Hello Dear Readers.
Hope you like the last part of Shehnaaz's Diary.
Maybe someone would not like or maybe get confused but you will understand everything in further chapters properly... because it is suspense.
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I was going to teach Siddarth a good lesson for insulting me but I saw someone because of which I quietly went from there...the person's look was something I did not understand... All thought that I was rejected and I was going but I went to meet someone who had came to meet me in college... I knew that person would not have shown his face to me until it was very crucial... So I decided to talk with Siddarth later but never thought that it would be my last talk with him and my last time in college too.
Yes, it was Anupam Uncle who had came to meet me in college... His eyes were something different today... It seemed like he was disappointed...or he was angry... I didn't understand why that look on his face... When I went near him... he took my hand and dragged me towards my secret spot...there was no one around us... I asked him Why are you dragging me like that?... What are you doing?... Who are you?... Why do you keeping coming around?... What's your matter?... Why do you care about me when no one does?... He was taking rounds to calm himself down I guess but these questions made him angry and he burst on me... Will you just shut up for once Ms. Shehnaaz Kaur Gill.
You want to know that who I am to you then listen, I am your guardian Shehnaaz Kaur Gill... And It's my duty to be around you...I am your guardian till you turn 21, I need to be aware of your information... Because I am your guardian... I can only tell you that I am responsible for your safety... your survival... I know how your each day Shehnaaz... how you are living, what you do, where you work, how you live, and what you want to do further in your life... how you hate your life because you don't get to enjoy it like other children... I know each thing that you have done in Mumbai... What I don't know where you were after your parent's death... Where you were for 5 years... but nonetheless what matters is that I got you...You need to survive Shehnaaz because there are few people whose life is dependent on you...only you are the hope for us...my hopes are also pinned on you...so he knows me better... he had my all information... but why is he, my guardian?...where was he till now?... why did he told me about this now?...why I feel that something is hidden behind me...which I had to be aware of it, but I don't know... I need to know what's that and soon I will find it.
Shehnaaz, you are being watched... this talks of our should be secret...you are not going to leak any of my information to any...whatever it takes... you are going to keep mum...understood?... I nodded my head lazily... yes I knew that someone was watching me... but I always ignored it because why will someone keep eye on me... I was just an orphan girl who earned to survive that's it... but now I understood something big reason is thereby Anupam Uncle's talk... I was thinking when Uncle said he wants something from me... I did not say a word to him but indicated to talk further... but it shocked me.
Shehnaaz my wish is that you leave Siddarth... don't bring him in your life... your life is too dangerous for him... you are putting his life at stake...I don't want him to die...so please leave him... I will never ask anything from you... I promise...if you wish anything I will give you but don't go near him...I calmly replied to him that I am not going to listen to his this wish because It's my life and I can do whatever I want... he was no one to interfere in my life... though he was my guardian... Shehnaaz Please leave him it's my request to you...And I replied to him in the same manner that I am not going to leave him... whether I have to die also...after all I loved Siddarth... why will I just lose my hope after a mere rejection?... Shehnaaz I am trying to be good that doesn't mean I would always be a good... don't bring my bad side for you... he said to me...where I replied back in the same manner because I did not like the way he was talking with me, Mr. Anupam it doesn't matter to me which side I want to see because I am not interested in it and by which right you are asking me this wish?... Did I ever asked you that I want something from you?... I never did that and you also don't have any right to get that thing in your mind.
Shehnaaz, one last time I am telling you to let go Siddarth...before it's too late for you to realize... One day his life would be in danger if you keep on trying to be with him... Please leave him...he had rejected you now... there is no chance of you being with him... So please forget him... leave him... he was serious... he really didn't want to hurt him... but me...why does he care about Siddarth?... why was he so protective of him... why not me?... all had someone to protect but not me... even Raj Uncle was protective of his son...his son had him... Anupam Uncle was protective of Siddarth... Siddarth had Anupam Uncle... where I was?... no I wanted someone to take care of me... I know Siddarth had rejected me now but maybe he will realize my worth and fall for me... Maybe I will have Siddarth to protect me...Yes, I should not lose my hope...So with all courage,
I will leave my life, but won't leave Siddarth...Heard me... yes he is not with me now but I will make sure he falls for me... one day he will love me... get that in your mind Uncle...I yelled at him.
I know Shehnaaz you were going through a financial problem and you had taken a loan from Raj Shukla too...He said that...he knew everything about me... except me being in Lucknow for 5 years.
So, tell me Shehnaaz how much money will you take to get out of Siddarth's life?... I can see him smirking...he was bent to remove me from Siddarth's life... but I am not leaving him anytime.
How much money will you give me to leave Uncle?... I was smirking... I was no less... If he thinks he will play his so-called money game then even I can play too... I am thankful that Siddarth's parents were not here because if they see this scene where one person was bidding a person like a toy then I am sure Anupam Uncle - the famous advocate would be either in jail or in hospital.
50 crores...you can repay your loan and live the life you want... He said with a cunning smile... I really hated when someone tried to harm my self-respect or they try to harm me... and Uncle was coming in that list now.
Just 50 crores Uncle?... I looked at him like an innocent bitch...Yeah if he is cunning... then why can't I?... I wanted to know how much Siddarth mattered to him?... and till which extend he can go for him...there is something very fishy... and I wish that it comes out someday in front of Siddarth... after all Anupam Uncle had bid him who was a stranger to Siddarth... He should also know his Market Price, isn't it?
He was fuming in anger now,
Uncle... Uncle... I roamed around him... AAP APNI PURI DAULAT BHI MUJHE DOGE NA TOH VO BHI KAM PADEGA MUJHE... I stated to him...He thought that I need his everything but I never meant that... His looks were something I wanted to see... He seemed in doubt... He was confused... He seemed to think that how will he give his whole wealth I guess.
Because for me, SIDDARTH SHUKLA IS A PRICELESS ASSET...WHOM I CAN'T MEASURE IN TERMS OF MONEY...SO BACK OFF... I AM NOT GOING TO AGREE WITH YOUR SO-CALLED DEAL AND SIDDARTH SHUKLA BELONGS TO SHEHNAAZ KAUR GILL ALONE IN THIS WORLD... EVEN IF I HAD TO ANY CRIME JUST TO GET HIM... I WILL GET HIM... YOU CAN SAY THAT HE IS MY OBSESSION WHICH I WILL MAKE SURE IT COMES TO BE... ONE DAY IT WILL BE TRUE BY HIM BEING WITH ME.
There he looked defeated that's what I wanted... but I think he was still not satisfied with me not agreeing with him.
Anupam:- Fine if you are not agreeing with this then I have another way to Girl... So you decide what you want your hard enough money which you made by working here and there or Siddarth Shukla?
I was shocked by that statement... wasn't he was the same person who had once come to me and gave me my music and his time?... he was tiff on his words... yet his eyes said something more... I don't know...and I just not want to think also.
It's always Siddarth... I howled at him... where he glared at me... I never thought that he will have an issue with me falling in love...
