Roseanne lay in bed, sleepy but sleepless. She'd bought coffee on her way home from Jennie's, and that had been a mistake. She closed her eyes as her mind wandered back to the actress. Roseanne felt desperate to dissect every minute detail of this situation. She wanted to think of every question so that every question could be answered. Jennie was Jane and Jane was Jennie. It all seemed impossible.
Her thoughts drifted, dancing along the edges of her consciousness. Random images floated through her mind: a pen, a flower, a volleyball. She thought she might finally fall asleep. But then the actress' face popped back into her mind.
Jennie Kim was gay. It was this that Roseanne came back to. It was this she was having the hardest time believing. She wanted not to focus on what should've been a trivial matter. After all, Roseanne was not the sort of person that cared about the private lives of celebrities. It should have been an afterthought. But Jennie Kim was gay and Roseanne could not get past it. She couldn't get past the actress admitting to it in the first place.
How much would information like that be worth to the media? Probably a lot. And Jennie Kim trusted Roseanne not to tell.
The thoughts wandered again. Jane was Jennie. Did that mean that Jennie had really never dated anyone? It seemed inconceivable. What of Kai Kim? And who was Saucy Fipbic? Someone Roseanne might recognize? It felt like detective work, piecing together all of the vague details from Jane's emails and trying to make sense of them against the backdrop of Jennie's life. She couldn't remember Saucy's real name and it was driving Roseanne insane.
She opened her eyes and reached over the edge of the bed to get the laptop. She silently berated herself, but that didn't stop her. Moments later she was entering keywords into a search engine. Jennie had been in New York in December and if Roseanne recalled correctly that's when the date with Saucy had occurred.
It took some time and quite a lot of clicking around from link to link and blog to blog but eventually she found what she'd been looking for. The blog post title read: "Jennie Kim Samples New York's Fine Cuisine" and there was a candid picture of the actress standing next to a beautiful blonde. The article beneath the photo said, "Jennie Kim dines out with writer-director/ex-Broadway star, Irene Bae, at New York's Gray's Papaya."
The article went on, but Roseanne stopped reading. She stared at the picture for a long time. So that was Saucy Fipbic. Not at all what Roseanne had pictured. The Saucy in her mind had always been somewhat plain and pimply, with shaved, boyish hair and maybe an excessive number of piercings. But Irene Bae was anything but plain or pimply, and her hair was long and straight and perfectly styled. The two of them made a stunning couple.
But were they a couple? Roseanne went back into her email archives to see if she'd somehow missed an email or two pertaining to the current status of Jennie and Irene's relationship. The last Roseanne had on the subject was an email in which Saucy had been named the queen of mixed signals. "Hmm," said Roseanne, switching back to her Internet browser.
Finding information about Irene Bae was easier than Roseanne had expected. The woman was everywhere, even Tumblr. Her details there read: single, lesbian. Roseanne spent some time looking at random pictures and reading people's comments before deciding she'd done enough stalking for the day.
Roseanne jumped when the door to her room opened suddenly. Heart pounding fast, she frowned at Lisa. "Please learn to knock," she said.
"Oh whatever, like you're ever in here doing anything naughty." Lisa leaned against the doorway. "You look like crap. Have you slept?"
Roseanne placed the laptop back on the floor and yawned. She shook her head by way of an answer.
"Okay, I'll leave you alone in a sec, then. Are you busy tonight?"
"I don't think so. Why?"
"Because I rented practically every movie Jennie Kim's ever been in. You know, for research. And I was hoping we could watch them tonight. I bought tons of popcorn. Oh! And I invited Jaehyun."
Roseanne sighed. "Why would you do that?"
"Which part?"
"The Jaehyun part."
"He came by the café the other day and I thought it'd be fun to do something together. You know, the three of us. Plus, I know you think he's cute. I also know you're too much of a wuss to call him and invite him to do anything, so you're welcome."
Roseanne was too tired to argue. She sank under the blankets. "I'm going to sleep now," she announced.
