NORMAL, EVERYDAY STUFF
Riley opened the sofa-bed and fitted the sheets and blanket that Gabriel had provided before excusing himself to sleep. He grabbed the toothbrush that Alice had bought for him and poked his head into the bathroom where the woman was brushing her teeth.
"May I?" he asked.
Alice motioned for him to come in so Riley walked inside and closed the door behind him; the running water had created a nice warmth and the mellow light contributed to the general cosy feeling of the small room.
He joined Alice to the sink and begun brushing his teeth. Only the sound of the water filled the silence as Riley thought about what he wanted to say to the Alice to apologise for his behaviour at dinner. Now that they were finally alone, he wanted a chance to explain himself and make amends. But as their eyes met in the mirror, Alice grinned at him, her nose scrunched up in a cute way that had Riley melt in a chuckle.
All was forgiven apparently.
"Soon turned out, I had a heart of glass."Alice started to sing in falsetto as she splashed some water on her face and continued humming the song while carefully rubbing her skin with soap, scrubbing away every last trace of makeup.
"You're possibly the worst singer I've ever come across," Riley teased after rinsing his mouth, but the comment only prompted Alice to sing even louder.
Shaking his head, a grin still on his lips, Riley removed his t-shirt, but when Alice looked at him through the mirror, her face dropped into a childish frown.
"Oh, baby, you're hurt," she said, swiftly turning to inspect the purple bruise on his left side.
"It's nothing," Riley replied, but winced as Alice's wet fingers skimmed across the tender spot in his ribs.
"They could be broken," Alice observed. "You should have it checked out."
"It's just a bruise," Riley reassured her, wiping a droplet of water falling from her chin.
"Oh, you're such a tough guy," Alice mocked, faking a rough male voice.
"Fine," the man relented with an eye roll. "It hurts like hell. Happy now?" he asked, removing the rest of his clothes.
"Very happy now," Alice replied with an eyebrow wiggle, shamelessly scanning Riley's naked body as she leaned against the sink.
He walked into the shower, away from Alice's prying eyes, and opened the cold tap. Taking a deep breath, he stepped under the freezing stream, his head tilted back to allow the water to fall on his face, and he started to count down from ninety. The cold and the progressive lack of oxygen forced his brain to focus on the task, freeing it from all the overwhelming emotions that had been cluttering during the day. In the background, Alice was still humming her tune, creating a warm feeling of comfort.
When the time was up, Riley moved away from the water. He allowed air back into his lungs with a deep breath that confirmed his ribs were, in fact, intact, and quickly opened the hot water, feeling his muscles immediately relax under the heat. From the gap in the shower curtain, Alice appeared lost in her word, busy scavenging the shelves of the sink cabinet.
"This is nice," she said, finally pausing her singing as she studied a pack of razor blades with curiosity.
"What is?" Riley asked, rubbing shampoo in his hair.
"This, us doing normal, everyday stuff and that," Alice explained, closing one cabinet door before moving to the other one.
"Yeah, I guess it is," Riley replied with a smile, infected by her chirpy mood.
"You guess?" Alice scoffed, her attention now on a bottle of aftershave.
Riley tittered in response as he squirted some body gel in his hands.
"Well, you know, I'd enjoy it more if the world around us wasn't falling apart."
"We'll be fine," Alice reassured him with a little shrug. Nothing ever seemed to bother her too much. Then she squeezed some aftershave on her hands and rubbed the product on her face with a final cheek clap, Kevin McAllister-style. Riley chuckled inwardly as he tilted his head back to rinse the shampoo off his hair. When he looked back at her, Alice was staring in the mirror. Her eyes were dark and void, so vacantly lost in her reflection that Riley wondered if she could see anything at all in the glass. Then she leaned closer, her head tilted to the side and back to centre and suddenly she smiled a joker grin that didn't reach her eyes. Her features relaxed briefly before she tried another smirk, this time natural and warm then, with a blink, she was back to reality. That's when she noticed Riley looking at her through the mirror. Focusing on him, her lips rose slightly to the side, and she winked at him before moving away from the sink and sitting on the closed toilet seat, her knees to her chest.
"You're cute when you're wet, you're like a duckling," she said, looking at him through the curtain gap.
