I'm just gonna make it the holidays in LLAD land, cause I can't be bothered writing about school shtuuff i mean it's just boring.
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* Kat *
Hunter was making noises in his sleep. He was sort of whimpering, then groaning, then whimpering again. At first it was sorta cute, but then he took a turn for the worst and it sounded like he was in pain. Turning over in our shitty little fort, he crashed into me with another whimper. I kinda lay there, not knowing what the hell to do. I couldn't move because he'd grabbed onto my shirt, clutching fistfuls of it and holding himself closer to me. A tear escaped from his closed eyes, and he cried out.
"Hunter," I murmured; taking hold of his hands. He was stronger than me, so I couldn't pull him off me. Not that I wanted him off, I didn't mind comforting him, it was just, I needed to wake him up before he started screaming. "Hunter wake up,"
He came closer, wrapping his arms around me and holding on like I was life support. He burried his head in my chest, whimpering and shaking as he did so. He wasn't waking up, he was just crying.
So I did the only thing I could think of, and I comforted him. I told him he was gonna be ok, that I was here for him, that I cared about him, that he was safe. He cried into me for a while longer but eventually as I continued to soothe him, he became quiet.
*
When I woke up, Hunter wasn't there. I sighed, knowing that he'd probably woken up thinking "what the fuck" or something along those lines. I kicked away the blankets, ripping them down from above me as well so that my fort was no longer a fort. The sun coming through the windows burnt my eyes and I groaned.
I hated mornings.
So dragging myself up from the floor, I made my way towards the door, then down the hallway, and into the kitchen. My Mom was making pancakes, Chris was drinking coffee and Hunter was listening to Chris ramble on about something which he obviously had no interest in. His head was flat down on the table, and he had coffee in front of him. He looked cute, well his hair did, I couldn't see his face.
"Morning," Mom smiled to me. "Pancakes?"
"Sure," I forced a smile back, even though my interest was more into what Chris and Hunter were talking about. So I sat next to Chris, trailing my eyes to the floor. I knew that Hunter had a rough day and night, so if Chris was giving him another lecture, it was probably hurting him more than Chris knew.
"..so what I'm trying to say is, you need to start talking about this. If you ever think of doing something like that to yourself, you come to me-"
"You don't care,"
Chris sighed. "Hunter, yesterday I was dissapointed in you. I'm sorry if it came across that I don't care, but I can't let you get away with everything. What happened with you and Kat, you deserved to be punished,"
"Chris he was scared," I pointed out.
"Maybe. But next time he's scared, he's not going to lash out, is he? No. Because he learnt his lesson,"
"Chris-"
"He's not your son Kat,"
"I'm not yours either,"
Me and Chris both looked across the table, where Hunter was now sitting up with red eyes. He looked like he'd been crying for hours, to the point where his face was even paler than usual, circles lay under his eyes and he just looked hurt.
"Don't say that Hunter," Chris said quietly. "I adopted you. Legally, you are my son."
"That doesn't mean shit,"
"Hunter," I murmured but he ignored me.
"It does," Chris said calmly. "You are my son. I adopted you. I love you. I care for you,"
"Bullshit,"
"Hunter, I'm not going over this again. I adopted you, you are my son. Understand?"
"No,"
"You're impossible," Chris mumbled. "Why is it so hard for you to accept that I care about you?"
"Cause you don't,"
"Stop it. This demanding attention scheme isn't working on me,"
"I don't want attention,"
"Chris you were hard on him yesterday," I intervened. "He's upset. That's all,"
"Yeah? Well he can't act up like this every time he doesn't get his own way," Chris murmured. He looked at Hunter, and sighed. "I care about you, and it's a shame that you don't see that. But one day you'll know just how much I've sacrificed for you, and you'll see how pathetic you're being."
Chris got up, leaving his unfinished coffee on the table, and he didn't say another word before he walked out. Mom came over, placing a plate of pancakes down in front of me. I wanted to thank her but I was too focussed on Hunter who was staring at her too.