"Okay. Oh hey, did you get the scoop on Jennie Kim and Jackson Wang?"
"No," Roseanne lied.
"Hmm. Well, maybe I'll ask her at the party. Sweet dreams!"
The door closed behind Lisa and Roseanne let out a long breath. Jaehyun was coming over tonight? How did she feel about this? She didn't know. She was too tired to think about it.
Instead, she turned on her side and closed her eyes, hoping sleep would finally come.
-
The limo inched along in New York City traffic and Jennie leaned her head against the cold glass of the window. Outside, the world continued on. A man walked a dog. A lady spoke on her cell phone. She watched these strangers with a fleeting sense of curiosity. Who were they? Where were they going? Why?
The limo stopped and then moved along, changing Jennie's scenery, and with it, her thoughts. Roseanne. It all went back to Roseanne eventually. Jennie wanted to call. She wanted to call and ask Roseanne if she wanted to go out somewhere, anywhere. She wanted to call and hear about Roseanne's day. What had she done? What was she doing?
Her eyes closed. "This is so bad," she whispered.
"What is so bad?" Jisoo looked up from her cell phone.
"Nothing."
"Roseanne?" Jisoo guessed.
Jennie bit her bottom lip, debating whether or not to say anything. She turned to Jisoo. "I just shouldn't be thinking about her so much. I absolutely cannot fall for her."
"Has it occurred to you at all that maybe it's too late for that?"
Jennie sighed and the window clouded where her breath hit it. "I have no idea how to tell the difference," she admitted. "I tell myself it's a crush because at least that's transient. I can trust that it'll pass. Like a cold."
Jisoo smiled sympathetically. "Well, I certainly can't tell you what you feel." She regarded Jennie pensively. "Has she forgiven you?"
Jennie shrugged and turned her gaze to the view outside the window. A kid on a skateboard caught her attention briefly. "I don't know," she said finally.
"She will." At Jennie's silence, she continued. "Are you looking forward to Irene's party?"
The change in topic caught Jennie by surprise, but she welcomed it all the same. "It should be interesting," she said. "Do you think Lisa will be there?"
Jisoo looked amused. "And by that do you mean, do I think Roseanne will be there?"
Jennie closed her eyes again and let her head fall back against the seat. "This is so bad."
-
"This is so good!" Lisa held out the now-empty glass in her hand. "What is this?"
Jaehyun chuckled and refilled the glass. "It's a family secret. My father likes coming up with new drinks and this was his big hit. I'm the only other person who knows the recipe."
Roseanne sipped the green liquid and wrinkled her nose at the initial bitterness. "Tastes like ... apples and ... something else."
"Kiwi!" Lisa blurted. "Is there kiwi in this?"
"I'm not telling," Jaehyun said, laughing. "I'll pass the recipe on to my children. Maybe."
Lisa shook her head. "Roseanne, hurry up and marry this guy so you can start popping out some babies."
Roseanne blushed. The alcohol – whatever it was – was going to her head. It didn't help that she'd barely slept and that the only thing in her stomach besides Jaehyun's concoction was several handfuls of popcorn. She leaned forward on the couch to grab some more.
"Where's that damn pizza? I'm starving." Lisa put her feet on the coffee table. "Should I start the movie?"
Jaehyun settled back, his arm brushing against Roseanne'. "What are we watching?"
"It's Jennie Kim marathon night," Lisa announced. "We shall begin with Silence Speaks." Lisa picked up the DVD box and read from the back. "'A young woman faces her deepest fears and ultimately finds true love in the most unexpected places.'"
Roseanne put her feet up, too. She didn't know how she felt about the whole Jennie Kim movie marathon thing. She was partly curious because she'd never actually watched any of Jennie's films, but she was also a bit apprehensive about it. What if she hated them? Or worse, what if she hated Jennie in them?
"I've not seen this one," Jaehyun said. "I heard she was good in it, though."
