trigger warning : mentions of domestic abuse and death
also guys, i'm going to be making original characters that will feature as the antagonists in this story- it'll be obvious so lol
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It hurts knowing
that no matter how much
she changes herself,
it's enough to satisfy the others.
It's never enough to satisfy
you.
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Ahn Hyejin felt as if her first class had went incredibly slow, already dreading the remainder of the school day as she thought about it. She find it quite miraculous on her confidence had immediately drained the moment she walked through those classrooms doors, seeing all of those eyes on her by the students in the class she doesn't even know the names to yet. If this what's going to happen to her every time she had to move schools, then there wasn't much to do other than to move, or to stay at the same place.
She became tired of constantly moving schools𑁋all for merely the same reason. And she hated it𑁋she knew the second she walked through those front doors of the school that there wasn't any going back. Yet if she had the option to go back, she most likely would have taken it, but her parents say otherwise. They were both spending so much money to enroll her into other schools, and Hyejin felt incredibly bad for them and putting all of that pressure on them.
She hasn't even experienced through the first day, and she's already hating it. All of the other students in her class all looked like they were planning some way to murder her with those eyes of theirs, and even though she might have felt superior before going inside of the school, she surely did feel incredibly small now. It felt as if she had been rehearsing for a play, developing a tremendous amount of confidence before all of it crumpling down the moment she would step onto the stage.
However, though, she never found herself exactly alone. The girl who she sat next to in her English classroom, whose name she discovered to be Jung Wheein𑁋though throughout the whole entire class, she never heard the girl speak a single word to her, or to anyone in the entire class. And as much as Hyejin was tempted to say something to her, she couldn't get herself too. In fact, while all of her 'classmates' were making remarks in her direction, Wheein wasn't, and somehow, it soothed Hyejin slightly that at least someone was humane in one of her classes.
As she traversed through her classes though, somehow at least almost every single person had recognised her or knew her name. Word must spread so incredibly fast throughout the school, and it only makes her groan to the thought as she finds herself walking down a near-empty hallway of the school on her way towards the lunchroom, where her assigned lunch was currently going on, and she had no idea where she was going at all even though the school was considerably small, yet she didn't want to ask for any sort of directions.
Hyejin nears the end of the hallway she was lingering in, stopping at the very corner of the wall as she peeked her head to the right, immediately noticing the grand line of students all in one-way traffic to buy their lunch. The sight makes her scoff; it wasn't like she was going to get caught not going to lunch anyways, and in fact, she can have lunch somewhere remote where no one can find and bother her.
Or so that's what she thought.
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Wheein sits herself down at the one empty table in the whole entire lunchroom, her back faced towards the wall behind her with her eyes observantly scanning throughout the faces of other teenagers around her. She watched as groups of students piled into the line to get food, and others walking to their tables with trays in their hands and sitting down with other people. A low mumbled sighs leaves her mouth as her eyes direct back down towards her opened sketchbook on the table, flicking her pencil onto the paper and creating tiniest pencil marks on the surface of the page.
When her eyes look back up, she narrows them to pay attention to the events around her, trying to capture the littlest details in her mind. At one side of the lunchroom, she could see where all of kids involved in athletics and physical activities were such as the dance team, who the President of the team is one of the popular exchange students by the name of Lalisa Manoban. The other members of the team were some girls named Kang Seulgi, two sisters names Lee Chaeyeon and Lee Chaeryeong, Kim Chungha, and Jang Seungyeon𑁋Wheein seemed surprised that she was able to recall most of their names.
At another table that was much closer to her, Wheein could clearly see a table of upperclassmen senior girls that were all well-known, deemed to be 'highly-intelligent' in some aspects, or involved in a variety of clubs at the school. Only two of them stuck out to Wheein though, and she remembers their names being Moon Byulyi and Kim Yongsun𑁋with Yongsun being involved in Student Council and Byulyi being her... close friend? Close acquaintance? Wheein doesn't know much about Byulyi, with most of her knowledge being revolved around the fact that she's especially close with Yongsun, and that she's for some odd reason rumoured to drive a motorcycle. Many of the students of the school seem to be intimidated by both Yongsun and Byulyi, and Wheein couldn't exactly get herself to figure out why.
