It wasn't exactly ideal to wake up to the cacophonic racket of knuckles against a wooden door on a Monday morning but it happened, nonetheless.
Izuku and Katsuki jolted simultaneously at the din, expressions an awful mess of embarrassment and panic at how they'd woken up together. The pair scurried away from each other like repelling magnets, equally red in the face as they tried to grasp onto the last fragile ounce of dignity they could muster. Izuku, despite his lack of vision, tried to look anywhere that Katsuki wasn't as he bit his lip in humiliation. He was positively freaking out right now, arms shielding his face while he paced the room back and forth, mumbling rapidly under his breath. Why the hell was his heart beating out of his chest? He wasn't quite sure he wanted to know the answer, either.
"Helloooooo," a voice called out from the other side of the front door which was situated beside the living room. Izuku recognised the voice immediately, but he questioned as to why the person had come here.
"Is anyone home?" another voice called, and another Izuku recognised. How many of them were on the other side?
Katsuki seemed to recognise their voices too because he looked back at Izuku with panic struck eyes.
"Y-yes, just a second!" Izuku called from their side as he promptly set about tidying up the place. Katsuki's gaze followed him as he tried communicating to him without speaking, but that wouldn't exactly work all too well when he was blind.
Izuku flung the several blankets that were draped across the sofa and melting onto the carpet beneath into their room along with everything else that made the place look a little messy; whilst trying not to bump into anything or even Katsuki. He carelessly threw on some more decent looking clothes to replace his pyjamas, ushering Katsuki into his room to do the same.
"Deku wait, Deku hold up!" Katsuki hissed under his breath. "How the hell did they get here?" he asked when Izuku paused to hear what he wanted to say. Izuku only wordlessly shrugged, shaking his head to indicate that he hadn't even the slightest idea. He knew that his friends had access to the address of his home, he had told them in case of emergencies. He was profusely relieved, however when he remembered he didn't give them a key or else this morning could have begun very differently.
"Just go put something on," Izuku mouthed before closing the door in Katsuki's face, regrettably and accidentally, before returning back to the door to unlock it for his friends.
"Uraraka, Kirishima," he beamed, recognising their voices.
"Tsu and Hagakure are here too," Ochaco informed for him, greeting her best friend with a warm hug. He smiled in response, waving a hand in what he hoped to be the right direction, appreciating the gesture of greeting.
"What are you guys doing here?" he asked, stepping aside to allow them to come in. "Did something happen? Was there another attack? Did you find the villain? Is someone hurt--?"
"Woah, woah, Midoriya slow down," Kirishima said gently. "That's not the reason that we came, although we probably should have given you a heads up beforehand," he admitted guiltily with an apologetic smile.
"Then why...?"
"We wanted to see how you were doing," Hagakure told. "We managed to all get a day off at the same time and wanted to check in."
Tsuyu nodded, tapping Izuku's hand gently to indicate for him where she was. "We haven't seen you this whole month, we wanted to see how your recovery was going."
"Oh, that's...that's really sweet of you guys," Izuku confessed happily.
"You idiots should have said something before you came here," Katsuki suddenly spoke up, the proximity of his voice caused Izuku to jolt having not heard the blonde come back into the room. "You fucking woke us up," he frowned. Izuku's face became hot again at the memory of mere minutes ago.
"We're sorry about that," Kirishima winced. "We wanted to surprise Midoriya. He's been stuck in here all this time and we missed seeing you at work so we came by."
Izuku cast a smile once again at the thoughtful actions of his friends.
"Well I'm fucking hungry," Katsuki announced, scrubbing the back of his hand over his tired eyes. "You assholes want anything, I'm going to make something?" he added after a rather large pause with a very unenthusiastic look as though he regretted his offer.
"That's very hospitable of you Bakugo," Hagakure acknowledged.
"Yeah well whoever wants anything is going to help make it so get your asses over here."
Kirishima, Tsuyu and Hagakure all shuffled along after Bakugo into the kitchen, scared to be ordered around by the blonde though also craving something to eat. Izuku began to follow too, his stomach already grumbling – he knew how good Katsuki's food was, though now thinking about it he hasn't ever told that to his face – until Katsuki stopped him entering the kitchen.
