, they're doing a bit. I suggested they stay in character to help... Get over their issues with each other." Elizabeth saved, recalling the many people who had said they were surprised to see the boys talking.
"Yeah! Yeah, and I just thought I'd pop in, say 'hey'." Dean smiled awkwardly. "Hey. Uh, and... Maybe run some lines whilst we were doing the... Issues thing."
"You've never even been to our house." Gen replied, her face decorated with a sceptical look.
"Well," Dean chuckled. "Now that I know there's an alpaca in the back, I'm definitely coming back."
"Well, alpacas are the greenest animal." Gen nodded.
"Right... Right!" Dean exclaimed, looking to his brother for some sort of support. "That is so important."
"Well," Gen said after a moment, standing back up. "There's that thing I have to get to."
"Oh, yeah. Of course, yeah. The thing." Sam nodded vigorously.
"The International Otter Adoption Charity Dinner..." Gen frowned as though he were supposed to know that.
"That explains why you're dressed so stunningly. There I thought for a moment that that was just what you wore around the house." Elizabeth chuckled, looking her over.
"Oh no, of course not." Gen laughed. "Sweatpants all the way as soon as I'm free."
"Sweatpants sound awesome right about now." Elizabeth groaned, still wearing the smile she'd worn since she first saw the woman.
"Okay, well..." Gen breathed, moving over to give Sam another, more passionate kiss. "Well, I'm glad you two are talking, anyway. Elizabeth must be some kind of miracle worker."
"That's me." Elizabeth laughed, scratching behind her ear. "Freakin' miracle worker. Sober... Freakin'... Miracle worker."
They watched as Genevieve made her exit, Sam and Elizabeth not even hiding the fact that they were checking her out on the way.
"Well, looks like you did alright." Dean cocked a brow in his brother's direction.
"Yeah." Sam released a breathy chuckle, still looking where Gen had disappeared to.
"Wrist bone of Saint and holy reliquary. Museum quality from Diocese in Oaxaca." Sam read from the computer he was sat at. "Looks legit."
Elizabeth wasn't overly listening. She was too busy nursing a glass of Scotch, staring at the picture behind him - a photo of 'Jared' as a cowboy on horse-back.
"Alright." Dean said, sitting on the other side of the room at a small table, also with a Scotch. "Auction house is in Mexico City, we could be there day after tomorrow. We case it, yank it, be back by the end of the week."
"Or we could just buy it." Sam suggested.
"What?" Dean scoffed. "The thing's over a hundred thou-" He stopped talking when Sam held up a credit card. "Hello, Jared Padalecki."
"Do you think Jared knows how to ride a horse or is all that just for pretentious reasons?" Elizabeth wondered out loud, still frowning at the picture.
After finding the rest of the credit cards, Dean wasted no time playing online poker whilst Sam organised the payment for the wrist bone.
"This baby's maxed." Dean huffed, throwing a card across the room lazily as he picked up another.
"Wow. They said it should be at the airport first thing in the morning." Sam told them.
"Money, man." Dean chuckled. "There's nothing like it."
He finished his last transaction and made his way over to the other half of the room.
"Alright, couch." He sighed. "TV star, beauty rest." He slumped down over the back of the couch, earning an amused giggle from the Vampire.
"You know, this place probably has, like, twenty bedrooms." She pointed out.
"This is nearer." Dean replied, his eyes already closed.
"I'm gunna go check the rest of the place out." Sam got up from the desk chair, taking his beer with him.
Elizabeth chuckled to herself, her Vampiric hearing picking up a conversation between Sam and Gen, who had just got in. Hearing them go upstairs together was even more amusing, if not triggering a slight pang of jealousy. For who, she didn't know.
"So, I don't mean to pry, but why are we picking up packages at eight AM that haven't cleared customs yet?" Clif asked from the driver's seat the next morning.
"Just saving time." Dean replied as Sam got in the back seat, package in hand.
"We're not doing anything illegal, are we?" Clif frowned, twisting in his seat to face the boys.
"Would it make you feel better if we said no?" Sam asked.
"No, Clif. We're not." Elizabeth gave her sweetest smile, resting a reassuring hand on his.
"Wow, you're really cold. Do you want me to turn up the AC?" The driver showed genuine concern.
"Oh, no. It's fine. I'm a Vampire." Elizabeth replied, the smile still apparent.
Sam and Dean looked up at her in mild shock.
"Right, right." Clif laughed, Elizabeth soon joining in. "You're a funny little one, aren't you?"