Then Get ready to be bankrupt Shehnaaz... you gonna lose all the money that you have earned to date... You will lose everything that you own today...even the restaurant which you have...Raj had named that restaurant on you... I know that...Are you ready for it Shehnaaz?... he tried to threaten me...because he knew I won't back out... even though I knew that there can be a day too when Siddarth don't want to be in my life....there were high chances that Siddarth won't fall for me too... but still I agreed to become bankrupt just to stay with him...Anupam Uncle knew what Siddarth meant to me... but still, he wants to try this.
NOTHING IS IMPORTANT TO ME...THEN MY SIDDARTH... I KNOW HE IS STILL NOT MINE BUT ONE DAY HE WILL BE... YOU DID NOT GET I THINK, HOW IMPORTANT HE IS FOR ME... THIS MONEY DOESN'T MATTER TO ME... I WILL NOT LET HIM GO... I AM SELFISH TO MAKE HIM STAY IN MY WORLD... I WILL PROTECT HIM IF HE IS IN DANGER ANY DAY... BECAUSE HE IS THE SELFISH POSSESSION OF MY WORLD... DO WHATEVER YOU WANT... I AM NOT BACKING OUT...I told him.
Ready to lose your everything Shehnaaz Kaur Gill... Ready to lose everything in 2 days... Everything means everything whether it is Raj Shukla, Siddarth, and you had earned money... Ready to fall... Ready to lose yourself so hard that you won't be able to get up again...Just because of your stubbornness...he patted my shoulder where my eyes were fixed on him... something inside me was bleeding...nothing can recover... I had always a respect for him in my heart... but today... I guess he lost it.
Get the papers... he screamed to his PA... after composing himself...
You know Shehnaaz I did not want to do this with you but you are so stubborn... so this is the result of it... saying he gave the papers...
Sign it... sign it now...let's see what you love the most...where his PA looked at me guiltily ... he passed me papers...I remember giving him this job as PA after lots of training and knowledge just to know Anupam's life...I had given him this job because he was a penniless man when he came to me and see where his loyalty is going.
I am sorry Mam... I did not want to do this but I am helpless...he bends down as he passed me that damn papers... while I thought that why was he so guilty... but when I saw the papers... I was damn shocked... his PA betrayed me... he had made me bankrupt... by hacking my entire business... yes I had asked him to learn to hack and see where he is using his knowledge?...he hacked my bank balance and brought me to roads... he manipulated me... he manipulated me to destroy me... I looked at him for answers...but he did not answer.
Thanks for backstabbing me Uncle and remember that I won't forget this sweet betrayal of yours... I told him where he was ashamed for his deeds
I am really Sorry Mam... he bowed his head down more... I took those papers and signed after reading... those papers had my consent which was by the pressure of course that I don't have any money left me... I don't have any home to stay... I don't have any restaurant... I don't have any scholarship for further education... and now these things would be taken care of by Anupam - Shehnaaz's guardian... which I knew he won't do... he will leave me on my condition.
I looked at Anupam... where he smiled looking at my condition.
So finally Shehnaaz Kaur Gill became bankrupt that too by the person whom she thought was loyal to her and he will never betray her...tch tch tch... Shehnaaz you trust people so easily... see how they use you?... you thought that you will appoint him as my PA and he will give my every damn information to you...did you think of me as an idiot to give him this job?... So see your plan got backfired... he said with an evil laugh... maybe this was my fate.
You will regret Uncle... You will regret this decision very badly... is all I said to him...but he smiled evilly... I never knew that Uncle would be like this evil.
Definitely not before your death... he smiled cunningly.
Don't worry Uncle... the day you see my last breath will be the day you will cry for everything in your life...just like you said your hopes are pinned to me...I don't know why but you will definitely cry... Even if you want me to come back... I won't come... remember that somewhere my life is very important to someone, not the people whom you were saying... I know you are with me for your selfish reason but there will be someone to whom my life would be important... I don't know why you are my guardian but I know one thing that somewhere if I die then your so-called family, Gills, and my mother's family will regret the most... that's what I have learned till now... So think before you speak and if I die then I will make sure that whatever you had wished... whatever you desire... you will never get that... the thing which you want will be in front of you but you won't be able to get that...He did not expect this answer... either me too...I was feeling if I die...I can't die because my soul is answerable to someone... who is that someone I don't know... it felt like someone owned my soul... I can't die without his permission... he is not in my life... but still he will never let me die... that was my trust in Siddarth.
I hope that day never comes...he said to my eyes and his voice had something which he had for me when I was small...that was not hatred...I wanted to see this man... who had loved me once... who was not evil...come back Uncle... be the same way you were...is all I wanted to say... I will forgive you for everything... I promise.
Which day Uncle?... I asked him... before he answers... his eyes had answers... but I couldn't read...but I wanted to hear... what my heart wanted.
That I will cry for your death...Well now you have not agreed to my deal then be ready to be on-road Shehnaaz...my one call will destroy your life and I am doing this in front of you so watch your destruction with your own eyes... He called someone... If I say I was not scared would be a lie...but I put a brave face... I can raise myself again... money can come again to be... The money would never matter to me but my feelings and emotions.
Go to your restaurant Shehnaaz... you have a long journey... Two days and you will be broken fully broken... If you had agreed with me I would have shown you heaven but now get ready to be a beggar... And I will make sure that you don't be with Siddarth... And from today never ever contact me because I don't care about you... I don't care what happens with you... and never tell someone that you ever knew me... get that in your mind... saying he went away.
Shehnaaz you will survive don't worry... It's just that your bad day one day the sun will shine again saying I started walking towards the restaurant...I didn't have any doubt about Anupam's power... he had a good connection after all he was a famous advocate... I was standing in front of the restaurant and here I was watching my restaurant was burning with my eyes... I had tears in my eyes seeing him crushing my dreams just because of that deal...But I did not let my tear come down... he was of no importance to me for whom I will waste my precious tears...I saw all workers were standing and shouting someone called Fire Brigade... but it doesn't matter now because I had no money to start restaurant again... so I told all workers to leave as the restaurant is burned I would close this restaurant and you all search for another good job... saying I left and called Insurance Company to let them know about fire...I started walking towards The Magical World... I knew that Raj Uncle was outside the country so I won't meet him... I went towards my cabin and wrote a letter to Raj Uncle... my tears made their way when I read the letter,
HELLO RAJ UNCLE,
I KNOW WHEN YOU WILL RECEIVE THIS LETTER I WOULD BE GONE... I HOPE YOU GOT THE NEWS OF RESTAURANT GETTING BURNED... EVERYTHING IS OVER UNCLE... MY DREAMS... MY PASSION... EVERYTHING... BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I AM GOING TO SIT AND CRY FOR MY LOSS... I WOULD AGAIN STAND AND WALK... I HAVE JUST FALLEN... I NEED A BREAK UNCLE... I AM GOING SOMEWHERE I GET PEACE... I NEED TO GET MYSELF BACK AGAIN... INSURANCE COMPANY WOULD COME AND COMPENSATE FOR MONEY... I KNOW IT WON'T BE THE AMOUNT WHICH I HAD TAKEN FROM YOU... BUT STILL, SOME MONEY IS BETTER THAN NOTHING...I WILL GIVE YOU THE MONEY WHICH I HAD TAKEN ONCE I COME BACK...UNCLE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY... HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH THEM... I WILL COME ONE DAY BACK TO YOU UNCLE... I PROMISE... BECAUSE I KNOW SOMEONE WANTS ME TO BE SAFE AND COME BACK TO HIM AGAIN...REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU A LOT... I KNOW I DON'T SAY THAT BUT I REALLY DO... YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING, SO WILL COME BACK...TILL THEN, GOODBYE.