"There's a lot of gratuitous nudity," Lisa said. "You'll appreciate it."
Jaehyun laughed. "She is pretty hot."
"She's a good kisser, too." Lisa giggled. "God, I love that I can say that. It's such a good ice breaker."
Roseanne sighed quietly to herself. Lots of things were wrong with this picture and she didn't know quite where to start. Gratuitous nudity? Did she really want to see Jennie naked? Wouldn't that be incredibly awkward? And did Lisa have to keep mentioning the fact that she'd kissed Jennie?
The movie started and Roseanne forced herself to focus on something other than Jaehyun sliding progressively closer to her. On the screen, Jennie Kim was in the shower and the camera was taking its sweet time trailing down her body. Roseanne looked away. She felt uncomfortable suddenly and had no idea what to do about it. Her gaze wandered back to the screen. A man had stepped into the shower.
"Ew," she found herself saying.
"I know. He's like twice her age. But he's got sex appeal."
Jaehyun snorted.
Roseanne cringed as the ugly man kissed Jennie. "Tell me that's not her true love?"
"No, her true love is young and really hot. She's just using this guy."
A knock at the door interrupted the make-out session on the screen, and Roseanne was secretly grateful.
"Pizza!" Lisa jumped up to get the door.
Jaehyun leaned over. "Did she really kiss Jennie Kim?" he whispered.
"So she says," Roseanne said. "I wasn't there."
Jaehyun laughed. "She's probably making it up."
Roseanne didn't say anything to the contrary. The subject made her head spin and the last thing she wanted was to discuss it further.
Lisa returned with a couple of pizza boxes. "Let me get some plates."
Jaehyun jumped to his feet. "Let me help you."
Roseanne considered going to help but she felt too exhausted to move; exhausted and partly drunk. She glanced at the time on her cell phone. It was half past seven and she had no idea how long this little gathering was supposed to last. She'd meant to call Jennie just to say hi; just to keep the communication lines open so things wouldn't get awkward between them. But she hadn't come up with anything to say and then Jaehyun had arrived.
Now, however, she felt anxious. She glanced into the kitchen to verify that Lisa and Jaehyun were still getting things together, and flipped open her phone. A quick text message. That was casual enough. Sleep well? she spelled out. She heard footsteps approaching and sent off the message just in time to accept a plate from Jaehyun. "Thanks." She smiled at him.
He sat down beside her again and served up the slices. The movie resumed. And a minute or two later, her phone vibrated. Roseanne glanced at it and smiled to herself. She felt better suddenly, knowing that she had a message from Jennie. Jennie and not Jane. It was going to take a while to get used the distinction.
On the TV screen, Jennie's character was driving a red convertible. Her dark hair was hidden beneath a pink bandana.
Roseanne picked up the slice of pizza and took a bite, determined to pay attention. But her gaze kept drifting to the phone. Curiosity eventually won. She read the reply: I did. Thank you. I had a dream that a giant penguin had stolen my flying cantaloupe. What do you think that means?
Roseanne grinned and put the phone away. She regretted that she couldn't call Jennie just then. But maybe later. Later, when Jaehyun had gone. She glanced at him, his profile illuminated by the moving lights on the screen. She liked him. She liked his easy smile. She liked the peacefulness he radiated. Boring might not have been the best way to describe him, she decided. Uncomplicated, maybe. Uncomplicated sounded incredibly appealing to her suddenly.
He caught her looking and she glanced away, embarrassed. She didn't want to give him the wrong impression, but she wasn't altogether sure she knew what that was anymore.
-
Jennie stared at the phone while trying very hard to look like she wasn't staring. She'd put it on the table just in case it rang. A text message from Roseanne didn't necessarily signal an imminent phone call, but there was always the chance for more messages, and Jennie didn't want to miss any of those either. But she tore her gaze away from the silent phone, not wanting to seem desperate.