Why was he staring at my Mom like he wanted to rip her apart?
"Fucking happy?" He hissed, glaring at her like he used to glare at me. It was scary, and I was confused, but I didn't want to ask Hunter. He looked like he'd rip my head off as soon as I said one word. So i waited until he got up from his seat, and stormed out of the room before I looked at my Mom in confusion.
"What did he mean?"
She shrugged. "How am I supposed to know?"
*
It was safe to say that my day was going shite.
Mom and Chris were fighting, screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. It was something about Hunter they were fighting over, or it had been at first. Mom was saying things about Hunter being the source of all of their problems, and Chris was defending him. It soon esculated, and had been going for over an hour.
Me and Hunter were sat in our room, not saying anything. At first, he'd been lying on his bed with his headphones in, but then the shouting began and he took the headphones out. He listened to everything; the cruel words my Mom said, everything. Now he was curled up on the bed with blank eyes.
I was sat on the floor. I'd been playing Pokemon when it started. I'd carried on for a bit, but it got too hard to concentrate. Like Hunter, I stopped what I was doing and listened.
"It's his fault! All the problems we have are because of him!"
"Don't blame this on Hunter, he's done nothing to you!"
"He verbally attacks me! And he shouldn't even be aloud to be here! You saw what he did to Kat yesterday! He should be locked away!"
"Don't you dare say that! You saw what he did to himself yesterday!"
"He cut himself Chris, he does that all the time!"
"You are so insensitive! You know what he went through!"
"He has problems Chris! So what, we all do! And that kid, is what's wrong with this family!"
"If you can't accept him, then maybe you shouldn't be a part of this family!"
"Yeah? Well maybe I shouldn't!"
"Fine!"
It took me a few moments to realize that I was crying. That tears streamed down my face and i was choking back whimpers. It also took me a few moments to realize that Hunter was shaking. I was at an angle where I could see him from the corner of my eyes, but I'd been looking down for a while. So when I held my head up, from the right side of my face, I could see him holding himself and shaking.
He was sat up now, knees to his chest and arms around himself.
"It's alright," I said; choking back the tears. I turned to face Hunter, watching him struggle to hold himself together. "Don't listen to what they're saying, ok?"
He whimpered; his lip quivering; his eyes watering again.
I took in a deep breath, trying to be brave as I dragged myself over to him. Pulling up on the bed, I struggled a bit to turn Hunter around to face me.
"Don't cry," I whispered. "It's gonna be ok. Mom doesn't mean any of what she's saying. She's just angry,"
"They were fighting," he said emotionlessly. He looked at me with desperate eyes and ran a hand through his hair. He looked nervous, terrified, he looked like he was gonna break down.
"I know,"
"No.." he shook his head violently; laughing a little before whimpering more. "No..Dad...D-Dad was fighting. And..a-and-"
"Stop," I said immediatley. "Please don't upset yourself,"
"They were fighting like..like your M-Mom and Chris.." he choked; crying out for a few seconds before he caught his breath again. "They were f-fighting like..like that when he..when h-he killed.."
He broke down. Holding his hands up to his face and leaning over on the bed, Hunter broke down worse than I had seen him in a while.
He was at the point where he was crying so hard he couldn't breathe. I could hear the whimpers, the choking, the uneasy breath. He was shaking so hard, barely able to hold his hands up to his face. And it was breaking my heart with every second of it.
It must have been hard for him. I could sort of understand what he was saying. From what it sounded like, his parents had been fighting the night his Father went completely psycotic and killed himself, and his wife, and attempted to kill Hunter. Chris and Mom fighting, was reminding him of that, and it was hurting him.
Or something along those lines.
"Come here," I murmured; holding my own tears back. I reached out for him, and he didn't respond much. But he did edge closer to me, so I took it into my own hands and moved forwards. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and he more or less just collapsed. His head rested on my lap, and I leaned forwards so I could hold onto him.