YOUR'S SHEHNAAZ.
After giving the letter to Raj Uncle I gave the letters to the bodyguard which I have appointed... I have appointed more bodyguards for Raj Shukla because I knew that I would not be able to be with him every time... Maybe when I am not with him and he gets in trouble... I have kept one bodyguard in disguise in Shukla Mansion... he works as a maid there... I have told him that whenever you feel danger inform other co-workers... his other friends or you can say, bodyguards... Weekly I would get an update on all doing of Raj Shukla... I had already given the salary to all 4 bodyguards for 5 years... Thanks to my savings which I had used here... I had done this just before two days of the drama... I knew something would go wrong... and See here I am all bankrupt... Sometimes my senses really work... I had sensed that something was going to happen... That's the reason I gave them a salary because Raj Uncle was the only one whom I care about... After I left the Magical World I left to see the restaurant one last time.
It was almost evening when I went there... it was all burned and black... I went inside to see the kitchen which had turned into a big mess... was it because of gas?... It was done by Anupam of course but who may have done this?....do I know him or he was an outsider who did this?... Now thinking all this would not give me satisfaction... it would be like putting alcohol on my wounds... I sat just in the middle of the restaurant which connected the kitchen and the people who used to sit on the benches... this place has so many memories for the senior citizens who used to come and have a healthy breakfast... their healthy talks... their experience... the blessings which they used to give me when they leave the restaurant after their breakfast... it was their spot... some college students also had their usual spot here... their friendship... their pranks... their last-minute studies and assignments... the office people... who used to come here just to relax from their stress... they used to enjoy here their time by some music and nature... On Sunday's there used to be a big fest for the orphanage children... the children used to wait for Sunday's to have the food from outside... the workers here they used to laugh and work as a family... the love they had when they used to make food for people... these ladies did a good job and mingled together soon... this place was my passion for food... my hope that I can also dream... I can also do something big in my life... I can also achieve... I am capable of earning good money for my survival... this place had my lots of memories with Raj Uncle...the way he used to wait for my food... the way he used to praise my food... the way he used to come to have lunch almost every alternate days... the way he used to gossip about office people... the way he used to share his experiences... I would miss this place a lot... this place would be very close to my heart... I wish I would have never got to make a choice between Siddarth and this restaurant.
It was night when I left my restaurant...I glanced the last time my restaurant with a heavy heart... or you can say that it was 11 in the night when I was going back to the orphanage to take my bag back because Anupam had told the owner that he was my guardian and he wants to take care of me... which was all lie...just to remove shelter from my head he did that ...I was informed by the owner that he came and had informed some story which would be fake of course...he made me homeless, penniless but I will rise again... I had faced the same situation when my parents had passed away... I did not knew anything at that time but today I have knowledge and experience... still, I was early the unusual because of the eventful day I was tired...I had many things going on in my mind.
Did I do right by not agreeing with Anupam?... I did what my heart said... I have always listened to my heart...Anupam was right Siddarth had already rejected me... did I do wrong to put all my things at sake just to get him?... But my heart says you did right...Siddarth you may not know how much I love you but please be with me... please... I know you don't love me... It is said if someone doesn't love you as you do then you should not give such importance to that person... But you are the first person whom I have loved... The feeling of this love is way stronger than any... I have never felt this feeling of love even with my parents... I had always respected them and gave them their place as all parents deserve... but you are different... Even when you had insulted me my heart was not angry with you... it says you have given that right to him... Siddarth maybe you will never know what I have lost just to be with you... but I want you to know it will be worth one day that's what my heart says...Still my brain asks me that Will you ever be mine?... Will, you ever come to find me?... because now I can't even go to college, I know I am a scholarship student but I need money to survive and a home to stay... I am going to start my life from "A" again... Will you ever think about me?... Will you ever hold me closer to you?... Will you ever need me as I do?... Will you ever feel the same way as I do?... Will you like someone with you someday like me?... Will you wait for me to come back in your life?... Or you would forget me... like I never came into your life... I know one thing that no one can be in my heart rather than you...You were right in front of me, but I can't touch you and get closer to you... You're mine, let me live in this misconception...Please, let me live with the misunderstanding that you are mine... please, let me comfort my heart with the lie that you are the only mine...The moments that we spent together unknowingly...Please, let the fragrance of the moments we spent together stay with me...
I ended up in tears myself, this is what my soul wanted to ask Siddarth but I knew the answer which I will get will break my heart...That's the reason he had rejected me without even looking at me.
BUT I KNEW ONE THING THAT IT WAS NOT THE CORRECT TIME FOR US TO BE TOGETHER...THIS WAS THE TIME FOR MY KING TO LEAVE ME TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE...WHEN THE TIME WILL COME HE WILL BE COMING TO ME.
With small and heavy steps I was walking... On my way back from the orphanage... yes I took my luggage and guitar - my only family... I had held my guitar in the tight grip... it was like a death grip... as if someone would snatch my only family from me...the only family who had seen my every misery... my every small happiness this family had witnessed... the street light was not on... it was dark all around...I could hardly make out my step and my phone was dead so could not even switch on it to use a torch.
When I was struggling to walk in that dark...a black car came near me and before I could understand anything that was happening... a hand grabbed me from behind, locking my arms like I was a straitjacket and put a rag smelly thing on my mouth and nose... A pungent smell hit my nostrils... traveling straight up to my brain causing it to shut down... I could feel the life flying out of my body as I relentlessly struggled to get out of that painful hold...But in the end, the chemical won and I was left unconscious.
I cannot tell what exactly happened between the time I was knocked out and now I was in this strange dark room... I have never seen this big room...The bed in which I woke was a large bed and the room was very gloomy... It was cold and ghastly.... the wall was of dark color... there was a small painting - a very unusual and scary type...There was a large closet...In front of the bed, there was a large mirror or you can say it was a mirror wall... where I could see my own reflection...My bag and guitar were kept on the table in the cupboard...I threw up my cover and checked whether I had my clothes on and thankfully it was except my shoes... before I could think anything the door opened and a man entered... I could not see his face somewhere I got scared seeing him...there was something in which gave him an intimating aura...but I covered my fear and asked him in a loud tone... Where the hell I am? Who are you? Why did you bring me here?... My scream had no effect on that man...he growled hearing my that tone and that man just grabbed my jaw and spoke angrily that You need to learn some manners girl... I had heard that voice somewhere and about you being here... this is where you belonged... you are in hell... and soon you will know me very well pretty girl...now you rest as it is midnight and from tomorrow you won't be getting to rest so don't use your brain and sleep saying he went outside locking the door behind him.