The restaurant was noisy, but the food came well recommended and that was all that mattered. Jennie had wanted to dine out for a change. She'd been meaning to talk to Jisoo and this seemed like a better setting than her kitchen or the limo. Her gaze settled on Jisoo. "Can we talk seriously for a moment?"
Her assistant looked startled. "Of course."
At Jisoo's worried glance, Jennie continued. "How much longer do you think you'll want to be working for me?" The question made Jisoo flinch, and Jennie felt guilty for her bluntness, but she said nothing to soften it. This was important.
The question clearly caught Jisoo off-guard and she shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "I didn't have any plans to not be working for you in the near future," she said. "Why? Are you firing me?"
"I would never fire you," Jennie said seriously. "I'm asking because I know you have other projects on the side. I don't know at what point they'll become the center of your attention."
Jisoo sighed and picked up her drink. "I have no answer for you, Jennie. I'm working with Kai on a screenplay but that's a long way from being anything substantial. I've got nothing else going on besides that."
Jennie nodded. "Okay, then I've got a proposition for you." Jisoo looked at her expectantly and Jennie continued. "I want you to be my manager."
The look on Jisoo's face was priceless and Jennie almost considered picking up her cell phone and taking a picture. "I'm sorry. What?"
"I trust you," Jennie said simply. "I trust your advice. I trust your opinions. I trust your instincts. I trust you not to use me or screw me over for your own professional gain." At Jisoo's silence, she added, "Let's say, ten percent of anything I make?"
Jisoo looked stunned. She shook her head. "Jennie..."
"Okay, fifteen."
"You're serious about this."
"Completely."
"Who's going to be your assistant then?"
Jennie shrugged. "I'll find someone. Is that a yes?"
Jisoo looked around the restaurant before turning her attention back to Jennie. "Why now?"
"Because I'm distracted," Jennie said. "I need someone to keep me focused. I need someone who'll care about my career on days when I don't. I need someone who'll care about me on days when I don't. I don't trust that I know what's best for me anymore. But I trust that you would."
Jisoo looked conflicted. "I don't know if I can make that switch, Jennie. From being the person that picks up your dry-cleaning to being the person in charge of guiding your career. That's a huge leap." She frowned, looking at nothing in particular. "Have you talked to Kai about this? Wouldn't he be a better candidate for the job?"
"Kai's more distracted than I am," Jennie said good-naturedly. "And you do far more than just pick up my dry-cleaning, Jisoo. I wouldn't be offering you this if I didn't think you were right for it." She leaned back in her chair. "You don't have to answer right away."
The wheels were turning in Jisoo's head and she sighed. "When would you want me to start?"
"The second you say yes."
Jisoo bit her lip. "Fifteen percent?"
Jennie smiled. "Is that a yes?"
"Nayeon's going to throw a fit," Jisoo said thoughtfully. "She loves that you don't have a manager."
"Jisoo..."
Jisoo met Jennie's gaze. "It's a yes."
-
Halfway through the second movie Lisa had mysteriously wandered off to her room, conveniently leaving Roseanne and Jaehyun alone. The movie played on, and they sat through the rest of it without saying much of anything to each other. Roseanne knew Lisa had left on purpose. In fact, Roseanne had expected it, but it didn't make it any less annoying.
The credits rolled and Roseanne tried to think of something to say.
"What did you think?"
It was Jaehyun who broke the silence and Roseanne looked at him. What did she think? Of the movie? The movie had been fine. And Jennie had been more than fine in it; she'd bordered on distracting, in fact. Shower scenes, pool scenes, love scenes. Roseanne had given up averting her gaze. Gorgeous people begged to be looked at, and Jennie Kim was certainly gorgeous. "It was good," she said casually. Jaehyun had also been distracting her; with his proximity, with his looks, with his smile, with the seemingly accidental touches she'd pretended not to notice.
"She's not coming back out, is she?"
Roseanne glanced briefly at Lisa's door. "No, I doubt it. She doesn't do subtle."
Jaehyun chuckled, but he sounded nervous, which in turn made Roseanne feel nervous. "Well, um, I guess I should get going. It's getting pretty late."
