I head over to Kellin's house with a full backseat and an annoying Mike noting how excited I was getting up this morning. I wasn't excited. I'm still not excited. I mean it's whatever, we're going skating. Big whoop, I don't see what there is to be excited about.
Mike and Shannon are cuddling in the back, while I pull into the driveway and hop out. Mike decides to stay in the car, so I wander up to the door and knock. It takes a few long seconds before the door swings open, revealing a beaming Kellin. He has hockey skates in his hand and a grey beanie on, wearing a black jacket and grey jeans. He looks nice, I must admit. He lifts his arms as if he were going to hug me, before dropping them again and looking away shyly.
"Don't go all shy on me, come on, bring it in," I say, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and pulling him into my chest. He giggles and wraps his arms around my midsection, squeezing me. I hold him only for a moment before letting go and pulling away.
"So um... let's go?" he says, sounding unsure.
"Yeah," I smile, backing up and walking down to my car. I drop into my seat and Mike clears his throat behind me. I turn and look him expectantly.
"You're supposed to open his door, doofus."
"Why? I think he can do it himself," I chuckle.
"Dude, you practically asked him out on date, you should treat it like one."
"What? I don't like him like that." Kellin then opens the door and our conversation ends. He falls into his seat and looks over at me. I smile and turn around, backing out.
We arrive at the rink a few minutes later. No more than ten, no less than five. The ride was filled with Mike and Shannon's flirting. I have to restrain my eyes from rolling. We all evacuate from the car and head to the benches to tie our skates. When we're all set, we step on the ice and Mike and I instantly fall on our asses. Shannon squeals and drops down helping Mike to his feet while Kellin has a good laugh.
"Shut up," I mumble. Being a native from San Diego, I'm used to surfing, not skating. Kellin finally offers his hand and after a moment or two of struggle I get to my feet. Being vertical only causes problems, and Kellin has to hold my arm firmly to keep me from falling again. I never knew ice was this fucking slippery.
"You okay?" he asks, sounding amused.
"Yes. Just... help me," I whine. He chuckles and moves his arm around my waist holding me against him. And in that moment, I almost blush. I think I do a little bit, but thankfully it's late enough that the sun has set and it's beginning to get dark.
"So I'm assuming you don't go skating often," he says. I'm trying to concentrate on my strides, so I give him a small shake and stare at the ice.
"If you stare at the ice you're going to fall. You need to look at your target," he explains. I look at him and just then realize how close he is to me. I nod and face forward. "Not much of a talker today, huh?" he wonders.
"Sorry, I'm trying to concentrate."
"You're trying too hard. Don't think about it, just focus on me, kay?" he instructs. I turn to him again and try to forget about my stiff, robotic movements. "I like pancakes. And back rubs. Sometimes when I'm cold I start compulsively jumping." He turns to watch around us, making sure we don't run over someone. I keep my eyes on him, trying to bury the fact that we're gliding on ice in the back of my mind. "I like the colour purple, I'm not sure why I just feel like it holds a lot inside its borders. I adore when guys smile into kisses. I hate first dates. Burritos are love, burritos are life. This one time I got a burrito for free!" He pauses, turn back to me and smiling. I practically fall over. Actually, I did fall over. That is one hell of a smile.
Kellin laughs again and drags me up from the cold, hard ground. I grumble in embarrassment, but I let out a small chuckle as he replaces his arm around me, I hold his hip too, keeping myself up using his sturdiness. "Keep talking, it helped," I tell him. He lets a small smile slip on his lips and faces forward, speaking slower this time.
"I like beanies because they keep my ears warm and my hair in place, normally it falls in my eyes. I hate dressing up, although I find suits really hot. My family hosts a lot of events, you should come to one sometime. I love cookies of the peanut butter kind. I have a younger sister, but she goes to an all-girls boarding school. I like the little affectionate touches and prefer that to when people are all over me--I like pretending to have boundaries. I prefer drying the dishes over washing them. I totally suck at cooking, I pretty much always burn the thing. School's pretty boring, I want to go to fashion school one day. I want to cut peoples hair, because I have a bit of a hair fetish. Although, my life long dream is to be a musician. You know, a singer. It's stupid and I probably won't ever make it, but I've always wanted to be on the road and be a role model, you know? A lot of people think I'm crazy and that it isn't the life they want for m-"
"It's not stupid," I tell him. "It's actually very endearing. You should sing for me sometime." He smiles and looks at the crowd, a blanket of silence falling over us. It was peaceful though.
We didn't speak very much after that; just skated around, me slowly finding my footing and Kellin asking occasional questions to distract me. Mike and Shannon found us and we all went back to benches changing back into our shoes.
"We're going to go get some dinner. You guys can have some alone time and... do whatever," Mike informs us, giving me one of his Kellin totally likes you looks. I roll my eyes and Mike wanders off, his arm linked with Shannon's.
"So..." I start. Trying to think of something that isn't too coupley to do.
"Let's go on a walk," Kellin says, taking off down the street. I follow quickly behind, tossing the tied skate laces around my shoulders, letting them hang off my torso. He wasn't too far ahead so it only took a moment to catch up. I wasn't really sure what to say since Mike's words reminded me of how I may be leading Kellin on. He needs to understand that I can't be with him. I feel like I haven't at all expressed that.
"Kell," I say.
"Kell?" he asks, making me realize I forgot the stupid in again.
"In. Kellin."
"Right," he chuckles.
I nod and think for a moment before mumbling, "I forget what I was going to say." He chuckles and shakes his head, but it dies out and we fall into another silence.
We walk to the edge of downtown mostly in silence, just enjoying the feel of winter's air and the soft buzz of passing cars. Eventually Kellin slows at a platform overlooking a huge lake and I stop too, standing beside him.