I had many things already on my mind and this man who is he? Why did I feel that I know him? What does he mean hell?... you won't get answers Shehnaaz rest just like he said...what is stored for you... you will eventually get to know about it...I smiled at my fate...there was still something stored for me... After spending my night in constant fear even after self consolation... I slept for two hours... It was not a big deal for me... I was used to it because of my nightmares... I got up from bed to open the window which was beside the bed but it was locked I think because I could not open it...Hours went by but nobody came... all I had was you diary and my guitar for company... my phone was dead and I think it is taken by that man... I was writing when a lady came... her dress wasn't appealing... it felt like she was dressed to get someone on her bed but the look she gave me was something off... she just kept some packet and told me rudely to dress and come out.
I did not have any choice but to follow what she said... but when I saw the packet... I became very conscious... it was just lingerie...and I was supposed to wear that and go down...why?... encouraging myself a lot I wore that piece of lingerie which hardly covered me... it was not that I was shy type but no one was supposed to see me this way except my partner who will be no one I guess... no one saw me this way... not even my parents... I hardly wore shorts and this was lingerie...I felt disgusted in it looking at myself...I thought about the worst scenario in my mind... These wild thoughts made me shiver...
I went out of the room to see a long hallway...I looked at it both ways...One side had a dead-end while the other way leads to the staircase...I was thinking which way to go when the lady who gave me the packet told me to go to the room which was on a dead-end...she dropped me near the room before going she knocked on the door and left.
I entered the room and saw a man standing near the window looking outside... I shuddered thinking of the man...I don't know what to do?... how can I escape from here?... was the only question in my mind...The man turned...he had masked his face...he looked at me and took a drag from his cigarette and then sat on the chair himself and grabbed my wrist, making me sit on his lap... I was already uncomfortable in this lingerie and now this man was making me feel more miserable...You look lovely he said smelling me...I sat there numb not knowing how to react...He asked me do you know why you are here?... His tone was heavy and raspy... I nodded my head as no and was curious to know what was the reason... He replied I had known you for a very long time... you know I had seen you in a restaurant in that burkha...your eyes... it attracted me a lot, and since then I wanted you in my bed...I have stalked you and what surprised me was your background...all was going perfect but you started behaving like a whore...you were stalking a boy... and to the top it was Siddarth... what did you think that if you get him and then lure him with your this body so you can enjoy his wealth, isn't it?
I listened to each and every word he spoke attentively, trying to figure out the meaning of each expression and words...He knew about me... Did he know everything? ...The fear came over me, my heart was thumping very badly understanding what was going to happen still I dared to ask him, Who the hell are you to interfere in my life? I can do anything that I want?... And don't bring Siddarth in between... now leave me I want to go to my orphanage...He sarcastically said yeah I will let you do that... listen to me, you gold digger slut, don't let the devil in me come out otherwise you will regret it...I looked in his eye and said what will you do ha?... blackmailing me, won't work so don't even try... leave me you bastard saying I shouted to him and pushed him which made him fall... but I didn't know that I have triggered his anger... and then he dragged me to one room and said now I will show you what is the result of shouting and pushing me you bitch.
Darkness was caging around me again when my inner voice started talking to me. " YOU ARE INTELLIGENT AND COURAGEOUS SHEHNAAZ... ONLY YOU CAN FIND THE WAY OUT OF HERE... TRUST YOURSELF... YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU KNOW."... The voice vanished and I felt a new energy in my heart... I have faced the devil-like Sukhwinder Singh then I can face him too saying I encouraged myself.
What he said next made me relieved that he did not know everything but what he said to me was like stabbing my heart... what he said was true... but he did not know that it had happened in real.
Tch...tch... tch... Kitna Pyaar ha Siddarth k liye...but mark my word Shehnaaz, YOUR LOVE FOR HIM WILL BRING YOU TO ROAD... YOU GONNA CRY FOR REJECTION BECAUSE FOR HIM YOU DON'T MATCH HIS STANDARD... EVEN IF ONE DAY, HE IS WITH YOU...HE GONNA BETRAY YOU... YOU WILL CRY FOR THAT BETRAYAL...AND TRUST ME... I WILL JUST STAND AND WATCH THE SHOW... SO MUCH FUN, ISN'T IT?... YOU WILL CRY IN FRONT OF ME...A SIGHT TO BE WATCH...THE GREAT SHEHNAAZ KAUR GILL, BREAKING DOWN IS NOT A SMALL SCENE... IT WILL BE THE EPIC MOMENT OF MY LIFE...I WILL WAIT FOR THAT DAY... NO ONE WOULD BE ABLE TO SAVE YOU... THADPEGI TU PYAAR K LIYE US K... HAR SAANS ME TERE VO TAPAD HOGI US K LIYE...whatever he said was true somewhere because I am on road... I don't have anything today which I had earned all thanks to Anupam... well he doesn't deserve respect from me now...Siddarth had already rejected me... why everyone is against me being with him... no, I am not going to lose... I will again try and maybe I will be successful to be with Siddarth... but I am not going to show this kidnapper that I am weak and what he said is true...so I replied to him,
WOAH MAN, BAHUT SAPNE DEKTE HO TUM... SAPNE DEKNA ACHII BAAT HAI PAR UTNA BHI NAI KI TUM USME HI REHNE LAGO TOH YEH TOH BADI BEWAFOOK VALI BAAT HAI...SIDDARTH BALHE HI AAJ MUJSE PYAAR NAI KARTA... PAR EK DIN VO ZAROOR KAREGA... ME AAJ USKE STANDARD KI NAI HU PAR EK DIN ZAROOR BANUNGI...AUR AGAR EK DIN VO MUJHE CHOD K CHALA JAYE TOH SAHI BOLA TUMNE M ROUNGI PYAAR KARTI HU... MENE USE HAK DIYA HAI...PAR USE EK DIN AHSAS BHI HOGA KI USNE KYA KHOYA HAI... I replied to him with confidence where he was fuming in anger... He also did not want me to be with Siddarth because of his lust for me... Yeah the way he was looking at me made me uncomfortable but I did not show him on my face... He started pulling me to one of the rooms and said now I will show you what is the result of giving me an answer back and thinking to be with someone when you are just mine.
The room he had brought looked like less room but more torture room... There were some metals and some weapons too... There was a small red light which was giving some light to that room... The room was a torture room... I was looking at the room... when he inched closer to me, " You think you are smart isn't it whore? " he growled... all I could do was to retreat to the corner of the room while he encircled me like a killer shark... Shaking with the fright, I ran towards the door and tried to unlock the door but failed..." Don't you fucking dare try to run away from me bitch, you are mine...I own you...you are mine to fuck get that...till I am not satisfied with you...you are not supposed to even think about someone...And Siddarth won't like to have a slut as a partner because now you are my slut....he thundered and drag me and threw me at the bed ... I was just looking at him when he pulled me up and tossed me onto the bed... I scrambled to run away but he pinned me on the bed... Trapping me in his arms, he positioned himself on top of my body and pushed my hands above my head... I squirmed and tried to break free but he was too strong... " Stop moving or else I am going to call my other men to fuck you with me now."...he growled.
