ART
/ärt/
1.
the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.
2.
the various branches of creative activity, such as painting, music, literature, and dance.
"the visual arts"
"You know I don't even get why I have to study algebra I don't even think I will ever use this shit anyway." Mia complained as she forcefully threw her pencil into her notebook. And she slid her fingers into her dark black and pulled it in frustration.
"What are you complaining about? You had a C+ on Douglas's last test." Kate mumbled.
"She did? That shit had me fucked up. I had a D-." Vic groaned.
"Both of y'all's have a working brain. I had an F and honestly I'm not even going to bother studying. I did the last time and look what I got." Kate said as she threw a skittle into her mouth clearly having no intention of preparing for the upcoming algebra test.
"You know Katherine if you fail that usually means you have to study more." Her sister scolded.
"What for, more disappointments? No thank you, I mean think about it I actually studied for the last test and look what I got at this point I think the more I study the dumber I'm getting so I ask you dearest sister what's better getting a bad grade without studying at all or get a bad grade after studying?"
"Cause you see if I get a bad grade without studying at least I have an excuse and what if I did that would make me feel even dumber than I already am, mentally and emotionally I'm not prepared for that realization yet." Another skittle was popped into her mouth and I just knew a quarrel between the twins was about to emerge. Kate and Mia had two completely different personalities even though they looked like the same person they weren't. While Mia was responsible, cautious and took things seriously it wasn't the same for a sister Kate was laid back, troublesome and an all around bad influence.
I didn't bother to look up as I continued to jot down some ideas for a song. Usually I wouldn't be able to concentrate with such noise but the soothing movement of Jacob's thumb on my thigh was giving just enough serenity. We were all seated outside in the courtyard. It was lunch time the time he and I usually came out here alone to eat and talk but mostly make out given no one came out here during lunch. But today my friends followed us here and I was about to send them away and Jacob said it was ok. And that made me very happy that he was willing to trade in his peace in quiet just so I could spend time with my friends.
We were sitting next to each other and under the table my leg was hooked on top of his for some sort of physical contact. I knew how difficult it must've been for him given that he didn't particularly like new people so this was so it would calm him down. His hand had found its way to my thigh and he just placed it there as his thumb drew soothing circles on it. He had a notepad in front of and he was scribbling something down quietly. The girls did grill him for answers a while back but he handled himself very answering their questions calmly he had just about won just about each and everyone of them besides Jazz of course. Once in while we sat like this the six of us with him quite as always and spoke when he was spoken to. The girls didn't mind saying he will warm up soon enough but with the way I had been smiling and looking lively lately for that they were grateful to him. So they didn't care if he didn't say much to them as long as he said enough to me. However Jazz was still on the fence believing he would do something to hurt me again so she wasn't on board with it yet. I get that she is being over protective over me but couldn't she see I was happy? While the others made small talk with him whenever we were together she didn't even look his way. The only words she had spoken to him were if you hurt her you are dead.
"Gosh will you two just shut up already." Jazz finally said shutting up the twins who had been arguing. She had been sketching her latest piece and she had been quite concentrating on it.
"Finally." Vic echoed.
"She started it." Kate childishly mumbled.
"No you did." Mia replied clearly looking for another fight.
"Guys." Jazz warned.
"Anyway, what did you get Jazz?" Vic said, trying to avert the situation.
"I had a B-."
"Talk about brains bitch." Kate said, offering Jazz and fist bump which she took.
"How about you Ellie?"That came from Mia.
"Why would you even ask her you, already know she aced the shit out of it." Vic said.
"She probably has a ridiculous grade like an A+." Kate sided with Vic.
"I'm not as smart as you think I am." I answered.
"Besides I didn't study much I've been rather preoccupied-." I looked up at Jacob for a second and I could see a smirk on his face but his eyes were glued to his book he knew exactly he was the preoccupation. But none of the girls seemed to notice our little secret.
"Oh yeah so what did you get?"
"I had an A-."
"What did I tell you." Vic mumbled.
"It's not even that it's the fact that she is calling an A- a bad grade." Kate blurted out.
"I didn't say that."
"You definitely implied it." She pressed.
"What about you dipshit what did you get." Jazz said as she stared at Jacob who had stayed out the conversation.
"Jasmine." Kate warned.