Her near-photographic memory had been a character trait that she had been able to cherish for most of her life, and the fact how even the tiniest details that she can see through her eyes fascinates her. Most of her young years had been wasted up on the bed of her bedroom, pencil in hand with her sketchbook in front of her. Her eyes would trace the walls of her room, and she swore that sometimes she can see what's going on within the walls of her bedroom. She swore that she could see even the tiniest movement on her wall from even an insect.
The reason she had been isolating herself in her room is because leaving her bedroom and into the depths of her house scared her𑁋the reason being mainly her parents. She could vividly recall the times where she would hide herself under her covers as her parents would argue over or about her, or about the many different situations they were in. And most of the time, her father would win the never-ending screaming match, and her mother would end up crying and sometimes disappearing for some time.
When her father would leave for 'work', Wheein had tried her best to comfort her mother to the best that she can. She was only young, yet she taught herself how to cook for her mother on the days when she would be at her low, with the help of her grandmother as well, who immediately became her partner-in-crime when caring for her mother. Wheein was too young to understand the situation between her mother and father, but at that point, she only had one top priority task to fulfill𑁋to be her mother's shoulder to cry on.
On the days of their fights, she remembered she constantly told herself to never leave her room unless it was absolutely necessary. The only distraction that she was able to access was her sketchbook and music, so she would plug in earphones and raise them to the maximum volume so that the sounds of her music were loud enough to cover over the voices of her mother and father.
And it was one night when it got really bad; she was only 11 years old at the time, and it was a night that changed her life forever. Wheein had tried to distract herself from their loud screeching with her sketchbook and music as if it was a normal task. It was a particularly stormy night at that time, and so the loudness of her music were unsuccessful in covering up over their voices. Wheein had found herself to be giving up𑁋throwing the earphones onto the floor and cupping her ears instead as if it was a better option to hide their screams.
It wasn't, and she could only make out some faint words.
"So... going to leave... to that bitch?!"
"...Money..."
"You can't.... this house!"
"Do.... shoot... gun?!"
"You have... daughter! Marriage..."
"Shut... up!"
"I hate𑁋"
It wasn't until Wheein heard a loud crash that made her completely freeze in place on the bed, dropping the pencil from her hand and crashing onto the floor. Her heart had been beating a million miles an hour, and her anxiety had been raised through the roof. She couldn't bring herself to move at all, even if she tried𑁋she was just completely stunned to the events that happened right out her door.
And the last thing she could only visualise were the blinking of the blue and red lights from out her bedroom window, the rain still heavily pouring and aggressively slamming against the walls of her home. And the last thing that she remembered were the words that came from one of the doctors at the hospital:
"Time of death 2:42 a.m."
Reality hits Wheein like an incoming train, looking down at her sketchbook and seeing her own tears drop onto the page. She sighs, wiping the tears off her face with her sleeve and closing the sketchbook shut. For some reason, she had hoped to find a pair of arms wrapping around her to give her the comfort she hasn't received in years, however, that doesn't happen, as all of the students surrounding her continue to mind their own business.
She could only seek for the comfort of her mother, but of course, that would never happen again. The amount of times she could recall having her arms wrapped around her mother as the woman spilled her tears on her arms, or when her mother would have her arms around Wheein and cry on her shoulder. Wheein wished that she could do that with someone, some day, some time, in some other goddamn universe.
And ever since her mother died, her only source of guidance and care would be from her grandmother. Throughout the years, Wheein had witnessed her grandmother constantly going out to buy groceries for the two of them and persistently working even though she was old. And now that Wheein is old enough to get a job, it would be her turn to repay her grandmother for all of her efforts to support her. She had a million different ways of saying thank you to her grandmother for everything she has done for her ever since her father had excused himself from the family and her mother's passing.