"Is it supposed to be a compliment?" he asked, but Alice shrugged a little.
"If you want," she replied.
"I like compliments." Riley winked.
Alice kept her eyes on him. The smile disappeared from her lips as she bit them softly.
"You have an amazing body," she said, her voice velvety.
"Thanks," Riley replied, feeling suddenly shy under the woman's persistent glare.
"I love your brain too," she admitted. "It's just so... stimulating," she added, saying the last word with a half-smirk.
Riley studied her face with admiration as he ordered, "Come here."
Alice silently stood and slowly took her clothes off. Her arms rose to her head as she put her hair up in a bun, allowing Riley to take in her naked body; then she stepped into the shower and he pulled her close in a tight hug, his lips in her hair as he gently stroked her back.
The feeling of her skin against his was almost liberating, and he felt the last of his tension dissipate through their touch.
"Are you cold?" he asked after a moment of silence, feeling the goosebumps forming on her skin.
"No. I'm just...calm," Alice replied, her lips tickling his chest.
Riley smiled in her hair, but still moved so that Alice was now under the running hot water.
He closed his eyes and took in the moment: the relaxing sound of the shower, Alice's steady breathing against his chest and the feel of her hair around his fingers; it was perfect.
And terrifying.
It scared him to know he would have taken a moment like this over any wild sex Alice was willing to offer. He didn't even want to begin to think what having feelings for her could mean. After the emotionally demanding day he'd had, holding Alice was like finding a perturbing oasis of peace. Alice had been constant in his unravelling thoughts, the blood on her hands the only stain of colour in his grey emotions. Nevertheless, he couldn't think of anyone else capable of giving him the same type of comfort. Alice was the poison and the antidote.
"Are you OK?" Alice asked suddenly, her voice sleepy.
"I'm perfect, why?"
"Your heart is beating faster," she replied, moving her head so that she could better hear his heartbeat.
"It must be the heat," Riley lied.
Alice looked up at him and smiled sweetly as her arms wrapped around his neck. She said nothing, but her eyes were scorching on him, dragging him in.
"Sometimes you're such an oweful liar," she teased.
Riley sneered, nuzzling her forehead. "OK, maybe it's the naked wet lady in the shower with me."
Alice sunk her fingers in his wet hair, playing with the strands at the bottom of his neck. "Is that all?"
Riley looked down at her and held her a little closer; he knew there was no point in lying to her because she'd always been able to call his bullshit and see right through him.
He sighed. "Today's been tough," he said simply. "I like to think that I'm invincible, but clearly I'm not." He sneered a little sheepishly.
Alice moved her hand to his cheek and stroked his skin with her thumb as she studied his eyes attentively. "Did anything else happen with Aidan?" she asked, and Riley shook his head.
"No, it's nothing like that," the man reassured her. "I've just... struggled a little to get my shit together, that's all."
"Are you scared?" Alice asked almost innocently, and Riley felt an immense fondness for her attempt at understanding his feelings.
"No, baby, I'm not scared," he denied, stroking her wet back with his knuckles. "Just a little overwhelmed."
"I'm sorry," Alice replied, kissing his neck. "But we are all humans, Riley. You don't have to think you're invincible. I too feel blue sometimes," she admitted. "I may not be able to empathise with your emotions but I'm good at listening if you need to talk."
Riley pulled Alice against him and rocked her in his arms, swinging softly from side to side, letting the rhythm of the falling water cuddle them gently.
"Can I ask you something?" he said after a moment of silence.
"Mm-mm," Alice hummed against his skin.
Riley pulled back and looked at her. "That man you killed this morning," he started.
"Which one?" Alice queried, now looking up at him.
"The first one," Riley explained. "What did you feel when you killed him?"
Alice's head tilted to the side as confusion filled her eyes. "What do you mean?"
Riley thought about it for a moment, not sure how to rephrase such a simple question.
"I mean, what was going on inside you, in your mind?"
Alice's eyebrows furrowed and her eyes darted around his face as if she could find the answer there.
"He was a threat, so I knew I had to get rid of him," she replied eventually.
Riley sighed, unsure of how to approach the next question. He tucked a curl behind her ear before asking, "But...did you enjoy it?"
