"Wanna feel alive, outside I can't find my fears Isn't it lovely all alone? Heart made of glass, my mind of stone Tear me to pieces skin and bone "
~ lovely (Billie Eilish & Khalid)
~ Ellora's outfit for the 'special occasion' ~
E L L O R A
Thursday afternoon.
I stand infront of the mirror, glaring at myself.
A pair of amber eyes glares back at me.
I am dressed in my usual outfit. A milky white, printed spaghetti dress, moss green sweater to keep away the cold and everyday socks and shoes. Well, nothing special.
"You. Are. Not. Wearing. This. "
I don't bother to turn around. Instead just shift my gaze sideways on the mirror. Ethan is spread on his stomach, on my bed with his phone. He is staring at me with a smug look, noticing me for the first time since I dressed up.
I give him a look through the mirror. "I am." I say shortly before turning to look back at my refelction.
I have been staring at my reflection for the last half an hour or so. Somehow just staring at myself is soothing my nerves which are wrecking a havoc inside me. The man is supposed to come within minutes.
And I don't know how to feel.
I am completely void of emotions, when right now I am supposed to feel angry, angry at the universe for risking my future, my dreams. Heck, I don't even have my graduation degree yet.
Marraige was not even supposed to be an option.
Except now, marraige is the only option.
I was never rich. But money wasn't a problem until papa was diagonised with leukemia. And taking a degree, especially in subject like Physics, from a worldwide famous University requires money. Lots of money. To plus this, I am not an only child. And mum is just a mere librarian. So now, I need someone to pay for my studies.
I guess, you already get the picture.
To put it simply, right now I have two options.
One,to give up Uni and probably higher studies altogether and get a job somewhere, violating all my dreams.
And Two, I have to get married to someone who will agree to pay for my studies.
Mum says he is a good man and has agreed to pay for my university and studies in future as well. She has refused to tell me his name or anything about him, except the fact that he is a man of science. According to her, this fact is supposed to make up for everything else.
Like Heck it does.
That night, I was actually ready to talk mum out of this ridiculous notion of getting me married. But after she explained with a one hour long lecture, I couldn't say anything. Her reasons just made too much sense for me to ignore her.....
And right now, as I stand infront of the mirror, I can feel my emotions all over the place.
They are contradicting. I don't know if I am supposed to be angry for getting married to a complete stranger at such a tender age or be happy that all future 'money problems' are solved.
"You know, you're going to meet your man, who very well might be your future husband and not a professor from your college. Atleast dress up like you're going on a date?" Ethan says, his eyes on me lingering from head to toe with a disapproving glare.
I raise a brow, "There is a costume or dress code which girls have to maintain while going on a date?"
"You have never gone on a date before, " he says folding his arms across his chest with a satisfied smirk. "So I get it why you don't know a thing about how girls should dress up on a date. But I have. So I suggest you listen to - "
"Shut up already!" I roll my eyes as I look away from the mirror.
"C'mon, C'mon O sweet sister of mine, atleast put on a bit more makeup and wear something worth looking at!" He whins jumping from my bed coming to stand beside me. "I mean, don't get me wrong, you do look...good in this, but you wear this every day Eli, you look good every day, but today is not everyday! Today you've gotta look exceptionally good. Like, really good."
I feel the anger slowly boiling inside me at this. I turn around to face him directly.
"Why?" I snap. "To please someone? Why on Earth do I need to please someone who has already sealed up and signed my future without ever seeing me?" I take a deep breath. "You're forgetting something Ethan.....all this is just my parents giving me over to someone because I have become freaking expensive with time, and they don't have the money to take my load! Do you understand that? I am just a load, an expensive load! So much so that they have to give me and my future over to a stranger!"
I know my voice raises towards the end, almost to the point that I was practically yelling. I feel the tears that gather at the corner of my eyes blurring my vision....but at this point I don't give a shit about anything else. I have bottled up my emotions for the last few days..and I knew I would have to let them out somewhere and sometime. I didn't expect it to be now, today.
