I woke up and my heart was racing. I don't know why it happens but I'm used to it. I lay on my bed until my thoughts and heart calm down then I go do my hygiene. 'I need to go to therapy' I think to myself in the shower. I can't self diagnose and I say all these with caution but I think I have Cptsd and performance anxiety. Sounds right but who's gonna tell my mom that. I sigh and get out the shower and get dressed.
My bad for not introducing myself . Wassgood I'm Tyla, 5'5, like most people I had a tough childhood, I'm a nice person but my heart has been broken so many times so my niceness is diminishing. I live alone with my mom who's gaslit me so many times I don't know what to believe anymore so I stay away from her. I sigh again and put my chain on then check myself in the mirror and go out to the kitchen.
"Good morning,".
"Good morning baby," she says to me smiling.
Why is she smiling. I've never understood why people who abuse you mentally and emotionally like smiling as if everything is good. People are weird honestly. I take my food and dig in. I must admit it's delicious but what if she poisoned it?. Sigh again.
"When will you ever smile or be happy my child," she asks still smiling.
"When I heal from all the pain you caused me," I say looking in her eyes.
"I never caused you any pain," she said.
I got heated instantly. I stood up and took a deep breath.
"NOW how in the ENTIRE FUCKERY do you know that? How sure are you of that? Have you ever asked me how I feel? Have you ever ASKED YOURSELF how what you did to me has affected me. Bitch, listen here. You cannot and I say this disrespectfully you CANNOT decide my emotions based on your assumptions. You've never cared about me, only about what I can do. Which is why you weren't here for most of my life. Fuck you and your entire existence, I'm going to school," I finished then took my bag and went to my car.
I put my head in my hands and let some tears drop. I'm tired of fighting them. I start my car and play Rod Wave. "Rags 2 riches," I sing bobbing my head. I get to school and sit in my car for a minute. I remind myself to take it easy today and one day at a time. *exhales. My heart is so tired honestly. I spot my best friend.
"Ace!!," I shout getting out of my car and she looks at me smiling.
"What's good Dawg," she says dapping me up.
"Not much but I'm standing 10 toes, you?,".
"My tits," she says smiling. She's so random.
Her tits do look nice though...but I can't think that, not because she's a stud but she's my best friend. I must admit, studs do have nice tits.
"Let's go nigga," I say and we leave.
It's lunch now and school has been boring but okay. Ace is flirting with somebody in the corner and I'm going to get my books. I ate already so I'm Gucci. As I finish getting my books someone closes my locker and pins me to the lockers. I don't know who this mother fawker is but they're getting beat today.
I look up and see none other than Ken herself. I never neither do I ever speak to her so I don't know why she hates me. Before I know what's going on she's already punched me and she's smiling. I drop my bags and punch her back. We go at it and she gives up but I keep going. Two people pull me off her and hold me tight. "Put me down nigga what the FUCK did she think this was. I don't know why she hates me but I'm going to give her a reason to today," I say then get out of their grip and go at her again. When I was done I was heaving and I looked at her and she looked shocked.
"Leave me alone," I said then I went home.
My mom went to work so she isn't here until 8pm. I went to my room and showered then made food for myself. While it was warming up I sat and thought. Was I wrong for beating her up? No the hell I wasn't because she's been hitting me for no reason. I took my anger out on her but who's to say she hasn't been doing the same. I shrugged and went to get my food. This shit tastes good. I ate it up then went to take a nap.
My phone vibrated waking me up.
"Wassup who's this," I say after answering.
"Nigga why the hell did you just leave school like that without telling me. Are you good?,".
"Yeah I'm good, wanna come over and face time?,".
"What do you.....ohhhhhh! Nigga you're nasty as fück and no," she said laughing.
"I'm just playing Ace but what did I miss at school?,".
"Me of course," I can hear the smirk in her voice.
"You dumbass, that's not what I mean," I laugh.
"You missed the homework, which I'll text you and Tae was looking for you," she sounded curious.
"Who is Tae?,".
"The girl you beat up,".
"Interesting. Okay nigga stay safe give head and do your homework bye!,".
"Bye nigga!,".
I love my best friend man. She's been there for me since I was 8 and it's been 11 years now. Yes I was held back but that's cool. Ace sent me the homework and it's a lot. So I get to it. After 2 hours I'm finally done and dinner is ready. I go and eat and thankfully my mom isn't there. I said what I said and I've been keeping it in for a long time. It's finally out and I'm happy.
I'm about to doze off on my bed when a random number calls me. I'm bold so I answer.
"Hello person,".
"Uh hi,".
"Who's this," their voice sounds familiar.
"It's Tae,".
"What the fuck!,"
Wonderfurr
What are your thots? I mean thoughts?