"What." She said innocently as she shrugged "I'm trying to include him in the conversation you did say I should behave myself didn't you Kate?" I looked at Kate whose face said it all. I wasn't supposed to know that piece of information. I was getting really pissed at her right now and my face showed it because Jacob held me tighter forcing me to look at him before I said something I would regret.
"I had an A+." He answered calmly ignoring the insults she had thrown to him.
"No fucking way, even he is smarter than me I feel like an idiot." Kate groaned.
"Can you lend me your notes." Mia said looking hopeful.
"Notes?" He questioned.
"How else did you get such a good grade."
"Have you ever seen him walk in class with a book.?" Vic questioned.
"So he has some sort of photographic memory." Kate joked around.
"Can you tutor me?" Mia's was borderline begging at this point.
"Mia, I can help you." I offered partly because I wanted them. To stop suffocating Jacob or else he wouldn't do this anymore but the other part of me didn't want her to be alone with him. Not that she would do anything but I just had a weird feeling from him being with anyone other than me.
"What, are you afraid she will steal your boyfriend from you?" Vic said and suddenly everyone's eyes were on me.
"What! No I mean- he's not my......" I didn't finish that sentence and felt the heat creep in and looked everywhere except him but I could feel his eyes on me.
"I know I would, I mean have you looked at the Abara's." Vic continued making me even more flushed than I already was.
Suddenly Jazz huffed in frustration as she threw her pencil onto her sketchbook.
"What's wrong with you drama queen?" Kate was the one to ask. I really didn't care. I was just happy that all eyes were off of me, well not all I could still feel Jacob's but I didn't dare look at him.
"It's my sketch, the shading isn't right." Kate stood up and leaned over the table so she could grab the sketch book and since both Mia and Victoria were sitting next to her all three of them stared at Jazz's work.
"Beats me this shit looks perfect to me."
"It's very beautiful, Jazz. I love it." Mia said, siding with her sister's previous statement.
"You guys wouldn't get you aren't artists the shading is all off." She complained.
"Use harder pencils for lighter lines like an h or something and B softer pencils for a darker line." Jacob said and everyone turned to face him, he continued writing who knows what in his notepad not caring that all five of us were staring at him.
Jazz quickly grabbed her notepad back and stared at it for a bit.
"How do you even know how b and h pencils?" She asked but Jacob didn't answer. She continued staring at her sketch and then picked up her pencils as if she was trying to piece together the information she had just learned.
"How much does this guy know? First algebra and now this?" Kate said in awe.
"Guess you are not completely useless after all." Jazz mumbled with a small smile on her face.
Had they finally found common ground? Because I felt relieved and the smile on my face said it all. I really wanted them to get along and my patience was wearing thin. I took his hand off my thigh under the table and I linked it with my own instead. The girls had moved on to a new topic and weren't paying attention to us anymore. His eyes finally met mine and I mouthed a "thank you". And I was sure going to thank him a little more when we were alone.
***
Finding anything in my locker has always been a hustle given I wasn't the smartest person I had crumbled pieces of paper gum and books everywhere so finding my journal was going to take me longer than I anticipated. I could hear my mother's voice telling me this is why I should be smarter. It saves time and what-not.
"Bingo." I whispered when I realized I found it under some dirty sock which I took as well cause I needed to throw it away. Before I could shut the door to my locker someone cleared their throat grabbing my attention given I was the only one in the hallway since school was over and most people were either gone or playing sports. When I looked up, a very uncomfortable Ryan Turner was standing there with a hand deep into his joggers and another scratching the back of his head. With his hoodie on covering his head I could barely see his eyes and his hair looked so messy he looked like he had eaten for days.
"Ummmm... Ellie hey...." before those words had left his mouth I was certain he had approached the wrong person but now that he actually called my name had Jacob told him about me? I doubt it because ever since the prank he hasn't spoken to any of them.
"Yes?" He could sense my hesitation and confusion.
"I know I'm being a bother but I was wondering if you could help I've been trying to talk to Jacob." And with that it made sense he was looking for me because he wanted a way to get to Jacob. I banged my locker door in response because I wasn't going to continue this conversation any longer, what he and those other assholes put Jacob through I wasn't going to let anywhere near him and Ryan coming up to me angered me. Not only that up till this day I don't think I've ever had a conversation with him all I've gotten from was the receiving end of vicious laughs after every prank him and those assholes pulled.