Tears overflowed when I felt his weight upon me... My wrist ached as he twisted and squeezed them with his big hands...He looked like a Monster in that red light - ruthless, unforgiving, and sadistic... Taking pleasure in every second of my suffering as I struggled under him... Watching me, as I screamed for help and cried...Yes, I was crying because I was scared... He was going to rape me and I could not even free myself from him...He seemed to love seeing me crying... It was like he thrived on pain... When I was busy crying I saw him sit on my stomach and took some strange setup, with the two holes in the middle, and the iron chains dangling up from the sides... I got shocked and I started panicking when I saw him tying that iron handcuff to me with the bed...I was requesting him to leave but he cared none... After tying to my hands... he tied the other metal cuff to my legs... now my position on the bed was like X... He had locked me in this bed... Oh God please help me... I wanted someone to come and take me away from this hell... Please... I don't even have anyone to contact...Anupam was my guardian...he was responsible for my safety...but he was a guardian for namesake...he even told me not to tell anyone about him knowing me... but I knew if I try to connect him then this man is not going to leave him and he won't even contact me after not agreeing with his deal... What if he tries to harm him... But how can I run from him when I am tied...Mumma Papa please help me your princess needs you... Please come to me, Papa... I was murmuring when he told me he won't come, baby, he is dead... and never mention his name in front of me because I hate your parents... And if I hear those people's names from you then I will kill you day by day... well there is no doubt that you are going to die soon by my tortures... He got up from the bed... He took off his jacket... In a minute his shirt and pant were off too... He was in his boxers... Tears started flowing from my eyes... I was once molested by that guy in Lucknow but he was of my age... I could tackle him but this man was too strong for me... The same feeling which I had felt at that time I was feeling now... I felt I was powerless and helpless...He lighted his cigarette and kept it in that tray and came towards me and bent close to my face... his lips brushing against my neck where his one hand started roaming around my body suddenly I felt a knife touring my that lingerie... I was all naked in front of him when he kept that knife on the table beside the bed... I was struggling to get rid of his touch when I felt a sharp pain in my neck because he had kept that cigarette which he had lighted on my body... on the other side, he was kissing my body...and on one side he was torturing me by that cigarette and one side he was enjoying me under him... He raped me... He took my virginity... All I was doing was lying under him and he rapped me brutally... the pain which I went through was too much... The way he behaved with me was like I was an animal... even animals were treated way better than I was... The dirty talks...dirty touch... the pain... everything was too much for me... I did not know when I felt unconscious because of his brutal rape...I don't know when he left the room... When I woke up with sudden pain, the other day, I saw other men.
" W.....h...o ar...e... y...o...u? I asked him stammering, my words were huffing trying to get rid of his touch on my body, my body, my voice, my mind nothing was supporting me, I don't remember anything or anyone, all I wanted was to go away from this hell even if it meant to die because I had nothing left - my pride, my self-respect, my dignity, my virginity....the other men did not say anything just tied cloth on my mouth and enjoyed his pleasure and my pain...From that day anyone used to come and have sex whenever they wished and I could not even shout... I could not even walk but these bastards don't even care...For them, I was supposed to be on the bed looking perfect ready to get fucked...My food was delivered to me in my room.
I was done with my life... I have lost my battle of life...I have lost everything either it was my pride, my self-respect, my dignity, my virginity.. my music, my guitar who was my family- my soul, which I had these people took away... they had taken that very brutally...
(Do hear this song, please readers to feel her every emotion.)
You want to know how that bastard man took my music, my guitar, my soul away from me... It was my 25th day in that hell... I was broken... I had lost my all hope when I sang a song while crying the lyrics in that song told my feelings...this world is fake... there are no relations which hold you when you are in pain... I am in pain here but no one is there to hold me... All relations are like a delusion like a mirage...The eyes, which used to dream together...they have cried such on tortures today...The eyes, which used to stay the nights awake together...they shut such in the morning now to get rid of those people... My steps have gone apart...which had taken this oath...that they'd always be together...and now this pain is borne together by the wet eyes...my breath is shocked, my heart is troubled, wondering why my life is about to cry...why is the hope lost to disappointment...why is there a storm of questions in the heart... when will I get rid of this world...when I was in my song that bastard was hearing that song... he was smart enough to understand what I was saying... He told me I had really doubted you seem like you were enjoying singing, isn't it girl?... That bastard even after listening was asking these questions... But what he said next shook the ground under me...He told me how can you sing without my permission?.... You are not allowed to sing... You are my slave... Seems like you have not known the papers which you signed in that it was clearly indicated you are not going to sing anymore... He had made me sign the papers to which he told me that he will free me on my birthday if I survive his all tortures... I was not that strong to survive his all tortures... and my birthday was 5 months still away from this day... he took my music away... I was minor so he had made papers saying that he will take care of my all things and I will have to do as he tells... I never knew that by signing those papers I will give my music to him... he took my everything... I was left with nothing... I was lost when he broke my guitar in pieces... he broke my family... he broke me totally... And he said one more thing that made me numb YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SING EVER IN THIS LIFE... GET THAT STRAIGHT IN YOUR MIND... IF YOU SURVIVE TILL YOUR BIRTHDAY AND LEAVE THIS PLACE AND YOU SING AND I GOT TO KNOW THAT THEN I WILL MAKE SURE THAT I BURN YOU ALIVE THERE ON THE SPOT... I broke down very badly... how could he do that?... music was my everything... his words didn't hurt me then it would be a lie... I took back my steps till I collide with the wall...I asked him Why are you doing this to me? Who are you and why me?... And when he removed the mask from his face... my breath hitched... my legs were rooted on the ground... when he removed the mask... the other two who were almost every day with him... they both were very close to the head....they also removed their mask and when I saw their faces I hated myself a lot... the reason which they gave me made me freeze... they only wanted to destroy me... they wanted to kill me... slowly... they wanted me to feel the pain which I am going through daily... and I guess they are successful in it...