Rubbing my eyes off with the back of my hand, I turn around from Ethan and resume glaring at myself in the mirror, trying to keep back the tears that are still forcing to come out.
"I-'I'm -I didn't...Oh Eli..." he stutters before putting his hands around me and hugging me firmly. "I'm so sorry." I can hear the remorse in his voice, and this angers me even more.
"Dont apologize for what's not your fault."
Before either of us can say anything more, I hear a familiar deep voice behind me.
"I'll wait outside Mrs. Davis."
Startled I turn around.
Mum is standing at the threshold with a hard look on her face and I see a flash of some clothing as it vanishes behind the door.
What was that - rather who was that? If my mind is not playing tricks and I actually did hear that male voice - than I think I know who the person is.
My heart clenches and dread clouds my mind as so many different things starts to fall in place. That night's incident, mum not reacting...
Ugh! Stop it.
I push the thoughts away forcefully and pay attention to mum.
She is staring at me with a hard look on her face.
Shit.
But well, this time none of this is my fault, and I have got all right to be angry.
Pursing my lips, I turn back around at the mirror.
I expect her, like every other daughter on Earth from her mother would, to console me or atleast say that I am not a load. Because obviously it's quite clear that she's heard every single word that came out of my mouth minutes before.
I couldn't have been more wrong.
She stands at the threshold for a couple seconds. I feel her gaze on me from head to toe, probably scrutinizing every single detail, before saying, "I suppose you are done. He is waiting downstairs and nobody wants him to keep waiting. So I suggest to come down at this very moment."
Saying so, she turns around and leaves without a word more.
Once again I feel the tears burning the edge of my eyes. I have never been the vulgar type but right now, I feel like punching something.
Thankfully I have atleast one person on this Earth on whom I can rely in such situations.
Ethan comes to stand infront of me and embraces me giving me the much needed hug. At this, the treacherous tears falls from both my eyes. A couple seconds later, I hug him back, hiding my face on his shirt, crying silently.
He is as tall as me and holds me silently as I cry profusely, wetting his shirt in the process. He knows silence is what I need now and hence keeps his mouth shut.
After five whole minutes of us standing there, he finally breaks the silence telling me what I needed to hear at the moment.
"You do know that you aren't a load, right Eli?"
Sniffling, I slowly move back from the embrace. Instead of answering him, I turn to look at myself on the mirror once again.
"C'mon Eli. You aren't a damn load! You have to know, that you-you're far away from a fucking expensive load."
I rub my eyes trying to get it rid of its redness, so that it's not too obvious when I go downstairs that I've been crying my eyes out. And honestly, Ethan's words are hitting my senses like a bottle of cool water in the Sahara desert.
"And I swear to God Eli, after you are done, am having a nice chat with your fiance, and if I feel anything out of line, nobody on Earth, not even mum herself can stop me from kicking the mothe'fucker back to where he came from so that he never dares to as much as even look at you after that."
A slight smile lights up my face at this. "Are you sure about mum's part?"
He opens his mouth and shuts it once again. "Well.." he starts, frowning, "...I suppose no...but, it doesn't matter." He grumbles.
And he's had me smiling at that.
A minute later, when he is done sulking and am done laughing he says, "Seriously though Eli, I mean everything I said."
I turn around and look at him in the eyes and give him a slight nod. "I know."
~
Science has taught me to do and keep doing the thing that I fear the most if I want to conquer the fear. And right now my ultimate fear is the man who is waiting downstairs, and that is only because I am almost certain that I know him.
As I walk down the stairs dreading the upcoming hour infront, I take deep breaths and start thinking of all the possibilities of if the man is actually who I am almost certain he is. Because if he is who I think he is, then all confusions regarding previous night will be clear as crystals.
Professor Abraham Langdon. My college Professor and soon to-be Uni Professor.
