IAN'S POV:
It had been a week or so since Janel and I had any form of sexual activity. I think she was giving me a break, since I pretty much had a sissy boy breakdown after what little stuff we finally did one day.
I was beginning to wonder if she'd ever touch me or let me touch her again. But I took it well. I was kind of happy, actually. Because even though Bonnie had set my mind straight, I still had to get my mind in that straight mode. So I had NO problem with Janel not molesting me every time I came near her.
Even though I wanted her to. GOD, I wanted her to!
I was getting worried though, that maybe I scarred her and messed her mind up about sex.
I figured I'd just wait a little bit longer, then have a talk with her. I would have done it sooner, but I didn't want to seem like I was being impatient. This was all so confusing. If only I had my mind straight before it all.
Bonnie set Janel's mind straight too, after she talked to me that day when I broke down. She told Janel my point of view, and tried to get her to understand it. I think Janel had a better idea now of why I wanted her to wait a little while.
And Bonnie took her to a doctor and got her birth control pills. Janel had started taking them, so this was a good sign, at least. It meant she was PLANNING to have sex in the future, right?
Ohhhhh....maybe Janel thinks we can't do ANYTHING until the pills kick in after 3 months? Maybe that's why she's not touching me.
Sure, we kiss and hug. But she keeps it simple and clean.
And we're getting along great, still......
I was in a shitty mood today, because I had to go to France for an award show later on.
I wasn't able to take Janel yet. I'll be there for 3 days, and I'm miserable about it. Sometimes I want to just keep what money I've made (a good few million already) and just give up the limelight, and be a normal person again, and be with Janel.
But I know I'd be unhappy that way, eventually.
I want to make music. And I want people to hear it. And like it. And make their own memories around my words. I like that.
I just want Janel at my side at all times. And soon, she will be.
Until then.....I'll miss her for the next 3 days.
Bonnie said she'll stop by every day to see how she is. Even invite her to her own house, maybe have dinner with her and her kids. Maybe they'll go out shopping. Girl time.
I think this is a great idea.
Janel was still asleep. We stayed up late last night, cuddled on the couch, watching movies. It was a crappy, stormy day, so it was the perfect cuddle day. And cuddle we did.
Oh, did I mention I haven't had a wank in a week? This has gotta be the longest time I've ever been without an orgasm since....age 12 or something? It's crazy.
I'm just....giving myself a break. But the past few days, I feel like this might not be a good idea. I might just be making myself a giant, human firework, ready to burst at any second. We'll see.
I sort of wanted to see what it was like to be Janel, I guess. Be sex starved, so I can better understand how she feels.
Yep. I'm understanding how she feels, alright!! I get it. Ohhhhh I get it.
I made Janel some breakfast and brought it in to her in bed. She should really get up now, or she'll feel like shit.
We ate in bed, and laughed a lot this morning. It was nice. A perfect last morning before I go later today.
JANEL'S POV:
When Ian's manager came to pick him up for the airport, I had to pretend to be peppy and happy, so I wouldn't make Ian sad to go, or worry about me. I mean, I didn't have to fake happiness with him at all. It was just the leaving part that was making me horribly sad in the back of my mind.
We said our goodbyes, gave our hugs, had some long kisses, and I'm so wimpy when he goes, that I let out a few tears. Which made his own eyes water up as well. I hate making him cry! So I tried to keep it all controlled.
Bonnie picked me up an hour later, and I had dinner at her house, with her kids and a few of their friends. Her kids are fun to hang out with. I learn a lot of slang from them. I learn how to be hip and act my age. I've started saying "yeah" instead of a proper "yes", along with lots of other little things.
Not that I'm trying to change myself....their catchy funny sayings just catch on to me sometimes.
My recent one is "bae" and "doe".
Ian hates them, so I use them as much as possible, just for spite. He started tickling me everytime I'd say those words, and even though being tickled....tickles, I find I don't like it that much. I don't like the out of control feeling, and the laughing so hard that I can't catch my breath if he tickles me too long.
So having told Ian that, he uses that as his secret weapon when I do silly spiteful things to annoy him.
It's seriously curbed my "bae" and "doe" usage, I have to say. Touche' to him! Brat.
Since that day when I discovered the wonders of orgasm and all that, I haven't done anything like that with Ian since. I'm just giving him some time to adjust. Just...some time to destress from what apparently really bothered him a LOT.