It's been 5 months I am here and still, there is one month to my birthday...all I wish I could die... I never felt this way ever even when my parents passed away... I never thought this negative... these people tortured me very badly physically, mentally, and emotionally... You know diary only when I was on periods they left me... there was no sex on those 3 days... I felt relieved but that bastard the head man made me work like labor from morning 4 to 1 in the night on my periods... You know there were many girls who were like a slave to these men some were willing to do and some were like me who were forced... but you know I was on the hit list of the head there were given rest 3 days a week and I was given 3 days in a month... the food which I had always tasted different...He had ordered the chef to make 1 chapati for me... I used to have only that 1 chapati the whole day... If it were on my wish, I would have never had that food too but this body needed food to survive... I saw one day chef adding some powder in my food... when I asked him what was that... he rudely talked with me and dragged me out of the mansion and kept me out in the sun where I had no slipper on my foot and on the top I had not worn a dress... All I had was lingerie which hardly covered my body because that man had made the rule to never wear a dress except when I was in my periods ... The chef asked me to stand on the big stool which was of wrought iron... It was a very sunny day, the sun made that iron very hot... I was hungry... from morning 3 men had already played with my body... and you know there were altogether 8 men who had rapped me till now... sometimes alone... sometimes there used to be 3 men who used to do together... The punishments I used to get were different... I have started hating myself now... I hated being born in a Gill family... It was a curse to me... This was happening because I was Gill and the daughter of my parents... You know the head man used to have the left-hand and right-hand persons who were with him whenever he raped me... they were enjoying a lot and sometimes they both used to join the head man... The head man's right-hand man was too old maybe in the '60s but still, he did this with me... He would be having a family a wife, a daughter but still, he rapped a girl who was of his granddaughter's age... alas I was standing on that wrought iron and the guards around the mansion were eye-raping me... This was my life every bastard can enjoy with my body... play with my body... however, they want... and you know what is more surprising I can't do anything... my body feels dead when someone rapes me... it felt like I am on drugs... and now I am sure that they were mixing drugs in my food which used to make me feel paralyzed... my mind used to yell at me to stop but my body did not even move... my body let them do whatever they wanted...when they get satisfied with their lust they throw me at the corner and sleep where I drag myself to the room where I stay which is assigned to me... Where should I go and hide so that no one can see me... I feel like I should separate myself from everyone... even this damn heart... which cry every night after getting rape...Oh, my broken heart... what is your problem?...can't you understand that we are in hell... no one is going to come here and save you...no one is waiting for you, not even Raj Uncle... I can't even ask for help because that bastard doesn't know that there is someone Raj Shukla in my life and I am thankful for that... After coming into this hell, the small belief which I had in God...I don't believe him anymore...and now it made me hate him... I don't believe him anymore... I hate him seeing me in this much pain but still, he is sitting there and enjoying... He never gave me a chance to believe him... He first saw me having that torture by Sukhwinder Singh, then sending me to Dehradun, then taking my parents, then my struggle in Lucknow, then in Mumbai and here it was the full stop to my patience...He isn't there I think now because he had proved every bit of it...You know Diary, I have become accustomed to the pain now... even my tears laugh at me... when someone scratches me or beat me... there is someone inside me who laughs at me...the place where I am... a word hell is also small to this place... I hate everyone now a lot...The people here are a demon in this real-world... everyone forgets that I am a human too... I have a heart too... I have a feeling too... But look here I am used as a sex machine... they punish me so badly...The punishments here now don't scare me even when I walk barefoot on burning coal...it doesn't feel...I know there is more to come... my heart knows that... don't know what will happen if I go out...
It was just a day before my birthday... One more day... The tortures would end... but I never knew that this day would be a nightmare to me... the head man came to my room and dragged me to the room where no one was allowed to go... it was like it was prohibited to go...He took me there... I now was not scared if he rapes me in that room because I am used to it now...But the scene in front of me made me freeze there was a lady in her '30s lying on the bed with chains on her hands and legs... I saw the face of the lady... I knew who was that lady... That person tied me on the chair with chains and rapped that lady in front of me... the lady was pleading him to stop... she was bleeding not because of sex but he had made a cut on her body almost everywhere with a knife and that bastard was still having sex with her... He was talking dirty with her... he was telling her that this was her last torture because she was going to be free tomorrow... I felt happy that lady will get free like me... But I never knew that bastard was lying... He raped her till the bedsheet of the bed was not covered with blood... He was a psycho... He kissed her whole body at last and told me that I am sure you must have known her by now... Look how is she?... Isn't she having a good time... I am going to leave her with you but I don't think she will survive... of course, he was right the lady was very weak... it felt like she had not eaten anything in months... she was too weak...I was numb... I did not know what to do?... How should I help her?... She was in pain...Tears were coming from her eyes but her eyes were void... if felt like she was tired of fighting... she was tired from bastard's torture... she was tired of everything... just like me...That bastard went away leaving her as it is and he said to me talk with her maybe it will be your last talk with her... saying he removed those chains from my hands and leg and went outside leaving us inside...
I went towards the lady with a heavy step and removed her chain and went to the bathroom to get water... I am sure she won't be able to move after that torture just like I used to... I started cleaning her but she didn't utter a word... she was silent... I was cleaning her but she was bleeding very badly... I somehow cleaned her and tried to do first aid because that bastard was not going to call a doctor for us... he never did that... she didn't even hiss in pain when I applied an antiseptic to her wounds... when I completed her first aid... very slowly I made her sit and took her to chair which I had kept just near bed... I made the bed for her with a clean sheet which I found in her cupboard... I made her lie down and started patting her head... I wanted her to sleep maybe sleep would make her feel better from these wounds...But that lady told me I know you are thinking that I will get free tomorrow but this man would never let me go out of this place... so don't waste your time here... I know who you are... but I don't want to think about any relations...But I want you to do my two work... She told me her one secret that she was hiding from these bastards... She told me to keep her that secret safe... She told me to take care of that secret... She told me after you complete my this work... then you have to kill these bastards... make their life hell Shehnaaz... make sure feel the same which we are feeling... make them yearn for their death and don't let them die easily... make sure these bastards suffer... do this from my side... After her talk, she had tried her best that the fire of revenge comes within me... but this was not easy... It was like playing with fire... and I am not ready to do that... I don't want to make my life hell again.
It's my birthday today... I am going to be free from this hell... But I really don't want to live anymore... I was going to be free at night... I know they will not leave me this easily... When suddenly a lady came and took me and threw me in a van... I saw the last night lady... she was sitting in that van without clothes just like me...there was only we two there... when she said that don't forget what I had told you last night...Then came the three devils... The van started... The head said you both are going to be free today... aren't you happy?... what should we say...of course we weren't happy... he took everything from us and now we are dead physically and mentally he was leaving us...why?... because he was bored of us...the other two bastards his close men didn't want us to leave... they were still arguing with that head to not to leave us... let them enjoy... but seemed like the head one had another plan...He rapped us the last time...the other two devils also didn't leave the lady... they raped her too...I was disgusted with these people... when they head one was done with the lady... he told her that it is your time to leave sweetheart saying he shot her while the lady looked towards me...it felt like she was telling me to see I told you... She was right...It felt like she was telling me about her last wish... she was breathing heavily...she took my hands in her hands and said something which I did not understand at that time...
