Lucas and I aren't dating.
So, hence I should feel no need to be angry by what he is doing to me right now.
He stated he like me, but he doesn't want me to be his girlfriend. We were both clear on that.
Yes, I wanted more, but I wasn't going to sit there and beg for Lucas to finally conform to me.
It was stressful and I was tired of it. I felt like I was being hung on a stick for Lucas's pleasure. He comes to my room when he wants me and I give in. I'm weak. But, then in school and other places, he holds me at bay. He talks to me, but he doesn't try for us to be any closer to draw any kind of attention.
One day I got fed up and asked him to tell me what he means about his relations with Sally. What he meant when he said that they were in something deeper than I can imagine.
He, instead, brush off the conversation. Telling me that I don't need to hurt my pretty little head about it.
I tried another day for him to at least tell me more. Not the whole thing, but more. He got angry, spewing "Why am I even worried about him when I have Levi".
The words shut me up.
So, I did what he said and took my attention away from something that was draining me. It wasn't what I needed to put my energy in, obviously.
The result of me minding my business made Lucas turned into some sort of player in the following days.
Every day in the halls he had another girl sucking on his neck, kissing their cheek, or basically feeling them up.
The first time I was livid and I went to approach them, but Madi stopped me. Shaking her head and reminding me that Lucas was not indeed worth it.
That we weren't dating and I was only going to embarrass myself like last time. So, as much as I felt long nails scraping over my heart as I passed by him, I did nothing.
I did nothing when we had Physical Education and he had one of the cheerleaders practically riding him on the bleachers. I practically just run until I couldn't feel my lungs anymore.
I did nothing when I went to my locker and saw him pulling a girl into an empty class before winking over to me.
I did absolutely nothing when we sat in class and he practically was whispering dirty things to Lizzie behind me. Loud enough for me to hear. Dirty enough for me to feel my heart shatter with every word.
I don't want it to hurt me, but it does. It just does and I hate myself for even falling in like with one of the members of the Bad Crew.
I knew they were trouble when they walked in.
However, my situation was not like Madi's own.
The more Lucas and I filled in the line between us to make it thicker, the more she and Flint practically erase theirs. They were cute and understanding of one another.
He sat with us every day at lunch, even without his other counterparts such as Matt and Lucas. I see him walk her to class, his name on her buzzing phone screen when she's in class, and the way he looks at her too. It looks familiar to the way Lucas once looked at me. Then again, at this point in time, I am starting to think I imagined it all.
Maybe, he didn't like me. Maybe he just said that because he just wanted to have some control over me. To get me to stay his pon. Now, that I was no longer playing by his rules, he was now taking revenge.
To be honest, I don't know if I can play along.
~~~
"I feel like the blood-red dress would be ideal for you," Madi said as she see me spin around in an emerald sequins dress. It was a body con dress that stopped to my ankle and had a squared neckline.
"What's wrong with this?"I frowned, looking down at the dress.
"Eh," Madi scrutinized, "It's nice, but I just like the red so much better" she smiled up at me with puppy eyes.
I loved the red too, but it was totally different than what I would ever wear. I loved comfortable clothes. Clothes that were not fitting to my shape and leave room for me to actually move around.
The red dress was not that.
It was like a second skin as the lace top part glitter over my torso and arms. It had this beautiful design etched into the fabric as it runs down to my fingers. The back was out, showing a very bit much of it and then the sequins take over from my waist down. It was still tight-fitting around my hips and butt, but once it reached my knees it flared out.
It was beautiful. Gorgeous can even describe it, but I just knew that if I wore it I would be the center of attention and I wasn't sure if I wanted that right now.
"No no." Madi got up in her second option which was a white dress. It was a simple, silk dress that had spaghetti straps and a back out that had a frail ending just above the hips. "You're overthinking. That dress is beautiful. I'll get it for you. You deserve to wear that"
"I don't know, Madi. I like simple" I whine going back into the changing room to get out of this dress.
"Yes, but you aren't that. It's our last grade here. We need to go out with a bang in everything we do. Get it!" she burst through the curtain almost giving me a fright as I zip down the dress.
"I think I'm already going out with a bang" I mumbled. Madi caught on, her eyes widening with conclusion.
"That makes it even more necessary for you to wear that dress. Give Lucas exactly what he's missing. Show him who's boss here. He thinks he's winning, R. Show him that you already own the game" she stepped behind me, putting her hands on my shoulders.
"Are you really pep talking me into getting that dress, right now? " I stared into her eyes through the mirror.
She smiled nervously, "Is it working?"
I rolled my eyes, finally succumbing to Madi's persuasion.
"Yes!" she screamed.
"Under one condition" I raised my finger stopping her in her tracks. She looked at me with fear and I smiled.
"You have to tell me what's going with you and Flint, finally," I said to her and she became pale.
She knew a great deal of Lucas and I's situation but as for her and Flint, I was still left in the shade. It's not because of the lack of time we had together, but more on the fact that I was scared to know and she was scared to tell me.