Eomma, I miss you.
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"Look who it is, the new girl!"
The voice startles Hyejin, who feels a glare already forming on her face, turning around to meet eyes with a group of three girls approaching her. She immediately recognised them𑁋though not knowing their names𑁋feeling herself bracing with her posture heightened and the laser of her eyes directed towards them. The anger was already fuming inside of her body, and she silently hoped to the point that it would reach her peak to let out the evergrowing anger that she had been hiding for a long time now, even at her previous schools.
However, one of the girls only step a large step closer to her, pinning Hyejin against the wall to the point that she could feel the girl's intense and commanding breaths graze against her skin.
"Yah, what the hell is your problem?" Hyejin struggles to release the grasp of the girl in front of her, but she wouldn't budge. "Get off of me, will you?" The other girls also surround her and close off the areas of where she could potentially escape. Their presence immediately overwhelms Hyejin, but she tries her best to not let her vulnerability takeover her in a moment like that. Instead, she allows the filter of irritation cover up her face as the girls enclose her once more into the wall. And if she had the possible chance of phasing through the wall, she would already be in whatever room was behind her at that moment.
The girl who was in front of her presses herself closer to Hyejin, a smirk on her face, "Look at her, she looks like she's about to cry!"
Hyejin momentarily lifts a brow of puzzlement, hearing the laughter coming from the girls constantly echoing throughout her head. She could feel the constant pounding of her heart as their laughter continued to grow louder, making her dive deep into the memories that were slapping against her face hard.
Don't show them your weak side, Hyejin tells herself in her head. D-Don't show them... your weak side.
She felt as if she was in the middle of a game of tug-of-war with her emotions. They were hard to control𑁋the anger and the vulnerability. She could either explode into a heap of anger, or become swallowed up in the tears of her own sanity. At this point, as much as she tells herself she's used to the comments of other people in regards to her looks or her 'negative' behaviour, it still affected her as much as she consumes those thoughts for herself and keeps it inside.
"She looks just like a slut..."
"Just look at her, how can anyone else think she's pretty?"
"God, she's just so ugly to look at..."
Hyejin could feel the blood boiling to exponential temperatures inside of her. Despite fighting herself to keep herself from exploding onto the girls, the habit of taking in all of their words furtherly ignites the bomb that was waiting to go off at any given moment. She could feel her fists clench and unclench at her side, her vision blurring from the struggling tears that were trying to stream down her face, and heavy pressure being exerted onto her chest and her racing heart.
That's when she could feel herself out of control, suddenly finding herself shoving the girl in front her away with a push, watching as the girl stumbles backwards and harshly hits her back against the wall behind her. Somehow the action gives her a brief feeling of relief, but she knew deep inside she was still holding in some more.
There wasn't any talking at all, with Hyejin finding herself to be staring into the eyes of the girl, with the other two surrounding her to make sure she was okay. Hyejin places a hand to her heart, feeling how fast it was going. She takes a couple of long deep breaths, brushing off her clothes as if the dust contained the harsh words from the girls.
"Come on, Jieun, let's go." one of the girls speaks, taking ahold of the girl𑁋the one that Hyejin assumed is named Jieun𑁋and propping her back up.
Jieun shoots a dagger of a glare in Hyejin's directions as the dark-haired girl watches as all three of the girls scramble out of her sight and towards the cafeteria. Hyejin half-expected for her name to be thrown around the school once again, and she ultimately suspected that Jieun was one of the reasons as to why almost everyone knows her name.
If the rest of the school year is going to be like this, then Hyejin didn't know whether or not she'll be able to make it.
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did i say shy hwasa last chapter? sorry no, i meant queen hwasa
sorry that was cheesy
wheeins backstory makes me sad :(