SHEHNAAZ, BE THE FIREFLY WHICH EMITS, THE LIGHTNESS IN THE DARKNESS OF THE WORLD THAT IS FILLED WITH BUTTERFLIES OF FAKE FEELINGS... NEVER ALLOW YOUR EYES TO GET BLIND BY THOSE FIREFLIES AROUND YOU... I did not knew clearly understand what she said but what she said was to me... for me... I saw her... it felt she will die if not taken to the hospital on the spot...suddenly she was thrown outside the van somewhere...That was the first time I saw someone in their last time... someone taking their last breath... my parents were already dead when I went to meet them...It felt like she died in front of me and I could not do anything...I could help her... I could not save her... now only I was left... The head was angry about what the lady said..he grabbed my hair and again tried to satisfy their lust with his other men...I did not know whether I am going to survive or not?... these people would kill me the same way as they did with the lady...It feels like I ended up at crossroads...Trying to figure out whether to live or to die... It felt like I am stuck on a treadmill ...Walking on the road without an aim...After almost three hours...They threw me too out of the van without any cloth on my body in a very silent road not before putting a knife in my stomach... It was not Mumbai... somewhere away from there... There was no light on the road... The road was muddy and I slept in that mud to cover my body... well it doesn't matter but still having no choice I did that... I was waiting for any car to pass above me so that I can die peacefully... But seemed like God did not want me to die...because it was late night when I saw a car coming towards me... but they pulled over me just near me... The person was an angel who came to help me out in this situation... They had stopped their car when they saw a puddle of mud in front of them... but what caught their attention as they saw something moving in it... They were scared but one girl came out of that car... she saw that it was not something but it was someone... and that someone was me...The girl thought that someone had fallen in that mud as there was no light in the street... that person could not see anything... I was shivering and bleeding because of the knife that bastard had put on my stomach... When I was whimpering in pain... the girl shouted very loudly looking at my state... When she shouted... I was scared... When that lady shouted there came 3 boys who were in the car... when she saw those boys she immediately crawled near me and yelled at that boys.
Girl:- Stop... stop there guys...Please don't come here... Please go and sit in that car.... Please... she pleaded the boys.
When one boy asked her:- What happened Jenni?
Another boy shouted at her:- Look, I am not in the mood for your any prank... I am done for the day... You know right I don't like anyone near me today still you dare to be with me... Now stand up Jennifer Winget...
The girl who was near me was Jenni... my Jenni... my soul sister... she came to me... she came to save me... when I was lost in my time with Jenni...
Jenni shouted:- You bastard, Manik Malhotra... do you think I am a fool to prank at this time at this place?... now get inside the car and tell the girls to come out now.
Did she say, Manik Malhotra? Was that boy my Mani?... I wanted to tell him many things that I had gone through... He should know about that but what about the promise?... But what if that boy is someone else?... But what should I do?... everything near me was becoming blurry... my vision... I heard another shout of girls when Jenni said to those girls.
Jenni:- Mahii, Nandini go and bring some clothes from a car... if we don't have then ask boys to remove their clothes... Go fast...
I felt Jenni trying to make me wear clothes... I was feeling that I would die the next moment... I had lost all my energy.
Mahi or Nandini someone told Jenni that they need to take me to the hospital but Jenni shouted as no.
Then I heard Manik's voice:- If you are done with dressing her clothes then we will take her to the farmhouse be quick...
That's what I heard last... I felt like I was taking my last breath when I felt a boy picking me up and he told me:- Please don't lose hope Girl... I will save you... Please...I don't know what had happened to you but remember one thing that INSAAN TAB TAK NAI HARTA JAB TAK VO KOSHISH KARNA BAND NAI KAR DETA...YOUR LIFE MUST ME HARD FOR YOU...BUT YOU SURVIVED...YOU FOUGHT WITH THAT PROBLEMS... NOW DON'T LOSE HOPE WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A CHANCE TO LIVE THE LIFE WHICH YOU DREAMED... IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANY DREAM THEN LIVE TO MAKE THE ONE WHO DID THIS WITH YOU...So please don't lose hope...Unknowingly that boy gave me another reason to live... but my body wasn't supporting me anymore... So I lost my consciousness...but I wanted to live to complete the first wish of that lady... she had all hopes on me.
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I woke after 11 days that's what the doctor told me... I was in someone's farmhouse... There were a total of 6 people... See where my luck brought me... Those people were Manik Malhotra, Jay Bhanushai, Harshad Chopra, Jennifer Winget, Mahii Viij, and Nandini Murthy...They were together... the people who were part of my life were together and they were on one aim that was to find Shehnaaz Kaur Gill...that's what I got to know by Manik... he had come to talk with me when I had opened my eyes after 11 days... After my operation, yes my body was not in good condition... all thanks to the tortures...especially my sexual organs were so badly damaged that doctor advised me to not even involve myself in any sexual activities for 2 years... I smiled internally and said to him in my mind that Doctor don't worry I had sex for my whole life now it is not needed to me... my stomach was wounded because of the knife that bastard had given me the gift of death... I was told to take rest for complete 6 months... my body needs that... I hated myself... but I was alive to complete one task... I saw Manik coming... he smiled at me... I saw him... he had turned to a big boy now... he came and sat beside me...I would have love to meet these people before but now all I wish to stay far from the world... because now this world scared me to death... there was a time when I used to face everything bravely... but now I am not the same anymore... I just looked at him... his eyes had tears... his eyes were red... he looked exhausted... was he in some problem?
Manik:- Hello... I know it is not the right time to talk to you... I am practicing Doctorate... I am still not a Doctor... I am a student... I was returning from the orphanage with my friends... it was my sister's birthday so we had gone there...You know we all knew my sister in some or other way...we knew her when we were small... we all are together just to find her...We were returning and we saw you... By your way I got to know what must have happened... that's the reason I did not take you to the hospital but called my senior doctors here... they treated you... they are trusted people... they won't tell anyone... this was a police case but because of me, they let this matter go... You know when I had taken you in my arms and carried you to the farmhouse... I felt a very deep connection... when we reached here I cleaned your body... the doctors were on their way... That's when I saw your birthmark and the bracelet which I had given you...Jaan you know my heart was bleeding when I saw you in that way... Never in my worst dream, I had thought I would meet you in this way... You know I had gone to different schools in every standard in different states just to meet you... maybe I would meet you there... but I never met you... but I got Jennifer, Mahii, and Nandini who once knew you... I got to know about you from them... they did not have full information about you... but something was better than nothing... after that we all became friends and our aim was only to find you... You know that day, it was my first time I was driving you to know we are still minors... I was scared...but see where my car led me... I know you are not in proper condition... I want to know many things but for now, only you are important to me... nothing more... Shehnaaz remember that you were my first love, my first friend, my only cousin... you still hold a special place in my heart... Jaan you are out of danger but that doesn't mean you are fine now... I and our group will take care of you for 6 months...I know you will tell me you can take care of yourself and you don't need us...But We all are going to live here with you in this farmhouse... and Don't worry you are safe now with your Mani... your Mani would take care of you from now on... Jaan I know you won't say a word to me now because you don't want to talk but if you feel like talking or if you want anything I have kept one mobile near the bed call me whenever you want... I am here only... he went outside the room after telling me he loves me a lot so please come back to him... as his sister... was it so easy?... was it so easy to get back to the way I was?... was it so easy to be the same Shehnaaz I was?... was it so easy to be the same Confident, brave and hardworking girl?... was it so easy to talk to people?... because now I am scared of men around me... I was scared even to talk to my Mani... he was my small bro... my small champ... though we were of the same age still he was small to me... Today I am scared of this world...my heart was broken into thousands... my soul was ripped thousands of times...suddenly there was a void in my life... I feel like leaving every damn thing but I can't.