For the next 10 or so minutes, I told him he was going to be ok. I told him that his Dad wasn't here, that he was safe, that nothing like that would ever happen again.
But that still didn't stop him from jumping in my arms when the door opened.
I turned to face Chris, not sure what to say. He looked upset, angry, but like he wanted to stay calm. And he did this as he walked over to the edge of the bed. As he knealt down at me and Hunter, and stared at us both, he looked completely calm.
"What happened?" He said quietly.
"You did," I murmured. "You and Mom were fighting, and it made him think of when his parents were fighting; when his Dad shot her. He's been like this for a while,"
"Hunter," Chris sighed and placed his hand on Hunter's cheek, then brushed the hair from his eyes. "Hunter I'm sorry for scaring you, ok? I promise, we wont shout like that in front of either of you," he risked a glance at me before continuing. "I'm sorry,"
"Guess Mom isn't? Otherwise she'd be up here apologizing too," I pointed out.
Chris looked down awkwardly, staring at the ground for a few moments before looking back up. He focussed more on me this time, and I bit my lip.
"What?"
"Your Mom..she's..she's really upset. More upset than she should be," he murmured; this weird look on his face.
"What's she done?"
"She's booked a hotel room for a few nights. She says she wants to clear her head and she'll phone you later,"
I didn't know what to think. It wasn't really a shock, but it wasn't exactly something I wanted to hear either. Of course, I was pissed off at my Mom for saying some insensitive shite about Hunter. But then, I was more pissed off that she was the one in the wrong, and also the one running away.
"Typical," I mumbled.
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"Chris how many times has she done this?" I raised an eye-brow. "I'm fine. Talk to Hunter, please."
I moved away, gently guiding Hunter off of me so that I could head over towards my bed. Then as I sat down, I watched Chris. He pulled himself up onto the bed, and it was like Hunter just suddenly turned into a little kid; or just the same person he was when he was off his medication; just adorable.
He fell into Chris' chest, crying softly into him as Chris wrapped his arms around him. Hunter looked like a little kid as he clutched onto Chris' shirt, sort of like what he did to me last night. It made me realize that he was affected by these things more than any of us thought. It was confusing, but inspiring at the same time.
It showed me that maybe, well really, I'd been way too hard on him.
Sure, he could be a jerk sometimes. But with everything he'd been through, now, it surprised me that he was still here.
He was fucking amazing.
*
9pm, and Chris was freaking out.
"You promise that if anything goes wrong, you'll phone me? And you lock the door as soon as I go and you don't answer the phone or-"
"We're fine," I assured him.
Me and Hunter were sat at the table in the kitchen, sharing a 12 inch pizza. Well, I was. I wasn't even sure if he'd eaten anything. He was more or less just drinking coffee, repeatedly. I was surprised he wasn't bouncing off the walls by now.
Chris sighed and kissed Hunter's forehead before mine, and then he looked at his son.
"I'll see you both in the morning,. Kat, you and your friends try keep the noise down,"
Yeah, I said Cassie and Lucy were coming round when it was actually just Josh. It was weird, I mean, Josh was my boyfriend..whom I hadn't seen in over a week. Or contacted in any way.
Come to think of it, I hadn't even missed him.
Chris headed out of the room, and neither me or Hunter spoke so we heard him walk out of the front door. I turned to face Hunter, about to make some crappy excuse of a conversation, but he beat me to it.
"Drink?"
"You have some?"
He slipped off the stool and headed over to the fridge. I thought it was a shitty place to hide alcohol, but before I said anything Hunter reached around to the back of the fridge. Huh, not bad. Pulling out a 2 litre vodka bottle, I smiled in approval.
"Where'd you get that?"
"People,"
"Same people you get your cigarrettes and weed from?" I raised an eye-brow.