They made Jacob feel like he owed them his life when in reality he owed them nothing and that's something he has been carrying all this time. I turned to look at a startled Ryan who could tell by the look on my face, the anger that my eyes projected should have been enough for him to fuck off.
"You have his number don't you? Look I have somewhere to be." I was about to walk away.
"Wait please! I really need to talk to him and you know Jacob if he is avoiding people it's hard to get in touch with him." I knew exactly what he meant it was like he had a special skill of disappearing off the face of the earth. But what had made me listen to Ryan was the tone of his voice. He seemed desperate and when I looked up to him I could see dark circles around his eyes which were red and his nose was red too. It looked like he was coming down with a nasty cold.
"I don't know what is going in between him and Carter but I don't care and I'm not taking sides. But it doesn't seem that way cause he won't talk to me, look I don't expect you to believe me but what's going on is between them not my fight. I just really need to talk to him." His voice was shaky and he kept rubbing his nose like it was itching as well as continuously sniffing.
"I'm not sure how I could be of help, you said it yourself he doesn't want to talk to you or any of you for that matter."
"I have known him for all my life and this is the longest I have gone without talking to him I know he is pissed he has the right to but you've only known him for all of half a school year and I've known him his whole life his very..... complicated to say the least he doesn't have that many people."
"He has me." I answered feeling very annoyed and ignoring his comment about whose known Jacob longer.
"Right." He awkwardly agreed "I don't know what he has told you but I'm sure whatever he said wasn't pleasant because you don't seem to like me that much."
"He didn't say bad about you, I just came to my own conclusions and the reason for my hostility towards you has nothing to do with him in case you've hit your head along the way here you haven't been a pleasant person towards me." He flinched to the words I had said he hung his head low so I couldn't see his eyes again.
"He's finally realized something about us hasn't he?" I couldn't say anything because it felt like he already knew the answer to that.
"I see........ I know he thinks or rather thought he needed us and now he has realized he doesn't but who's to say he didn't do as much for us than we did for him." I was confused as to what exactly he was saying.
"He might not need us but some of us still need him." He finally said clearing up my confusion and when those words slipped I saw a side of Ryan Turner the reckless bad boy I had never seen before this person who stood in front of me wasn't as fearless and carefree as we all thought rather he looked like he was terrified of just about everything.
"I will talk to him." I finally said lowering my guard down and a small smile fell onto his lips but it didn't reach his eyes.
"Thank you." He said while placing both of his hands deep into the pockets of his sweatpants. Instead of turning to leave his feet where rooted stood.
"Hey Ellie......" I looked up to him but his eyes stayed glued to the floor.
"I'm sorry." I don't know what I was expecting but I wasn't expecting that at all.
"I'm sorry for being a dick to you, I'm especially sorry for throwing trash can on you I have to admit not my finest moment. I know I don't have the right to make excuses for what I've done but that day.... well things weren't going my way and I took it out on you. It is not the same as them apologizing but I'm sorry for what my friends and I have done." He finally looked up to me. And his eyes alone told me how sincere he was but beyond that it was the emotion he had in his eyes that I felt like I understood the emotion of feeling nothing, nothing at all. I still was in shock that he remembered that day he threw a bunch of shit at me.
"It's not an excuse but we are just a bunch of sad, lonely fuckers who think the world doesn't deserve to be happy because we aren't." And when those words left his mouth I froze.
"Anyway thanks for accepting to talk to him for me." He turned to leave and I was left staring at the place he was standing for a few seconds before turning to leave too.
At this point I had believed all the populars just found misery to be amusing but his words "It's not an excuse but we are just a bunch of sad, lonely fuckers who think the world doesn't deserve to be happy because we aren't." What did he mean by that? Jacob has been through so much and his anger is a result of the hand his been dealt with granted just because his angry he has no right to put his on anyone but as humans we tend to think that our pain should be other people's pain. What if Jacob isn't the only one who has been dealt with a crappy hand him life? What Ryan has been through just as Jacob has if not more was he telling me that they all weren't as perfect as everyone thought there were, I mean everyone envied them. The looks, the connection the friendship all seven of them had been friends for as long as they've been alive but what if all that was a facade and in reality they envied us.
Did this mean even the devil herself had been dealt with a crappy hand? Even so it didn't give her or any of them the right to treat people the way they did. But as I drove home the look he had in his eyes was stuck in my head he looked lost and I don't think I have ever seen a person with so much fear he looked like everything scared him to death.