"Yes. Yes I am." She chuckled, settling back into her seat as the man drove off.
Back at the studio, the trio started preparing for the spell, soon interrupted by the stage lights coming on as the day of filming began.
The director came onto the set, already ordering people about, but stopped when he saw Sam, Dean and Elizabeth already there.
"What is this?" He asked gleefully. "Here before the first run through before anyone else? Dedication."
"Uh, can I talk to you for a second?" Dean asked him as Sam and Elizabeth wandered off with the ingredients. "Um, we're gunna need the set cleared for... Safe side, an hour or so."
"You need it cleared..." The director rather stated than asked.
"Yeah, yeah. Me and Jared, we're gunna do some... Actor stuff." Dean replied.
"Jensen, we're thrilled to see you collaborating so creatively, and your enthusiasm is refreshing. You know, Dean Cain was like that on 'Lois', and that man's a real actor. And we will clear this set exactly when we shoot the two and three eighth pages we are scheduled to shoot on this set. So, you do your 'actor's stuff' and we'll do our 'camera stuff' and..." He trailed off. Dean got the picture, so wandered off in search of the other two.
"Ooh, priority. What's in it?" Fake Castiel, or - Misha, as they'd discovered his name to be, asked, staring down at the package in Elizabeth's lap.
She was sat in the actor's chair labelled 'Jensen Ackles', as Sam sat in Jared's, looking around for his brother. Misha sipped his coffee from behind them, going over his lines.
"I bought parts of a dead person." Sam replied as though it were nothing.
Misha looked up from his script at the man.
"Oh, cool." He uttered as Dean walked up to them.
"So, bad news... Looks like we're gunna have to do a little acting." He said.
"What?" Sam looked a little bewildered.
"Oh, this is gunna be a car crash." Elizabeth grinned excitedly.
As the take started, Misha took centre shot.
"Balthazar's no hero. But he knows Raphael will never take him back." He said, walking a few steps towards the camera before turning to look at the boys.
Dean walked up to him gingerly, taking a side step to the floor marker he'd missed before contorting his body and face up into some deranged looking version of himself.
"Cut!" The director shouted.
A new take began and Misha performed his line again. Dean did his contorted pose again as he walked towards him, hitting the floor marker this time. In the background, Sam lazily crossed his arms and began to aimlessly sway.
"What the..." Elizabeth scrunched up her face from a few feet behind the camera. "What the Hell are they doing?"
"Dean, grimly. And yet, somehow, you got no problem with it." Dean read, poorly trying to hide the script in his hand.
"Cut!" The director yelled.
Elizabeth walked over to them as Misha stopped for a hair adjustment.
"What the Hell are you two clowns doing?" She hissed. "This is a TV show, not a bloody Torture Garden." She looked to Dean. "You look like you've been pissing bladder stones for the past forty-eight hours and you, Sam... You just look stoned."
"I don't know how to act!" Sam protested.
"You don't need to, you're playing your damn selves!" Elizabeth whisper-yelled. "Just read over the lines and then say them how you would normally!"
With a nod from the brothers, she turned around and walked back over behind the camera, hoping desperately that her pep talk had worked - for her sake more than anything else.
As soon as the camera started to roll again and Misha said his line and Dean said his - somewhat okay - Sam had his.
"That's because... We have no other choice." He said, looking directly into the camera.
"Don't look at the camera." Dean told him.
"What?" Sam hissed.
"Look anywhere but the camera." The older brother mumbled.
Elizabeth pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing heavily.
Sam looked up at the ceiling, repeating his line.
"Cut!" The director screamed.
"That was... So much more than a car crash. That was like watching nine eleven from first person perspective over and over again." Elizabeth grumbled as they sat back in the actors chairs.
"Who wrote this?" Sam scoffed. "Nobody says 'penultimate'."
"Gun, mouth, now." Dean groaned.
"Moving on." Someone called from the set.
"Thank God." Dean sighed as Sam handed Elizabeth the package.
"Are they okay?" Misha asked Elizabeth as the boys walked off.
"Yeah, they're just working through some stuff. I've had them working on this all night, so they're probably just frazzled." The Vampire shrugged.
"Yeah." Misha sighed, giving her a friendly tap on the arm. "Good work getting them to talk again though!" He smiled, moving to his phone to tweet. "IMHO, J and J had a late one last night." He read aloud.
Elizabeth sniggered.
"You're nowhere near as annoying as your Angel counterpart."
"Thank... You?" Misha frowned, an unsure smile on his face.