"What the hell is going on?" Lieutenant Hemmings asks, as we all enter the room with different expressions on our faces.
It's clear that he's pissed considering we all know something that he clearly doesn't. I'm sure he hates being left in the dark and this just isn't making it any better as we all have expressions of fear on our faces.
My entry certainly didn't make it any better as I pushed my way in without any explanation.
"You may want to sit down for this," Major Hood says, as he sits down on the corner of Lieutenant Hemmings' bed, clearly knowing how bad this is about to be.
Lieutenant Hemmings seems skeptical but listens to Major Hood as he sits down on his bed as well and keeps his eyes on me. I can see the challenging look in his eyes as he's trying to make me break down and tell him what this is all about. I keep control of myself considering I know I need to go about this the right way.
He clearly knows this discussion is about me; I just am terrified for what's about to happen. I can't even fathom what he's about to say to me.
"Get into it, I'm not waiting all night," Lieutenant Hemmings says harshly, very unamused.
Everyone looks to me, knowing that I'm the one that can break the news. This is all on me and I can't push it off any longer. As much as I wish that I could easily just rip the bandaid off, everything inside of me freezes and I don't feel capable of doing so.
Why can't Michael or Major Hood just do it for me?
Taking a deep breath, I look down before fiddling with my fingers, "I-"
"Lila, it's okay," Major Hood says, as if encouraging me to just spit it out rather than procrastinate talking about this any longer.
"Luke," I say staring him in the eyes, his name coming out of my mouth rather than his Lieutenant name. I want him to realize that this is a real conversation and this is a real issue we're faced with right now. I want him to look at me like a normal human being and realize that I'm struggling with this and wish that things weren't this way. So with that, I rip the bandaid off. "I'm Declan James' sister."
Lieutenant Hemmings' face goes sheet white as his mouth drops open in the slightest and he stares at me in pure shock. I can see the look of absolute disbelief as he seems speechless for the first time in his life. I sit there, not knowing what to say or do as I know this is about to turn to pure chaos.
"I didn't realize it was a big deal until-"
"Fucking hell," Lieutenant Hemmings mutters to himself as he closes his eyes and drags his hands through his hair aggressively. "Please, someone tell me this isn't true."
Everyone stays silent considering we all know well that this is true. Unfortunately, there's no hiding it now and the only thing we can all do is accept the truth. I shut my mouth and look down, terrified of what's to come but also anxious to finally receive answers.
"Where's Ashton?" Lieutenant Hemmings asks sharply making me look up as I wonder why he's asking for Ashton.
"Ashton?" I ask, confused why he wants him here.
"We're not discussing this further until Ashton's here," Lieutenant Hemmings says, getting up and storming out of the room without another word. I watch him in disbelief, not knowing what just happened.
I don't know what to make of his reaction as he's hardly said or done anything.
Nonetheless, I can't help but wonder why Ashton needs to be here.
I turn to Major Hood immediately, as Lieutenant Hemmings had already stormed out of his cabin and left us with little answers. I'm hoping Major Hood can explain further as I furrow my eyebrows.
"What does Ashton have to do with any of this?" I ask incredulously.
"He knew," Major Hood says simply.
This all makes sense to me as I'm sure Lieutenant Hemmings will put Ashton through hell once he finds out that he kept this from him. Obviously, Ashton knows that Declan and I are related and that's easy for any of us to put together. I don't doubt that he's just as screwed as myself.
"Is he really that angry?" I ask half-shocked.
I mean, I do understand why he's upset but I can't imagine actually being belistic. I understand we kept something big from him but how were we supposed to know how harmful it is?
Major Hood just lets out a laugh and nods his head, "You'll never see him angrier than you'll see him when he gets back. This is a big fucking deal."
"Why?" I ask, so frustrated considering no one has told me what the big deal is yet. What's the relationship between Declan and Lieutenant Hemmings? Why won't anyone give me the slightest bit of a hint?
"He's going to tell you, Lila. He can't hide it anymore. Especially now that he knows that you're Declan's sister."
What did Declan leave behind? What did he do to make speaking of him such a sensitive subject? And why won't Lieutenant Hemmings want to kick me out now that he knows? None of this makes sense.
Any possible scenario I could think of doesn't add up due to all the factors that play a role in this. I don't know how I can put any of these pieces together. I just hope Lieutenant Hemmings and Ashton get back here quickly.
I run a hand through my hair nervously and give Michael a look as if blaming him for this. I know that I'm going to get the answers I want and I can thank him for that but I feel like things are going to get a whole lot worse around here.
And I fear what that means for me.