That's when I started doing a painting to express my feelings... because my music was gone... I was not allowed to sing because of that contract... my soul was taken away with that contract... those 6 months I had very less talk with those 6 people... they tried to make me feel happy... but that was not that easy... Mani understood my situation and he never forced me for anything... He used to refill my paints when it was empty in those bottles... he used to make whiteboards ready to paint before I wake... He even gave me one of the small houses outside the farmhouse to paint... that small house's wall had so many paintings sometimes it was my feeling of the broken and ripped soul... sometimes it was of Raj Shukla... I had missed him so much... I so wanted to go and cry on his lap and tell him what I went through... but I was scared to go to a crowded city again... I was scared what if he forgot me... what if he is happy in his life and don't want me in his life... I was so scared that I used to shiver badly and used to get panic attacks... it was Mani who used to look after me... if he was not around then it was Jenni, Mahii, Nandini, Harshad and Jay...my that small house had these people's painting because they are the people who had given me this life and I don't know to thank them or scream at them that why did they save me?... My 6 months were spent in this farmhouse... this place was away from the people, city that it felt like I was spending my months in a small world.
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It was one of the days when I had an argument with Mani... yeah I was opening with these 6 people... he wanted me to travel and enjoy the world... he wanted me to see the beautiful nature of the world just because I had told him I would love to go every part of the world to see how our nature is...I had just told him because he was nagging me for a week to know my one wish which will make me distract from everything... of course, it would be impossible for me to forget the beautiful lessons which life gave me... so to leave this topic I had told him and from then he wants me to go on a world tour... I did not want to go away from here... this place was safe to me... I did not want to go out in the world... I wanted to hide from the world by staying here... but Mani was bent on making me go on a world tour... after a lot of emotional blackmailing he made me agree to it... with a promise that he was going to join with me on the world tour after few days... till then I go ahead and enjoy my tour...
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It's been fifteen days since I am on a world tour... I had spent my first week in Bali near the beaches... roaming around the beaches... drinking some wine and sitting on the shore watching sunset and sunrise and the moon and the stars... I used to watch how people were enjoying themselves... couple having their gala time... how one week ended in Bali I did not get to know... Their Art, Their culture, Their forests, Their wildlife, Those beaches, Those villages, those waterfalls, and scuba diving everything was beautiful...
My another week was in Dubai was adventurous... those sky diving, those skyscraper buildings, those artificial fountains, those resorts, theme park, water park, snow park, those gardens with varieties of flowers, those desserts, that culture and heritage...those spa and wellness centers... it was a well spend week in Dubai.
My next stop was Switzerland - the heaven of the earth that's what it was called... Mani was supposed to meet here by the fourth day... It was my second day... my hotel was on the remote side where there was a mountain on one side and a lake on another side... This place gave some other feeling... something was strange... so I left the hotel and started roaming around... when I saw a beautiful cottage... it felt like a home... I was just observing the cottage when I saw a couple... their back was facing me... it seemed that the lady was angry with her partner... and that partner was manofying her... it was a cute scene... when a boy I guess went to them and he was working there I guess as a servant maybe... That boy was used to their fights I guess therefore he went casually and kept breakfast on the table in the garden... when I saw their faces... I smiled at them... they were busy in their world to even notice me... I smiled sadly at my fate...I have cried a lot of times... but never like today...today it was beyond my control...today I could not even control myself...I thought I have learned to control my emotions but see here...I so wanted to run away from everyone and hide in that farmhouse again... I so wished I would have never come here... I so wanted to laugh at my fate... I could not get any damn thing in this world... but that world doesn't even care...I wanted peace... My body was not tolerating these things... it felt like I would die here... I was feeling suffocating here... I have never ever felt so broken...ever... sorry broken was a very small word for me...I was worn out...Today in the real sense SHEHNAAZ KAUR GILL DIED...Today I was broken beyond repair... no one will be able to heal this Shehnaaz...I lost the battle of my life in the real sense... those bastards could not harm me the way I am today... Today I got to know that there would be no love in my life ever... SHEHNAAZ KAUR GILL WAS BORN TO CRAVE FOR EVERYTHING AND SHE WILL DIE CRAVING FOR EVERYTHING...I lost my battle forever... these feeling of betrayal was making me suffocate...but he never promised so I was never betrayed... I have lost all my hope today...For everyone I was never a priority...my this poor soul had just expected too much maybe from life... Shehnaaz never expects anything from anyone, Shehnaaz never,... I said to my heart...which smiled sarcastically... learned lessons... checked it...not even from you close ones...infinity ticked...my mind said.
Suddenly I felt a strange sickness in my head...I felt like very sickness in my head...I could see some blurry image of my surrounding... I took a support of near tree and sat under it...everything in front of me was blacking out...I knew that I was not fine from my last incident...But this was something I did not experience...After some time I again started walking near my hotel because it was hardly a 5-minute distance from where I was now...I somehow dialed Mani's number... because I felt like I was going to die...but he did not received... I went to the hotel very hardly... the lift was not working... my room was on the second floor... I took the stairs... taking the support of railings I was taking the steps and when I reached my room... there I saw Mani...he came early to meet me... my Mani was opening the door... I whispered Mani with all my strength and he turned to look at me at the source of the voice and that was it...I lost my sanity... I lost my grip on the railing... my balance was so weak... I fell on the ground and rolled from the stairs... I could feel my internal bleeding inside my body... my head was blasting... this pain was unbearable.
"Jaan" I heard a loud pitch from Mani...I smiled at him...where I could feel him panicking..."Please Jaan don't lose your conscious...Please I have only you in this world...I did not understand why he said he had only me... he had people around him who cared for him...
I am done with my life now... Can I die now at peace?... Please that so-called God I beg you to let me die now...I don't want to live anymore.
I tried to blink my eyes... tears were not stopping...not because of that physical pain but from betrayals...I have got till day.
And You God,
Thank you for this life and its beautiful lessons and trust me, I am remembering this in my last breath too.
Now I am done with this life... please take me away... I did my part I guess... I am done with this world and people.
Goodbye.
Urs.
Sorry scratch that
Not so worthy,
Shehnaaz Kaur Gill...
End of Shehnaaz's Diary.
she lost her consciousness...she closed her eyes to die... she was ready to face death after completing her struggle of 18 years... but was that her fate?... Will Anupam be happy now as she was going to die?... Who was that man who kidnapped her?... Who were the kidnapper's close men? ... the left and right hand of kidnappers?... Who was the lady?... What was her last wish?... Why did she break down suddenly in Switzerland?
Are you having doubts about these questions then you will know soon.
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Any guess on the end of Shehnaaz's flashback?
What happened to her suddenly?
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