Tw// This has panic attack and depression.
You will also see another trigger warning bellow. You can skip that because she self harms
It's been a full day and no word from Tommy or anyone. My DMs are filled with death threats and hate. Not because Josh was on my stream but because my brother tagged me in a tweet.
Oliver Hear @oliverlikesolives
@y/nusername
' y/n is a horrible person who will use you for money. If she doesn't get her way she will manipulate and mentally abuse you. She not only made my life miserable but also caused the death of our parents. She is the worst person I have ever laid my eyes on. I'm disappointed how much love and affection she has for being an attention speaking brat. She only streams for attention and hates all of her fan so I advise you to cancel her before this get out of hand'
I couldn't bear to read the comments as I knew what they already had said. I had a harsh feeling that every one of my friends believes him to. Maybe they just didn't see the tweet yet as most of them would be asleep by now because of the time zones.
I couldn't help but think they all hated me.
Tears I didn't even know I had were flowing down my face. I was gonna stream today but I decided against it. I couldn't deal with the hate right now. I was sitting at my computer when my discord began to ring. I look to see who it was. To my surprise it was dream. I answered the call
"Y/n are you okay " His voice was filled with worry. "Yeah " I lied I wasn't ok and I wasn't going to be okay for the rest of the day. "Y/n has anyone else talked to you today" Clay sounded angry but not at me. "No" I spoke softly. I wanted to cry and curl up In ball and sit in the corner of my room. " Not even tommy" Clay could believe it. He was pissed. " He hasn't talked to me since yesterday "I whispered and let out a soft sob.
" I'm sorry y/n. Can you tell me what people are sending you through your DMs. Oh and you're terrible at lying" We switched on our cameras. I pulled out my phone to read some of my Dms. " Death threats normal hate and people telling me to kill my self " I took screenshot and sent them to clay
"Hold on y/n let me get the others in the call"I simply just nodded leaning back in my chair. I grab my guitar and mute myself. I softly play to calm myself down.
I slowly glide my fingers across each string and hum along to the song. I had nothing better to do while I waited for Clay to come back. I hear a bunch of things, meaning people joined the call. Tommy was the first to catch my eye. I un mute. "Hi" I let out a small soft smile.
"Don't hi me" Tommy was loud and very angry. "You used us for fame and expected us to be friends with you. You just wanted attention and is so clear that's all you wanted. Oh and I feel bad for that Josh guy. If you weren't a bitch maybe someone would actually like you" His words cut deep. I mute myself and began to cry.
"Tommy what the fuck was that man. We both very much know she not using us. She spent a lot of money on us and didn't want anything in return. She bought me a 2,000 dollar fucking guitar and got it shipped to my house with out me knowing. Tommy she is the exact opposite of selfish she's selfless." He said more but I left the call. I walked to my bathroom and throw up. My eye were filled with black spots.
Tw// ⚠⚠ Self harms
The next thing I know I was cutting my arms. 1,2,3... And so on. Once I stopped I sat there and cried. I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. I'm fat and ugly. I believe what everyone said I was. I had finally reached my breaking point. Blood stained my shirt. The pain distracted me from my own mind. I cleaned off the cuts and wrapped them up.
Tw// over ⚠⚠
I walked out of my bathroom and over to my closet. I found an oversized black hoodie and put it on. This will due I walked back to my computer and sat down. I got lots of worried text for them. I rejoined the call.
" Y/n are you okay I'm sorry for what Tommy said. It was uncalled for and rude" Wil apologized. " I'm fine Wil. Tommy just said what he was thinking. I would rather someone be honest than lie to me" I didn't want to turn on my face cam.
"Y/n you sure you're okay" Tubbo asked hesitantly. "Yeah I'll be okay I just have to go and address this whole mess but I'll be okay." I'm just shocked they believed me well every one but Wil I could tell he was gonna question me about it. Tommy joined and apologized.
I accepted it and we quickly became friends again. We all decided that the road trip would happen this Friday. I pay pal Clay about 600,000 dollars then made it so that his account can't send it back. That means I got two day to pack and get ready for my very long flight.
A/n
Hello if you everyone if you feel like hurting your self please call for help or talk to some one close to you. If non of them answer you feel free to contact me right away. I don't care if I'm in important advent or a shower I will stop what I'm doing to help you.
I would also just like to say things get better. I used to cut my self I still have bad anxiety. I know how it feels and I wouldn't wish it upon any one so please if you feel like harming yourself contact for help or contact Me