"Relax Lila, nothing's going to happen to you," Major Hood says to me as he must notice how nervous I am.
I'm not sure if I believe him.
This is Lieutenant Hemmings we're talking about. He'll jump on any chance to make my life a living hell and I feel like this is going to give him that perfect opportunity. He's never going to let me live this down as I finally managed to prove myself.
Now I've backtracked completely and have given him a reason to absolutely despise me further. I don't know what I can even do to get him on my side at this point as I've definitely crossed the line now. There's no way I'll be able to heal this wound.
It isn't long before Lieutenant Hemmings and Ashton are storming in. I don't miss the look of alarm Ashton has in his eyes as he scans the room, seeming to take in the atmosphere with little answers. The second he spots me, he only seems more alarmed and I can imagine Lieutenant Hemmings didn't tell him what this was about.
I'm sure he just grabbed him the second he saw him and dragged him in here.
"Tell me it isn't fucking true, Ashton," Lieutenant Hemmings seethes at him his body towering over Ashton's as pure anger is written in his features.
I've seen Lieutenant Hemmings angry but Major Hood is right, I've never seen him like this. His face is practically red as one fist is clenched by his side and he looks as if he could kill Ashton Irwin.
"What the fuck are you-"
"You know damn well what I'm talking about," he yells, scaring me half to death. "Tell me it isn't true and that you didn't keep the fact that Lila James is the sister of Declan James this whole entire fucking time."
Ashton's mouth shuts as he looks to me with a look of shock on his face. This clearly wasn't a conversation he was anticipating as he seems speechless and absolutely stunned. I only look away, not knowing what to say as I stay silent. I don't want to say or do anything wrong because I fear the consequences.
"I didn't-"
"Declan James, Ashton!" Lieutenant Hemmings screams, loud enough to shake the whole entire campground. "Declan James' sister has been meeting with Damien, going on the west side's fucking campgrounds, and helping me with tricking them and you just left that out?"
"I tried to-"
"Bull fucking shit, Ashton!" Lieutenant Hemmings yells, slamming his hand against the wall so roughly that I'm surprised it didn't go right through.
I jump in fear as I'm just thankful he didn't take his anger out on Ashton. Instead, the wall had to face his wrath and I try not to let my fear show on every part of me. Major Hood was right, I certainly have never seen a side of him like this.
"Luke..." I try.
"And you," he says, turning around instantly and pointing a finger at me. "Do you know what danger you put yourself in being his sister and meeting with any member from the west side?"
Yes, and Carter was the one to tell me that.
"I didn't know the threat until I saw the-" I say, instantly cutting myself off when I realize how I lied about me not knowing who was on the targets. He's going to be only more furious when he finds out I lied about the mission I went on and left out the fact that I knew damn well who the main target was.
I saw the imminent danger in front of me and chose to lie to him regardless.
God, I really am screwed.
"When you saw what, Lila?" he asks harshly in a slow voice.
I sigh, knowing there's no way out of this, "When I saw Declan on the targets."
His face is red, so red that it looks as if it is about to explode. I want to close my eyes, just so I don't have to see the anger course through him but I know that I need to be alert or I'll face further consequences.
He squeezes his eyes shut in an attempt to calm himself down before shaking his head. He shakes his head multiple times, seeming to be in absolute disbelief as this is clearly a lot for him to take in.
"I need everyone out of here, right now."
I'm surprised by this.
He made such an effort to get Ashton and now he wants all of us gone? He's going to make me leave without giving me any answers. There's no way he's going to send everyone off just so he can make sense of all of this on his own.
I don't have much time to dwell on it further as he eyes me harshly.
"Besides you two," he says, pointing to Ashton and myself.
I gulp, knowing this isn't going to be fun and that I'm about to be reprimanded for the next two hours. I'm in no way going to get the easy way out of this and I have a feeling I'm going to have a beaming headache once this is all done.
Major Hood gestures for Michael to follow him and luckily he doesn't question it. They both shoot me a sympathetic look, knowing that I'm about to be ripped apart as they can see just how angry Lieutenant Hemmings is. I stand stiff, not knowing what to do as Lieutenant Hemmings paces around the room and mutters things to himself.
Major Hood and Michael make their way out of the room, leaving Ashton and I to ourselves and Liuetenant Hemmings. I wish desperately for someone to tell me that everything will be okay but I have little hope.
It isn't long before Lieutenant Hemmings turns his attention to us.
"What did that jackass say to you?" Lieutenant Hemmings asks me right away.
I look to him confused as I shake my head and ask, "What jack-"
"Don't play dumb with me, Lila. The jackass who practically had his down your pants; the one you knew from home," he says, staring into my eyes roughly.