"Oh," Roseanne said, surprised. She wasn't sure what she'd expected. Conversation, maybe. "Okay." She felt awkward, which was annoying because she'd never felt awkward with Jaehyun before. Not like this.
They both stood and made their way to the door. Jaehyun slipped on his jacket and put his hands in the pockets.
"Thanks for coming," Roseanne said lamely.
"Oh, yeah, my pleasure," he said. "It was fun." He was stalling. He looked at her for a long moment before shifting his gaze. "Okay, um, I know you said you weren't looking for anything serious or even semi-serious, but I thought maybe ... ah ..." The floor seemed very fascinating to him suddenly. "I thought maybe ... possibly ... you'd consider going out with me sometime."
Roseanne felt something that closely approximated relief, but that bordered on something else. She had no word for whatever else it could be, so she smiled and said, "Okay, yeah."
Jaehyun smiled, brighter than Roseanne had ever seen. "Really? Great! I ... um ... we can go to a museum?"
"Sure," Roseanne said.
"Saturday?"
Roseanne was about to say yes, but she remembered the party. The party she'd had no intention on attending until just that moment. A date with Jaehyun was the perfect excuse to get out of going. But. "Actually, I have plans for Saturday." At his disappointed look she quickly added, "With Lisa. I promised I'd go with her to a party ... but that wouldn't be until the evening anyway. So, we can do lunch. If that's okay?"
The smile was back. "Lunch. Perfect."
"Okay," she said in that way people had of making the word sound official.
"Okay," he said, opening the door. "See you Saturday."
-
The phone rang long after Jennie had given up hoping that it would. She muted the television and grabbed the vibrating object off the nightstand. Her heart started pounding faster as she answered, "Hey."
"So, what color was the flying cantaloupe?"
Jennie smiled and shut the TV off altogether. "It was a normal, cantaloupe color."
"Was it sliced?"
Jennie thought back to her dream, trying to recall the details. "I'm pretty sure it was whole."
"Hmm, well Freud would probably say it all ties into sex somehow."
"Well, I do find giant penguins incredibly attractive."
Roseanne laughed.
"So, how was your day?" Jennie asked, not wanting their conversation to fall into silence. Had it only been hours since they'd last spoken? It felt like weeks.
"My day? Well, I slept about three hours and then I woke up to really loud music coming from upstairs ... or maybe next door ... it was hard to tell. And then I took a shower. And then ... did you really want a play-by-play?"
Jennie first thought Roseanne meant a play-by-play of the shower and her mind flew to all sorts of inappropriate places. But then she realized that's not what Roseanne had meant. "Yes," she said, forcing her thoughts out of the gutter. "I like hearing about your day."
"Okay, well then I ate leftover Chinese food, and then I ... wow, I'm boring myself. Okay, I'll just go ahead and fast forward to more interesting events: I got a date."
Jennie frowned. "With the Chinese food?"
Roseanne laughed again and Jennie smiled at the sound. But she had a feeling that she wasn't going to like the real answer to the question.
"With Jaehyun."
Jaehyun. Right. Roseanne hadn't mentioned him in a while and Jennie had assumed that meant he was long gone. But then, why would he be? "Well, congrats," she said, feigning excitement. She could play this role. "How did that happen?"
"Well, Lisa invited him over to watch movies and ... I don't know. I just kind of felt like maybe I'd been stupid not to go out with him before. I mean, I get that I was trying to get over the whole thing with Jungkook, so I guess it makes sense. But who knows, maybe I'm finally over it now. Maybe I'm getting to a point where I'm ready to start dating again. So when he asked me, I said yes."
It sounded so simple. Why couldn't it be that simple for her?
Before Jennie could come up with an appropriate response, Roseanne said, "So, is this what we're doing?"
"Is what what we're doing?"
"Continuing on as though nothing's changed," Roseanne said softly.
The change in tone made Jennie swallow. "That's up to you."
