Pressure
"Jangmi, your landing is incomplete!" her coach called out to her. The athlete looked at the owner of the voice and nodded. She agreed with her coach; the landing was a little incomplete and weird. There was a weird landing in her ankle, and she was well aware of it.
It had been four to five months since Jangmi officially became part of the team; to be honest, she wasn't even sure how many exactly. Between balancing academics and athletics, everything was a blur to her as it almost seemed the same: doing homework during lunch, going to training with Sunghoon after class, training, and then going home with Jay. What now seemed to differentiate her days was how Sunoo was acting in school and how many fans ("Or admirers! You'll never know," he told her as she huffed) approached her.
Her days in cheerleading were differentiated too—not just by the schedule, but by how much body pain she was had to bear. As much as she enjoyed the sport very much, the fatigue became too much at times. She was getting body pain in different places every day and she hated it.
Jangmi shook the weird feeling away before doing her running tumbling. The adrenaline carried her forward, making her forget about everything for just a few seconds and focus on her tumbling pass. She was able to land properly this time.
As she stuck her landing, she heard her teammates and coach clapping for her. She smiled awkwardly and waved her hand in an attempt to get her teammates to stop as she jogged to her coach to ask for her comments. Her coach greeted her with a high five.
"Good job, Jangmi," she smiled at the athlete. Jangmi smiled back at her before the air between them became serious again. "Remember what you just did. We can't have your technique get worse, so you really need to focus." Jangmi nodded at her coach, feeling the pressure on her shoulders. Not wanting it to look obvious, she gave a slight smile.
"You were told right?"
"Told what, coach?"
The coach sighed and placed her hand on Jangmi's shoulder softly, as if it was something bad. "I'll talk to you about it later. But for now, rejoin the rest of the group for conditioning."
She walked back to her group on her coach's order and found her mind flying back to the conversation whilst she was doing hollow rocks. What could her coach be wanting to talk to her about? Jangmi had only been there for months, and she hadn't done anything bad— to her knowledge, at least.
When training ended for the team, the girl rushed back to her coach. The older woman looked around them before speaking. "Jangmi," she started. The seriousness in her voice scared the young girl. "You're a very talented athlete, Jangmi. In fact, you have the most difficult skills in the whole team. This doesn't mean that you have the right to play around. You have to focus and make those skills the best they can be."
Jangmi gulped at what she heard. All she could do was nod out of nervousness; dry swallow as she felt her mouth go dry. "I know it's a lot of pressure, but just try not to let it get to you. Okay?" Her coach added as she tried to reassure her.
But Jangmi wasn't buying it.
She nodded again before her coach told her to go home and rest. Walking to her bag, she saw Aera leaning on the wall as she seemed to be scrolling through one of her social media accounts. The other girl was quick to notice a heavy change in the Jangmi's aura. "Did something happen?" she asked.
Jangmi let a small sigh slip from her mouth and picked her head up. "None!" She replied a little too enthusiastically. "Should we change?"
The other girl could sense Jangmi trying to change the topic, but she wasn't giving up. "Sure," her reply had an underlying tone to it; something Jangmi didn't pay much attention to. They picked up their bags and headed for the restroom. It was their usual routine after training. They finished changing their shirts and wiping their sweat, then fixed their hair in front of the mirror.
"I don't mean to pry, but something is definitely wrong," Aera said as she pointed to her friend. Jangmi knew that her friend meant well, but she didn't want to come off as boastful. She tried to keep it to herself and shook her head quickly. "Nothing's wrong. Don't worry."
"Something's obviously bothering you; and you know what they say—"
"Trust is important in cheerleading," Jangmi interrupted her friend. She debated in confiding in her friend because she was scared to be seen as boastful; but Aera was right: communication was a key factor in the sport. If they didn't communicate, there would be no trust. And trust was the basis of everything in cheerleading.
Jangmi sighed as she turned to face Aera. "I know," she replied, returning her comb in her bag. She and her friend picked up their bags and walked to the outside the gym.
"Coach just told me to focus more on my skills so that it won't degrade in terms of technique," Jangmi opened up to Aera. Her friend shrugged her shoulders before pushing the glass door open for the both of them. "Well that's easy because you're Park Jangmi: the best athlete this gym has ever seen!" She said enthusiastically, trying to cheer her up.
"Yeah, I guess."
As they got down the concrete steps, they saw a male figure leaning on the nearest lamppost to the gym. Jangmi was about to step closer to the silhouette when Aera tapped on her shoulder to signal that she was leaving for the parking lot. "Remember, you got this!" She put her fist up to cheer Jangmi on again before leaving.
When Jangmi was left alone, she continued to look at the figure and started to realize its familiarity.
"Sunoo?"
The boy jumped from the lamppost and waved at his best friend. "Hello!" He placed his cellphone in his pocket and walked closer to her. "I thought we were meeting at my house?" She questioned.
Jangmi was confused with the set-up. Her and Sunoo had a chemistry partner homework to finish that night, but she didn't expect to see him outside the gym waiting for her. "I told your brother that I would walk home with you, especially since I'm not staying for too long," he told her and smiled. The girl nodded and smiled back at him, interlocking her arms with his as they started to walk home.
"So, I was thinking that since it's we're both done with the actual chemical bonding part, we could split the three essay questions..."
Jangmi found herself distancing from their conversation, Sunoo's voice merely becoming background noise.. She didn't mean to tune her best friend out, but she couldn't help but think about everything else going on in her life: school, cheerleading—the pressure she was receiving from both aspects.