I think it's time now.
She sighed. "Ok, fine" she mumbled. The sound of her phone blasting had her practically running from me to get it.
I stayed, putting on my clothes and eyeing the crimson dress in the corner.
There's no doubt the game that Lucas was playing with me was winning. If we had places, he would be in first place and I would be in the millionth. Was it wrong to say that I didn't want to play anymore considering that I already agreed to?
Would that be forfeiting? Therefore, automatically losing?
"Flint's here" Madi peeked her head back into the dressing room. She looked uneasy with giving me this information, so I did would a best friend would do.
"It's okay. I'm going to walk home" I gather the dress into my hand.
"Raine, you don't have to do that. I can dro-"
"It's okay, I feel like walking." I smiled at her and she looked down at the dress and then at me.
"Okay, but I'll take the dress for you" she said and I nodded handing it over to her.
Madi and I exchange a few words before she was invisibly handed over to Flint and then I was on the road walking home.
I didn't live too far from the mall and the walk was something I really did needed after lying to Madi about it.
The sun was warm on my skin, but the wind that was sweeping through my puff was enough to calm the attack. The weather was crisp and beautiful. It was almost winter now and the sun was definitely losing its power.
I loved Christmas just for this. It was cooler, more festive, and just joy all around.
My mind wonder to the Christmas when my dad was alive. The one where he carried us to pick up a Christmas tree. He loved carrying us to pick out a live Christmas tree instead of purchasing a tree that would last us forever. He said that the experience was a great bonding with his family.
He treasured it.
We treasured it.
I was almost close to home when I looked to the other side of the road and saw a group of guys leaning on a black car. It was a total of 4 of them and they were staring at me with a look that made me queasy instantly.
I have never seen them before.
One of the guys wore a glove, pulled up on his right hand, and a tattoo of a cross. The other 3 guys were unrecognizable because they were on the other side of the car and they wore hats, but the one leaning on the other side near me was more recognizable. He had a goatee, a dark mustache to match, and a beanie.
I really wanted to say that they weren't watching me, but their eyes have not moved from me since I looked up at them. I gripped my other hand more tighter and I felt my breath shortened even more.
"Hey" the man shouted and proceeded to step forward. My first instinct was to run. However, as soon as the thought consumed me a hand clasp onto my shoulder. I screamed, spinning around to swing at the person to find Carol standing there with her face covered in a hoodie.
"Sorry, I did not mean to frighten you. Just stay calm" she said.
Stay calm?
Stay calm.
She looked above my head and I span around to see the men now in standing position looking at her.
"Tu perteneces a este lado?" she shouted over my head. I scrunched my face in confusion. I was not good in Spanish and I was sure that was it. I knew a bit of French and I didn't recognize any words she said. So, yeah I was going with Spanish.
The guy who screamed Hey to me, look at her and then to me.
"¿Qué pensaría Rajah?" she said again. The guy face grew tight and then he stepped back, spinning around to the other guys.
"Otro momento" he said, his voice gruffed. It sounded as though he was grunting.
I watched in shock, all along with Carol's hand on my shoulder as the 4 men jumped into the vehicle and practically sped out of here.
"Raine, I need you to calm down okay" Carol looked back to me, her crystal blue eyes going over my face in worry. When her hands reached for mines it stilled the tremors that was going through me.
"Wer-were they going-"
"They will not bother you," Carol said, but she didn't sound too convincing as she looked back to where the car had been. "How about we get you home, yeah?" she wrapped her arm around my shoulders and started leading me to the house.
My mind would go 100 miles per minute and then suddenly it would stop and then go back to full speed again. I had questions, but my mouth wouldn't open to ask them.
I just stared at the ground with wide eyes as Carol led me to the door of my home and knock.
"What did you say to them?" I asked, my voice low but I am sure she heard me.
"I-" she began, but the door opened and my mother stood there with a confuse look on her face.
"Why are you knocking, Raine? Don't you have your key?" she looked over at Carol and then back to me. "Raine?"
"Can we come in?" Carol asked and my mother backed away from us. When she closed the door, I ran to her and hugged her. She let out an oomph before she wrapped her arms around me and brought one of her hands to my hair to smooth.
"Whats going on?" My mother's voice became harden.
"She's in shock, I think," Carol said behind me. My mother tried to pull me away, but I just wouldn't let go of her.
In this world right now, there are young girls like me going missing every day and I just couldn't get the thought out off my mind that I was going to be another statistic. That they were going to kidnap me. I shuttered of the possibilities from that and then I felt the wetness on my face.
"Why?" my mother asked, her body tightening around me. I started sobbing as I thought more about the way the guys were looking at me. What would they have done if not for Carol coming to my rescue?
Why were they even there?
"Its okay, Raine. It's okay" she cooed as she smooth my hair.
"I haven't told you everything," Carol said. I felt my mother's hand still, but then she continued moving them again.
"We'll talk about this later. For right now, I need you gone" she said.
Over my sobs I heard the sound of the door opening and then it closed.