"Except you," he said, putting a hand out against Izuku's shoulder.
"Why not?" the greenette asked.
"You're an awful cook—"
Izuku feigned hurt, "ouch—"
"—and this," he tapped Izuku's forehead, "not being able to see isn't going to help that either."
"But I made Miso soup," Midoriya protested with a playful pout.
Katsuki shook his head, refusing. "You literally opened a packet and heated it up. Anyone can do that."
"But you have a cold."
"Had," Katsuki emphasised. "I'm fine now."
Izuku's eyes narrowed, his lips pursed in a thin line. "You always make food for the both of us."
"And I'd rather it stay that way if I want to not get poisoned."
"But—"
"Nope."
"I—"
"Nu-uh."
"Why—?"
"End of discussion. I'm hungry so let me make food."
Izuku paused purposely for a prolonged amount of time. "Fine then," he huffed, defeated.
Katsuki turned away to attend to the mad chaos happening in the kitchen, no doubt to sort them all out and lecture them on how to properly prepare the meal.
"I'm guessing a lot happened while you two have been here?" Uraraka asked.
Izuku turned to her, sitting down beside her on the sofa. "What do you mean?"
"I'm surprised to see you not at each other's throats. You seem to get along better than when you did as kids....it's nice to see that."
"Oh yeah. As much as he'll willing to disagree, he's actually changed a lot – we both have. I guess once we finally started to actually communicate with each other like All Might said, it's easier to actually talk and interact and live together."
"He definitely cares about you, although I'm sure if you tell him that he'll blow your face off."
Izuku's head tilted to the side. To him it seemed strange to hear those words come from his friend's mouth. He cast his mind back to the very beginning of their time together recalling how Katsuki had tended to and bandaged Izuku's wound when he cut open his hand on a glass bowl. He remembered how Katsuki had made him speak out about his terrifying thoughts so that he wouldn't have to feel so suffocated by them by letting them out. He remembered how Katsuki had helped him through each panic attack, how he'd been there to calm him down. He remembered Katsuki helping him climb his way back up, helped him believe he could be a hero again and helped him train to do that.
Now that Izuku thought about it, maybe Katsuki didn't hate him. Yes, even after everything they'd been through, after everything they'd admitted to each other, after how close they had seemingly become, the thought that Katsuki still hated him loomed in his mind. Because even after everything just like before, they had never really spoken to each other how they truly felt. About each other anyway. There was a possibility that the hatred Izuku believed Katsuki felt for him was merely of his own imagination but then again it may not, he didn't know.
~
The rest of the day proceeded until soon enough, daylight dimmed and the sky outside grew dark. The bustling streets silenced save for the hearty uproar within their apartment. The group were gathered around together in the living room, enjoying each other's company, and finding nostalgia in all the stories they recalled and shared for Bakugo's sake. In a way it was almost like they were all back in high school, sat together and having a good time. The room erupted into laughter as Kirishima was made to retell his engagement story to the rest of them, his smile hidden as he sipped at the bubbly golden liquid in hand.
"—so I had to ask Tsuyu to come with me to buy the ring because I had no idea what to get."
Asui smiled, "I could tell you were nervous you kept asking me every three seconds what would be the perfect engagement ring."
"Nervous?" Hagakure raised a brow. "He was much more than nervous, you were absolutely terrified."
"He was calling us all up at two in the morning the night before," Izuku chimed in with a grin, recalling the fond memories as he took another sip of his glass. "And he wanted to rehearse everything he was going to say. So we've all been proposed to by Kiri now."
Katsuki snorted, nudging his old red haired friend. "Seriously?"
"Hey man," Kirishima protested. "You'll understand when it's your turn. It's terrifying."
"Yeah, I think I'll pass."
"So," Uraraka nodded. "You two are living happily ever after now?"