Ashton's attention is on us clearly wondering who this guy is. I feel frozen, not knowing how to respond. Do I tell him the truth or do I keep it from him? However, judging by how things went the last time I kept something from him, I don't think keeping this as well will help me at all.
Maybe I need to come clean about what Carter's asking of me.
"Who had his hand down her pants?" Ashton asks roughly, anger taking over him as I can see that he's annoyed that he had been left out of this.
"Don't worry about it, Irwin-"
"I'm going to worry about it considering if it's someone she knows then it's probably someone I know. I can help fix it a whole lot better than you probably can if I know him," Ashton says, seeming to get angrier by the second.
Deciding I don't want them arguing over this anymore, I speak up and say, "Carter, it was Carter Hewson."
I can see the fury that takes over Ashton as he asks, "Carter Hewson as in the one Declan and I were friends with?"
"Yeah, that one."
I can see Ashton trying to mentally make sense of this as he shakes his head, "No fucking way. What is he doing-"
"Damien recruited him," I say, the thought of him making me sick to my stomach.
Ashton is about to speak up when Lieutenant Hemmings silences him and says, "Enough with the catching up on that asshole. Who gives a fuck? What I need to know is what he said to you."
God, do I tell him? I know it's only going to further infuriate him as this is another lie I'm going to admit to. However, it's evident that he probably can get me out of the predicament and it may be our only option at this point.
Lying to him further is the worst possible thing for me to do.
I sigh knowing I have to be straight up and say, "He told me if I didn't write to him and let them know of all of our plans as an army, he was going to tell everyone that I'm Declan James' sister."
Lieutenant Hemmings throws his head back in anger as his fists curl into balls at his side. I watch the way his jaw clenches and how the veins in his neck strain in absolute fury. If I wasn't scared out of my damn mind, I'd have the nerve to say that he looks certainly attractive when he's angry.
"And you didn't bother to fucking tell me?"
"He was going to tell everyone who I am!" I say, throwing my hands up in the air. "The second they all know, I'm dead. I knew you'd react in a way that would screw me over-"
"What makes you think I can't protect you, Lila?" Lieutenant Hemmings yells at the top of his lungs, making me take a step back in surprise.
Did I hear that right?
I stand frozen, not knowing what to say as I look to him in shock. I didn't ever think he would protect me. I thought I was just another soldier in his army. What makes him want to protect me?
"I need to be able to protect myself," I try nonetheless.
"Protecting yourself isn't hiding from me that you're Declan James' sister and that someone on the other side knows this," Lieutenant Hemmings says firmly, making a point. I pretty much set myself up in a situation of danger. "I can get you out of this mess a whole lot better than you could've ever done on your own."
I look down in shame knowing it was stupid to hide it as long as I did. Lieutenant Hemmings clearly knows what he's doing and has better solutions to these kinds of things that I would never successfully think of on my own.
I need to stop hiding things in fear when it means risking my own safety.
"You're right, I'm sorry."
The room falls silent as if everyone is shocked I had apologized for this. He does have a right to be upset and I should've been more upfront about something as serious as this. This isn't a game, this is my life at hands.
I can't keep making these dumb decisions.
Lieutenant Hemmings sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he looks to Ashton who seems to give him a look. I can't make sense of the look but it opens the floor for me to speak up and ask him the question that's been prodding at me. I told him what he wanted to know so I decide to take my chances and ask a question myself.
I run the words over in my head, making sure that I'm beyond prepared to ask him the taunting question that will hopefully bring me peace.
"What's your relationship with my brother, Luke?"
The room falls silent. In fact, it's so silent that you could hear a needle drop. I don't speak up, waiting for one of them to take the opportunity to as I don't look away from the sight of them. I'm not backing down from this question as I'm determined to get answers.
Lieutenant Hemmings looks away instantly and doesn't look at either me or Ashton. He juggles with the question for a moment and I don't take my eyes off of him, hoping to give off intimidation in order to get answers.
"Before I tell you, I need to know why the hell you're here in place of him, Lila James."
I look to Ashton who watches me carefully, waiting for me to provide the explanation. My attention turns back to Lieutenant Hemmings who stands in front of his window, his back turned to me as I assume this is his signal for me to start talking.
"He came home without an arm," I say, my voice cracking. "I knew he wouldn't last a minute out there with only one arm. Even if I had absolutely no experience or have never touched a gun in my life, I figured I'd have the slightest bit of a better shot than someone without an arm."
I notice the way he hesitates for a moment, almost dying to turn around and look towards me. I don't say anything, allowing for him to contemplate it as he proves this and finally turns to me, his face soft for the first time ever.