I feel horrible for how bad he felt after what we did. It tore me up inside to see him like that.
It was a totally different feeling from watching him cry when I'd tell him past stories of my crappy life.
This was a new feeling of sadness, and it totally broke my heart to see him like that.
I could tell he cares sooooo much about me, that it borders on a little TOO much about me, I suppose.
But I'm happy that he cares so much about me. I love him so much, I can't even find the words.
I think I've decided to possibly molest him, as he calls it now, when he gets home in 3 days.
I really can't wait anymore. I want him touching me. Everywhere. All the time.
So when Bonnie dropped me off after dinner and games with her kids, I remembered what helped me take some of the misery away from missing Ian when he's gone.
Sleep, and listening to his music to hear his voice. (and because I still love the heck out of his music!)
I came in, dropped my purse, took my phone and charger into the bedroom, tossed my clothes off, and got in bed. I didn't want to be away from my phone in case Ian called or Facetimed. But he said his flight was pretty long, so he probably wouldn't be able tonight. Plus it was getting late. He was probably asleep on the plane.
I dozed a little bit, but then unfortunately, I woke back up in the middle of the night. I knew I shouldn't have gone to bed so early.
Time to do what everyone else does when they can't sleep. Play with my....PHONE! God! What were YOU thinking? Gutter minds!
There wasn't anything in particular to do on my phone, so I simply explored the apps in it. One by one, I opened them, took a look around, and looked for anything I missed. Any little tricks my phone did that I didn't know about. I always hear people say "I didn't know my phone did that!"
Pretty much, I knew everything about the phone. Nothing new. Nothing special.
I almost skipped over voice memos, because I knew how to use that, and didn't have anything recorded.
...........................Or so I thought.
I opened it, and thought, nahhhh....nothing there. But just when I tapped to close it, I noticed something in the memos part. Like there was a recording.
So I tapped it back open, curious.
The second I started listening I knew exactly what day this was. It was "that" day.
How the.....?????
I heard my voice. Ian's voice. We were talking about sex, masturbation, all that stuff. He was teaching me terms and methods as best as he could using just words and gestures. I had to laugh at some of the stuff he said. I didn't notice it then as much, but poor Ian...he was trying sooo hard to explain stuff, but he sounded sooooo awkward! Man, I suck!
I just didn't know how this got recorded??
But then I remember, I had my phone in my shorts against my stomach as I brushed my teeth that morning, and I had gotten a notification that voice memos, along with lots of other apps, had been updated. I tapped a few, just to see how they were different. And I remember tapping voice memos!
I must have seen something shiny, and forgotten to turn it off.....and probably hit it against my stomach and pushed record?? That's the only possibility I could think of. Because I NEVER used that.
I always want to, when Ian sings to me, or just sits around strumming his guitar, writing stuff down, making new lyrics, etc....but he told me not to, in case I lost my phone, someone could steal his new ideas. He had lost his phone once, and it was the WORST panic ever, he said, He got it back, though. All his album stuff was in there! And the album wasn't out yet! So, not wanting to do anything to mess up his career, I never touched the voice memos app. I'd have to make due with his albums only.
I checked my recording. It said 7 hours and 46 minutes long. Oh my......oopsie?
It started when I leaned down to try giving Ian a kiss for the first time. I was nervous, and a little bit shaky. I remember kneeling down and feeling my phone in the way, so I put it on the coffee table.
And I didn't use it again till the next day! That means.....it recorded our entire day of....sexploration (as Ian calls it.)?????
Oh my God.
I listened, and it was nice and clear. The coffee table was right in front of the couch.
I kept wanting to delete it, but I couldn't help it. It was Ian's voice, and if I held it up to my ear close, it felt like he was there, sort of. It was the closest thing to it, at least.
I started hearing silence, but the sound of clothes rubbing around.
And kissing sounds.
And soon, heavy breathing and moans. First he came, and then he helped me come.
I listened to it all.
I was TURNED. ON.
I could hear every breath we took. It was so sexy. It flooded my mind with how I felt at those moments. Before I knew it, as I listened, I could feel that familiar throbbing in my vagina. It was throbbing hard. Wanting attention. Ian's attention. But Ian was thousands of miles away by now.
I kept listening and listening, and I couldn't stop. I could picture everything like it was happening now, practically.