Kirishima smiled sweetly and that was all it took for the rest of them to break into a chorus of 'aww's, seeing just how evident it was on his face how perfect this new chapter in his life was. Maintaining a relationship was hard in itself already, without the heavy weighing factor of being pro heroes as a job. It was admirable to see that Kirishima hadn't let that get in the way of his life.
"I bet you had a fancy wedding," Katsuki spoke up, leaning back into the cushions of the sofa, a dim wash of fatigue causing him to yawn. He gazed over to Izuku who was sat at the opposite end of the room and it was a tad more than evident that he was starting to get just a little bit tipsy. His eyes were already started to close, his cheeks carried a pink tinge and he had the most adorably stupid smile on his face. Katsuki shook his head with a sigh before standing up and refraining Izuku from having anything much more to drink. Izuku turned to him when the glass was torn from his grip and fought to get it back.
"Alright that's enough fun and games for one day," Katsuki began addressing the rest of them. "This idiot here is going to hurt himself if he drinks anymore."
"What?" Izuku slurred. "No, I'm fine," he protested only to stumble and fall back onto the sofa.
"My point exactly," Katsuki sighed. "Alright you idiots go home."
Izuku continued to struggle to get back up again the whole duration in which the rest of his friends were bidding farewell and Katsuki could only roll his eyes at how ridiculous Izuku seemed now.
"Go to bed."
"I'm not tired," Izuku protested, hands on hips as he fell back down onto the sofa once again.
"You'll thank me in the morning," Katsuki assured as he went round picking up left over plates and glasses from their meals.
Izuku glanced over in the blonde's direction, sensing from the loud clanging of kitchenware where he was. He blinked and through his arms into the air, making grabby hand actions to accompany the gesture. "Carry me then."
Katsuki raised an eyebrow in his direction, smiling at Izuku's entertaining behaviour. Much to Izuku's surprise however, Katsuki did indeed follow through and obliged to his commandment. Izuku yelped as he was suddenly lifted up and carried straight into his room. The spontaneity of everything made him feel a little disorientated though that could have been the alcohol too. He grabbed onto Katsuki for dear life, in fear that he would unexpectedly drop him somewhere. But thankfully he was safely delivered to the warm confinements of his bed.
Katsuki sat down only to realise soon enough that he couldn't move anywhere else. He turned round to look accusingly at the suspect who was still clinging onto him like a koala. Note to self: Izuku was cuddly...well more cuddly when he was drunk, Katsuki thought. This brought him back to the memory of Christmas eve as so many years later he glanced down to still find Izuku's head resting in his lap, his arms clinging to Katsuki's waist.
"Oi, idiot," Katsuki nudge, prodding the other's head with a finger. "You're going to have an awful hangover in the morning."
Izuku hummed, "probably." His voice came out quiet and fragile in the silence.
"Hey," Katsuki said again, but even so made no effort to move Izuku. He seemed to be so comfortable where he was, the blonde couldn't really be bothered in all honesty. His gaze softened as he glanced down at the greenette, the moonlight spilling through the open curtains draping over his pale freckled face. He exhaled slowly, totally unaware of his own actions as he continued to pass a hand through the mess of curly green hair. With tired eyes he watched the steady rise and fall of Izuku's chest, sure that he had already fallen asleep until he jumped up abruptly from his position, almost headbutting Bakugo at the same time.
"Holy fuck..." he gasped, recovering from the brief heart attack Midoriya gave him.
"You know I've always wondered," Izuku began, now apparently fully energised and alert. He crossed his legs, facing the other and scratched the back of his head. "What colour are my eyes?"
Bakugo paused for a moment. "Hm?"
"I've just been wondering what colour my eyes are now..."
"Green. Lighter green. But still...green."
"Huh...interesting."
"Do not go write that down in your stupid journal," Katsuki warned as he saw Izuku reach for where he last put it on the bedside table. Izuku halted, blinked, and then proceeded to do just what Katsuki told him not to anyway.
"Oh my god," the blonde facepalmed, exasperated.
Izuku grinned back at him before his expression went blank once more. "Do you think it's weird for them, to have to see me like this now?"
"No. Heroes have injuries all the time, we know things are going to happen we just try our best to stop them."