"I didn't want to come out here," I say, my voice cracking as I sound desperate for someone to understand. "I have a great life back home, I have an amazing family and love them more than anything in the world. However, I knew Declan or me were our only options and I wouldn't dare let him go out here if I knew it meant he wouldn't return."
Lieutenant Hemmings watches me carefully and intently as if listening to every single word I say.
"I filled out the form on my own and screwed with his alarm and snuck out. I didn't say goodbye to anyone and just up and left. He caught me walking onto the boat and begged me with everything inside of him not to go, but I knew I needed to. He's always protected me, and it was finally time for me to step in and protect him."
My voice cracks once again as I no doubt attempt to hold back a strong stream of tears. Letting this all out to Lieutenant Hemmings finally feels relieving. It's as if I feel like I can finally be myself here and I don't need to worry about hiding my identity.
He finally knows why I'm here and will now see how hard I'm going to work to stay.
"I can't go back home, Luke," I say, a tear rolling down my face as I hold his gaze, wanting for him to see my emotion. "I can't let Declan come out here and not return home. It'll kill me."
Ashton is quick to notice this as he rushes to my side and pulls me in for a hug, probably realizing just how weak I am right now. He knows how much my brother means to me and he knows I'd do absolutely anything in the world for him.
And that's why I'm here.
I hug Ashton back, appreciative of this small piece of home I get from him. He's been there with me since day one and cares about me more than anything. He knows I'd do anything for someone I love.
I just wish he didn't have to see me like this.
I hear Lieutenant Hemmings sigh as he shakes his head and looks down, "Ashton, do you mind giving Lila and I a minute? We need to talk about things."
Ashton lets go of me, seeming to know what Lieutenant Hemmings means by this. I only hope these things are the answers I've been begging for. Otherwise, I don't know how much longer I can wait.
"Yeah," Ashton says softly, giving me one last squeeze. "Lila, come find me if you need me tonight."
I nod my head, letting go of him as I wipe under my eyes to make sure there's no water in them. I want to look strong for Lieutenant Hemmings and crying isn't the way to do that. He's supposed to see me as a strong soldier and I hate coming off weak in any way.
Ashton heads out of the room, just as Michael and Calum did finally leaving Lieutenant Hemmings and myself. I don't know if I feel nervous or anxious as we're left alone, but I accept whatever feelings I have and prepare myself for the conversation to come.
Lieutenant Hemmings gestures for me to sit on the end of his bed so I do just that as I sit down and stare at my lap.
Lieutenant Hemmings is silent for a moment as he stares at his own lap, seeming to juggle his own thoughts. I'm sure he's trying to figure out where to start as this is clearly one hell of a mess.
"I had no idea you were Declan's sister, Lila" Lieutenant Hemmings says barely above a whisper. "I didn't know that was the reason you were out here."
I just nod my head, not knowing what to say.
"God, things would've been so different, Lila," he says, his tone seeming angry and frustrated all at once.
This makes me bite my lip, wondering what he means by this as I wait for him to continue.
"I knew your brother very well, he was one of my best friends in our army group," Lieutenant Hemmings says, making me look over at him and watch him carefully. Best friends? "Everyone loved him; he was easily the most loved guy in the whole army.
I watch him as he looks off towards the door of his room and shakes his head.
"He was a rule follower and always wanted to do things right," he continues, his voice sounding weak for the first time ever. "He always did things the way that they were supposed to be done and always encouraged us to do the same."
I smile, feeling proud of my brother. I don't doubt this as he's always been an incredible guy and never dared to do something for his own benefit if it didn't benefit everyone around him as well.
"Him, me, Ashton, and Calum were the best soldiers in our army, so we stuck together. We did everything together and had each others backs like no other," Lieutenant Hemmings says, his leg starting to bounce up and down as I don't fail to notice it.
I don't fail to notice the way he hesitates to continue as he seems to try to force the rest out of him.
"One night, we had too much to drink and decided to bribe the pilot to fly us to the west side so we could fuck with something of theirs."
My eyes widen at the thought and I feel my stomach twist up at what they could've possibly done. That seems like an incredibly idiotic idea and I can't imagine any of them actually thinking that it's a good one.
I can only imagine the repercussions.
"When we got there, we stole all their weapons and threw them on our plane so we would have them and they would have nothing," Lieutenant Hemmings says, making my eyes practically bulge out of my head. They did that? That's so incredibly gutsy and the thought is enough to make my stomach tighten. "Your brother tried to talk us out of it and say let's go back, but none of us listened to him. Hell, all he did was watch for us, he didn't even take anything. He knew it was wrong."