"Yeah," he murmured and sat back down at the table. He pulled the cap off, and took a swig of the vodka without scrunching his face up in that weird way that most people do. He set the bottle down and pushed it towards me. "When are you friends getting here?"
"Oh um, I kinda lied to Chris. Cassie and Lucy aren't coming round..Josh is,"
Hunter's face just turned to complete disbelief. He looked at me like he couldn't understand why I might want to see my boyfriend. Then after a few moments of staring at me in disgust, he pulled the bottle away from me before I could take a drink.
"What are you doing?"
"If you get drunk when he's around then-"
"Hunter please don't start this," I begged; face palming myself. "I can control myself when I'm drunk. You know me,"
"I don't give a fuck," he hissed. "Have fun fucking,"
*
Josh was here, in my room, on my bed, but all I could think about was Hunter. He'd looked so upset earlier, he looked disappointed in me, which I completely understood but Hunter was just confused. A relationship didn't mean fucking, as he put it. I couldn't blame him though. With everything that he went through with his Dad, he was bound to have this attitude towards any type of relationship.
"You ok?" Josh asked, rubbing my fingers between his hands. Lying on my bed watching Sinister, which was by far the most disgusting movie I had ever seen, I was insanely bored. I was thinking about Hunter, who had downed way more shots than I could ever tolerate, and headed out the door.
I'd been frantic at first, literally racing after him until I was on the bottom floor of the building. He'd walked out of the door, just as Josh walked in. And before i had time to chase after my insanely pissed off 15 year old brother, Josh held me back.
20 minutes later, and the scene was still in my head.
Hunter was vulnerable. He was more or less the perfect victim for any sick freak there was out there, and there was a lot of them. Him running around slightly drunk, not giving a care in the world, it was worrying.
"I think I should go look for Hunter,"
I lifted myself to sit up, but Josh wrapped his arms around my waist and nibbled on my tilted neck. His way of distracting me wasn't really working, it was just putting me off.
"Josh stop, I need to find him-"
"He'll come back. You said he runs off like this all the time,"
"Yeah, and the last time it happened I found him past out in an alleyway with alcohol poisoning,"
"He lived,"
"He's my brother," I reminded him.
"Not really," Josh chuckled. "I mean, legally yeah he is. But he's your Step Dad's adoptive kid. He's nothing to you,"
"Why are you saying that?" I turned my head to stare at him.
"Because we haven't seen each other in ages and all you can talk about is that freak,"
I shoved Josh away from me, moving to the other side of the bed so I could turn around and scowl at him.
"Don't call him that," I hissed.
"Whoa," Josh chuckled; crawling back over to me. "I'm sorry, ok? It's just from what I've heard of him, he doesn't sound like a great guy."
"Well you don't know him,"
"Maybe I don't. But I know he's got some sort of hold over you,"
"Fine," I snapped. "I'll stop talking about him. I'll stop talking about my brother who is outside in the freezing cold, probably drunk off his mind by now, in a place he doesn't even know."
"OK," josh sighed; smiling a little as he wrapped his arms around me again. "That means we can focus more on you and me,"
He leaned in, and I didn't back away. I let him kiss me, and occasionally kissed back. His tongue shoved through my lips and he fought for dominance as he took hold of my wrists. He climbed out on top of me, his legs on either side of my body and I found myself falling back to lie down. I didn't like it, it wasn't eactly nice.
Josh was more or less just pinning me down and eating my face. Hunter was right, I shouldn't have let him come round.
Even now, as Josh was kissing me, I couldn't stop thinking about Hunter. I was thinking about everything that he'd ever said to me about Josh. That me wearing makeup, trying to look nice was me giving him signals. That Josh just wanted to fuck me, things like that.
In a way, it was making me think exactly like Hunter.
I felt like I was being taken advantage of.
"Josh-"
"No talking baby," he smirked against my lips. He let go of my hands but moved his own down to the top of my jeans, where his fingers quickly undid them.