There was a moment of silence. In the background, Jennie heard music. It sounded like Damien Rice but maybe it wasn't. "It's really easy to talk to you like this," Roseanne said. "You sound like Jane and so it's really easy to think that it's her and not you. Even though I know you're the same person." She paused again. "It's really weird. This whole thing."
"I'm sure..." Jennie bit her lip, wishing she could come up with something to say that would make things better. But this wasn't the sort of situation in which words meant anything.
"I'm okay with the continuing on as though nothing's changed thing ..." Roseanne said after a while. "We can give it a try, anyway."
"Okay," Jennie said, not wanting to feel relieved or excited or anything that might be construed as a positive emotion. Not yet. "So you said this morning that you had more questions."
"I do," Roseanne said. "But um ... are you free tomorrow? Or is that something I should run by Jisoo? Actually, should I even be calling you directly?"
"Yes, to the first question. No to the second. Yes to the third."
"Hang on, I don't even remember what I just asked you," Roseanne said, laughing. "Okay, so do you mind if I stop by tomorrow?"
Jennie smiled at the question. "Not at all."
"Then I will."
The conversation was coming to an end, Jennie realized. She searched for something to say that would keep it going. But nothing came to mind. "You must be exhausted," she said, knowing that wouldn't help matters any.
"I should be," Roseanne said. "Mostly I just feel kind of ... drunk."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, Jaehyun brought over this weird drink his father came up with. I forget what he called it. Anyway, I had a little too much of it, I think. My mind's a little ... fuzzy."
Jaehyun. Why did that name make Jennie's skin crawl? "If it makes you feel any better, you don't sound ... fuzzy."
Roseanne giggled. "Sorry. I don't even know why that struck me as funny. I should go to bed. I need sleep. I'll see you tomorrow?"
Jennie liked the sound of those words coming from Roseanne. "Until tomorrow."
-
Until tomorrow. The words echoed in Roseanne's mind as she moved around her room, getting ready for bed. In the bathroom, her conversation with Jennie played in her head as she brushed her teeth. Giant penguins. She grinned and narrowly avoided getting toothpaste on her shirt.
"Ooh, someone's in a good mood." Lisa was standing in the doorway, smiling brightly. "Please tell me Jaehyun's currently tied to your bed..."
Roseanne spit out the toothpaste in her mouth in an attempt not to choke on it. She rinsed her mouth and stared at Lisa. "He's chained to my sex swing, actually," she deadpanned, and Lisa laughed. "Very subtle move, by the way, leaving us alone like that."
"Oh you noticed that, did you?"
"The fact that one moment you were there and the next you weren't? Yeah! Hard to miss."
Lisa only smiled. "I hoped the two of you would be too blinded by love to miss little ol' me. By the second movie he was sitting so close to you he was practically on your lap. And you didn't seem to be minding all that much."
Roseanne bit her lip. "He asked me out."
"Please tell me you said yes."
"I said yes."
Lisa clapped her hands. "Yes! I should win an award for my match-making skills. Now get out of the bathroom. I really have to pee."
Roseanne laughed and headed back to her room. Though the date with Jaehyun was present in her thoughts, it was Jennie Roseanne was thinking about as she crawled into bed. She wasn't sure why she'd forgiven the actress, other than she'd wanted to. She didn't know why Jennie seemed to want to be her friend, but she knew the thought of it made her happy.
She turned out the light and listened to the sound of the sink in the bathroom. She half expected Lisa to burst in and demand more details about the upcoming date, but the bathroom door opened and then a moment later, she heard Lisa's bedroom door close.
Roseanne relaxed into the covers, and shivered. She was tempted to pick up the phone again and send Jennie a text message. Something pointless and unnecessary like, "Good night," but she decided that was silly.
Instead, she closed her eyes and tried to think of nothing. But there was always something there: the memory of Jaehyun's arm brushing against hers every time he'd moved; the image of Jennie Kim's body as she'd lifted herself out of a pool.