Lieutenant Hemmings shakes his head at himself as he drags his hands through his hair. I see the way his hand shakes as this story is clearly hard for him to tell.
"It was so fucking stupid to do, and I can't believe we ever thought we'd get away with it. They had cameras that caught us in the act so instantly we became their biggest targets, they wanted revenge."
The memory of their faces being targeted at flashes in my head as I try so hard to push the image out. The image makes me sick to my stomach as I can't imagine people acting so inhumane.
Nonetheless, it makes so much sense as to why I stumbled upon it that day. That's why they were practicing shooting at them; they're still completely out to get them. Of course, Declan had to face the consequences for it regardless of the fact that he didn't really do anything.
"We didn't think anything of it," Lieutenant Hemmings says. "We just thought we'd be fighting them just like any other soldier there."
He stops talking as he squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head once again. I watch him carefully, staying silent as I let him process what he wants to say next. However, my heart races in anticipation.
"Until we were in battle," Lieutenant Hemmings says, looking up at the ceiling. "We could see that they were adamant about coming after us and it didn't take a genius to tell why. They wanted their revenge and we quickly realized that."
Lieutenant Hemmings, shakes his head, refusing to stop as the pain is evident in his features.
"I was with your brother and we were on our own; having each other's back because that's what we did. We had each other's backs."
Not knowing where this is going, I nod my head and listen intently. However, I can tell the direction of this story is going to be good.
"We were hiding behind a bush when we saw someone from the west side. Declan wanted to go out of the bush and shoot them but I wanted to stay back until he came closer. He insisted and asked me to follow him in case anyone came from behind but I hesitated. I fucking hesitated, Lila."
Having a feeling as to where this is going, I feel my stomach drop as everything inside of me begs to plug my ears so I don't have to hear this.
"The second he left the bush was the second someone snuck from behind him and threw an explosive that almost killed him."
I feel everything inside of me burst into flames as hurt takes over every inch of me. I feel frozen in place as I also feel completely sick to my stomach as I can't find it in me to process this fully.
Declan had asked Lieutenant Hemmings to have his back, and he hesitated which led him to losing something so damn important to any human being. He thought that Lieutenant Hemmings had his back.
"I shot the two fuckers dead and hurried to Declan to see..." Lieutenant Hemmings stops as he squeezes his eyes shut once again, clearly in pain at the memory. "To see half of his arm had been blown off."
I feel my throat swell up at this as tears enter my eyes at the image of my brother. My brother who was left alone when he thought he had someone to look out for him. Instead, he was met with the greatest pain he'll probably ever know.
"It haunts me every night, Lila," Lieutenant Hemmings whispers as he finally looks to me. "It's the reason I can't sleep and am kept up all night. When I try to sleep, all I see is his arm and the look of pain in his eyes and the way he was so disappointed that I didn't have his back. It's my fault, I should've had his back. He's my best friend and best friends have each other's backs."
Tears roll down my cheeks as I shake my head and don't even know what to say to him in response. This can't be real. This absolutely can not be happening as I feel like I'm in a nightmare.
No way is this real life.
"If I had known you out of all people were his sister..." he says sympathy in his eyes. "I- things would've never been the way they were."
I know what he means by this as it's clear that if he had known, he would've never treated me as poorly as he did. He would've never screamed at me every day and made me feel so worthless. He would've maybe actually treated me with respect and as if I wasn't the enemy.
Especially because if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here.
I don't even know how to process this.
"I need time to think about this," I say, looking down at my lap and shaking my head.
"Lila..." Lieutenant Hemmings says, as he attempts to reach for me.
However, I quickly stand up and shake my head, "I need to be alone."
He shuts his mouth as if understanding my request. Hell, he out of all people should understand I'm not dying to be around him right now. I'm angry and upset Ashton kept this huge secret from me.
Instead, I'm just now finding out the truth to the most horrid thing to ever happen to my brother.
Here I was this whole time thinking I owed it to Lieutenant Hemmings to prove myself when in reality he should've been the one proving himself to me. He should've been the one working his ass off to get me to like him.
At this point, I owe him nothing.
Feeling anger course through every part of me, I get up quickly and grip onto the door handle to his room and in order to open it without another word. I walk out, feeling an overwhelming amount of exhaustion cross me due to these events. I don't even make it to my room before I collapse to the ground in tears.
How could any of this ever make sense?
a/n
andddd there u have it
more tea coming next chap considering there's a whole other piece to this all (:
whats everyone thinking/feeling????
poor declan bb
thank u for reading and for showing so much love! i love u all so much!!