Soon, I realized my free hand was twirling around my right boob (I learned to say that from Ian. He said breast sounded too stuffy, when I told him a few days ago that I always know my period is coming, because my breasts get sore.)
It kinda was feeling kinda good...kinda. I tried pinching my nipple gently like Ian had done to me.
That kinda felt good, too.
I concentrated on my vagina throbs. I wondered if I could feel them throbbing outside of me. I tried my stomache, and couldn't really feel them. So I tried over my panties. Couldn't feel them with my hands.
I switched my phone to my right hand, and used my left hand to go under my panties.
First thing I came to, was that nub full of feel goods. I tried to ignore it, and move on to see if I could feel my throbbing down lower, by my hole, but that would have to wait. My fingers on my bare clit felt pretty damn good. I was using all four fingers together, to rub around it, but I remembered how Ian had done it with one finger. His middle. So I tried that.
Yep. Liked it.
Then I remembered how Ian had gone down lower to gather up my wetness and bring it up to my clit, to make it feel better. Might as well try that, and kill two birds. When my finger got down to the entrance of my vagina, I pushed it slighly inwards. Because that felt good and that's what my finger wanted to do. I stopped, and guess what? I could FEEL the throbs around my middle finger a little bit! Very lightly! How strange!
I came back to Earth and focused on the recording still going on in my right ear. Ian was just telling me to stop because I was going to make him cum. (yeah, I had skipped the breakfast talk that I couldn't hear well anyway, already.)
I got the shivers all over. Hearing Ian sounding so....sexy. So desperate. So out of control...it was driving my body in sane.
I dropped the phone next to my ear, and slid my other hand down under my panties. I didn't like the way it was restricting, so I forced my finger out of my entrance, and took off my panties.
I spread my legs as wide as I could. I felt naked, and strange...my privates spread out in the room like this. I felt like someone could see me. But they couldn't. It was mostly totally dark. Just some orangy light was shining in through the shades from the streetlights and buildings outside.
I looked down and saw very faintly my hands at my vagina. It looked.....pretty fucking sexy, actually!
I lifted my tank top with my left hand, and my boobs were splayed out with the rest of me.
I returned my left hand to my...since I felt naughty, I was gonna use the word I've heard for vagina or privates. PUSSY.
I said it quietly, listening to the word come out of my lips in the dark, silent room.
Pussy.
I felt so alive. I felt so horny. I felt so crazy, like I could do lots of bad sex things right this second.
Weird things I've seen in movies. (regular movies. I never had a way to watch porn before, and didn't even know it exsisted, even after having my phone, yet!)
My left middle finger went back down to the wet hole, and traced around. My finger kept venturing further and further up into the hole. I couldn't help it. But I didn't want to let it go too far, because I wasn't sure if that would ruin my virginity. My cherry, as Ian had explained to me that day.
The further in I went, the tighter it got around my finger. I finally got control of myself, and used two fingers to scoop up all the wetness I could get, and slide it up my slit to my clit.
Feeling my clit get soaked now was almost dizzying. My hips bucked off the bed once.
I had my right hand on my right boob, and my left hand in my wide open pussy.
I started rubbing my clit really fast now, because that's what I felt like I should do. My middle finger was going a million miles a minute. It was a blur in the dim light of the room. I couldn't help but watch myself masturbate, though. It turned me on.
Suddenly, I felt the build up feeling starting. And it started fast.
I forced my finger to stop rubbing and I took it off my clit for a few seconds.
Ahhh. The feeling receded just as fast as it came.
So...let me get this straight...I could control my build up to an orgasm? I could make it almost happen, then stop, and wait, then feel all the beautiful spendor again?
I tried it again, just to see.
I rubbed my clit pretty fast again for a minute. And the build up came again. It was REALLY hard to stop. I almost didn't. But I did.
My pussy started throbbing so much, I thought maybe I was having my orgasm anyway, even though I'd stopped. But I still felt horny, so I think I was good for another try.
Now, I heard myself start to cum on Ian's leg, in the recording by my ear.
Oh my God. It was all too much.
I pictured Ian, and how I pulled him against me so close and had learned to focus my clit directly over his dick. (Yep. I was now being a rebel, and using that word too. There was no stopping me now. Lol.)
I put my finger back on my clitoris, and rubbed again, only slower this time. My build up still came just as fast as before. I decided I couldn't torture myself another time, at this point. I NEEDED to release.