"Is it weird for you? To have to look at me and speak to me while I look back in the complete wrong direction? Doesn't it make you uncomfortable that I can't see anything? Don't you get bored of staying here with me?"
"Oi slow down idiot, where is all of this coming from anyway?"
Izuku shrugged. "I just...wanted to know."
"Well for your information I don't care if you can see or not, it makes no difference to me."
Though the words were spoken aggressively, Izuku understood the message Katsuki was trying to send to him, and it brought a smile to his lips knowing he felt this way.
"Thanks...I guess. It's just that," the greenette paused to sigh heavily. "I wonder what everyone else sees when they look at me. Sometimes, even though I've been training and working hard like I'm preparing to return to my job, I doubt I can even still do it. Sometimes I feel so much more blind, which I realise makes no sense, but most of the time I am able to cope with seeing nothing but sometimes it just hits me that there's nothing there and I there won't ever be anything there again and—"
Katsuki grabbed Izuku's hands, trying to steady them as they trembled just like the rest of his body. His green eyes were filling with tears as he spoke, unable to slow down and stop himself or even take a moment to breathe. He was just panicking. As though the realisation, just as he said, of being blind had hit him once more. Katsuki couldn't just sit there and watch as Izuku opened up; without even knowing the true horrors of being forced to survive in a pitch black world, Katsuki could still understand the basic emotion Izuku was getting overruled by and that was simply fear and isolation.
"Hey," the blonde said softly. Izuku glanced at him for a single moment before the other surprised him once again by pulling him close. Midoriya's eyes went wide as Bakugo hugged him, properly and willingly, he might add. Though his shock didn't last long, morphing promptly to sadness as he sought to hold back tears for Katsuki's sake, not wanting to drown his clothing but it was so hard not to when he felt arms wrapped around him, a hand in his hair, and the gentle melody of the blonde's heartbeat.
He clung back with an opposed sense of desperation than earlier, now only seeking comfort and security and just wanting to reach out into the darkness and find something. For so long, he had only been met with empty air, with blank space, with nothing. But now he had found something, a something that had been with him the entire way of this crazy journey. A something that had chosen to stay with him. A something that had given support after some encouragement but Izuku still appreciated it all the same.
Those sobs soon evolved to hiccups, his breathing more regulated as he inhaled the faintly orange and alcoholic scent emitted. He closed his eyes, just paying his sole attention to the embrace he was encased in and a drowsy smile tugged at his lips as he felt so much less alone and lost and terrified.
"You're okay..."
"I know..."
He always was in the end when Katsuki was there and the same applied for the blonde.
"Thank you again," Izuku acknowledged, exhaling. He pulled away slowly but a strange part of Katsuki didn't want to let go. With a heavy sense of reluctance he sat back looking at Izuku in the dimly moonlight room as he wiped away the remains of his tears.
"I like this much better," he smiled.
Katsuki looked up. "Like what?"
"Us. Having decent conversations. Listening to each other. Speaking to each other. Interacting...just like we used to. Just like it was before."
"Me too," he sighed.
"You've changed. A good change."
"Well I'm pretty sure others would disagree with you."
Izuku shook his head. "No it's true. You have. I didn't notice before but I realised it now. You may not want to admit it either. But It's nice to see that."
"You haven't really changed a bit. Still a crazy fanboy, entertained by the smallest of things."
Izuku smiled shyly.
Katsuki continued, "but I'm glad...because—" he gazed down, looking at his hands and Izuku must have been able to sense his struggle to communicate his words properly because he rested a hand over Katsuki's fist. He exhaled and started again despite every instinct telling him to shut up because he wasn't one to talk emotions but he nonetheless persevered. It might have been the burning need to finally tell the truth of everything, it may just be the alcohol he could still taste; either way he didn't stay silent.
"Because when I came back to Japan I didn't want everything to be so alien. It's just nice that even though everything and everyone else evolved I can still find home."
Izuku gazed up at him with bright eyes.
Katsuki's heart fluttered when he felt the other's hand lace in his own, not letting go. It was a show of silent message, just as Katsuki had done for him. An unspoken gesture of care that even in the silence neither of them had left each other, they had remained.