Alice's eyes travelled around Riley's face again, evidently dwelling with whatever was going on inside her mind.
"Yes, in a way," she whispered and her answer cause Riley to hold his breath. But Alice must have sensed his subtle reaction because her shoulders slumped a little when she said, "I'm not a sadist, Riley. I don't take enjoyment from inflicting physical pain," then she glanced away before speaking again. "It's just that when I do kill I... feel."
Riley was momentarily speechless at Alice's admission. He let his thoughts race expecting to find fear and disconcert, but all he saw was acceptance and understanding. How could he judge her when he could shoot man after man and feel nothing? Who was he to decide what reaction was more appropriate for taking a person's life?
Was he more righteous only because he had chosen to detach himself from his actions while Alice leaned into them unapologetically? Did his posthumous guilt make him any less of a murderer?
"Is it because of what I did that you were upset today?" Alice's dry voice dragged him from his thoughts like a slap.
"No, baby, no," Riley replied as he pulled her close again. "I could never blame my deranged mind on you, Ally. It wouldn't be fair."
***
Riley switched off the light and slid into the sofa bed next to Alice; it had been a long, exhausting day and yet, sleep seemed to have vanished the moment he'd lay his head on the pillow.
The room was dark but the light coming from the window near the entrance illuminated the space with a cold, white hue and he could see Alice's eyes searching his face.
"Are you tired?" she whispered.
"Very," Riley admitted. "But I can't sleep."
"Same," Alice replied, stretching like a kitten.
They were both quiet for a while; in the distance, a late train ran past the building with its rhythmic noise and the siren of an ambulance briefly claimed their attention until its shrill faded into the sounds of the city.
"What do you feel when you kill?" Alice asked, breaking the silence.
Riley rested his arms over his head and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he kept them fixed on the ceiling. "Nothing," he admitted, his voice bitter.
Alice shifted next to him, turning on the side and leaned on her elbow. "Do you feel guilty after?" she asked, her fingers mindlessly playing with the neck of his t-shirt.
Riley nodded. "I guess I do," he replied.
Alice sighed and let herself fall back on the bed. "I didn't mean to scare you today.
Now it was Riley's turn to turn towards her; he gently grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. "You didn't," he said sternly, then sighed. "I'll be honest Ally, I was a bit staggered; I wasn't expecting to see you so... fascinated by the blood," he said, carefully studying Alice's reaction to his words, but the woman didn't falter.
"Are you afraid of me?" she asked, her finger tracing the shape of his lips, her soft touch electrifying.
"Yes," Riley admitted in a whisper.
"Do you think I will hurt you?" Alice asked feebly, her eyes burning into Riley's.
The man took her hand and kissed her fingertips.
"No Emily, not because of that but because..." he searched her beautiful face and his heart started to beat fast again.
"Because?" Alice pressed, her expectant eyes on him.
Because the way I feel about you scares me to death. Because those feelings make me doubt my sanity. Because I know I shouldn't rely on you so much. Because you have my heart in your hands...
"Because you're the strongest and most overwhelming woman I've ever met," he said, eventually.
Alice didn't reply to his words but moved closer against his chest, leaving no space between them, and Riley wrapped his arms around her, stroking her hair until her breathing became more regular.
"I can feel when I'm with you..." Alice whispered against his t-shirt, her voice sleepy and so low that Riley wondered if she'd said anything at all. Still, he held her a little tighter and rested his chin against her head and like that, he finally fell asleep.
***
A loud noise at the door woke Riley. In less than a second he was fully awake and sat on the edge of the bed; his eyes wandered to the digital clock over the TV: midnight. He scanned the room but in the half-light, all seemed normal; next to him, Alice was sleeping peacefully.
When a second deaf thud came from the door, Riley darted up and with a quick step he was by the table where he found the knife Alice had used for the pie; he grabbed it, closing his fingers tight around the handle and moved next to the door, hiding in the dark to the side of it, ready to strike, his heart pounding and his brain focused.
A moment later, the door slammed open, casting two shadows on the floor. Without giving the intruders time to enter the flat, Riley jumped out of the dark and was quickly on the man closest to him. Wrapping his arm tight around his neck, Riley pulled the man against his chest and aimed the knife straight to his throat.
"Riley, no!"