"Jangmi?" Sunoo called, his tone clearly annoyed at the girl. "Are you even paying attention to what I'm saying?" The boy had been talking for a while, and he was annoyed that Jangmi had zoned out. She blinked twice in realization and turned to face her best friend.
"Huh? I'm sorry, Sunoo."
Sunoo noticed how bad Jangmi had been zoned out. He knew she was tired, but she always found a way to snap out of it and pay attention straight away. She was never this far off in her own thoughts, making him start to worry.
"Jangmi?" He called again, softening his voice and placing his hand on top of hers to reel her back in. "Are you okay?" She smiled and nodded like she always did, but it didn't feel genuine to the boy. He could feel something out of place.
He spotted a lone park bench and hastily pulled her to sit down, with him sitting down right beside her. "I know something's bothering you," he looked at her, his eyes carried worry. "Please tell me."
Jangmi couldn't bear the heaviness she felt and broke down instantly. The tears continuously fell down her face as she tried to cover her eyes; only to be stopped by Sunoo. He slipped his hand in hers and held it tightly.
Sunoo looked at the girl beside him intently and swore he felt his heart break into a million pieces. He had never seen Jangmi, his strong and confident best friend, cry. He didn't want to say anything; and instead, just waited for the girl as she stroked her hand with his thumb. "I'm sorry," she said with her head down, ashamed that she was crying in front of him. She didn't mean to cry in front of him; but she couldn't help herself anymore.
"The pressure from training is too heavy," she said as she wiped her tears. "But, didn't you just start?" Sunoo asked carefully, making sure he wasn't saying anything to trigger more of her tears.
She sucked in a breath before responding. "Coach said that I can't mess up because I have the most difficult skills," she told him in between her sobs. Sunoo nodded. He listened to her no matter how much he didn't want to hear that strained voice of hers. It was as if her pain was attached somewhere deep, and he hated it.
"There's also pressure in school. It's too much, Sunoo." She felt her tears flow again as the words left her mouth.
There was a reason why Jangmi hated getting attention in school. To her, it felt suffocating and overwhelming to have everyone project their expectations on her. With everyone's eyes on her all the time, she felt like she always had to exceed standards just because she was known for doing so. Everyone looked at her too highly.
She wasn't able to break down in front of people because they would just tell her that it was unnecessary. She's heard the phrase "You're Park Jangmi, you can do anything" too many times for her to count on one hand. It made her feel like failing was never an option. Being placed on a pedestal was not something she wanted. Jangmi just wanted to be seen equally by others.
Initially, she thought that she could handle the pressure coming from school. She thought she could shake it off easily when she got to training. But to get to training and be expected of the same things?
It was too overwhelming for her.
Sunoo pulled her into a tight hug, stroking her hair softly. "If I ever added to the pressure, I'm so sorry," he said. He didn't speak louder than a whisper in fear that Jangmi was in a fragile state. She wrapped her arms around the boy slowly.
"It's okay," she replied in the same tone. Jangmi felt like she could melt into her best friend's warm and comforting hugs. She felt herself healing in them as the heaviness seemed to be falling off her shoulders one-by-one. And, at that moment, she felt at peace.
They stayed that way for a little while until Jangmi pulled away first. Sunoo picked up her water jug and told her to drink some water. "Do you feel better?" The boy asked, waiting for Jangmi to finish before expecting the reply. Once she placed the jug down, she sighed deeply and looked at him. "Yeah," she replied in a small voice.
"Can we have dinner in the convenience store?" Jangmi asked Sunoo. Having her best friend see her like that was enough. She didn't want to go home and face her older brother with a swollen face, not wanting to let him know that she just cried because she knew that it would just break his heart.
Sunoo thought about it for a little bit before replying. "But, aren't you not allowed to eat processed food?" He questioned. If Jay found out about this, he would scold Jangmi and Sunoo together. "They have dosirak, so that's okay," she sniffled. She smiled, making the boy feel lighter.
They stood up and walked towards the convenience store. Sunoo texted his parents while Jangmi texted Jay oppa that they would eat and do their homework together, and they said yes. His parents trusted Jangmi, so it was no problem for them at all.
Jangmi interlocked her arm with Sunoo's again. "Thank you," she said softly. Her best friend looked at her and smiled, ruffling her hair. "No problem, Jangmi," he said. There was a short silence in between them before he spoke again.
"Just remember that I'm always here."
Jangmi smiled once she heard his words. She felt very lucky to have Sunoo in her life. If she didn't, she wouldn't know what to do or how to adjust all alone.
"Thank you, Sunoo."
Hello! The eighth chapter's up!
So far, this is the shortest chapter I've written; but the one that held the most 'essence' to the story.
Besides being written for the story, I specifically wrote Jangmi like this because it's close to my personality. Like what my coach told me in the past, being a cheerleader in high school meant that you were a public figure in the school; you always had to act your best and get good grades because you were seen by everyone so one misstep meant not just damaging your reputation but also damaging the reputation of the school and the team.
In the sport, I wasn't like Jangmi. I didn't have the most difficult skills, so I knew that I had to work ten times harder than everyone else. There was no window for me to fail at all because it meant starting from the very start when I was almost at the finish line.
The pressure to be on top of everything is unbearable, and I've never really come across a fanfiction that talked about it. Because it really does happen in real life, here's my piece that talks about it.
ANYWAYS ENOUGH ABOUT THAT! I really hope everyone is well-rested and having a good 2021 so far! Don't stress yourselves out with having a good year, it just started ✨
Hope you guys like the chapter! Don't forget to vote and comment if you're enjoying so far! 💛
See you in the next chapter!
- Lia