I struggled a little, twisting and turning in Josh's embrace but I don't think he even realized it. He reached around to the back of me, ignoring my whimpers as he gripped the back of my jeans and tugged on them. They fell down, revealing my thighs and making me feel more insecure than ever. Once the jeans were tossed over to the over side of the room, I felt like shit.
"Josh stop," I held my hands up to his chest; trying to shove him off me as hard as I could but he didn't budge.
"Kat," he groaned, kissing down my neck. Everywhere he touched, it just maked me feel even more crap. What made me feel the worst though was that I couldn't get him off me. He was grinding against me now, something I hated. He just carried on, ignoring all of my protests.
"Josh get off me," I struggled more; kicking my legs around but he still didn't. So I brought my hands up to his face, slapping him as hard as I could. "Josh get the fuck off me!"
"Fuck," he hissed; sitting up but still on top of me. He stared at me, glaring with his pissed off eyes and then he clenched his fist. "You fucking bitch," he growled and slammed his tightly held fist into my stomach, making me cry out in pain. For a few moments I couldn't breathe and I coughed and sucked in deep breaths until I could. But my eyes were still watering, and Josh was still there.
We stared at each other, staying in complete silence until we heard the front door open.
Hunter?
Josh glared, lifting himself up off me in the same moment. I managed to sit up, my back against the board of the bed, but my stomach still ached and I was still coughing my guts up.
Josh leaned over to kiss me on the forehead, the kiss lingering on longer than it should have and then he simply walked away; slamming the bedroom door as he did so.
It didn't take long for Hunter to walk in; his hair wet and shaggy and his walk stumbling. At first he didn't seem to notice me, he just pulled off his hoodie; revealing his scarred arms and MCR shirt. And then he let his jeans fall down to leave him in his boxers. He kicked his clothes over to the side, and then he turned around to look at me.
"You're crying," he said quietly.
I forced a nod, coughing a bit more when Hunter made his way over to me. He crawled up on the edge of the bed, and made his way forwards until he was sitting in front of me. He looked up at me with chidlike eyes and pouted.
"What did he do?"
"Nothing," I lied. I didn't want Hunter to be upset, so I lied. "Nothing, it's ok."
"But you're crying,"
"We broke up," I said; which was mostly true. If he thought we were staying together after that then he was more fucked up than I thought. "It's ok,"
"Why are your jeans over there?"
"I was getting changed when you came in,"
"Stop lying!" He cried out and ran an impatient hand through his hair. "Why do you keep lying?!"
"I'm sorry," I whimpered. "I didn't wanna upset you,"
"You're upset," he murmured. "What did he do?"
"He punched me," I admitted; looking down so I wouldn't have to face Hunter. He didn't reply for a few moments, but once he did, his voice was broken.
"Where?"
"My stomach,"
"It hurts?"
"A bit,"
He sat there in silence for a few minutes, and in those minutes I lay down, taking in deep breaths. I felt kinda awkward without anything covering my legs but really it was the least of my problems.
"I'm sorry," Hunter said quietly. I opened my eyes, watching him crawl on top of me and slide down my body until he reached my legs. He slowly touched them, spreading them out and knealing in between them. My heart was beating rapidly, my lip quivering and my breathing increasing.
"Hunter," I whispered as he took the edges of my shirt. He pushed it up, leaning forwards as he did so and he stopped before he revealed my bra.
He was leaning over so that his face was touching the tip of my ribs, and he let his lips trail down my stomach until he reached the red area which would soon bruise. His lips, like Josh's, lingered on for a few moments but this time it felt nice. Hunter's lips against my skin, it felt nice.
A lot nicer than Josh's anyways.
He pulled himself up, heading over to his bed where he lay down in silence; leaving me bewildered as I lay there wide-eyed on my bed.
This boy was gonna be the fucking death of me.
-
{ I worked hard on this chapter but then I got bored and lost concentration which is why it gets funny towards the end. }