"I used to come here all the time when I was a kid," he reminisces. I look out at the black, crashing waves and can almost imagine a young Kellin standing here with a balloon hanging-upwards on a long string, attached to his wrist.
I see small movements in the corner of my eye and move so I can see it a little more clearly without looking right at it. I then realize it's Kellin inching his fingers towards mine. Nerves fill my core and I pretend not to notice and move my hand, running my fingers through my hair. His hand retreats to his side and I swear I hear his breathing go shallow and shaky. I drop my hand down again and turn to face Kellin. He closes his eyes tightly, sighing before restarting the journey of moving his hand towards mine.
After long, agonizing moments his pinky grazes my own and I shoot my head forward again in fear of him catching me. He lets out another long breath before lacing our fingers together. I see his eyes open and I can't help but look at our hands and back up, locking my eyes with his. In that moment it's like he physically changes. The moonlight hits his skin making it look like delicate porcelain, the streetlights twinkle and dance in his eyes. His hair groomed perfectly and the way his beanie falls on his head. All of his features elude innocence and purity. He's fucking gorgeous. I can't help but get cheesy and think to myself how perfectly his palm feels and fits with mine. My eyes wander down to his lips and I wouldn't dare verbalize my thoughts. His lips are just so inviting. So soft and moist and perfectly pink an-
My phone rings and I snap out of my daze, quickly letting go of Kellin's hand and answering it.
"Hey," I answer, knowing it's Mike. "What's up?"
"We're just finishing up dinner, meet you back at the car in ten?" he asks, but I took it as an order and say it's fine, hanging up.
"What happened?" Kellin asks.
"Mike and Shannon are almost done. I guess we should head back," I tell him. He nods and his eyes flick down to my hand. I don't want to lead him on. I don't want his feelings getting hurt when I leave. But I can't help that my thoughts melt away as his fingers brush the sensitive back to my hand. My hand flips on its own and our fingers tangle themselves together. Neither of us have time for a breath before I start tugging him back to the car.
"Tell me about what it was like growing up here," I request, trying to distract myself from the forbidden thoughts I was having only moments ago.
The walk back was far from a silent one as Kellin tells me of his past: learning to ride a bike, building snowmen, making chalk murals on the sidewalk. He had a happy childhood. There were even some laughs as he tells me of when he was playing tag and ran into a tree.
The guilt was gradually growing about holding his hand. I can finally admit I have a bit of a thing for him, but he's not even eighteen! What's wrong with me? Then, he slips on a patch of black ice and I couldn't be happier that our connected hands stopped him from falling.
We arrive at the car first and hop in, blaring some tunes and jamming out. I could tell—even if he wasn't really trying—that he had a good voice. I really hope I get to hear him sing for real one day.
__
I pull into Kellin's house with a sleeping Mike in the backseat--Even though it's 8:30PM. We had dropped Shannon off first.
"I guess this is goodbye," Kellin says, undoing his seatbelt.
"I'll walk you to the door," I say, hopping out with him. We walk up the few step to his door and stop there. It was hard to make out his features since his porch lights weren't on yet. Although I could still tell that he holds a smile on his face.
"Can I tell you something?" he asks politely.
"I don't see why not."
"Okay. Well I- this is going to sound stupid. I was- I was kind of hoping this was a date." He chews on his lower lip sounding nervous. "I guess I meant to ask, Well, Is it?" His eyes fill with both worry and hope. I thought about the question. Originally, that thought hadn't exactly entered my mind, but now that it has... I don't see it leaving. Maybe it was the attraction to thrill and rebellion or simply my subtle attraction to Kellin, but I find myself agreeing more and more with a similar thought.
"You wanted it to be?" I ask. He nods viciously, letting his bottom lip spring free. I shrug and say, "Then I guess so, yeah." My conscience catches up with me and I remember how I hadn't wanted to lead him on, this is the definition of leading him on!
"Is there going to be a second?" he wants to know. Fuck it, he's too adorable to pass up.
"I'm leaving that up to you," I answer, giving him a small smile.
"I guess it depends on how we end the night," he replies, stepping closer. Shit. Does he want me to make a move? Is he making a move? I couldn't tell.
We stand just like that. Aberrantly close to each other, our breaths mingling in the air, fogging my view of his face. Once again his persona morphs and everything becomes that much more beautiful. It's like the whole world just got brighter around him. I couldn't remember the last time I had had this much fun with someone and like them as much as I adore Kellin. More than anything I didn't want to let that go. Let him go. I can't let another shot at love tumble away. So I slowly lean forward, zeroing-in on his lips, but I stop just before them whispering, "May I?" For my own morals, I wanted verbal consent.
"Please," he breathes. I close my eyes and let the attraction grow as I eliminate the distance between our lips. A bomb goes off in my heart, the aftershock being heat shooting to my fingertips and toes warming me at his touch. After a moment, his lips start moving against mine and I can't help but kiss back. His hands grip my coat pulling me closer to him. Our lips drip with passion as they massage one another. His lips work expertly and I couldn't help but let our lips mingle for a little too long. I didn't let it get too far though, I pull away before my craving for tongue gets too strong.
"I've wanted you to do that since the moment I saw you," he whispers, his eyes still closed and his lips moving slowly. My heart skips a beat and a smile spreads on my lips. He opens his eyes and smiles back, pulling me into a hug.
I squeeze him back and whisper, "go-goodnight," feeling dazed in euphoria after getting just a small taste of Kellin Quinn.
"Goodnight, Vic." We part ways, him disappearing behind his door, me half falling down the stairs on my way back to my car. When I reach it I'm in store for the shock of a lifetime when Mike blurts out, "Well that was cute," from the passenger's seat. How the Hell he got up front baffles me, but I just roll my eyes and drive us home.