By some mystical force, the two found themselves leant into each other's company, heads on foreheads, no words spoken, because all they needed was their silent promise. That they were here. They weren't going anywhere now.
And maybe said mystical force had extended its power of control, or perhaps Katsuki was merely a tad more drunk than he wanted to believe because surely if he were completely sober and himself then he wouldn't be moving closer to Izuku, holding his hand like he could slip away at any given moment. His perception and consciousness were both simultaneously muddled and warped, time itself also supposedly failing all it's principle laws because one moment he was looking at emerald eyes and the next...oh god.
He felt lips pressed against his own, soft, and warm and gentle, barely even touching, and full of delicacy like butterfly wings. Caught in that moment of shyness and uncertainty, caught off guard and overwhelmed, scared to death of getting shoved away, until Izuku inched closer.
Katsuki's breath hitched in his throat as he felt light pressure against him and the understanding of what was occurring just hit him, called out to him in his drunk haze, so muffled he could barely pay it any attention. Could barely even think or process or realise or anything for that matter. All he knew was that Izuku felt warm and comforting in his arms and that's all his slurred mind was capable of recognizing. It was stupid, an irrational, impulsive act that otherwise would have had twice as much thought put into it before he even considered the gesture. He was an idiot. An absolute and total idiot for doing this. He's a jerk and an asshole and his head rang with nothing but the blaring chorus of 'no's swimming in his foggy subconscious. No, because what the hell was he thinking? No, because what the hell is he doing? No, no, no. This was wrong. This was lunacy. Beyond insanity. But all Katsuki could consider was Izuku. How he was getting hopelessly drunk on the feel of his breath, the taste of his lips, his hands in his hair.
"Don't go," Izuku mumbled into the space between, making it apparent to Katsuki that his desperation was due to the belief that Katsuki was leaving tomorrow, and he guiltily recalled not having shared the newest of information against that plan. Either way though it made him wonder that if he really were leaving would Izuku still feel like this? What exactly this was, was an entirely different conversation itself, one much too complicated and complex to ponder right now, he just wanted to—
"What was that?" Izuku demanded, despite his voice carrying hardly any volume the sheer tone was enough in itself to convey how he felt, as he opened his eyes and shoved Katsuki away in the blink of an eye.
"What?" Katsuki was disorientated, engulfed by a nauseating sense of fatigue that he couldn't even place what happened in the last three seconds— "oh..."
"Oh?" Izuku repeated incredulous, not a single part of him making any contact with the blonde anymore, he'd moved away from him like he was some sort of parasite.
Katsuki blinked. What had he done?
"That's it?" Izuku went on, feeling tears prickle the backs of his eyes but refused to let Katsuki see him cry over something as stupidly minor as this. "That's all you can say? What the hell just happened, Kacchan I—oh my god..."
"Deku," he tired to speak, to communicate to him in some way and tell him, what? That it was an accident? How could that be considered anything more than a trashy excuse for something he was frankly too afraid to express?
"Don't. Don't say anything." Midoriya rubbed the sides of his head. "Please just...I think you should go."
"Deku—"
"Go," he ordered louder this time, his voice cracking. "Just get out."
Katsuki was at a loss for words. What had he done? What the actual fuck had he just done? Shit, he's ruined everything. That slowly developing and building sense of trust and friendship that was on the verge of complete formation. It's all gone now. And it's all his fault. Fuck! Fuck! Why does he always have to go and mess everything up?! Why is he so useless and hopeless that he's destined to and cursed to destroy everything good that comes into his life? Every little ray of hope and sunshine becomes frazzled and burned out and it's all because of him. He was hoping for redemption but instead is not even qualified to even begin to think about forgiveness.
He didn't say anything. Just got up and left without a single sound, bar the closing of the door on his way out, signalling to Izuku of his leave of absence. And was it only then did the greenette curl up into a ball on his bed, spilling his pain on the pillows beneath his tear struck face.
Out of all the people in the world, why did it have to be Katsuki?