I needed to cum.
I backed off of my clit a little bit, barely touching it, and my right fingers pinched my nipples as my back started arching off the bed. I was holding myself up with my neck and my toes now. My pussy was aimed in the air, trying to get as high up as possible. I didn't know why. It just was.
In mid air, my hips started thrusting up and down violently. Sometimes they'd hit the bed when they came down, sometimes not. My legs got weak, and my toes slid out from holding me up, and my ass hit the bed. But my hips bucked straight up again. I realized I was crying out and panting out, loudly. "Ahhh.....ahhhh! Uhhhh!!! OhGod....Oh God.......Unnngh!!! Ahhhh.......Oh......Oh......God.......Unnnnnnngh!!!!!"
My teeth were biting my entire bottom lip. I was jerking up and down, bouncing the bed, like a person having a seizure. (I'd seen plenty of them in the home.) I couldn't keep my voice down. I couldn't stop moaning loudly. I didn't care, either. The phone bounced over closer to my ear, in the pushed down spot by my head. I could hear the end of my orgasm with Ian, still, in between my own real moans. It was so erotic, I think was the right word I was looking for.
When my bucking hips started to slow down, they froze in the upright position. I layed there practically in a back bend, and just touched my clit really really lightly all over. It still felt great, but it was going back down now.
Finally, My butt collapsed on the bed. My legs were still spread out.
I couldn't touch my clit anymore, after a teasing it to have as many aftershocks as I could make it have. Finally, my teasing myself was too sensitive, so I stopped. Both my hands were spread out to my sides.
I was totally breathless. I layed there still, catching my breath for a long time.
When I "came to" a little bit, I heard Ian on the recording, arguing to me that I needed to teach myself to masturbate.
I think I could definitely say, I just did.
I reached into my neck, and stopped the recording and tossed the phone down on the bed.
I was pooped. I could barely move. But my body felt great at the same time. Like I had released years of pent up sexual energy. Even though it has only been a week.
I wasn't sure, but that might have been as good as the orgasms I had with Ian. Is that possible?
It sure felt possible.
Next thing I knew, I woke up.
It was morning! I was still laying there naked. My ass was facing up now. I was hugging my pillow.
My covers were still pushed down at my feet where I had pushed them last night when I masturbated.
I masturbated!! It suddenly hit me. I did it!!!!!! I didn't need Ian with me! I did it all by myself!
I was so excited about it. And the memories of my self exploration last night started coming back. The recording. My hips locked in the air. My dirty feeling. My wanting ANYTHING to happen to my body at that moment. Sheeesh. I felt a little crazy. A little like those women who have too much sex, maybe?
I'd have to ask Ian about it.
Ian! I have to tell Ian! I couldn't wait to tell him what I did.
Somehow, my panties were all balled up underneath my stomache from last night.
I felt sort of sticky down there, so I thought I'd use my panties to clean myself up a little before I sat up and got the sheets sticky.
I balled them tighter, and stayed on my stomach, and lifted my ass higher in the air and wiped my sticky pussy. First the top, then down to the bottom.
Then...back up to the top. And back down to the bottom. And back to the top.....
Holy shit......this was feeling good!
I decided to go with it, see what happened next.
I was tired of holding my ass up in the air, so I let go of my panties, but they were still under my pussy. I leaned down to take a quick break and maybe rearrange myself and flip over.
But wouldn't you know it.....when I leaned down onto the ball of panties, my clit was pressing right into them. And I found myself gyrating around a few times to feel the good feeling.
No hands! It's like Ian's dick!
Oh HELL yes, my evil vagina decided for me.
And I put my hands under my pillow and started gyrating my hips around to press my clit into my ball of panties. I humped my hips to them and circled my ass around on the bed and got faster and pressed harder and harder, and before I knew it, I was pushing my face into my pillow, yelling into it, while my hips bucked into the bed, and my entire body spasmed and bounced the bed again, face down.
I could do this ALL. THE. TIME.
It was just one great feeling after another, knowing how to touch yourself! I wished so badly that I'd learned this years ago, when I should have.
I think I was making up for it now, at least!
I didn't even want Bonnie to come pick me up for our mall trip today. I just wanted to stay in my bed, alone, naked, and play with my wonderful pussy.
Until Ian would be home, to maybe play with it for me.
Fuck! I love sex!!!!!!!!