Let's consider, if mum actually has arranged my marriage with my Physics Professor, than there is no way on Earth that she has done it deliberately. I would probably have to just tell mum of my already established Professor-student relationship with the man, and then in a second every thing will be over. There is no way mum will risk my dream, especially since everything that's happening is because of it.
Which would mean, I would NOT have to get married within a few months.
It is good news right?
I pause just at the turning of our living room, to take a deep breath. Okay Ellora, get a grip now. For papa, you have to get this done. Even though 'this' means getting married at such a tender age, because you're getting expensive....okay, now isn't the time for self pity.
I turn sideways. Ethan who is right beside me stops as well giving me a reassuring glance. I nod at him, thankful that I atleast have someone beside me - literally and metaphorically.
I pause briefly at the door before entering. Okay...I simply do not have the nerves to barge inside the room just like that. I need to see for sure, the... the man - in other words Professor...Professor Langdon.
I lift my head to take a small peep through the door.
My lips part in shock as my gaze falls on the man sitting on the couch opposite mum. What on Earth....
"Professor..." a surprised inaudible whisper leaves my mouth as I struggle to register the unexpected.
"....professor Blackwood..."
One month ago...
The atmosphere of MC right from today morning has been the same as every day. Same old chatters down the hall, same old talks, same old people.
Even when principal had announced her son would be visiting us today, apart from giving her a blank look that implied 'so what', students had gone back to their usual talks.
They hadn't quite expected grumpy Miss Blackwood's son to be The Marshall Bkackwood. Blackwood is quite a common surname among the English after all.
After classes we often have extra assemblies in MC - most of which I skip. I prefer working in the lab or hanging in the library over anything else anyday. And if I told teachers I had to study, no one dared forced me to attend Miss Blackwood's 'wisdom talks' which occupied most extra after-class assemblies.
However today they didn't let me. After all it's the principal's son coming.
As the bell rang for the last class - for the first time in days, I head for The Hall.
Apparently I am just in time. Miss Blackwood enters the same time as I do. The chatters decede abruptly as everyone turns their attention infront. The next five minutes are Miss Blackwood's small talk here and there, setting the stage for welcoming her son.
As Marshall Blackwood enters The Hall, there are gasps from all around, mainly from girls.
Marshall Blackwood is a famous personality. His name comes in the newspaper almost once every week for all his amazing inventions and predictions - yeah he is a billionaire tech genius and top futurist. For a man as young as him, he has achieved a lot. Don't even get me started on his looks.
If he comes to permanently teach at MC, girls would probably leave Professor Langdon alone - yeah this is the first thought that crosses my mind.
As said man stands infront of the microphone speaking, I cannot help but appreciate his looks. Even swoon a little, maybe. He has black hair with strands of blonde which stands up chaotically. His chiseled jaw is covered with a 5'0clock shadow and his steel blue eyes gives a mysterious vibe. He is wearing a Jean shirt, pants and a black, unbuttoned coat suit. Given his looks, girls would probably swoon all over him even if he wore a sack.
Apparently this is his first time at MC, after he had passed out from this very institution. Naturally, girls are hanging on to his each and every word starstruck.
Okay, me included. Well, he is a person of high personality, over the top good looking, and a brain even more so and I am but a mere mortal human girl. What else am I expected of?
The next week, Marshall Blackwood and the the fact that he might take some future classes at MC, which was disclosed that day at the the extra assembly by way, was everything that girls spoke of.
Present Day
And now seeing Mr. Blackwood sitting infront of mum drinking calmly from his cup of tea, or whatever drink it is, probably talking of our marriage, is making me doubt the very day I was born.
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I had no wish of putting this chapter up before atleast a month from today, but I just HAD to get Marshall Blackwood off my chest. And now hopefully I'll be able to concentrate on my studies, which now I really need to get done given my finals are not even a few days from now.
Sooo..what do you think of the chapter? Please don't be silent readers you guys...do comment. And show some love to the ☆ button down the page.
Until next time then. Xoxo.
Yours truly,
Ms. OkayOkayAmGoingToGoStudyHonestlyThisTime